Headline of the Week Weak

Filed under: Headline of the Week > Australiastic

"Man Claims to Speak 'Australian' After Allegedly Being Raped by Wombat"

Brilliant! CLICK HERE to read the article accompanying this headline.

Man Claims to Speak 'Australian' After Allegedly Being Raped by Wombat

A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian".

Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.

The orchard worker later called back and said: "Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right, you know."

Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours' community work.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock's life.

Posted: Mar 27, 2008 at 11:40 pm / Email this »

See All 174 Comments

174 comments to “Headline of the Week Weak”

More comments: [1] 2 »

KD says – reply to this

1

FIRSTTTT!
Tazard says – reply to this

2

Wtf?
jaime says – reply to this

3

fuck first. perez is fug.
hilarious says – reply to this

4

hilarious!!!
Lori says – reply to this

5

wow this guy deserves the time he got sentenced to..
meme says – reply to this

6

Wombat boy!
Dave says – reply to this

7

first?
thumper says – reply to this

8

Wombat rape is funny
rebzz says – reply to this

9

HAHA..first!
caitlinclare says – reply to this

10

first
kiwi says – reply to this

11

oh man… that makes us new zealanders look so bad….

we really not
Frank McBanus says – reply to this

12

Taint.
XCDASD says – reply to this

13

DFSDF
FUCK OFF says – reply to this

14

LOLZ
ummmm says – reply to this

15

first!!!!!!!!!!
Whatthehell says – reply to this

16

This guy needs some serious help!
uglymexican says – reply to this

17

HA! I want weed.
Jerry says – reply to this

18

interesting.
case_luvs_perez says – reply to this

19

um….the world is full of crazies!!
Taylor says – reply to this

20

LMFAO!
huh says – reply to this

21

alright
demmi says – reply to this

22

wowza. I thought I was being rick rolled again.
Andrew says – reply to this

23

AHHHHHH why is it that my country New Zealand finally gets a mention on this site and it is in this way….some drunbken hick from an inbred Southern town making up a crazy ass story. Getting raped by a wombat is pretty much the funniest made-up story of all time though!!

PS All you Americans, please vote for McCain. Thank you.
katie says – reply to this

24

first?
and thats pretty much amazing. lmao
thumper says – reply to this

25

What did poor Crocodile Dundee do to be associated with this story?
sfddsfs says – reply to this

26

gfdgdfgcdgf
megan says – reply to this

27

idiot.
GIJoeComicReview says – reply to this

28

Interesting.
Cordelia says – reply to this

29

clearly delusional
first?
LOVE xx
jkhoury22 says – reply to this

30

WHAT!?
….lies, deciet and gay rumors!
duc dang says – reply to this

31

hahahaha bloody kiwi!
Andrew says – reply to this

32

AHHHH I spelt "drunken" wrong. Thats funny.
rockthecroc says – reply to this

33

Yay…an article about my home country..haha
hahaha says – reply to this

34

ahhahahahah
KDLD says – reply to this

35

KLJDL;FDS
RAMMY says – reply to this

36

some people are just to crazy for words
annie says – reply to this

37

Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose.

so, using the phone for a "fictitious purpose" is illegal? other than that, awesome article.
aky says – reply to this

38

hahahahaha!!!
Gigi says – reply to this

39

…Wow. Uh…
krista says – reply to this

40

first
Apache Rose says – reply to this

41

anybody see the root of all evil with lewis black? beer was deemed to be the root of all evil
Jenny says – reply to this

42

WTF????
rinaaa. says – reply to this

43

LMAO. that gives us kiwis a bad name.
krystal says – reply to this

44

hello world
Jo says – reply to this

45

ahaha bloody kiwis
Mackenzie says – reply to this

46

Crazy… New Zealanders don't speak Australian… j/k
thumper says – reply to this

47

Earlier I said that Wombat rape is funny…see#8
I would like to make a correction:
What I meant to say is that BEING raped by a Wombat is funny….
Raping a Wombat however, is just sick and wrong.
I do not advocate Wombat raping of any kind.
I'm thumper, and I approve this message.
Baaaaa says – reply to this

48

Re: kiwi –

yeah is does make kiwi's look bad lol new twist on the sheep jokes now it will be rampant horny wombats wearing gumboots
sheri from Oz says – reply to this

49

What! hey i'm an aussie. Sounds like booze played a huge part in it ha ha. I should say i was raped by a sheep and now i speek new zealand…
HELLO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!
... says – reply to this

50

hahaha
sheri from Oz says – reply to this

51

HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
HELLOOOOO FROM AUSTRALIA!!!!!
nic says – reply to this

52

Re: demmi –
nic says – reply to this

53

Re: demmi –

me too!! LOL
DMAN says – reply to this

54

SURE THAT WOULD BE GREAT IF IT WERE TRUE
THE BOOZE WAS TO KILL THE GERMS (YA KNOW STERELIZED LIKE PEREZ SHOULD BE )
kj says – reply to this

55

what?? i was kind of hoping this would be a rick roll and not just a ridiculous tabloid headline.
Ally says – reply to this

56

You Australians are fuckin retards. Dirty ass, country ass losers. Backwards retards. Thank goodness I'm from England!
tictoc says – reply to this

57

Classic
caroline (an aussie) says – reply to this

58

thank god he was a new zealander and at least wasn't australian…would of been a whole new low for us! lol.
tutsii=is an aussie says – reply to this

59

oh dear me, so if I got raped by Paris Hilton would I speak "slut"
her belly dancing was so like um yeah…keep flicking ur hair sweetheart, u still cant dance

uroo! !!! (thas very aussie slang if u didnt know for goodbye)
Eva says – reply to this

60

Checkout "Tamayu" on myspace….great music…and go to itunes and buy the album or download a song
chrissyscoot says – reply to this

61

I don't know where to begin telling you how many things are wrong with that……………………………………
That's Kiwi's for ya!
YOO says – reply to this

62

Don't people in Australia speak English? WOW Australian is not a language haha.
Slurpee says – reply to this

63

Serves the fucker right! Everytime us Aussies go to NEW ZEALAND WE GET RAPED BY SHEEP! We are like sheep bait over there. Now he knows how we feel. MUAHAHAHAAH!
kassyroo says – reply to this

64

I got my picture taken sitting on Paul Hogan's lap on my 21st birthday in Vegas! He's a sexy old Aussie dude!
lozzie says – reply to this

65

cos us australians speak our own language…what a twit.
johnny says – reply to this

66

Mate now I've heard it all lol go da Wombats fightin back… lol
An Aussie relaxing by the beach. says – reply to this

67

Re: Ally –

How's the job hunting going in England? LOL. Haven't all of your jobs been taken over by foreign workers yet LOL? Has it stopped raining yet? Are the Brits still binge drinking themselves to death? LOL. I'm just asking while I sit here on the beach in beautiful sunny Australia with a cocktail in hand. No worries mate!
highlander says – reply to this

68

I think it's rude of them to call you a wombat. I saw a picture of a wombat and it's much more trim than you–no huge horse mouth, either.
Cooter Brown says – reply to this

69

Sounds like this dude is having withdraw symptoms such as pink elephants and the like. Give him a bag of Cheeto's and let him dry out.
Nora from Australia says – reply to this

70

Wombats are so cute. They are also the koala's nearest living relative. Maybe one has finally taken its revenge for all those that end up as road kill. Oh yes, we do speak English down here, just the same as they do in New Zealand.
ash says – reply to this

71

i thought new zealanders liked to fuck sheep
haha
steve says – reply to this

72

never drink with wombats! They bite Like Hilton Crabs!
soz says – reply to this

73

omg are you really that stupid? you realise that australia and new zealand are two different countries? do you pommies ever stop whinging its so bloody annoying!!
elle says – reply to this

74

what a freak… and how does a wombat rape you? do womabts even know how to rape someone?
Cece says – reply to this

75

LOL! That's so Richard Gere of him.
Sheri from Oz says – reply to this

76

Re: Ally –
"WTF ,country retards"???? R u f***ing stupid or dont u realise we have cities too, get an education u loser!
fugly says – reply to this

77

You are disgusting Perez. Fat little piggy
truth says – reply to this

78

wombat no but a dingo i would belive
Tina Crow says – reply to this

79

thats like Madonna having a brit accent after being forced fucked with a bag of fish & chips
??? says – reply to this

80

isn't this what we all do when we're drunk??
pvtbear says – reply to this

81

I was raped by a wombat once. Other than the smell, it really wasn't that bad. Kinda like the time Perez sliped it to me.
Sarah says – reply to this

82

Re: kiwi – lol i'm a kiwi aswell. It does make us look bad! Oh well i know i'm normal and that post made me laugh my ass off. What a weirdo!
schlong says – reply to this

83

Re: ash – fuck you rascist cunt
Buster Cherry says – reply to this

84

Once you've had Wombat, you never look back.
cookie monsta says – reply to this

85

sounds like a typical pig island kiwi, they all wish they were australian !!
Bri says – reply to this

86

Re: annie –

When its to the police yea…but what i dont understand is why they didnt send him to an institution instead!
lucy says – reply to this

87

Wombats are pretty feisty you know.. and if there was such a thing as speaking "australian" it would be sexy as hell
cookie monsta says – reply to this

88

Re: Ally – take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut ya stupid smelly wench.
LAUREN says – reply to this

89

whoa.
youre an idiot says – reply to this

90

Re: Ally –
Wow, did you not even realize the article was about a New Zealander anyways? Fucking idiots, I swear.
by the way, im not saying NZers are that way, just pointing out this bitch cant READ!
neek says – reply to this

91

Re: Ally –
wow you really must be bitter.
but i suppose living in england would do that to you.
haha.
also new zealand is not australia.
so duh.
dont worry,i feel sorry for you.
Kiwi Chick says – reply to this

92

Wow Im guessing Ally cant read shows what kind of education the English get!! Although it would of been better if it had been an Aussie!!
JESS says – reply to this

93

Re: Ally –

Ally you are a fucking whore! Go crawl back into to your hole of a country you call 'England'
yeah says – reply to this

94

more like raped by sheep
Islandgrl says – reply to this

95

He's fucking lying !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he just wants his 15 mins of fame!!
kirsten says – reply to this

96

Re: Ally – oh go poor a cup of tea down your fat cunt!
tay says – reply to this

97

bahaha!
new zelanders will do anything to be aussies! tryhards
GO WOMBAT!!!
izzy says – reply to this

98

i'm aussie and what the hell is speaking australian?
rosie says – reply to this

99

being aussie, i know new zealands hate us everywhere u go in new zealand they have t shirts and shiz saying "MY DADDY SAYS I CAN PLAY FOR ANY TEAM WHEN IMOLD AS LONG AS ITS NOT AUSTRALIA"…guess they are just jealous!! lol
NZ says – reply to this

100

Re: rosie –
Just quietly Rosie, I'm not sure that you've actually been "everywhere" in New Zealand, so probably can't be assured of 4 million people wearing said t shirt.
Secondly, the reason that (according to you) no New Zealander wants to play for your sports teams is because there is a natural rivalry between our two countries - surely you've noticed? I'd rather you didn't falsely categorise an entire country to try and prove a ridiculous point.
Aside from that, this article is good value.

More comments: [1] 2 »

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