When Celebrities Blog

Filed under: John Mayer > When Celebrities Blog

John Mayer just wrote a very poignant entry on his official blog about the term "douchebag."

It goes a little something like this….

"Death to Douchebag
1 of a 129-part series on the year that was 2007,
By John Mayer

"Douchebag."

"What a douchebag."

It feels good to say, "douchebag." It's got two different plosive sounds, the "D" and "B", and nicely wedged between is a wonderful "sh" sound (technically known as a voiceless palato-alveolar sibilant, at the risk of coming off douchey) that, when preceded with "oooooh", give your lips the sensation of sliding on a hardwood floor in a pair of woolen socks.

And "douchebag" was on the vinegary tips of everyone's tongues this year. Trouble is, I'm not really clear on what it means, and I don't know that anyone does. I know that I get called one. Pete Wentz from Fallout Boy, by measure of a google search, is a douchebag 11,100 times over, or the number of results that the search engine says exist. Zach Braff, who himself wrote one of the better films I've seen in the last decade is also frequently 'bagged, as is some guy named Brody Jenner. In fact, if you want to go big, so is Michael Stipe, Bono ("supreme douchebag"), Thom Yorke, Will Smith and Brad Pitt.

Are you as confused as I am as to what the common denominator of douchiness is? Is it someone that comes off obnoxious? Self aggrandizing? Ignorant? Or is it just someone who exists out of another person's comfort zone? And doesn't that account for almost everyone in the world, celebrity or otherwise? Don't most people, given the fact that they're NOT US lie somewhere outside our comfort zone? Ohhhhh…OR…is being a douchebag actually all about having a bigger smile than someone else deems you deserve to in life? I think I'm onto something here. Stick with me.

In the case of Pete Wentz, whom I can comment on personally, I think the guy's got the job description of musician down pretty damn well. True, it's not your dad's rock star template, but he'd be inauthentic if he tried to fit inside it. Pete Wentz has a truckload of ideas. Big, bold, colorful ideas. They're ideas that have never once had their edges sanded down, and for that reason some people might find him or his band too much to swallow. You know who else had that going for them in their day? Frank Zappa. And David Bowie. And Peter Gabriel. And Elton John. And the Doors. Pretty much every rock band from A-Z existed because of their ignoring conventional boundaries. Pete's going to keep pretending. Because that's all art really is. You puff up your sense of pretend as big as you can and then try and live up to it. (Maybe that's what people think being a douchebag is?)

I personally don't mind being called a douchebag. I've met my fair share of bloggers, and I'm much, much taller than them. It's also because I need there to be some push on the castle walls, so to speak. I'm not happy when people agree. (Don't make me start listing the names of seminal artists that weren't either.) I think it's easier to call "douchebag" than to confront the possibility that:

THERE ARE OTHER PERSONALITIES IN THIS WORLD THAT ARE NOT INHERENTLY SYMPATHETIC TO OUR OWN.

Maybe I should take this opportunity to define douchebag once and for all; I think if enjoying your life as you choose happens to spill over into treating others without respect, then you're a total, world-class douchebag.

But then wouldn't that also serve as a fitting description of the boy who cried "douche"?

Maybe it's just really fun to say."

Posted: Dec 27, 2007 at 7:21 pm / Email this »

See All 447 Comments

447 comments to “When Celebrities Blog”

More comments: [1] 2 3 4 5 »

michelle says – reply to this

1

FIRST!!!!!!!!!
WRENGERGH says – reply to this

2

SECOONDDDD!
Kate says – reply to this

3

douchebag
John Mayer says – reply to this

4

Very interesting.
cat in the hat says – reply to this

5

almost first
Emily Rose says – reply to this

6

i'm sick of John Mayer.
j says – reply to this

7

first.
Keywi says – reply to this

8

Second
ben says – reply to this

9

Douchebag. Defined in two words….. Justin Timberlake.
me says – reply to this

10

You do realize he's talking directly to you Perez. oh, and he's also much, much smarter than you are
kathryn says – reply to this

11

wow
blah says – reply to this

12

john mayer is a douchebag
jjjjjjjfjfjfj says – reply to this

13

dear john,

you my friend are a FUCKING DOUCHEBAG

love, me.

ps: it's actually for washing out the fanny.
Marycarmen says – reply to this

14

I love this man.
bla says – reply to this

15

First
chippiezippie says – reply to this

16

reason number 23,098,125 why i love john mayer. he's so eloquent even when it comes to extolling the virtues or lamenting the negatives of the word douchebag lol
Krissy says – reply to this

17

Douchebag
mm says – reply to this

18

john..were you stoned at the time? wtf
johm mayers wife says – reply to this

19

sexxxxxxxy. get that penis off his face!!! hes too sexy for that shiz
mooshy says – reply to this

20

According to dictionary.com:

"A douche is a device used to introduce a stream of water into the body for medical or hygienic reasons, or the stream of water itself. The word comes from the French language, in which its principal meaning is a shower (it is thus a notorious false friend encountered by non-native speakers of English; the phrase for vaginal douching is douche vaginale, meaning vaginal shower).

The word can refer to the rinsing of any body cavity but usually applies to vaginal irrigation, rinsing of the vagina. A douchebag is a piece of equipment for douching: a bag for holding the water or fluid used in douching (the term douche bag can also be used as an insult; see below for slang uses). To avoid transferring intestinal bacteria into the vagina, the same bag must not be used for a vaginal douche and an enema."
heya says – reply to this

21

wtf….

im not sure i followed that… but maybe its because i didnt read all the words…
JasonSereno.com says – reply to this

22

John Mayer is neither a douche bag nor applicator.
john sux at john says – reply to this

23

Hi my names John mayer and IM A HOMO.
Aly says – reply to this

24

Good blog, and I like what he had to say about Pete.
jen says – reply to this

25

blah blah blah……
Telly says – reply to this

26

only a true douchenozzle would write that commentary.
sickolina says – reply to this

27

Look in the mirror for explaination, dude.
taylor says – reply to this

28

read that this morning, love him!
ash says – reply to this

29

normally i'm not very fond of john, but this kind of rocked. hard.

i laughed at the bit about him being taller than the bloggers. so fierce.
van says – reply to this

30

22nd!
ljay says – reply to this

31

well said douche
Lauren says – reply to this

32

That's actually a term that is offensive to women and primarily used by men. He's not really on to anything.
van says – reply to this

33

no, wait, 30st!
crap says – reply to this

34

a douchebag is a pretentious person. someone with a sense of entitlement and their head up their ass- particularly 'suave' and 'manly' men who act like idiots. college date rapists are douchebags.
van says – reply to this

35

oh dammit, 34th!
kimberly says – reply to this

36

what a douche.

har har
elle says – reply to this

37

finally… an elequent celebrity. This was actually interesting, whether written by a celebrity or not!
elle says – reply to this

38

finally… an eloquent celebrity. This was actually interesting, whether written by a celebrity or not!
crap says – reply to this

39

a douchebag is a pretentious person. someone with a sense of entitlement and their head up their ass- particularly 'suave' and 'manly' men who act like idiots. college date rapists are douchebags. it's a receptacle for all the shit you don't want in your vagina and/or a bag full of that stuff. if a chick were to cleanse her psychic pussy of all the shit she doesn't need, a douchebag would be the excrement. men don't really know what douchebags are made of, if i may be so sexist.
UKer says – reply to this

40

i love him.
does that make me a douchebag?
mj says – reply to this

41

i think it's just a fun word to say.
van says – reply to this

42

oh, come on!

yay, 37th!
Verodemort says – reply to this

43

:Le Sigh: and that's why John Mayer is a SEXY ASS douchebag! He uses his brain!
van says – reply to this

44

oh, goddammit, i'm just too slow for that… am i douchebag?

yay, 45th!
j says – reply to this

45

do you think we're gonna read all that? John Mayer we do have lives noone is reading your crap!
Mooshy says – reply to this

46

John Mayer really seems to have turned into an attention whore as of late.
jenny says – reply to this

47

I love John Mayer.
quadra says – reply to this

48

Good post. Funny Perez Hilton doesn't realize that's it's directed at him!
Isabelle says – reply to this

49

I just love him!
uhiuh says – reply to this

50

Dear John Mayor,
YOU ARE NOT FUNNY. You are not witty. You are not smart.
Now will you shut up??
Isabelle says – reply to this

51

Perezito, no offense but do you have a crush for the douchebag? I think he's awesome.
Venus Doom says – reply to this

52

Oh God… I'm not a fan of John Mayer's music, but I can't deny he's a great writer. This made me giggle ridiculous amounts.

And I love the word douchebag… it really does make me feel better to say it. And I say it a LOT!
tynie says – reply to this

53

only john mayer would write a full on blog using paragraphs about the word "douchebag"… he is awesome!!! keep em coming, John!!! i admire the fact that he is who he is, and he's not trying to be anything other than that. he's always been this way, just now everyone is noticing. he's a normal guy. he loves music/guitar, extravagant watches, technology, the boy likes to blog, and he's got a pretty awesome sense of humor. what's not to like about that?? if you're sick of him, then stop paying attention. simple as that.
Sheila Brofloski says – reply to this

54

Douchebag is still better than "jew".
brofoski says – reply to this

55

I always thought John Mayer was more of a "tool" than a "douchebag".
tazzmatt says – reply to this

56

OK, you ignoranuses. A DOUCHEBAG is a GUY (girls can douche, but can't be douche-bags) who is arrogant and ego-centric to the point of insufferability, but has such a lack of self-awareness that they don't seem to notice this. Everything they do is in their own self-promoting self-interest and they don't seem to care who they hurt or affect as they go about their self-involved lives. For example, Dick Cheney is probably the world's biggest living douche-bag…
alan says – reply to this

57

hmm.. fascinating.
but really - what a cockbitch.
Alanna says – reply to this

58

I don't dig his music so much, but I'll be damned if John Mayer isn't one of the funniest guys on the planet. Did anyone ever watch "John Mayer has a TV Show"? That was some good shit.

That said, where does he get off comparing Pete Wentz to Frank motherfucking Zappa?
Jacqueline says – reply to this

59

actually a douchebag is apparently a bag that holds douche…..yes, it is shocking, i know. but ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, it was a nice novel anyway……
ashles says – reply to this

60

ilovehim.
IM MISS AMARICAN DREAN says – reply to this

61

WHAT a loosa !!!!!
hes trying to MAKE being a asshole cool.
dont let him do this. you children of the corn.
COME ON PEOPLE
he is dark and dus the dope.
he is ruining our music scene with the lame blogs . just be a 6 and 1/2 and put some secret sparkle in your pipe and smoke it.
Taiana says – reply to this

62

he's a crack whore
lol says – reply to this

63

Oh perez, you are about a day late on this one but I still love you
love all says – reply to this

64

54

owCH
pooltop says – reply to this

65

John Mayer…YOU, sir, are a douche bag. It's not one word, by the way.
And your defense of fellow doucher Pete Wentz is even more douchalicious than you are on your own.
ATTN: PEREZ! READ THE COMMENTS! NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THIS DOUCHE BAG. WHY DO YOU STILL UPDATE ON HIM 5 TIMES PER WEEK? LOOKS LIKE THE CHECKS ARE STILL BEING PASSED TO TRY TO KEEP THIS FLAILING GUITARIST IN THE PUBLIC EYE SOMEHOW and to try to convince people he's a 'celebrity.'
John Mayer is no celebrity. He's a a DOUCHEbrity at best.
NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THIS BORING GUY, HIS BORING LIFE AND HIS BULLSHIT MUSIC. MOVE ON, PEREZ.
thanks.
truth says – reply to this

66

and if PETE is a douche its because he THINKS he is on the cutting edge of things but some people may not agree with him on that…so the reason pete is a douche is because…..>:/ well….you see…>:(

he's just annoying…he is taking a subculture that DOESNT want to be popular and making it that way
but no the biggest douche of all is asshole simpson
for real. and that one is easy, shes a douche because shes just a plastic birdbrain that is desperate to try appear to be all unconventional and artistic but shes a stupid phony bitch and she's probably about as deep as a frying pan. that is why asshole simpson is and forever will be a douchette….
yo says – reply to this

67

maybe he should visit the lady department at his local drug store.

i love john mayer still.
char says – reply to this

68

Wow, how clever he is.
UKer says – reply to this

69

all the people saying that he's not funny are humourless twats.
john should move to the uk, we actually get his sense of humour unlike you morons.
Average Jane says – reply to this

70

It's always a pleasure to read this fellows musings.
.
One of our more approachable creative types, and one that does not seem to fit the moniker of DoucheBag at all.
.
I suspect he has it right with the I know you are but what am I scenario.
JEM - NYC says – reply to this

71

Is Douchebag a French word? I like the silent "e". Really, in the big scheme of things, it was a great invention. It's cleansing and prevents infections!

John Mayer — Nice essay. Gee, you are not just another pretty face! Nice!!
JEM - NYC says – reply to this

72

Is Douchebag a French word? I like the silent "e". Really, in the big scheme of things, it was a great invention. It's cleansing and prevents infections!

John Mayer — Nice essay. Gee, you are not just another pretty face! Nice!!
I LOVE JOHN'S CUM says – reply to this

73

someone needs a hit!
calm down there cowboy
elyse says – reply to this

74

what a douchebag… and i don't know where he got the quote that bono is a "supreme douchebag," but i totally agree.

bono and chris martin = deadly douchebag duo
WonTon Soup says – reply to this

75

Perez Hilton - There is a video circulating of Perez Hilton sucking off a horse. Supposedly Vivid Entertainment is trying to buy the video.
me says – reply to this

76

Kinda not a fan of mayer….But i found that blog actually interesting.
Andr3a says – reply to this

77

r u fucking serious find something better to do with ur time
chat says – reply to this

78

Gad, he really doesn't get it, does he.

Dear John,

Douchebag is someone who thinks they're all that, when they are really nothing more than an ass.

Frank Zappa, David Bowie, Elton John, The Doors — they WERE all that…Peter Gabriel?? eh, kind of iffy.

But that's why they are NOT douchebags and you ARE.

Stick to music. You do that well. Pontificating is another story.
abala says – reply to this

79

What the…who said this was insightful? He's talking to ther reader as if we are kindergardeners. "People are different. If we accept the differences in others, than they will accept us in return." Um, most of us learn that lesson as children. What bothers me the most though is the audacity to claim some kind of place in the world of artistic genius, for himself and Pete Wentz. Sorry, but I personally doubt that John Mayer and Pete Wentz will go down in music history as the geniuses of their generation. Having "big colorful ideas" isn't so special. Most of us have those. Being held in high esteem by history takes a bit more than that.
TO JEN FROM NYC. says – reply to this

80

"Is Douchebag a French word"

Do you honestly think people as civilized as the french, would make up such a trashy word as 'douchebag'?

Of course not, fucking yanks.
chuito6 says – reply to this

81

What a twat! What a pity that he needs to speak the literal to inspire
suede says – reply to this

82

I believe you just got owned, Perez.

And, he is right. I like you a lot, but I believe that the climate is changing… pay heed.
Carlos says – reply to this

83

douchebag
amy2694 says – reply to this

84

I LOVE this guy!
zub says – reply to this

85

Whatta douchebag. He is so pretentious and he thinks he is so clever.
hmmm says – reply to this

86

Why didn't he save himself a lot of time and typing and just say:
"I'm very pretentious, and proud. I also dig Pete Wentz."
.... says – reply to this

87

Re: JEM - NYC – Douchebag doesn't have a silent E.
What the hell way are you pronouncing it ?
Lynsey says – reply to this

88

I am quite impressed with his writing style and extensive vocabulary. I think anyone that knows when to use 'their' as opposed to 'there' and 'you're' in place of 'your' is alright in my book. After all, I'm a 30 year old mother of two and just learned those this year. (I know, I really should have paid closer attention in English class.) Anyway, in my opinion, he's a pretty bright guy!
Ley says – reply to this

89

He drives me nuts!
TazzMatt says – reply to this

90

To 'JEN FROM NYC'.
"La Douche" = French for 'shower'.
And you are SUCH a Douche…
SarahSandi says – reply to this

91

he's so cool….
.... says – reply to this

92

Re: JEM - NYC – oh but I think you're right.
Isn't douche French for shower?
HEY JOHN....... says – reply to this

93

I think this is great, in one week I get to say once more that….JOHN MAYER IS A DOUCHEBAG FROM CONNECTICUT! At least James Taylor did heiroin and wrote "Fire And Rain". John enjoy your shitty fame while you can, cause once your looks fade so will your pathetic career.
yummy says – reply to this

94

wow this dude blazes madddddd treeeeees
har har says – reply to this

95

Re:idiot –
Ya. Most people learn that when they're like 7.
If you are 30 years old PLEASE find something better to do with even your sparest of time. I am well within the bracket to be using gossip sites, you are not.
Then again, you do take a while to catch onto things.
Are you actually able to walk yet?
Julie says – reply to this

96

P.. Daddy… I love you but… What he has written rocks!! He couldn't of come off more intelligent, or well written. John is now my new boyfriend!
Rebekah says – reply to this

97

i love john mayer and you know you do too.
ME says – reply to this

98

I say burn. He's on to you. Lay off the word.
aardwolf says – reply to this

99

There are 3 -not 2- different plosives in "douchebag": "D", "B", "G".

What an idiot.
kayyy says – reply to this

100

ha he's so cuteee. hate his music, but love him.