Words of Wisdom with Paula Abdul

Even though her new Bravo reality TV show bombed in the ratings, Paula Abdul is on the cover of the new TV Guide.

They put her on the cover???

Here are some of the nuggets the crazy American Idol judge reveals:

- “I have risen from the bowels of hell and come out tripping and singing and dancing."

- “I’ve endured life journeys that people never in a million years would ever think of experiencing."

- “I have risen from the bowels of hell and come out tripping and singing and dancing. I’ve always been counted out, but I come back, like a stealth warrior.”

- “What I do feel proud about myself is I don’t give up. I’ve worked extremely hard to maintain the integrity and level of class and goodness that I have. I screw up just like everyone else. The difference with me is that I get to teach the rest of the world lessons, to learn how to bounce back a lot quicker.”

- “Partially [I decided to do this show because of] the fact I know my life purpose: Having the uncanny ability to tap into the heartstrings of people and make them feel they’ll be OK. And that if I can get through these hard times, so can you."

- “I wish I could work for someone like Paula Abdul. Honest to God, I am the kindest-of-kind human beings.”

We love this bitch!!!!

[Image via Celebrity Babylon.]