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In Celebration Of Mariah's Wedding
The legendary Jackie Beat has done a parody of Mimi's Touch My Body called "Retouch My Body."
It's an instant classic!
Enjoy (lyrics and song below).
Jackie Beat, still young and sweet!
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah…
You know I’m gettin’ older
And I’ve gained some weight, too
In my imagination I am just 22
I’m way too busy to do Jenny, Weight Watchers, too
The fast food is to blame, cholesterol’s through the roof
If there's a camera up in here that’s takin’ photographs of me
Then it’s true, that you
Must sign this confidentiality agreement right here
tellin’ you, what to do
'Cause if you run the pics you got without the use of PhotoShop
I will hunt you down
'Cause baby this is show business, nobody wants the truth
Don’t even try it, this is my diet
Retouch my body
Stretch me some more
Take off sixty pounds
Then take off ten more
Retouch my body
Re-size my head
Clean up my skin
Please tone down the red
Retouch my body
Lipo my thighs
With your computer mouse
I’m as big as a house
Retouch my body
Remove every curve
I’m goin’ to the mall to get a soft serve
Give me a tiny waist because I eat like a slob
Remove a chin or two and how’s about a nose job?
Erase under my eyes where it is wrinkled and dark
Your resume says that you worked on Jurrasic Park
If there's a camera up in here that’s takin’ photographs of me
Then it’s true, that you
Must sign this confidentiality agreement in blood
or else you, will get sued
Cuz if I end up on Perez, Hilton lookin’ like a lez
I will hunt you down
'Cause baby this is show business, nobody wants the truth
Don’t even try it, this is my diet
Retouch my body
Don’t wanna look tragic
So call In-dustrial
Light & Magic
Retouch my body
Make me look lean
Like fat-ass Oprah
on O Magazine
Retouch my body
Even out my tits
And make sure that this haute couture size 2 fits
Retouch my body
Blur it some more
Come on and give me what I’m payin’ you for
Retouch my body
I just want some gummi bears, I refuse to take the stairs
Make me fuckin’ young and sweet
Get rid of my celluleet
I don’t want no photo, boy
I want an oil painting
Retouch my body
Retouch my body
Don’t cause any trouble
I am in denial
Don’t ya’ burst my bubble
Retouch my body
Just look at Madonna
In real life she looks like
An ancient iguana
Retouch my body
And if you can of course
Try to make me look
Like less of a horse
Retouch my body
I’ve no other choice
I only wish you could retouch my voice
Retouch my fuckin' body!
Tune In!!!!!
More Confirmations!!!!!!!!
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celluleet!!!!
mariah has an amazing body, but this is fucking hilariousss
HILARIOUS!
Mariah sucks.
Thats hilarious. and so true. Couldn't have been any better! haha
Classless
I like Mariahs music and this was absolutely hilarious!! Mariah is still the shit and knows it! Madonna needs to pack it up with her fake ass! I don't know why Perez is comparing the two!
Gotta love Miz Jackie!
Re: this is real folks – Look, you jackass:
Maybe Mariah it's #1 in the US, and she may sell twice.. but thats it!!
MADONNA IS #1 IN THE WHOLE WORLD… EARTH HEARTS MADONNA AND VOMIT ON MARIAH!!
Madonna's the Shit EVERYWHERE!!
LOL!!! This is tooo funny!!! Better than the original one…LOVE IT!!
that is great amazing
Re: Charlie –
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
maybe 30 yearz ago
zhe waz #1 everywhere, but
not now…zhe didn't win
anything at our awardz zhow!!!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
the new queen iz::: Mizz Amy Whinehouze
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Madonna..get over yourzelf..if u hadn't picked
zzzzzzzzzz gay Juztin for y'r zong..no one would buy it zzzzzzzzzzz
and u of courze knew that..however..my sister luvz that song…
but that doezn't make u the Queen…
that shit iz over for U…can't U
b happy with y'r kidzzzzzzz???? of courze not..they r boring.for U..
obama
iz the
weakezt nominee I ever saw in my entire life…what a shame…
debate ..u idiot…do u have a clue what thiz makez u look like/?
hillary is the next prezident….
Omg………even retouching can't make Mariah attractive. That face is a nightmare. And I love the thought of retouching her voice. Am I the only person that has a difficult time understanding what she says?
Jackie Beat is amazing….I love this!
Brilliant! Much Much Better than the original.
i just shit myself laughing…gross.
That Was FuNnY
rotfl THIS IS AMAZING! LOL!
REGARDS FROM BRAZIL, PEREZ. YOU ARE GREAT (L)
omg i love this song! it has mademe laff
OMG.. that song is hilarious!!!!
PEREZ!!!!!! I TOTALLY LOVE YOUUUU. YOUR SO HOT .. TOO BAD YOUR GAY! HAHAHA. AND THIS SONG IS AWESOME!!!!!!!
Very very funny!!!!!
I LOVE it!!!
Soooo freakin' funny!!!
tHATS tERRIBLE!
lmfao love it
ahahahahha
sooo funnnyy
classsic man
that was BRILLIANT!!!!!
Hahaha I love Mariah Carey, but I love this song too! That was hilarious!
lmfa0…this is s0 funny
LUVVVVVVVVZV IT!
WOW FUCKING AWSOME THAT WAS SOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!
OMG, where can I download this song? I will pay for this even? C'mon Perez, share the goodies!
This song is fucking funny!!!
Its the best its just so Right!
Moomoo sucks the Big fat fucking Skanky Bag she is a fucking HASBEEN
hahaa so truee
brilliant! and I want to say that I have met Jackie a few times, in and out of makeup and he was very friendly and extremely funny.
hope this makes here a thousand-aire
HAHAHA
That's great!
this is one of the most brilliant things I've ever heard…thanks for turning people onto it. running people to myspace like this is helping change myspace from a skank-fest to more of a musical outlet, which is what it should be. Power to the people.
the one who wrote this is a GENIUS
BRILLIANT. This song needs to win a grammy!!!!
this is so funny.. jackie beat deserves an award
Re: Elyse – we heard you the first time
Fucking genius! We want Jackie Beat at our wedding. Fuck butterfly girl.
Priceless and hilarious!!!
RETOUCH RETOUCH RETOUCH RETOUCH RETOUCH! MY BODY! wow! my new myspace song!
This is hilarious, and very clever…but seriously, Mariah is no where near fat. The woman is too thin if anything. It's stuff like this that makes women almost kill themselves with eating disorders. How often do you hear about men being fat? Seriously…give us a break. Mariah is beautiful and has an awesome body, fake or not, it's awesome.
Madonna on the other hand does look like an ancient iguana, HAHA!
that was siccc…I think thats the song real lyrics..okkk..ja ja ja
baby got laughs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SHE SOUNDS FUCKING HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
–MADONNA"S ALBUM IS DROPPING LIKE A STONE.
–MADONNA SOLD NOT EVEN HALF OF MARIAH"S ALBUM SALE!! (That Hurts)
–MADONNA"S WEBSITE is Posting THAT HER "4 MINUTES" SINGLE IS #1 (it's a LIE it never reaches the #1 spot! WHATTA SHAME)
–MADONNA USES "CONTROVERSY", and "OTHER BIG ARTISTS" to lift her career!!! WANT PROOF? ( Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are few from the other)
–MADONNA is paying PEREZ HILTON for her publicity
FUCK YOU MADONNA!!! RETIRE!!! ITS ONLY FIRST WEEK OF YOUR ALBUM AND ITS FLOP ALREADY!!! DIE BITCH!!!!
LMFAO!!! This shit is classic!!!
Yup!! definately a classic.. it's better than the original!! he's a genious!!
Hilarious!
lmaO tiz is maddd haha! =]=]xxx
that was hilarious but I still love my girl.
SUCH IGNORANTSSSS
FUCK PEREZ AND MADONNA!
SUCH IGNORANTSSSS
FUCK PEREZ AND MADONNA!
SUCH IGNORANTSSSS
FUCK PEREZ AND MADONNA!
SUCH IGNORANTSSSS
FUCK PEREZ AND MADONNA!
SUCH IGNORANTSSSS
FUCK PEREZ AND MADONNA!
SUCH IGNORANTSSSS
FUCK PEREZ AND MADONNA!
SUCH IGNORANTSSSS
FUCK PEREZ AND MADONNA!
SUCH IGNORANTSSSS
FUCK PEREZ AND MADONNA!
MHUAHAUAHAUAHAUAHUAAHUAHAUAHAUAHUAHUAHAUAHAUAHUA
AMAZING!!!
serves whoriah right! so funny!!!
hilarious!
i wish i could download this so i can listen to it on my ipod
j'adoooooooooooooore !
haha…nice
Mariah tem muito pra ser retocado, haushauhsuahsuahs!!!
NICE
fucking awesome!!
genius.
Why is it cruel, it aint as if its actually aimed at Mariah calling her fat is it?
I love it, its soo funny! Need more songs like this!
Oh, man that's great!
Love the Madonna "ancient iguana" comment!
FABULOUS!
What a fabulous song, I was on the floor, laughing me arse off! Fabulous Darhlink….
That was EXCELLENT!!!
that is so hilarious!!!!!!1
LMFAOOO TOO FUNNY
i ♥ jackie !!
great
Madonna the Ancient Iguana. An immediate classic. Get it remixed and it will blow away the clubscene!!
THis was awesome
That was hilarious! lol. :]
that song was hilarious. mariah's not so big any more, but the part about making her head smaller and working on "Jurassic Park" is funny. the best lines are "Just look at Madonna. In real life she looks like An ancient iguana" lol!
RETOUCHED MY BODY……. IS A HIT!!!!!
RETOUCHED MY BODY …………IS A HIT!!!!!!
RETOUCHED MY BODY ………………..IS A HIT!!!!!!
RETOUCHED MY BODY……………………… IS A HIT!!!!!
RETOUCHED MY BODY…………………………….. IS A HIT!!!!!!!!!
Retouch my body
And if you can of course
Try to make me look
Like less of a horse
Retouch my body
I’ve no other choice
I only wish you could retouch my voice!!!!!!
Very true!!!!!!!…….LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
I LOVE Jackie Beat! But please, he is a HE not a SHE. Get it right!
I've never really been a hater or lover of Mariah, but, this was classic! LOVEDD IT TILL THE ENDD.
The song is funny and real thought out but mariah is looking and feelin like ah million bucks all i can say shorty is ah 10 ah 10 real good look 4 ya nick.
OMG WOW! I love it. I personally hate Mariah. She's s f****** fake these days.
If You want to see Jackie Beat in person, She will be at Guava Lamp in Houston, TX on Friday, May 9th!!!! Come for the party and the fun!
Dayyyum this shit is bangin'
Hilarious!
HILARIOUS!
ha-ha… i'm a MASSIVE Mariah fan and i don't think people shoudl take offense to this! it's a joke… i'm sure Mimi would laugh… it's not directed at her coz obviously she is looking fantastic these days sooo everyone just laugh it off i mean it is pretty genius hahahahahhahaha
J A C K I E BEAST, IS MY TRANNY MAMMY.
SHE IS RETOUCHED TO RETARDED FILTH!
LIKE DAUGHTWHORE, LIKE MAMWHORE….
BLESS HER BEHEMOTH H E A R T!
C.A. (HO)
LOVES IT!!!!
lawak gilaaa ehhh. hahahahahahahhaa..
So sad, but so true. Simply hilarious.
still waiting patiently 4 obama 2 debate hillary
what is he afraid of? Al Sharpton would do it…
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
obama needz to do zome growing up….
he said this morning on NBC..that he will
send in more troopz…do we really need
more troopz in Iraq???we need them home
NOW.BITCHEZZZZ VOTE HILLARY..WITHIN
60 DAYZ OF HER IN OFFICE..THE TROOPZ
WILL START COMING HOME….
thats hilariouss=]]
lol
OMG mariah is sooo thin rite now!! perez y cant u just be happy 4 her!! Every1 knows madonna is defo paying u!!!!
Omg!!!!! !PEREZ! Ur a fuckin da lyrics 2 da song was…LMAO FUNNY- I like dis version of da song way better…
UR A M_FUCKIN !!!!GENIUS!!!! Luv dis song… IT LOL.FUNNY!!!!!!! Haaaaaaaa!
d6zs87k4l0kxtrqz 16×16l7ee0p8 qiqiina2p
THIS IS SOOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL!!!!
uj3opkd5yh4r7fhyu wmfp7t25gl8jjcg1 cu8jjfmf98w7wl
HAHA this is great
i just want some gummy bears i dont wanna take the stairs funny as hell
Only a deaf person could not appreciate this song!
hahaha! hi-lare-ree-US!