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Headline of the Week Weak

Filed under: Headline of the Week > Australiastic

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"Man Claims to Speak 'Australian' After Allegedly Being Raped by Wombat"

Brilliant! CLICK HERE to read the article accompanying this headline.

Man Claims to Speak 'Australian' After Allegedly Being Raped by Wombat

A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian".

Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.

The orchard worker later called back and said: "Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right, you know."

Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours' community work.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock's life.



178 comments to “Headline of the Week Weak” (RSS feed

More comments: [1] 2 »

  1. #1 - KD says – reply to this

    FIRSTTTT!

  2. #2 - Tazard says – reply to this

    Wtf?

  3. #3 - jaime says – reply to this

    fuck first. perez is fug.

  4. #4 - hilarious says – reply to this

    hilarious!!!

  5. #5 - Lori says – reply to this

    wow this guy deserves the time he got sentenced to..

  6. #6 - meme says – reply to this

    Wombat boy!

  7. #7 - Dave says – reply to this

    first?

  8. #8 - thumper says – reply to this

    Wombat rape is funny

  9. #9 - rebzz says – reply to this

    HAHA..first!

  10. #10 - caitlinclare says – reply to this

    first

  11. #11 - kiwi says – reply to this

    oh man… that makes us new zealanders look so bad….

    we really not

  12. #12 - Frank McBanus says – reply to this

    Taint.

  13. #13 - XCDASD says – reply to this

    DFSDF

  14. #14 - FUCK OFF says – reply to this

    LOLZ

  15. #15 - ummmm says – reply to this

    first!!!!!!!!!!

  16. #16 - Whatthehell says – reply to this

    This guy needs some serious help!

  17. #17 - uglymexican says – reply to this

    HA! I want weed.

  18. #18 - Jerry says – reply to this

    interesting.

  19. #19 - case_luvs_perez says – reply to this

    um….the world is full of crazies!!

  20. #20 - Taylor says – reply to this

    LMFAO!

  21. #21 - huh says – reply to this

    alright

  22. #22 - demmi says – reply to this

    wowza. I thought I was being rick rolled again.

  23. #23 - Andrew says – reply to this

    AHHHHHH why is it that my country New Zealand finally gets a mention on this site and it is in this way….some drunbken hick from an inbred Southern town making up a crazy ass story. Getting raped by a wombat is pretty much the funniest made-up story of all time though!!

    PS All you Americans, please vote for McCain. Thank you.

  24. #24 - katie says – reply to this

    first?
    and thats pretty much amazing. lmao

  25. #25 - thumper says – reply to this

    What did poor Crocodile Dundee do to be associated with this story?

  26. #26 - sfddsfs says – reply to this

    gfdgdfgcdgf

  27. #27 - megan says – reply to this

    idiot.

  28. #28 - GIJoeComicReview says – reply to this

    Interesting.

  29. #29 - Cordelia says – reply to this

    clearly delusional
    first?
    LOVE xx

  30. #30 - jkhoury22 says – reply to this

    WHAT!?
    ….lies, deciet and gay rumors!

  31. #31 - duc dang says – reply to this

    hahahaha bloody kiwi!

  32. #32 - Andrew says – reply to this

    AHHHH I spelt "drunken" wrong. Thats funny.

  33. #33 - rockthecroc says – reply to this

    Yay…an article about my home country..haha

  34. #34 - hahaha says – reply to this

    ahhahahahah

  35. #35 - KDLD says – reply to this

    KLJDL;FDS

  36. #36 - RAMMY says – reply to this

    some people are just to crazy for words

  37. #37 - annie says – reply to this

    Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose.

    so, using the phone for a "fictitious purpose" is illegal? other than that, awesome article.

  38. #38 - aky says – reply to this

    hahahahaha!!!

  39. #39 - Gigi says – reply to this

    …Wow. Uh…

  40. #40 - krista says – reply to this

    first

  41. #41 - Apache Rose says – reply to this

    anybody see the root of all evil with lewis black? beer was deemed to be the root of all evil

  42. #42 - Jenny says – reply to this

    WTF????

  43. #43 - rinaaa. says – reply to this

    LMAO. that gives us kiwis a bad name.

  44. #44 - krystal says – reply to this

    hello world

  45. #45 - Jo says – reply to this

    ahaha bloody kiwis

  46. #46 - Mackenzie says – reply to this

    Crazy… New Zealanders don't speak Australian… j/k

  47. #47 - thumper says – reply to this

    Earlier I said that Wombat rape is funny…see#8
    I would like to make a correction:
    What I meant to say is that BEING raped by a Wombat is funny….
    Raping a Wombat however, is just sick and wrong.
    I do not advocate Wombat raping of any kind.
    I'm thumper, and I approve this message.

  48. #48 - Baaaaa says – reply to this

    Re: kiwi

    yeah is does make kiwi's look bad lol new twist on the sheep jokes now it will be rampant horny wombats wearing gumboots

  49. #49 - sheri from Oz says – reply to this

    What! hey i'm an aussie. Sounds like booze played a huge part in it ha ha. I should say i was raped by a sheep and now i speek new zealand…
    HELLO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!

  50. #50 - ... says – reply to this

    hahaha

  51. #51 - sheri from Oz says – reply to this

    HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
    HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
    HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
    HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
    HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
    HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
    HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!

  52. #52 - nic says – reply to this

    Re: demmi

  53. #53 - nic says – reply to this

    Re: demmi

    me too!! LOL

  54. #54 - DMAN says – reply to this

    SURE THAT WOULD BE GREAT IF IT WERE TRUE
    THE BOOZE WAS TO KILL THE GERMS (YA KNOW STERELIZED LIKE PEREZ SHOULD BE )

  55. #55 - kj says – reply to this

    what?? i was kind of hoping this would be a rick roll and not just a ridiculous tabloid headline.

  56. #56 - Ally says – reply to this

    You Australians are fuckin retards. Dirty ass, country ass losers. Backwards retards. Thank goodness I'm from England!

  57. #57 - tictoc says – reply to this

    Classic

  58. #58 - caroline (an aussie) says – reply to this

    thank god he was a new zealander and at least wasn't australian…would of been a whole new low for us! lol.

  59. #59 - tutsii=is an aussie says – reply to this

    oh dear me, so if I got raped by Paris Hilton would I speak "slut"
    her belly dancing was so like um yeah…keep flicking ur hair sweetheart, u still cant dance

    uroo! !!! (thas very aussie slang if u didnt know for goodbye)

  60. #60 - Eva says – reply to this

    Checkout "Tamayu" on myspace….great music…and go to itunes and buy the album or download a song

  61. #61 - chrissyscoot says – reply to this

    I don't know where to begin telling you how many things are wrong with that……………………………………
    That's Kiwi's for ya!

  62. #62 - YOO says – reply to this

    Don't people in Australia speak English? WOW Australian is not a language haha.

  63. #63 - Slurpee says – reply to this

    Serves the fucker right! Everytime us Aussies go to NEW ZEALAND WE GET RAPED BY SHEEP! We are like sheep bait over there. Now he knows how we feel. MUAHAHAHAAH!

  64. #64 - kassyroo says – reply to this

    I got my picture taken sitting on Paul Hogan's lap on my 21st birthday in Vegas! He's a sexy old Aussie dude!

  65. #65 - lozzie says – reply to this

    cos us australians speak our own language…what a twit.

  66. #66 - johnny says – reply to this

    Mate now I've heard it all lol go da Wombats fightin back… lol

  67. #67 - An Aussie relaxing by the beach. says – reply to this

    Re: Ally

    How's the job hunting going in England? LOL. Haven't all of your jobs been taken over by foreign workers yet LOL? Has it stopped raining yet? Are the Brits still binge drinking themselves to death? LOL. I'm just asking while I sit here on the beach in beautiful sunny Australia with a cocktail in hand. No worries mate!

  68. #68 - highlander says – reply to this

    I think it's rude of them to call you a wombat. I saw a picture of a wombat and it's much more trim than you–no huge horse mouth, either.

  69. #69 - Cooter Brown says – reply to this

    Sounds like this dude is having withdraw symptoms such as pink elephants and the like. Give him a bag of Cheeto's and let him dry out.

  70. #70 - Nora from Australia says – reply to this

    Wombats are so cute. They are also the koala's nearest living relative. Maybe one has finally taken its revenge for all those that end up as road kill. Oh yes, we do speak English down here, just the same as they do in New Zealand.

  71. #71 - ash says – reply to this

    i thought new zealanders liked to fuck sheep
    haha

  72. #72 - steve says – reply to this

    never drink with wombats! They bite Like Hilton Crabs!

  73. #73 - soz says – reply to this

    omg are you really that stupid? you realise that australia and new zealand are two different countries? do you pommies ever stop whinging its so bloody annoying!!

  74. #74 - elle says – reply to this

    what a freak… and how does a wombat rape you? do womabts even know how to rape someone?

  75. #75 - Cece says – reply to this

    LOL! That's so Richard Gere of him.

  76. #76 - Sheri from Oz says – reply to this

    Re: Ally
    "WTF ,country retards"???? R u f***ing stupid or dont u realise we have cities too, get an education u loser!

  77. #77 - fugly says – reply to this

    You are disgusting Perez. Fat little piggy

  78. #78 - truth says – reply to this

    wombat no but a dingo i would belive

  79. #79 - Tina Crow says – reply to this

    thats like Madonna having a brit accent after being forced fucked with a bag of fish & chips

  80. #80 - ??? says – reply to this

    isn't this what we all do when we're drunk??

  81. #81 - pvtbear says – reply to this

    I was raped by a wombat once. Other than the smell, it really wasn't that bad. Kinda like the time Perez sliped it to me.

  82. #82 - Sarah says – reply to this

    Re: kiwi – lol i'm a kiwi aswell. It does make us look bad! Oh well i know i'm normal and that post made me laugh my ass off. What a weirdo!

  83. #83 - schlong says – reply to this

    Re: ash – fuck you rascist cunt

  84. #84 - Buster Cherry says – reply to this

    Once you've had Wombat, you never look back.

  85. #85 - cookie monsta says – reply to this

    sounds like a typical pig island kiwi, they all wish they were australian !!

  86. #86 - Bri says – reply to this

    Re: annie

    When its to the police yea…but what i dont understand is why they didnt send him to an institution instead!

  87. #87 - lucy says – reply to this

    Wombats are pretty feisty you know.. and if there was such a thing as speaking "australian" it would be sexy as hell

  88. #88 - cookie monsta says – reply to this

    Re: Ally – take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut ya stupid smelly wench.

  89. #89 - LAUREN says – reply to this

    whoa.

  90. #90 - youre an idiot says – reply to this

    Re: Ally
    Wow, did you not even realize the article was about a New Zealander anyways? Fucking idiots, I swear.
    by the way, im not saying NZers are that way, just pointing out this bitch cant READ!

  91. #91 - neek says – reply to this

    Re: Ally
    wow you really must be bitter.
    but i suppose living in england would do that to you.
    haha.
    also new zealand is not australia.
    so duh.
    dont worry,i feel sorry for you.

  92. #92 - Kiwi Chick says – reply to this

    Wow Im guessing Ally cant read shows what kind of education the English get!! Although it would of been better if it had been an Aussie!! ;-)

  93. #93 - JESS says – reply to this

    Re: Ally

    Ally you are a fucking whore! Go crawl back into to your hole of a country you call 'England'

  94. #94 - yeah says – reply to this

    more like raped by sheep

  95. #95 - Islandgrl says – reply to this

    He's fucking lying !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he just wants his 15 mins of fame!!

  96. #96 - kirsten says – reply to this

    Re: Ally – oh go poor a cup of tea down your fat cunt!

  97. #97 - tay says – reply to this

    bahaha!
    new zelanders will do anything to be aussies! tryhards
    GO WOMBAT!!!

  98. #98 - izzy says – reply to this

    i'm aussie and what the hell is speaking australian?

  99. #99 - rosie says – reply to this

    being aussie, i know new zealands hate us everywhere u go in new zealand they have t shirts and shiz saying "MY DADDY SAYS I CAN PLAY FOR ANY TEAM WHEN IMOLD AS LONG AS ITS NOT AUSTRALIA"…guess they are just jealous!! lol

  100. #100 - NZ says – reply to this

    Re: rosie
    Just quietly Rosie, I'm not sure that you've actually been "everywhere" in New Zealand, so probably can't be assured of 4 million people wearing said t shirt.
    Secondly, the reason that (according to you) no New Zealander wants to play for your sports teams is because there is a natural rivalry between our two countries - surely you've noticed? I'd rather you didn't falsely categorise an entire country to try and prove a ridiculous point.
    Aside from that, this article is good value.

More comments: [1] 2 »