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A Song For Lindsay Lohan

| Filed under: Lindsay LohanTori Amos


This gem is from earlier this summer, but we just discovered it.

During one of her legendary improvs, the Goddess that is Tori Amos sang a song about Lindsay Lohan!!!

Click here to listen to the brazilliance.

Lyrics below!

"Just a little chat
I need to have
When I was 21 do you think I had a bag of cocaine
in my car?

If I did - if I did
You'd never know it because it would have been hidden
I'm not stupid.
But why are so many 21-year old millionaires so stupid?
Stupid and cute.
But stupid - I don't know.

Let's just say
When I was 26 (or seven - or eight)
And I was a billionairess
What would I have done?
Many naughty things.
Many, many, many naughty things.
But I would have had a DRIVER!

'Cuz I'm not stupid, no.
I'm not stupid, no.
Not THAT stupid anyway
'Cuz if I had been naughty
(I like being naughty)

But I haven't been caught so far
and I am almost 44
And I've done many, many, many, many, many bad things.

They are hidden inside my *mmm - mmm*
Inside my *mmm - mmm*
So there's no record or no fingerprints on it

'Cuz I'm not stupid
'Cuz I'm not stupid
No, not stupid!"

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269 comments to “A Song For Lindsay Lohan”

More comments: « 1 2 [3]

  1. mae says – reply to this


    ok i have to say that i love tori i have seen her in concert many times and her improvs are awesome. people who say they hate her have not seen her live shows. her improvs are always silly and yes a little stupid i have heard her singing about her laundry!! but she has the timing to make it funny i can't wait to see her in october!!

  2. jps says – reply to this


    i. love. it.

  3. LOVE HER! says – reply to this


    Tori is very intelligent, very talented, and very attractive……..

    I guess that's a triple threat to all your haters.

  4. Sheeni says – reply to this


    That's actually quite stupid, Tori. I can't believe people think this is brilliant.

  5. Mysterie says – reply to this


    Once again the fab Tori Amos works it hard! Way 2 go girl!

  6. Funny : ) says – reply to this


    Funny! Pretty cool she made it up, somewhat, on the spot.
    Very cute :)
    Hey 73, you don't seem retarded at all. lol
    Hum yeah.
    It's a joke and so are you :)

  7. ilona rose says – reply to this


    Well Mark, When I mentioned Kfed, it was just to illustrate how terrible I find Tori Amos…I was being sarcastic…Someone very dear to me just loves Tori…Over the years I tried to understand why, but I cant…I just think she is awful…I am entitled to an opinion….Doesn't mean I am stupid because I dont like what you do…I just happen to be a Pearl Jam / REM girl and I LOVE the blues, Buddy Guy is my man… Oh Wait…Mayby you are the stupid one…Automatically thinking someone who doesnt agree with you is stupid…Only someone stupid would think that…That Tori is so full of herself…It is painful to listen to her songs…I dont know which is worse, her voice or her lyrics…Hey, I am sorry you got raped, but dont make the rest of the world suffer for it…Hey, I know you are looking pretty good for a middle aged woman, but singing about what a MILF you are…Geez…Just like KFed saying what a great rapper he was gonna be…And BTW, I have heard some stories where she ISN'T that great to her fans…so please…love her if you want…I won't make fun of you for doing it…I am not like you, thank goodness…
    xox, ilona rose

  8. Wanda says – reply to this


    Jeeze, this is an improv, not a real song. Could you make up something like that on the top of your head? Yes, they can be very goofy at times but she just likes to be silly.
    And she isn't just talking about one girl, there are three that I can think of.
    You may not like her, I don't expect everyone to (we all have our tastes), but saying she is talentless when she has been playing/composing before some of us could even read and has a voice range that is more broad than most modern artists, is not fair.
    There are many musical artists that don't appeal to my ears but I wouldn't be so ignorant as to say they are talentless.
    No, I wouldn't say this is a good example of her talent, just her eccentric sense of humor.

  9. jenn n juice says – reply to this


    dont get it twisted i love tori but please dis song is bullshit, u werent as famous as lindsay is u didnt even have paparazzos hanging around im pretty sure she trys to hide it just like ur average human being but she cant when people are watching her eat, sleep, shit nd breath, i love lindsay ,much power to her, do wat u want nd keep ur head on ur shoulders babe !!

  10. Negrofílico says – reply to this



  11. Sofia says – reply to this


    just fuck you

  12. Miss J. says – reply to this


    That phot of Tori Amos looks like a drag queen. I know a good queen when I see one!

  13. ed says – reply to this


    this is why tori is teh goddess and lindsay is teh suck.

  14. eixxirt says – reply to this


    While Tori Amos certainly isn't stupid, anyone who saw her perform a couple years ago on Letterman knows that she must indeed have a pretty good hiding place for that bag of cocaine — in her nose. She looked like she was completely railed! And James (number 187): you are a moron.

  15. Kayra says – reply to this


    The song is hilarious. She's the most fun and creative performer you can see live. Can't wait to see her in November. Gracias por postearlo, Perez!!! xx

  16. Liz says – reply to this


    Looks like it's about Paris too, not just LiLo

  17. Dreamcatcher says – reply to this


    This song was supposed to be silly, just like the silly little girls she's singing about. I think it's brilliant.

  18. shani says – reply to this


    Me and Lise are good managers and there looking for someone full time … i just told you you need to be cafefull where you move next… im obvioudly not mad about anythiung… but do you know what you want for section?

  19. jane says – reply to this


    that's fucking awesome

  20. lar says – reply to this


    Tori Amos is a fuck up. She needs to be raped and slapped around, to shut her up.

  21. Jeff says – reply to this


    Don't fuck with Tori, Perez. Please. She's so far out of the realm of anyone you talk about (besides Bjork), it just bothers me (and a lot of other Tori fans). I know it's good publicity, but it just bothers me. :)

  22. Saar says – reply to this


    Awww nope, am not stoopid either. Tori is food for the mental elite. She's putting a point across here, doing it in a silly and cute lil ditty. Who the hell can take Lindsay and all these so called celebs for real? Who the fuck is she anyways… which movies has she been in, as in 'all time classics'? NONE. Hello!! Wake up. Totes overrated and should be forgotten already. Just don't get the whole Lindsay hype. She's a fucking trainwreck. Ugh. And it only shows how our society of today only like to watch trainwrecks and don't look at the real talent out there, like Tori Amos. Hate this MTV-Big Brother mentality. More power to real women I say. Fuck the barbies and Hollywood shite. Pathetic. You go T.

  23. miumiu says – reply to this


    She was already raped you ass monkey!

  24. giovanealex says – reply to this


    YOU shoould be rapped instead, LAR - by a gang o black men with huge dicks. You would love it, I know.

  25. Holli says – reply to this


    I've always liked the ever quirky Tori Amos. I didn't know could be so humorous.

  26. Lioness says – reply to this


    This is the best song ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  27. casey says – reply to this


    Why are people so fucking thick? She is taking the PISS you knobs!!! She's got more talent in one pubic hair than Parasite or Firecrotch could ever dream of having. Fools.

  28. BB is an uncultured fuck says – reply to this


    Sorry… I was responding to #128 in my last post, not #129

  29. Frank Shit says – reply to this



  30. ASA says – reply to this


    thank you!
    FINALLY someone says it!

  31. Stinky says – reply to this


    Everyone is taking this so seriously. Tori isn't bashing these girls–she's criticizing our culture in a lighthearted, playful way. Come on, it's not like they train dogs to kill each other or have sex with strangers in public bathrooms while speaking out against immorality.

    What's with the "Real Jock" ads by the way? You think any of the queens who frequent this site really look like that? LOL

  32. Michelle says – reply to this


    Man I hope she sings this one in Chicago:)

  33. GXX says – reply to this


    Funny!! Loved this!

  34. Kim says – reply to this


    haha, this is funny, Tori is awesome!

  35. Kim says – reply to this


    haha, this is funny, love it, Tori is awesome!

  36. Gregory says – reply to this


    Yo Perez! I love you, but this is a story that tori has been telling LONG before Lindsey Lohan became so stupid. This MAY have showed up on the tour as some sort of Lindsey reference, but believe you me she was in Germany when she got pulled over by a cop who accused her and her friend Beenie of having drugs in the car. She really did have some cocaine but got away with it! LOVE TORI!

  37. Austin says – reply to this



  38. Dean says – reply to this


    Love it! Just having fun on the piano and entertaining her audience. Can't wait to see her in Seattle!!

  39. JD says – reply to this


    Right cause being a "sneaky" drug addict is oh so glam and cool right?

  40. Looks like an albino with down syndrome says – reply to this


    No one knows Tori…cuz no one cares. You've never been pretty, or that famous, and you certainly never had that kinda money when you were 21 so who do you think you are to preach about it?? Sounds like an old jealous woman. Why don't you focus on the demands of your record label, cuz I am sure they are not impressed with your lackluster career, and the pittance you call revenue from your pathetic album sales. Do yourself a favor… go drive drunk and get a bag of blow!!

  41. Holli says – reply to this


    Love it. Lohan keeps making dumb 'mistake' after dumb 'mistake'…What's it gonna take. I feel sorry for her, she's pathetic. Hope she shapes up before she gets shipped off to prision.

  42. LMAO says – reply to this


    Give me a small break! Tori Amos…claiming to be anything other than a washed up crack is hilarious! She needs to get a life and consider "ad hominem" attacking the person rather than the issues makes her argument irrelevant, and pathetic. Surely women approaching 50 have better things to do than try to comment or preach about people and things within a generation that is clearly out of their own reach.

  43. Tori is going through Menopause says – reply to this


    The only good thing that ever came from this wench's career was Armand Van Helden's remix of Professional Widow. Die already. Your done!

  44. Carrot Top says – reply to this


    I'm sure she wrote this song while taking a big dump on the toilet!!! Frustrated with her age and the fact that her opinion on anything means nothing these days!

  45. Daniel says – reply to this


    Re: Looks like an albino with down syndrome – Oh yea she is SOOO jealous…give me a break bitch. And tori was always hot, and considered to be one of the sexiest women in the music industry. She is not main stream, but has managed to own a really large and even cult like fan base and hold RESPECT in the music industry for over 15 years that is when you know you are talented hun. The only way you are going to go mainstream for years and years is if you adjust your own artistic views and change them to match the wanting of others and tori would never do that…if you did then you are not considered an artist anymore because it is not your view and you won't be able to experiment or do anything that creates respect as a music artist. She has more talent in one hair strand then Lindsey will ever have.

  46. Still looks like an albino bitch with down syndrome to me. says – reply to this


    Re: Daniel
    Are you kidding me? Thanks for letting me know what your views on being a true artist are, I'll be sure to forget them right away. Tori Amos can keep her pathetic fans, and her mediocre talent out of the mainstream by all means…Thanks!

  47. Daniel says – reply to this

  48. Fernanda says – reply to this


    Perez, wtf is this BRAZILLIANCE you are talking about??!? She may be brilliant, but Tori Amos is NOT brazilian, and I have no idea where the hell you are going with that term. As a Brazilian, I think it is a stupid, ignorant Americanized alliterative made-up word that sounds cute but means NOTHING!! Save your word salad for Celebrity couple names and fashion faux pas. Calling someone who is not Brazilian Brazilliant makes NO SENSE.

  49. CHAR says – reply to this


    I love the ignorant Tori comments. NO, some of you that are shallow will have never heard of Tori because you are farm fed crap from radio. Tori is Rolling Stone Mag. # 5 top live perfromer. Some of you should not pop off unless you have something meaningful to back it up with.

  50. rolls eyes . . . says – reply to this


    nice. I can't wait to be 44 so I can talk shit about other girls who are 20+ years younger & less experienced than me, what an accomplishment.

  51. HottKachina says – reply to this


    Any genius prodigy who wants to improv about idiot bitches to make a joke is a-ok in my book. Yay Tori. To anyone who doesn't "get" her. Oh well. I know people like you, … You'd be defensive because you actually did like a song of hers because you'd be too afraid of being wrong. I've seen it before. Your loss. I triple dog dare you to lay down in your bed at night time, put your headphones on, close your eyes and listen to "Garlands" by yourself (especially on a snowy, winter night) and tell me her brilliance isn't other-worldly. Go ahead. :P

  52. jules says – reply to this


    Tori amos is brilliant.
    and for all you haters, that song was improvised, which is why it's so awesome….

  53. buttafly says – reply to this


    What da hell is up wit lindsay? God why is she even trying to change the image she already, distinctively set upon everyone…please some one just smack her already and take her out her pathetic misery…she still one of the most famous women in hollywood though…lol…wat can I say?

  54. Kara says – reply to this


    I LOVE TORI.. She is honest and hilarious! MUAH

  55. tori sucks says – reply to this


    Oh god. Shut the hell up.

  56. Eduardo says – reply to this


    Tori is a goddess. I LOVE HER!!!!

  57. Annabelle says – reply to this


    Re: ilona rose – Oh hell…There is so much hate inside of this. People like you keep the world bleeding…Tori amos write songs like no one else do in the actual music industry, I really wonder what u are listening to, girl…It must be pretty lame. Stop bitching the world, and maybe then, you'll stop acting like a total bitch…

  58. Nina D says – reply to this


    F**k Yah Tori!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah. Yes. I mean, yeah. What kind of dumbass whore doesn't know how to hide her own shit. I mean, the media is already after you, you dumb bitch. GET A FUCKING DRIVER… We know to do that. And nobody cares what we do. Don't get caught with your pants down. Or your pants full of cocaine. Idiot. Thank you Tori.

  59. Nina D says – reply to this


    On a more serious note, I only wish the best for Lindsay and we've all done some dumb shit. Most of us don't end up in the news for it. And if you're reading this, Barrett Brown, hope all is well.

  60. bert says – reply to this


    this is so gay! this isn't music and this isn't a great lyric. "you are stupid, you are stupid" how can you get more childish than that. i used to like tori but this sucks balls, picking on people who are already down, camp follower, coward.

  61. CBB says – reply to this


    She is brillant! Got to love her

  62. Mandy says – reply to this


    Oh My God.. I LOVE TORI

  63. mARILYN says – reply to this



  64. Eric says – reply to this


    who the hell is she? some old ass bitch usin paris and lindsay to get publicity! Get over yoruself old hag!

  65. Cher says – reply to this


    Tori rocks, I love her, love her, love her - really really love her.

    This song was cute and BAD!

    Love her.


    - C

  66. Steven of Ford-itude says – reply to this


    I have been admiring Tori for some time now, thinking her one of the most brilliant artists of our generation, and this just exemplifies that. Only her, I swear, can pull it off.

  67. chris says – reply to this


    Didn't Tori get busted for marijuana 2 years ago while driving?

  68. Pippa says – reply to this


    bloody wicked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  69. LU says – reply to this


    Tori is the SHIT!
    And everyone who doesnt like her go listen to your crappy lindsey/avril/paris/britney stuff.

More comments: « 1 2 [3]