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In Celebration Of Mariah's Wedding
The legendary Jackie Beat has done a parody of Mimi's Touch My Body called "Retouch My Body."
It's an instant classic!
Enjoy (lyrics and song below).
Jackie Beat, still young and sweet!
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah…
You know I’m gettin’ older
And I’ve gained some weight, too
In my imagination I am just 22
I’m way too busy to do Jenny, Weight Watchers, too
The fast food is to blame, cholesterol’s through the roof
If there's a camera up in here that’s takin’ photographs of me
Then it’s true, that you
Must sign this confidentiality agreement right here
tellin’ you, what to do
'Cause if you run the pics you got without the use of PhotoShop
I will hunt you down
'Cause baby this is show business, nobody wants the truth
Don’t even try it, this is my diet
Retouch my body
Stretch me some more
Take off sixty pounds
Then take off ten more
Retouch my body
Re-size my head
Clean up my skin
Please tone down the red
Retouch my body
Lipo my thighs
With your computer mouse
I’m as big as a house
Retouch my body
Remove every curve
I’m goin’ to the mall to get a soft serve
Give me a tiny waist because I eat like a slob
Remove a chin or two and how’s about a nose job?
Erase under my eyes where it is wrinkled and dark
Your resume says that you worked on Jurrasic Park
If there's a camera up in here that’s takin’ photographs of me
Then it’s true, that you
Must sign this confidentiality agreement in blood
or else you, will get sued
Cuz if I end up on Perez, Hilton lookin’ like a lez
I will hunt you down
'Cause baby this is show business, nobody wants the truth
Don’t even try it, this is my diet
Retouch my body
Don’t wanna look tragic
So call In-dustrial
Light & Magic
Retouch my body
Make me look lean
Like fat-ass Oprah
on O Magazine
Retouch my body
Even out my tits
And make sure that this haute couture size 2 fits
Retouch my body
Blur it some more
Come on and give me what I’m payin’ you for
Retouch my body
I just want some gummi bears, I refuse to take the stairs
Make me fuckin’ young and sweet
Get rid of my celluleet
I don’t want no photo, boy
I want an oil painting
Retouch my body
Retouch my body
Don’t cause any trouble
I am in denial
Don’t ya’ burst my bubble
Retouch my body
Just look at Madonna
In real life she looks like
An ancient iguana
Retouch my body
And if you can of course
Try to make me look
Like less of a horse
Retouch my body
I’ve no other choice
I only wish you could retouch my voice
Retouch my fuckin' body!
Tune In!!!!!
More Confirmations!!!!!!!!
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Re: Elyse –
contrary to some beliefs, a song is not what transforms someone into an anorexic/bulimic. nicole and vicky b are insecure idiots, and that's why they punish their bodies to look how they think they should. "the song made me do it"? please. there's this thing called free will, and the ability to not be brainwashed.
this song is hilarious!
hahahahahaha soooooo fuckin funny!!!!!!! …..but the doorbells in the song kept screwing with my head! i kept pausing the song!!!
OMG I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!!
it was wonderful and hilarious and i agree…an instant classic!
perez only loves it bc he got a shoutot
Fucking Brazilliant! I hate Mariah's diva fat ass!
BRILLIANT!!!
omg that is hilarious!
OMG that was fucking hilarious it goes perfectly with the music. someone give that star an award, the best piece of writing ive read all year. Aside from u Perez! Delish
This song just keeps giving!!! So funny.
I LOVE THIS FUCKING SONG!!!!
HA!HA! I LOVE IT! SO TRUE!
OMG that was fucking amazing!!!!!
BRILLIANT!
love it love it love it
It's dripping down my leg and I can't make it stop! The GummyBears are the best!
Have to admit, I love Mariah…but this parody is fucking great
OK, that was 100 times better than the original… and so true it's hilarious.
JUst look at MADONNA ancient IGUANA!! its true. FIERCE
Wow! Love It. So Much Better Than Th Original And Its So True!!
I freakin' love it!!! That song is actually done quite well and Jackie Beat has a great voice! Too funny!
This is freakin awesome! LOL Love it!!!
love it - a classic!
This is a hit!!! It's hilarious!!! Love it!!
that is hilarious
LOVE IT
haha this is so fuckin funny
That's just wrong! lol
I love it!
Hillarious!
laugh out loud!
That is Great!!!! I love it!!!!
i like this one more…
FUCKIN GREAT! THEY SHOULD SO PLAY THAT ON THE RADIO INSTEAD!
and its even better cus its all true!
this is the funniest shit ever and he sound better than her. the lyrics are right on point thanx perez.
this is so unbelievable!! I love it. I hardly click on these and listen to the WHOLE thing, but wow, I'm impressed. very clever.
That was amazing.
freaking awsome
OMG… this is Hilarious!!!! I love this version of Touch my body… love it!!!!
HILARIOUS!!!
LOL too fucking funny. When Mariah gets tired of being on that lame diet, she will gain it all back. The lyrics really do fit her ugly whore ass.
No offense but how is this dude gonna make fun of Mariah??? I mean come on now… LOOK AT HIM!!! Besides, the making fun of Mariah's weight thing was old even when it was the new thing. Even at her heaviest weight she still looked good… MUCH better than this hot mess FOR REAL FOR REAL. And now look at her… so hot she's pullin in boys 12 years younger than her!! And she's been doin it for years!!! I bet Jackie Beat wishes he could get dudes like that!!! Hey Jackie, HATING HER WONT MAKE YOU PRETTY!!!
Way to Funny, because its so true!!! I like it way better than Mimi's.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Instant classic!!!
This is trash! Mariah is beautiful and that "thang" that is singing this song clearly is not! I say anybody laughing to this crap is sad…with so many more important issues going on in the world, this "thang" is contributing to the problems instead of making solutions…everything is a joke to some people, whatever. And I don't hate drag queens (just tired ones with no talent). A six year old could have made this garbage. By the way, shouts out to my man Joe Joe, and my other man June Bug…Mimi you are diva divine!
That is AWESOME!
that song is hilarious!
HILARIOUS! And true for 98% of Hollywood. LMAO!!!
Haha thanks Perez that made my day.
hahaha…that is great. i like this one better than the other one…i can actually listen to this one without getting a headache. lol!
classic:D
LOVES!
OK that is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. LMAO this needs to be on iTunes so I can download it.
genius. no complaints. love it!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
IM FUCKING LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS FUCKING OFF !!!!!!!!
SO FUCKING BRILLIANT , SO FUCKING TRUE
How can I put this on my myspace!!!!!!
HILARIOUS!
hehehe the best eva:p
Oh.My.God. This was hysterical, hysterical. I am so making this my myspace song!!!
That was great! I've heard of Jackie Beat but never heard any of her work. It was so awesome. More please!
SUPERB
hahahahahahaha!
LOVE IT!
Soooooooooo Great!!!!! WOW!
HAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS TOO GOOD!
Hil-fuckin-arious!
lmao!!!!!!! that is fucking fantastic ! we all know mariah is really a man ! thank you perez!
Retouch my body
Don’t wanna look tragic
So call In-dustrial
Light & Magic
F*cking brilliant.
LMFAO
this is just wrong. this is what makes people have eating disorders, assholes like this with anxiety issues. he/she doesnt even know what it is? i am not a mariah fan, but this is beyond cruel. if you wanna make fun of someone ugly and disgusting make fun of yourself "jackie beat". who the hell are you anyway? get a clue, a better weave and drop 40lbs. if this is who sings this song they are bloated worse than lindsay lohan. can we say coke bloat? disgusting.
Better than the original!~!~!~!
LMAO
2 words…LOVE IT!!!
oh this is hilarious!!!..
Ha! That was great!
Listen to this, it is hilarious
That is truly mean spirited and only a little bit funny. What's wrong with aging a little, or being imperfect physically. Wait till it happens to you sista!
I think Jackie Beat is referring to her own self, not Mariah, in this song. Retouch My (Jackie Beat's) Body. Right?
This fucking sucks and is stupid.
I saw Mariah in person just last week and she's TINY and looks HOTT!!!!!
the best song ever ! mariah is such a cow, and its true in her imagination she is the most beautiful woman alive, in her imagination only ! must be the prescription for crazyness she takes
i can make fun of mariah carey all day long!!! she is a fucking cow , i sent this to all my friends all over the wrold, im still laughing hehehehehehehehe, mariah kill yourself you out of reality kill urself killl yourself fat cow. i will continiu laughing hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehahahahahahahahaahaahheheheehehehehehehehehhahahahahahahahaah mariah die pls , madonna u r inmortal.
i want mariah to die, can somone kill her ? pls im not from the states, and protect the amazing real queen madonna. kill mariah carey pls
great song but she should look at herself!
lOve it!
OMG that was so funny!! I thought it was real good! I think she should also make a parody of Madonna's 4 min and have P-nasty do the Justin Timberlake part!!! No cres perez??? That would be a good one too!!!
FUCKING AMAZINGGGGGGGG
OMG it's SO fucking hilarious- I'm emailing it to all my friends
OHMIGOD, I SO FUCKIN LOVE THE JACKIE BEAT THAT IS, HER VERSION IS A LOT BETTER THAN MARIAH'S, WAS SINGIN' ALONG TOO. JACKIE IS REALLY GOOD, I HAVE ALL OF HER 3 CD'S AND THEY'RE HILARIOUS, I JUST LOVES IT.
that is the best!!!!
TTF! I loved it!
Well first of all this tranny making up the song is a hot mess but this song is halarious!!! I love Mariah but it is really funny!!!!
Thats so funny!!
Hilarious!!
fucking hilarious and true! love it thanks for sharing perez!
I love this! I love Jackie Beat and Dirty Sanchez,so smart and so right-on!
Love it! have to admit though i like mariah's version as well!
vair vair amusant!
THIS STUPID SONG IS A JOKE. YOU LOOK LIKE A CLOWN YOU STUPID BITCH. YOU WISH YOU LOOKED LOOK MARIAH.
that was great!
Some of you are idiots. It's a parody of the song (like Weird Al, but with talent). NOWHERE in the song does Jackie say that MARIAH is fat. The song is about "Jackie Beat, still young and sweet!"–if Jackie wants to say that she, Jackie Beat, is fat and needs her photos retouched to look fabulous, there's nothing wrong with that. Furthermore, it's a commentary on OUR cultural obsession with being thin and young–not on Mariah, specifically. There's no excuse for being simple, bitches.
i wish i could download this
this is perfection
i must commend u.
That is Fing AWESOME!!!!!! So GREAT!!!!
LMAO!!! That is funny as HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i thought it was fuuny and 95% true
SO FUNNY!
Hahahah…fuckin lurv it!