A Song For Lindsay Lohan
This gem is from earlier this summer, but we just discovered it.
During one of her legendary improvs, the Goddess that is Tori Amos sang a song about Lindsay Lohan!!!
Click here to listen to the brazilliance.
Lyrics below!
"Just a little chat
I need to have
When I was 21 do you think I had a bag of cocaine
in my car?
If I did - if I did
You'd never know it because it would have been hidden
I'm not stupid.
But why are so many 21-year old millionaires so stupid?
Stupid and cute.
But stupid - I don't know.
Let's just say
When I was 26 (or seven - or eight)
And I was a billionairess
What would I have done?
Many naughty things.
Many, many, many naughty things.
But I would have had a DRIVER!
'Cuz I'm not stupid, no.
I'm not stupid, no.
Not THAT stupid anyway
'Cuz if I had been naughty
(I like being naughty)
But I haven't been caught so far
and I am almost 44
44
And I've done many, many, many, many, many bad things.
They are hidden inside my *mmm - mmm*
Inside my *mmm - mmm*
So there's no record or no fingerprints on it
'Cuz I'm not stupid
'Cuz I'm not stupid
No, not stupid!"
Listen To This: Just Because
first
she's awesome.
I love Tori Amos! She is sweet.
Wonder what the tune is.. cause the lyrics suck
hahahhhh.
Nice tori. nice.
two fire crotches!!!sweeeeett.
dsa
perfect. love tori.
first
ah ms amos, you've done it again…
She is stupid for writing such a stupid song. All she did was give Lindsay and Paris all they ever wanted, attention!
first cause I'm home sweating my ass off!!! i love Tori and I heart Perez!! I like the way you do it riyt thurr
Thats a little bazzare.
The BRILLIANCE that is TORI AMOS! Yay GIRL!!!!!
She's no Lindsay.
HAHA THATS SO GREAT AMENNN
TORI AMOS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!
second
Genius! I love her & Lohan!
thats really homo
first
this song rocks.
Brilliant
well said
GREAT SONG!!
Love her.
She's right on the mark though.
Funny.
Love it… just what I want to say to them
Tori Rocks!
Down with Lohan!
OK… the second part is not about Lilo, it's about Parasite.
Tori is brazilliant!
Lindsay…. Isn't she the new white Whitney - Cracked out and hisheous?
Are we just ignoring that this song is also blatantly about Paris???
Awesome lyrics. Looks like she had more than Lohan on her mind, though.
this was so funny — listen to it.
I too would have hired an f-ing driver.
haha
hehe evil
As lame as I would have expected from that loser that is, Tori Amos. Why do all the gays and faghags love her? I just dont get it…I seriously tried to listen to her music more than once, but it is so terrible, I just cant do it. I could have written a better song about LiLo with my eyes closed, while someone was pouring battery acid down my throat…Oh Yeah….Then I would have sounded just like this loser…"I'm a MILF, wanna fuck, I am so great, but i dont know why…" Oh Please, go away…If it wasnt for the gays keeping her going, she would be playing her piano at your local Holiday Inn, 1 drink minimum…Hate that poser bitch….Faker than anything….I think KFed has a better chance at being a rapper than Tori does at being a real singer/composer…
xox, ilona rose
THEY'RE BOTH FIRECROTCHES
so true. only the chosen few really need to know how much fun you're really having. like mr wilson! he kept his debauchery quiet. but some of us find a level that's quiet and not harming anyone, and we keep on ticking…
I love it so so so so soso so SO so sosososos so so so much.
After reading the lyrics through, I listened, and it came to LIFE when she sings it with her humor and timing and voice that is so lovely.
Thank you, Perezzers, you have enlightened me to many, many an entertainer/artist, YOU ARE NOT JUST ABOUT GOZZIPPPP!!!
Ha! Tori rocks!!!
Ha haha… That's funny. Maybe Lilo and the rest will take a hint and understand when people are writing songs about how stupid they are, they'd better take cleaning up their act seriously.
i love how the reason Perez got so big is because Paris Hilton bankrolled him back when he was just a tiny little blogger under the condition that he not write anything bad about her - I notice he still refuses to write anything bad about her, which begs the question: are ya still getting those checks from the Hiltons monthly, you flabby parasitic no-talent fuck????
…oy — this contorted affected bitch is toe up talentless…. maybe her pet snake is autowriting her verse these days while she plays her piano looking like she needs to take a friggin dump…. pinch one off already, bitch!
IF I WAS A WAR PRISONER, I THINK I'D TOLERATE MOST KINDS OF TORTURE WITH ONE EXCEPTION: BEING FORCED TO LISTEN TO TORI AMOS. I'D GIVE UP ANY INFORMATION AT THE FIRST SOUND OF THAT WHINY ABISMALLY SHITTY VOICE & CRAPPY PIANO PLAYING OF HERS—GOD!!!!! IT MAKES ME VOMIT JUST TO THINK OF IT!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
If you look up the word SHIT in the dictionary, it says: Tori Amos' music
Tori Anus, give me a break..One absolutely completely overrated no talent moron giving advice to another absolutely completely overrated no talent moron. Excuse me but I have more exciting things to do like watching paint dry.
she rocks! go tori!
AND I'S ALSO ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIEND EVER PEREZ…. YES, PARIS HILTON? DOES THAT RING A BELL??? DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO KISS HER ASS? IT'S REALLY ANNOYING. YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT EVERYONE, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THE WRECK SHE IS!!
SHE'S JUST USING YOU. AND YOU WON'T ACCEPT IT. I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU AT TIMES. BUT THEN AGAIN NOT. KISSING THE RIGHT PEOPLE'S ASS IS WHAT YOU NOW DO FOR A LIVING.
i just wanted to add that tori isn't really a firecrotch, just a fake dyed-ginger. but she's still like a goddess to me.
Tori Amos is one of the few artists in the industry at this time that are actually intelligent and are doing music for the sake of music. She is a true artist and a very talented musician.
The most admirable thing is that during Tori's career — she has ALWAYS remained true to herself and her music… AND to her fans.
Tori rocks and if you don't get her music it's because you are stupid like PARIS and Lindsey
good i like it
Go TORI!!! She rocks! I'd love to actually hear the song. Per-lez, is there any chance that you could get us the audio version?
Sorry, but I think it's kind of bitchy and really stupid. What's the point? Seriously. Lohan has messed up, ok we get it. Yes, let's shed more light on her misery. I have never understood the so called brilliance that is supposedly Tori Amos.
brilliant!
IN ORDER TO "GET" TORI'S MUSIC, YOU HAVE TO BE INTELLIGENT.
SO, IF YOU DON'T "GET" HER MUSIC, THE JOKES ON YOU… STUPID.
Horrible Lyrics.
Love me some Tori Amos!! Another real artist!
THAT SONG WASS STUPIDDDDD. and annoying.
the lyrics sound stupid when you read them…but if you watch the video, the timing is right and she's just being funny. you should know that tori always does these sort of things and they are right off the top of her head. very funny and cute!
Why didn't you mention that one verse is about that FUCKING RETARDED SLUT, who's not LL? Hilton skank!!!
AHHHHH!!!
I AM SO EXCITED THAT SHE IS TOURING AMERICA
THIS FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is why I fuckin love Tori Amos!
Ah, Tori. The poor man's Kate Bush.
ahh, i love love tori… that being said- well done, and ditto, this is great.
One more stupid enabler - It's all Ok just be smarter in hiding it? How about - "when I was 21 I was too smart to be such a loser/user/abuser…"
It's about Paris too…though we know you're partial to her…you can't leave that part out!!
Love ya Perez!
That is priceless!
Tori Amos is seriously talented and I bet she rocks in bed!
I LOVE TORI AMOS! LOL
HI, I'M A RETARD! I THINK TORI IS REALLY FUNNY, HAHA! SHE'S MAKING FUN OF THOSE GIRLS! HAHA! OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY! AND SHE SOUNDS LIKE EVERYONE IN MY RETARD'S HOME WARD! SHE'S WELCOME HERE ANYTIME! HAHA! NOW, I'LL GO BACK TO LISTENING! BYE YOU GUYS! HAHA!
Right on! truth!!!!
love her!!
dead on — she's brilliant.
ewwww….
I love it!! Lohan is stupid…..so fucking stupid
bahahahaha. that good.
Sorry could'nt listen to it! Not a big fan of hers, I think there was a song a long time ago I liked maybe two.
You have to LOVE Tori Amos.
hot!!!
all hail tori!
oh how I LOVE TORI!! and this is hilarious…a ridiculously funny song to match an equally ridiculous topic (Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton).
Good God!!! I love that woman with a burning firey passion! *Mwah!*
talentless?
she's a prodigy.
jealous assclowns.
tori for prez.
It's obviously about Paris and Nicole as well. Why don't you ever talk about the bad things Paris has done/does?
Tori Amost is fucking bad ass. This bitch delivers evey time. I love it!
The lyrics are redundant & stupid.
I have lost respect for her if these are actually her lyrics.
Fodder for the uneducated American masses.\
OOOO she's been a baad girl! -It's so profound, Genius!!
-Pathetic is more like it.
There are so many more relevant things to write about.
A waste of time.
Didn't Pink do this song already?
you just have to love her…you just have to! she is so sweet and cute and to the point you have to love her!!
Those lyrics are pretty funny but I'd rather slit my wrist and die a slow painful death in the bathtub than listen to her sing.
Those who don't like it, oh well. You just don't understand her.
It takes brains to improv something like this! One of the many reasons I love her!
And, she's right, these girls are stupid…they're f-ing up their lives. Sure Tori wasn't perfect, but, like she said, she never got caught, and she didn't let it ruin her career or life!
Bye bye Tori…you were awesome, but after you associated with this tabloid whores you no longer are in my repertoire of intellectual music.
Tori = amazing. I love her Improvs. And yes, this song is also about Paris as well (I would have had a DRIVER!)
Tori is awesome as always! Seeing her in December!!
OK, people — Tori "wrote" the song, but not for an album, she just IMPROV-ed it live during one of her concerts! She obviously meant the song as a joke, and many of the people who are complaining about the lack of substance in the song should realize that it is a joke.
And if an artist's music doesn't suit your taste, fine. Don't be mean-spirited about it and call the artist "poser-bitch" or "moron." What does one truly gain in the end by insulting someone, really?
NO…. you don't get it if you think Tori was being serious…
TORI IS JOKING!!!! SHE WAS SIMPLY JOKING!!!!!
SHE IS NOT SINGING THE SONG IN A SERIOUS WAY… LISTEN TO IT…… GOD….
SHE IS MAKING A FUCKING JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is this a joke - really bad lyrics! and
could she not of wrote that drugs were stupid fullstop - not that you are stupid only if you get caught!!! Talk about bragging!
would be funny if she still does drugs and then does get caught.
to those of you complaining about the "bad" lyics–
don't forget the definition of IMPROV!
This is not a song on her record– she plays an improv at every show… about whatever is on her mind, obvs.
Tori is amazing, brilliant, and very talented. A musician who actually writes, plays, and produces her own music.
Tori's laughing all the way to the bank…. she doesn't need to cut checks to Ne-Yo and Timbaland for her songs.
no way is she 44!
she is one sexy old bitch
that song was awesome!!! right on the mark! you GOOOO TORI!!!!!
HAHA fuckin hilarioussss!!! is lohan an attention whore or is she just straight up shortbus status???????? because honestly if you have enough money theres no legitimate excuse for driving fucked up…i mean i understand if u want to have a quick escape from the paparazzi but you are a fucking target to the popo if you are a celebrity…so wise up whores bc im sick of seeing these fugly ass mugshots on my computer screen
In response to Ilona Rose's remark - OMG. I didn't realize there is someone that's worse than Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton at being stupid, but she just proved me wrong! K-fed being better than Tori Amos? Good heavens, get off your ass and buy some brains if you have money! Even one that's worth a penny - anything to give you more substance than what you have now!!!