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This Is Not A Joke

| Filed under: Wacky, Tacky & True


Are you moms out there struggling with how to tell your young kids about plastic surgery? Don't snicker.

Well, if your surgery is happening after this Mother's Day, then Florida plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Salzhauer has just the thing for you!

On that special all-about-Mommy day, he's releasing a 'kid's book' - My Beautiful Mommy - featuring a perky Mommy explaining to her child why she's having cosmetic surgery. Mom's gonna get a tummy tuck, a nose job and breast implants!

This is not a joke. This book is really going to be out soon!

Before her surgery the mom explains to her little girl that she is getting a smaller tummy: "You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael (the author's homage to himself?) is going to help fix that and make me feel better."

"Mom" comes home looking like a slightly bruised Barbie doll with demure bandages on her nose and around her waist.

The text, unfortunately, doesn't mention the breast augmentation, but the illustrations intentionally show Mom's breasts to be fuller and higher.

Dr. Michael the author explains, "I tried to skirt that issue in the text itself. The tummy lends itself to an easy explanation to the children: extra skin and can't fit into your clothes. The breasts might be a stretch for a six-year-old."

The report also points out that the book doesn't explain exactly why the mother is redoing her nose either. Nonetheless, Mom reassures her little one that the new nose won't just look "different, my dear—prettier!"

Naturally, the ending is happy. Mommy is "even more" beautiful than before, and her daughter is thrilled.

So wrong, but so right for these times we live in! This is the perfect gift for all those actresses poppin' out babies of late!

Ashlee Simpson has already pre-ordered her copy!

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93 comments to “This Is Not A Joke”

  1. Wooot says – reply to this



  2. Nicole W. says – reply to this



  3. Nicole W. says – reply to this


    wow nvm i was actually 2nd! sweeeeeeeeet

  4. vivian says – reply to this



  5. amy says – reply to this



  6. ddd says – reply to this



  7. no one cares says – reply to this


    Re: Wooot – who cares? ha.

  8. Capitalism wins! says – reply to this


    And medical technology is monopolized by the rich for plastic surgery, while the poor die of curable diseases. 18,000 per year in the USA alone. That's like intentionally committing six 9/11s every year, so mommy can be pretty and daddy won't divorce her, since marriage doesn't mean jack shit anymore. Awesome!

  9. alison says – reply to this


    this is absurd.

  10. plastic surgery just around the corner says – reply to this



  11. Alex says – reply to this


    not first, but…what….3rd?

  12. Fo Realz says – reply to this


    Gross! People who get plastic surgery are fooling themselves to think that they look better. You end up looking like shit. Face reality! Be your damn self!

  13. Amanda says – reply to this


    Wow. That's terrible.

  14. Martini says – reply to this


    Wow. And once more society has gone down a notch. Just be straight with your kids and say that you're just a shallow woman who was insecure so tried to fix it by buying parts for yourself. I dont plastic surgery. If you feel better than men look at you only because you have fake tits, then wow, you have high standards for your men. How does that make someone more confident??

  15. Jen says – reply to this


    This is so wrong. Our society is so obsessed with looking like they just stepped out of a photoshopped magazine photo. This sounds like a marketing ploy for 6 year olds…Snag them early so they want surgery when they are 16 and "imperfect." It is so sad that women carry around so much insecurity about their bodies. God did not intend us to look like Barbie Dolls. Beauty and confidence comes from within not from plastic surgery.

  16. Rachel says – reply to this


    I love that there's a pic of Demi Moore! HA!

  17. GiGi says – reply to this



  18. First says – reply to this


    What is the thrill of being the first all about ? I came here to leave a legitimate comment and there are all these freaks who want to be first. Guess it's a complex about always being the last kid to picked for teams? Can one of you first people please explain it to me? I really do want to know if you hang out online all day. Are you unemployed? Are you waiting for your porn to download? Are you at work? Are you eleven and your parents haven't figure out how to filter out certain websites yet? What's the deal?

  19. darn close? says – reply to this


    close to first?

  20. Anna says – reply to this


    My mom chose a boob job over seeing her first grandchild. Pretty shallow if you ask me.

  21. gggg says – reply to this



  22. BS says – reply to this


    WTF EVER!!!! BAD DOCTOR. What is this world coming too?

  23. perm says – reply to this


    As a struggling writer, I AM ASHAMED

  24. mimi in mo says – reply to this


    UGH!!!! Truely sad that this is what it's like now. And yes, saying that makes me feel REALLY old!

  25. ytumamatambien says – reply to this


    My beautiful nut sack

  26. Roger says – reply to this


    Thats sad, rather than teaching young girls of this country how important it is to be themselves and not care what others think and to get an education.

    Here is this book telling them that the only way they can be worth anything is to look pretty for guys to like them.

    Its sad but most women now a days i feel are pretty dumb. Obsessing over there looks just so they can be treated like pieces of meat by men.
    I guess the womens right movement was pointless, it seems most women want to just be mere sex objects

  27. may says – reply to this


    This is a "great" thing to expose kids to

  28. car says – reply to this










    real news


    go elsewhere

  29. rita says – reply to this


    that is incredibly fucked up.

  30. hanners says – reply to this


    "so kids, just remember- whenever you're not satisfied, start cutting!!"
    i can't wait til my kids go to middle school and start begging for implants instead of clothes from abercrombie when they turn 12.

  31. tiffabee says – reply to this


    this is sooo WRONG she needs tiffabee.wordpress.com

  32. QueenOfTrashin' says – reply to this


    Spare me. You should have left it at "So wrong."

  33. beat it says – reply to this


    Perez–NOTHING can fix you. You are an ugly little troll.

  34. NinjaP says – reply to this


    Next up in the series: 'My Sober Mommy'
    Detailing why mommy has to go away to rehab for a little while.

  35. Feminism will prevail, watch. says – reply to this


    Re: Roger – I'm with you 90%, it's terrible to teach girls that the only reason they are valuable is as fuck toys. But the women's rights movement wasn't pointless - in the very recent past, the only way we could survive was as fuck toys. No right to vote, own property, divorce, escape domestic violence, work most jobs. Today, thanks to the feminists, there are a lot of women doing great work, contributing to society, and supporting themselves without having to suck some abusive guy's dick to survive.
    It's progress. But old habits die hard. There are more women than men, some of us will always end up spinsters. So we bind our feet. We remove our ribs. We put poison implants in our chest. We kill our fellow Americans to do it. And what do we get? Married for five years? Maybe ten? Working full time like we're single? This is a phase. These "doctors" are evil, selling promises of true love and eternal youth while ignoring the sick and killing the unlucky, like Kanye's mom. Women will realize this eventually. We're educated and independent now. This plastic surgery phase is us collectively facing a deep biological fear of being alone and therefore useless. But we aren't useless anymore. Goddess bless Gloria Steinem!

  36. stace says – reply to this


    That is so twisted and sad. Now why doesn't he come out with a sequel - the one where the mommy comes home and suffers terribly until she dies from complications due to her surgery. Oh yes, because that wouldn't make him any money!

  37. Holly says – reply to this


    Ummm worst book ever.. i mean come on explain it how it really is, mommy is a vain narcissistic and neurotic woman.
    This is one more example of why our culture and society are going down hill.
    why cant women be happy with what they have. oh i know why it's because of the over sexualized culture we live in, telling women theyre not good enough.

  38. Liz says – reply to this


    So sad!

  39. Love yourself says – reply to this


    Re: Feminism will prevail, watch.


  40. jess says – reply to this


    that is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard of.
    i dont care what kind of degree this doctor has, but he is a complete imbecile. promoting this kind of stuff is damaging to a person's self esteem and to a country's society.

    god bless america i guess…

  41. Samantha says – reply to this


    Next why doesnt this dink come out with a book telling the little girls how to cut themselves because they dont look like everyone else and then they cant afford plastic surgery oh wait…theyll become strippers and porn stars. What a F U C K I N G joke. This dude is a plastic surgeon not a fucking childrens author. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

  42. Princess Cut Diamonds says – reply to this


    Real kids are going to be horrified if mommy comes home looking all bruised up like she'd been in a car accident! I saw pix of my husband's mom post surgery and without knowing it was from plastic surgery said, "Oh my god, what happened to your mom?!" By the way, did you see the book images? Why is the doctor's head so much smaller than his body? It's like that guy from Beetlejuice with the shrunken head. Definitely a sign o' the times but still kind of sad. Besides, what is your Sad Daddy going to say if Beautiful Mommy dies on the operating table during surgery? Hey, it happens!

  43. demi says – reply to this


    ahaha…love it bissshes!

  44. mable says – reply to this


    so many people object to the way things are in this society — girls (and boys) made to feel bad about themselves because they don't have the perfect nose, or boobs or whatever — why doesn't every single one of you/us try to change this and make a difference. It only takes one person, but look how many of you oppose this way of thinking, so that's a damn good start. This world is going to hell. Everyone is going to be "pretty", but society is just going to fall apart.

  45. m says – reply to this


    shame just shame

  46. michelle says – reply to this


    haha another reason to influence your children to get breat implants by the age of 16 and call their attorney over an F in science class (true story)

    fucking disgusting. These botox infested woman are ugly.

  47. Beth says – reply to this


    i like this idea. I see nothing wrong with people wanting to better themselves, especially after childbearing and breastfeeding, wrinkles and old age.

  48. l says – reply to this


    Dear. God.

  49. MissMichelle says – reply to this


    That is the most fucked up thing I have ever seen.

  50. Marian says – reply to this


    I think if the mother has a good enough reason to get under the knife, she can explain to the child herself, and not from some mindless book. God, my dead grandmother is right, this world is going to hell. We're pressured to look better without actually trying to exercise, diet, moisturize, protect your skin from the sun, live stress free, and most of all accepting for who you are. I can understand though if one wanted to fix a huge nose, damages from an injury, or something that none of what I mentioned can fix…but people these days just want an easier way out of everything, and what that tells our children is that looks are more important than personality and talent…Sounds pretty cliche but that's how I feel.

  51. Dominika says – reply to this


    AHHHHHHHHHHH this stuff drives me nuts!!! I can't handel listening to woman talk about this… it's like a sick cycle…. i bet you by the year 2020 we'll be giving our babies plastic surgery becuase they don't look like the perfect baby, and sadly folks we'll all look the same!

  52. Lauren says – reply to this


    WHAT ABOUT THE DAD??????????????????????????
    why is it always about the women having to look perfect?
    they have to look perfect, but their hubby can still be his fat, bald, ugly self.
    NO FAIR!!! :(

  53. salad says – reply to this


    WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS THIS?! this is disgusting. i can't wait to get the fuck out of the united states. this is some straight up bullshit, kids.

  54. alexa says – reply to this


    what a FUCKING joke! that is ridiculous! this guy needs to get a life.

  55. Pattycakes says – reply to this


    More like "My Self-Esteemless, Narcissist Mommy". Everyone gets old eventually. Face it with some dignity… and talk to your own damn kids about getting cosmetic surgery! Shit, people!

  56. Miss Britt says – reply to this


    As if we didn't have enough reasons to be ashamed to be Floridians. Damn.

  57. cricket says – reply to this


    I guess Nicole Kidman has pre-ordered her already.Of course her poor kid won't be seeing her enough to remember what she looks like anyway

  58. Meg says – reply to this


    This is sad. LALA land freakshow!

  59. korndawg73@yahoo.com says – reply to this


    'so did pam anderson. she also ordered 'my battered mommy'

  60. professonal writer says – reply to this


    Mommy made her boobs bigger because, as she got older, they stretched toward the floor, and it became harder for daddy to rub his pee-pee between them until he made those funny noises.

  61. Stephanie says – reply to this


    Sick and Fucking Sad!

  62. Kristy says – reply to this


    ok so im all for do whatever you want to your body but come on really, are we seriouly trying to make it ok for kids to be ok with it to. if mommy wants to be a quilt then let her but don't drag the kids into it. why can't we just use the excusses that are logical like mommmy had a really bad tummy ach and the doctor fixed it but it's going to take a while to mommy to get better or mommy can't breath properly out of her nose and she's gonna look like she fell off her bike without a helmet on or some shit like that. seriously, all this is doing is making your 7year old kid want a nose job or a tummy tuck because it doesn't look like everyone else. lets all just be a bunch of mindless quilts until after we fnd out that it all gives us cancer like everything else these days. have fun explaining that to the kids in a pretty little book

  63. Kate says – reply to this


    This is wrong. I mean, it's taking good ignitiative to try to explain these things to kids, but it seems to me that it's really teaching kids that if you're unhappy, shilling out money is the way to fix it. The mommy character should be more happy, I think, but not more physically beautiful to her daughter. Kids don't normally notice someone's physical appearance like that unless the person is handicapped or disfigured in someway. So in a way, this book is also teaching kids how to objectify beauty, too. I think Dr. Salzhauer is just trying to promote his business.

  64. c says – reply to this


    GAG….Mommy better have gotten her tubes tied too so she can't spread that shiz anymore…

  65. Marcela says – reply to this


    OMFG! This pisses me off to much! A book about this degrading abomination can be published but books about children with gay parents is such a huge crime?

    Does anyone else think thats fucked?

  66. docrunchesandcardio says – reply to this


    this is so awful!!! Think about how bad your 6 year old will feel as she gets bigger and needs new clothes–that mommy stretched out and didn't fit in her clothes so needed surgery…this sounds like an easy segue into anorexia for a child

  67. Rommy says – reply to this


    What a FANTASTIC message this book will send to kids! I can hear it now…
    "Wow Mommy!!! When I grow up, I want to get plastic surgery too!!! Just like you!!!"

  68. amanda says – reply to this


    What the ….

    kids should not be learning about plastic surgery - its clearly a way for the doctors to get more people to want it when they are older…. advertising to kids is wrong!

    Mothers dont need this kind of pressure - WE BUY INTO CRAP LIKE THIS AND ITS ONLY BECAUSE OF STUPID ADVERTISING LIKE THIS, saying that we need to be a certain way, a quick fix wont help solve the problem - bet the book doesnt go into how a person feels.
    Go out to the park and have fun with your kids, WHERE YOU SHOULDNT CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, it's the having fun that counts!
    and by that picture the mommy doesnt look beautiful, looks like a stepford wife - BORING! Looks like a slapper trying to look like shes a teenager! and clearly not even looking at her kid, just showing off - kids really take stuff like this in…
    think a kid would rather have a loving caring mam than a "good looking" one anyday…

    Why do you have to be thin to be beautiful - we need MORE books like that!!!! - this book will not sell to many - just those obsessed with themselves!
    to give it to a kid - at any age - i think is MEGA wrong!

  69. Nina says – reply to this


    I weep for humanity. Not really, we deserve what we get. We ARE that retarded and dumb. People who get plastic surgery and who haven't been in horrible disfiguring accidents are PLASTIC FREAKS and they destroy their kids' future lives and sanity and self-esteem by pulling such shit. Think of someone else but yourselves you morons!

  70. hfn says – reply to this


    i don't have any plastic surgery. i hear women who want plastic surgery confused about how to address it with their kids. some won't get it cause they don't want to give their kids a bad body image right from the get go. does not sound like this book will fill that gap. if these women are already putting off the "major surgery so mommy looks prettier" how would this help at all?

  71. Freaks Out the Kiddies says – reply to this


    Doesn't matter if there's a book or not. I know someone who had lipo and tummy tuck and her pre-teen daughter was/is horrified by the whole process. Geez, I can't imagine what that child must have been thinking?? This was told to us by the woman's husband/child's father! Even he thought the surgery was ridiculous. It sends messages that the body Mommy was given wasn't good enough. Great thoughts for the pre-teen daughter who will probably grapple with issues of weight and body image at that tender age…and she is a beautiful little girl. Hopefully, seeing her mom like this will influence her in a way that she will never want to do this to herself.

  72. Candy says – reply to this


    EWW…Anyone who buys this book and reads to their child is really fucked up.

  73. Big Al says – reply to this


    Why do married women care if they are attractive to all men at all times? I am so thankful for my husband who likes my "flawed" post-baby body. I might have stretch marks under my belly button, but I would not trade my life with my awesome kids for a taut tummy. I mean it is not like I walk around without pants on so the whole world can see. To think that people would risk their lives over stupid vanity is insane. When my girlfriends have had "work" done I can't help but think "What is going to happen to your kids if you die during a boob job?" That will really show them how important they are to you. Make me sick!

  74. Pi}{ie says – reply to this


    Why the hell cant women loose weight naturally, and age gracefully? If you eat right and excercise it wont matter how many kids you have you'll still fit into your old clothes! I'm a mom, I'm 2 sizes smaller than before my kid. I work out, I work full time, I go to school full time, and I'm divorced. I hate lazy women who blame pregnancy for how fat they are, its not your child's fault its yours! Stop eating McDonalds, and sitting on your A$$ and go to the gym and eat a salad!

  75. Obsessed says – reply to this


    Pretty fucking genius !!! all he needs is the Oprah seal of approval and he's set

  76. Catie says – reply to this


    What kind of sick shit is this??? OMG.
    What happened to "Everybody Poops"???

  77. jbonz says – reply to this


    Gotta catch 'em when they're young!
    This vile piece of shit is nothing more than an attempt to condition children to think of plastic surgery as a normal, routine and inevitable part of growing up.
    The cigarette companies did the same thing until the law forced them to back off.

  78. jbonz says – reply to this


    Oh boy! Now I don't have to hate my Mommy for being ugly anymore - thank you Dr Frankenstein!!

  79. FuckAmerica says – reply to this


    There is something deeply, deeply wrong with this country.

    That's why I'm moving to France (if they'll have me!)

  80. LN says – reply to this


    This is a good way to kill children's positive self image earlier and show them that any "imperfection" can be fixed with simple surgery. How Sad.

  81. P Doodle says – reply to this



  82. Simon says – reply to this


    After reading most of these posts I realized that this book might be just right. All people talk about is "self love" and "love yourself as you are". But guess what people! That is hard to do when you are overweight and can't get a grip. What's so wrong about plastic surgery? This book is just a tool to explain a child something society deals with everyday… Duh!
    Get over it! I applaud Dr. Salzhauer for having the balls to touch a subject many are afraid of.

  83. mommya says – reply to this


    Re: Roger
    Please reconsider your feelings about plastic surgery after you become a middle aged woman who has a gross looking belly from having had two c-sections, and sagging breasts from breast feeding. Moms just want to feel halfway pretty again, for themselves mostly but for their husbands too. Most moms don't want to look loke porn stars - just like their former selves. Nothing wrong with that. Their men are probably admiring young firm women - it is natural. A wife wants to feel like her husband still admires her too.
    Sorry if this is too serious for this board.

  84. suebee says – reply to this


    Seriously…what is Asslee going to do when he baby pops out with her big old honker of a nose??!!

  85. lisa says – reply to this


    should we get a copy for Heather's kids????

  86. down with Hudgens says – reply to this


    Not only is it…i'm sure..going to be poorly written. But the subject matter? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? this isn't to help anyone but his business!! PLUS it is going to give more children poor body images. If they feel like there parents don't like the way they look..how will they like the way they look? This is why not everyone should write. I'm sure on the inside of the book is his works number and address as well as operation hours.

    i'm so disgusted!

  87. Michele says – reply to this


    What the F has America come to…?

  88. sherry says – reply to this


    where was this book 5 years ago

  89. wow says – reply to this


    Re: GiGi – you should concentrate more on counting than being witty… theres 2 people in the picture, and a teddy bear. where on earth would you get the number 3 from?

  90. Sarah says – reply to this


    Wow, this is really sad and lame. "My Beautiful Mommy"…? I think my mom is beautiful the way she is.

  91. pepper says – reply to this


    Re: First – I think that when they put first it means this is the first time they heard this news or read about it……not saying oh I was first to read this before anyone else.

  92. sz says – reply to this


    what the F**K is wrong with people!!!

  93. Emma! says – reply to this


    What on earth is wrong with people today?