Everything You Wanted To Know

Michael Jackson is sick of the rumors, so the alleged child molester's publicist released a statement to squelch all the dramz.

Nice try!

According to the NY Daily News, Wacko….

- Is not bedridden.

- Is not on any type of medication, including painkillers.

- Has not "left" Las Vegas nor is he being “evicted” from his residence in Las Vegas. He decided not to exercise the option to purchase the house. Period.

- Does not believe that his brother Randy Jackson has stolen monies from him.

- Does not think any family members would ever steal from him.

- Has never used nor instructed his security to use force toward any reporter.

- Is neither losing nor selling his share of the ATV/Sony partnership (which includes the Beatles catalogue).

- Is concerned that his assistant Grace Rwaramba, said to live a very private life, is constantly being attacked by Fox News' Roger Friedman. (Friedman could not be reached for comment.)

- What's true? "Jackson is currently in the studio putting finishing touches on his music … and yesterday, he met with his advisers, who included former attorney general Benjamin R. Civiletti and the Rev. Jesse L. Jackson Sr."

They forgot a few things, though. Michael is……..

- A freak.

- Freaky.

- Washed up.

- A washed up freaky freak!