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A Song For Lindsay Lohan

| Filed under: Lindsay LohanTori Amos

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This gem is from earlier this summer, but we just discovered it.

During one of her legendary improvs, the Goddess that is Tori Amos sang a song about Lindsay Lohan!!!

Click here to listen to the brazilliance.

Lyrics below!

"Just a little chat
I need to have
When I was 21 do you think I had a bag of cocaine
in my car?

If I did - if I did
You'd never know it because it would have been hidden
I'm not stupid.
But why are so many 21-year old millionaires so stupid?
Stupid and cute.
But stupid - I don't know.

Let's just say
When I was 26 (or seven - or eight)
And I was a billionairess
What would I have done?
Many naughty things.
Many, many, many naughty things.
But I would have had a DRIVER!

'Cuz I'm not stupid, no.
I'm not stupid, no.
Not THAT stupid anyway
'Cuz if I had been naughty
(I like being naughty)

But I haven't been caught so far
and I am almost 44
44
And I've done many, many, many, many, many bad things.

They are hidden inside my *mmm - mmm*
Inside my *mmm - mmm*
So there's no record or no fingerprints on it

'Cuz I'm not stupid
'Cuz I'm not stupid
No, not stupid!"

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269 comments to “A Song For Lindsay Lohan”

More comments: [1] 2 3 »

  1. S.LeeKeels says – reply to this


    1

    first

  2. *tara says – reply to this


    2

    she's awesome.

  3. holly says – reply to this


    3

    I love Tori Amos! She is sweet.

  4. otrspc2 says – reply to this


    4

    Wonder what the tune is.. cause the lyrics suck

  5. Sara says – reply to this


    5

    hahahhhh.
    Nice tori. nice.

  6. rolo says – reply to this


    6

    two fire crotches!!!sweeeeett.

  7. missy says – reply to this


    7

    dsa

  8. Amy says – reply to this


    8

    perfect. love tori.

  9. Jzz says – reply to this


    9

    first

  10. inforedux says – reply to this


    10

    ah ms amos, you've done it again…

  11. Brooksie says – reply to this


    11

    She is stupid for writing such a stupid song. All she did was give Lindsay and Paris all they ever wanted, attention!

  12. Melissa says – reply to this


    12

    first cause I'm home sweating my ass off!!! i love Tori and I heart Perez!! I like the way you do it riyt thurr

  13. Bytch says – reply to this


    13

    Thats a little bazzare.

  14. Vendela says – reply to this


    14

    The BRILLIANCE that is TORI AMOS! Yay GIRL!!!!!

  15. como lobo says – reply to this


    15

    She's no Lindsay.

  16. Katie says – reply to this


    16

    HAHA THATS SO GREAT AMENNN

  17. Lopez says – reply to this


    17

    TORI AMOS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!

  18. holly says – reply to this


    18

    second :)

  19. jk says – reply to this


    19

    Genius! I love her & Lohan!

  20. yo says – reply to this


    20

    thats really homo

  21. bbb says – reply to this


    21

    first

  22. d. patrick says – reply to this


    22

    this song rocks.

  23. holliedaze says – reply to this


    23

    Brilliant

    well said

  24. Lucy says – reply to this


    24

    GREAT SONG!!

  25. BeevoNerd says – reply to this


    25

    Love her.

  26. Bytch says – reply to this


    26

    She's right on the mark though.
    Funny.

  27. Aimee says – reply to this


    27

    Love it… just what I want to say to them

  28. Torifan says – reply to this


    28

    Tori Rocks!
    Down with Lohan!

  29. kathyl says – reply to this


    29

    OK… the second part is not about Lilo, it's about Parasite.

  30. Kane St Kane says – reply to this


    30

    Tori is brazilliant!

    Lindsay…. Isn't she the new white Whitney - Cracked out and hisheous?

  31. Anonymous says – reply to this


    31

    Are we just ignoring that this song is also blatantly about Paris???

  32. Jayna says – reply to this


    32

    Awesome lyrics. Looks like she had more than Lohan on her mind, though.

  33. lala says – reply to this


    33

    this was so funny — listen to it.

    I too would have hired an f-ing driver.

  34. christine says – reply to this


    34

    haha

  35. tara says – reply to this


    35

    hehe evil

  36. ilona rose says – reply to this


    36

    As lame as I would have expected from that loser that is, Tori Amos. Why do all the gays and faghags love her? I just dont get it…I seriously tried to listen to her music more than once, but it is so terrible, I just cant do it. I could have written a better song about LiLo with my eyes closed, while someone was pouring battery acid down my throat…Oh Yeah….Then I would have sounded just like this loser…"I'm a MILF, wanna fuck, I am so great, but i dont know why…" Oh Please, go away…If it wasnt for the gays keeping her going, she would be playing her piano at your local Holiday Inn, 1 drink minimum…Hate that poser bitch….Faker than anything….I think KFed has a better chance at being a rapper than Tori does at being a real singer/composer…
    xox, ilona rose

  37. WHO CARES says – reply to this


    37

    THEY'RE BOTH FIRECROTCHES

  38. been there still doin that says – reply to this


    38

    so true. only the chosen few really need to know how much fun you're really having. like mr wilson! he kept his debauchery quiet. but some of us find a level that's quiet and not harming anyone, and we keep on ticking…

  39. andrea says – reply to this


    39

    I love it so so so so soso so SO so sosososos so so so much.
    After reading the lyrics through, I listened, and it came to LIFE when she sings it with her humor and timing and voice that is so lovely.
    Thank you, Perezzers, you have enlightened me to many, many an entertainer/artist, YOU ARE NOT JUST ABOUT GOZZIPPPP!!!

  40. Nicole says – reply to this


    40

    Ha! Tori rocks!!!

  41. yo says – reply to this


    41

    Ha haha… That's funny. Maybe Lilo and the rest will take a hint and understand when people are writing songs about how stupid they are, they'd better take cleaning up their act seriously.

  42. rupert says – reply to this


    42

    i love how the reason Perez got so big is because Paris Hilton bankrolled him back when he was just a tiny little blogger under the condition that he not write anything bad about her - I notice he still refuses to write anything bad about her, which begs the question: are ya still getting those checks from the Hiltons monthly, you flabby parasitic no-talent fuck????

  43. bbbbmer says – reply to this


    43

    …oy — this contorted affected bitch is toe up talentless…. maybe her pet snake is autowriting her verse these days while she plays her piano looking like she needs to take a friggin dump…. pinch one off already, bitch!

  44. OH NO says – reply to this


    44

    IF I WAS A WAR PRISONER, I THINK I'D TOLERATE MOST KINDS OF TORTURE WITH ONE EXCEPTION: BEING FORCED TO LISTEN TO TORI AMOS. I'D GIVE UP ANY INFORMATION AT THE FIRST SOUND OF THAT WHINY ABISMALLY SHITTY VOICE & CRAPPY PIANO PLAYING OF HERS—GOD!!!!! IT MAKES ME VOMIT JUST TO THINK OF IT!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  45. whahh? says – reply to this


    45

    If you look up the word SHIT in the dictionary, it says: Tori Amos' music

  46. ed says – reply to this


    46

    Tori Anus, give me a break..One absolutely completely overrated no talent moron giving advice to another absolutely completely overrated no talent moron. Excuse me but I have more exciting things to do like watching paint dry.

  47. teddi-girl says – reply to this


    47

    she rocks! go tori!

  48. mary says – reply to this


    48

    AND I'S ALSO ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIEND EVER PEREZ…. YES, PARIS HILTON? DOES THAT RING A BELL??? DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO KISS HER ASS? IT'S REALLY ANNOYING. YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT EVERYONE, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THE WRECK SHE IS!!

    SHE'S JUST USING YOU. AND YOU WON'T ACCEPT IT. I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU AT TIMES. BUT THEN AGAIN NOT. KISSING THE RIGHT PEOPLE'S ASS IS WHAT YOU NOW DO FOR A LIVING.

  49. jm says – reply to this


    49

    i just wanted to add that tori isn't really a firecrotch, just a fake dyed-ginger. but she's still like a goddess to me.

  50. brilliant says – reply to this


    50

    Tori Amos is one of the few artists in the industry at this time that are actually intelligent and are doing music for the sake of music. She is a true artist and a very talented musician.

    The most admirable thing is that during Tori's career — she has ALWAYS remained true to herself and her music… AND to her fans.

  51. Hate Tori= You're an idiot says – reply to this


    51

    Tori rocks and if you don't get her music it's because you are stupid like PARIS and Lindsey

  52. roxy says – reply to this


    52

    good i like it

  53. Sarah says – reply to this


    53

    Go TORI!!! She rocks! I'd love to actually hear the song. Per-lez, is there any chance that you could get us the audio version?

  54. Janet says – reply to this


    54

    Sorry, but I think it's kind of bitchy and really stupid. What's the point? Seriously. Lohan has messed up, ok we get it. Yes, let's shed more light on her misery. I have never understood the so called brilliance that is supposedly Tori Amos.

  55. sagey says – reply to this


    55

    brilliant!

  56. Clyde, Yes says – reply to this


    56

    IN ORDER TO "GET" TORI'S MUSIC, YOU HAVE TO BE INTELLIGENT.

    SO, IF YOU DON'T "GET" HER MUSIC, THE JOKES ON YOU… STUPID.

  57. Darv says – reply to this


    57

    Horrible Lyrics.

  58. Nytefyre says – reply to this


    58

    Love me some Tori Amos!! Another real artist!

  59. ru2piuijdqpdj says – reply to this


    59

    THAT SONG WASS STUPIDDDDD. and annoying.

  60. marc says – reply to this


    60

    the lyrics sound stupid when you read them…but if you watch the video, the timing is right and she's just being funny. you should know that tori always does these sort of things and they are right off the top of her head. very funny and cute!

  61. slutco says – reply to this


    61

    Why didn't you mention that one verse is about that FUCKING RETARDED SLUT, who's not LL? Hilton skank!!!

  62. Doll Posse says – reply to this


    62

    AHHHHH!!!

    I AM SO EXCITED THAT SHE IS TOURING AMERICA

    THIS FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  63. Porsha aka The Didda says – reply to this


    63

    This is why I fuckin love Tori Amos!

  64. Gwen says – reply to this


    64

    Ah, Tori. The poor man's Kate Bush.

  65. shandi says – reply to this


    65

    ahh, i love love tori… that being said- well done, and ditto, this is great.

  66. oldfart says – reply to this


    66

    One more stupid enabler - It's all Ok just be smarter in hiding it? How about - "when I was 21 I was too smart to be such a loser/user/abuser…"

  67. Christi says – reply to this


    67

    It's about Paris too…though we know you're partial to her…you can't leave that part out!!

    Love ya Perez!

  68. Gayla says – reply to this


    68

    That is priceless!

  69. Sara says – reply to this


    69

    Tori Amos is seriously talented and I bet she rocks in bed!

  70. KJ says – reply to this


    70

    I LOVE TORI AMOS! LOL

  71. RETARDED AMERICA says – reply to this


    71

    HI, I'M A RETARD! I THINK TORI IS REALLY FUNNY, HAHA! SHE'S MAKING FUN OF THOSE GIRLS! HAHA! OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY! AND SHE SOUNDS LIKE EVERYONE IN MY RETARD'S HOME WARD! SHE'S WELCOME HERE ANYTIME! HAHA! NOW, I'LL GO BACK TO LISTENING! BYE YOU GUYS! HAHA!

  72. poop says – reply to this


    72

    Right on! truth!!!!

  73. whisper says – reply to this


    73

    love her!!

  74. sammy toes says – reply to this


    74

    dead on — she's brilliant.

  75. beechy says – reply to this


    75

    ewwww….

  76. TexasChick says – reply to this


    76

    I love it!! Lohan is stupid…..so fucking stupid

  77. brandy says – reply to this


    77

    bahahahaha. that good.

  78. melanie says – reply to this


    78

    Sorry could'nt listen to it! Not a big fan of hers, I think there was a song a long time ago I liked maybe two.

  79. Sarah says – reply to this


    79

    You have to LOVE Tori Amos.

  80. diane says – reply to this


    80

    hot!!!
    all hail tori!

  81. ihearttori says – reply to this


    81

    oh how I LOVE TORI!! and this is hilarious…a ridiculously funny song to match an equally ridiculous topic (Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton).

  82. stephanie says – reply to this


    82

    Good God!!! I love that woman with a burning firey passion! *Mwah!*

  83. Sara G. says – reply to this


    83

    talentless?
    she's a prodigy.

    jealous assclowns.

    tori for prez.

  84. Jenny says – reply to this


    84

    It's obviously about Paris and Nicole as well. Why don't you ever talk about the bad things Paris has done/does?

  85. gbad says – reply to this


    85

    Tori Amost is fucking bad ass. This bitch delivers evey time. I love it!

  86. Lauren says – reply to this


    86

    The lyrics are redundant & stupid.
    I have lost respect for her if these are actually her lyrics.
    Fodder for the uneducated American masses.\

    OOOO she's been a baad girl! -It's so profound, Genius!!
    -Pathetic is more like it.

    There are so many more relevant things to write about.
    A waste of time.

    Didn't Pink do this song already?

  87. megan says – reply to this


    87

    you just have to love her…you just have to! she is so sweet and cute and to the point you have to love her!!

  88. Pandora says – reply to this


    88

    Those lyrics are pretty funny but I'd rather slit my wrist and die a slow painful death in the bathtub than listen to her sing.

  89. Mish says – reply to this


    89

    Those who don't like it, oh well. You just don't understand her.

    It takes brains to improv something like this! One of the many reasons I love her!

    And, she's right, these girls are stupid…they're f-ing up their lives. Sure Tori wasn't perfect, but, like she said, she never got caught, and she didn't let it ruin her career or life!

  90. The Phantom says – reply to this


    90

    Bye bye Tori…you were awesome, but after you associated with this tabloid whores you no longer are in my repertoire of intellectual music.

  91. Samantha says – reply to this


    91

    Tori = amazing. I love her Improvs. And yes, this song is also about Paris as well (I would have had a DRIVER!)

  92. Jessie says – reply to this


    92

    Tori is awesome as always! Seeing her in December!!

  93. Quinn says – reply to this


    93

    OK, people — Tori "wrote" the song, but not for an album, she just IMPROV-ed it live during one of her concerts! She obviously meant the song as a joke, and many of the people who are complaining about the lack of substance in the song should realize that it is a joke.

    And if an artist's music doesn't suit your taste, fine. Don't be mean-spirited about it and call the artist "poser-bitch" or "moron." What does one truly gain in the end by insulting someone, really?

  94. Panic says – reply to this


    94

    NO…. you don't get it if you think Tori was being serious…

    TORI IS JOKING!!!! SHE WAS SIMPLY JOKING!!!!!

    SHE IS NOT SINGING THE SONG IN A SERIOUS WAY… LISTEN TO IT…… GOD….

    SHE IS MAKING A FUCKING JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  95. amanda says – reply to this


    95

    Is this a joke - really bad lyrics! and
    could she not of wrote that drugs were stupid fullstop - not that you are stupid only if you get caught!!! Talk about bragging!

    would be funny if she still does drugs and then does get caught.

  96. erin says – reply to this


    96

    to those of you complaining about the "bad" lyics–
    don't forget the definition of IMPROV!
    This is not a song on her record– she plays an improv at every show… about whatever is on her mind, obvs.

    Tori is amazing, brilliant, and very talented. A musician who actually writes, plays, and produces her own music.

    Tori's laughing all the way to the bank…. she doesn't need to cut checks to Ne-Yo and Timbaland for her songs.

  97. hizzle says – reply to this


    97

    no way is she 44!
    she is one sexy old bitch

  98. trainwrekked says – reply to this


    98

    that song was awesome!!! right on the mark! you GOOOO TORI!!!!!

  99. Dani says – reply to this


    99

    HAHA fuckin hilarioussss!!! is lohan an attention whore or is she just straight up shortbus status???????? because honestly if you have enough money theres no legitimate excuse for driving fucked up…i mean i understand if u want to have a quick escape from the paparazzi but you are a fucking target to the popo if you are a celebrity…so wise up whores bc im sick of seeing these fugly ass mugshots on my computer screen

  100. Mark says – reply to this


    100

    In response to Ilona Rose's remark - OMG. I didn't realize there is someone that's worse than Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton at being stupid, but she just proved me wrong! K-fed being better than Tori Amos? Good heavens, get off your ass and buy some brains if you have money! Even one that's worth a penny - anything to give you more substance than what you have now!!!

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