This Is Not A Joke

Filed under: Etc.

In 2012, Germany will be the home to a bible-themed theme park.

The biblical Disneyland will group some 40 attractions over an area the size of 70 football fields encompassing all areas of the Christian story, according to reports.

The centerpiece will be an "original size" Noah's Ark, which is 490 feet long and surrounded by water.

Glad God was able to channel down the exact dimension's of Noah's Ark to the park's architects!

Other attractions will include two roller coasters — one giving an idea of the Great Flood and another on the theme of heaven and hell — a miniature version of Biblical-era Israel and a Roman amphitheater.

It's all sounds so Old Testament.

In the New Testament section they should totally have a ride called "What Would Jesus Do?"!

Posted: Jun 6, 2008 at 5:00 pm / Email this »

See All 322 Comments

322 comments to “This Is Not A Joke”

More comments: [1] 2 3 4 »

shsh says – reply to this

1

hey
truTHt says – reply to this

2

theres already a bible theme park in florida…
ItsMe says – reply to this

3

That was an episode of Simpsons.
shshs says – reply to this

4

thats kinda cool. not bias at all …
julie says – reply to this

5

first!!
duh says – reply to this

6

Uh, Perez, the dimension are in the Bible
Keith says – reply to this

7

UMM Perez, there is already a biblical theme park in Orlando FLorida, this isnt nothing new!!
cammy says – reply to this

8

there are plans for a bible park in tennessee too.
hhjg says – reply to this

9

first
Cathol says – reply to this

10

Perez, the exct dimensions of noahs ark are listed in the bible. Hahaha four years of catholic religion taught me that. Its listed as cubits but one cubit is so many feet
Jessic says – reply to this

11

Primera en Español!!!
Creo que es una buena idea yo lo disfrutaria mucho , si es que alguna vez me dan la visa para Alemania lo cual es imposible con las nuevas leyes de migracion.
debra says – reply to this

12

first?

And the dimmensions are in the bible. Strange but true!
The D says – reply to this

13

AWESOME! AND ON THEIR "HELL" RIDE, THEY SHOULD BURN REAL FAGS AND CHILD MOLESTERS!
Meliss says – reply to this

14

I'd go! Sounds neat. The Roman ampitheater would be New Testament
burrit says – reply to this

15

perezito.. the dimensions of the arc are in the bible dork face…. go read it sometime
Ummm says – reply to this

16

Your side comments makes you sound………extremely ignorant
jonah says – reply to this

17

hi shsh, wanna do it???
jess says – reply to this

18

Actually, the dimensions of the ark are in the bible. So they could build it to a reasonably close size.
kather says – reply to this

19

Perez … Are you TRYING for a one way ticket to hell? I mean really make fun of celebs being stupid, fine. But the Bible? Come on!
Rosi says – reply to this

20

The exact dimensions of Noah's arc are in the Bible. God was very specific.
Kelste says – reply to this

21

The Heaven and Hell part is so wrong
KG says – reply to this

22

Should be called "What WOULDN'T Jesus do!?" and it'd be an extreme thrill ride.
Kel says – reply to this

23

Read the bible idiot and it has the dimensions in it.
anapaula< says – reply to this

24

SECOND!!!
Cris says – reply to this

25

uh, they already have Holy Land. It's located here in Orlando. So, this isn't really news or new.
Jebus says – reply to this

26

Get the hell outta here, no shit?
Meg says – reply to this

27

Perez you dumbass, it give the dimensions of Noah's ark in the Bible.
love says – reply to this

28

OMG!! 1St!!!
Gina says – reply to this

29

What? This sounds like the Simpsons episode where Flanders builds the God theme park in memory of Maude. Ah!
kelzna says – reply to this

30

Actually, the ark's complete dimensions are in the bible. Every good atheist knows this, Perez!
actual says – reply to this

31

Perez…the exact dimensions are in the Torah/Bible. Historians have been able to use the conversions for a while. Maybe you should read it sometime.
Just sayin'.
Ryke says – reply to this

32

first
Em says – reply to this

33

FIRST

and that is freaking weird. a waste of energy? yes
neatoi says – reply to this

34

well i suppose it's something new to do…
Iheartfashion says – reply to this

35

most probably go on all the fare rides haha!
no pro says – reply to this

36

Umm no prob here with this!
Valeri says – reply to this

37

God didn't have to "channel down" dimensions of Noah's Ark, Perez. The dimensions are in the bible.
Julia says – reply to this

38

POST VIRGINITY
americ says – reply to this

39

Hey! God did channel the exact measurements PP it's in THE BIBLE!! Duh! Try reading it sometime, it does have some good stuff in it
Jacque says – reply to this

40

Ned Flanders already did this. HA!
Vivi says – reply to this

41

The Red Sea parting would be a great water ride!!
Cami says – reply to this

42

hahaha!! thats so retarded!! Freakin gay!!!! Lol, what would Jesus do!! So stupid!
Novel1 says – reply to this

43

You're so ignorant. The dimensions are in the book, you fool. I've never even read the damn thing and even **I** know that. Nearly every time you open your mouth, P, you sound like an idiot who doesn't even live here.
chrism says – reply to this

44

Sounds like that episode of the Simpsons - remember when Ned built the same type of theme park! Go Germany!
blah says – reply to this

45

first?

ksjfh
Minnie says – reply to this

46

duh, the exact measurements for the ark are in the bible
moe says – reply to this

47

are you serious? i dont know if its cool or not…
p says – reply to this

48

Perez I'm not religious but the bible gives the exact dimensions of the ark.
RabbiD says – reply to this

49

The WWJD attraction can be a carnival game!

Disneyland already has something like this—it's called FantasyLand!
Froggy says – reply to this

50

I suppose when the roller coaster flies off it's track into the crowd it will be all part of "God's plan".
duh says – reply to this

51

This already exists in Orlando, Fl. Right next to Disney. It's called Holy Land Experience.
hey ge says – reply to this

52

The exact dimesions of the Ark ARE in the Bible dumbass. The measurements were in cubits. Why don't you try fact finding before you open your mouth.
Cory says – reply to this

53

The dimensions are in the Bible. Read it some time.
otown says – reply to this

54

WE HAVE THE 'HOLY LAND' HERE IN ORLANDO. ME AND MY GAY LOVER DO IT THERE UNDERNEATH SOME BLEACHERS THEY HAVE. OH YEAH, GAY RELATIONS IN THE HOLY LAND.
Sasha says – reply to this

55

That last statement is one of the best things you ever said Perez. Unfortunately, people do not focus of Jesus' teachings sometimes, just the hellfire and damnation. So sad.
Animal says – reply to this

56

They ripped this idea off from the "Simpsons."
.
I wonder if they'll be installing the Maude Flanders hallucinogenic-gas spewing statue so tourists can get visions!
MCCLAI says – reply to this

57

Re: Cory – THE BEBLE IS FOR QUEERS
GAYZ says – reply to this

58

Re: Animal – OR FROM YOUR MOM
Stacey says – reply to this

59

I know you were cracking a joke, but the exact dimensions of the Ark ARE in the Bible. That's how they know.
kristi says – reply to this

60

i see a lot of christians read your website perez. i dont understand why they do. if you dont like it dont look at it. oh religious people how silly they are
Samant says – reply to this

61

Um… they're probably just using the size of the Ark given in Genesis… they didn't just make it up.
Aorlan says – reply to this

62

The same thing already exists in orlando. Go to www.theholylandexperience.com to check it out.
cv says – reply to this

63

Re: ItsMe – Yeah…..and everyone got stoned on gas!!
Lauren says – reply to this

64

Uh, the exact dimensions of the ark are in the bible. Not exactly weird to have them.
Tom Ch says – reply to this

65

What a waste of space! All based on fairy tales….
Nicole says – reply to this

66

Shit! Now I know the world is going to end soon for sure : (
Xtina72 says – reply to this

67

This is nothing new, they have one in Florida near Disney called "the Holyland Experience they have a "Jesus" who walks through the park (sort of liek a parade) on his way to being crucified.
jjacki says – reply to this

68

I think they're building one in Tennessee too.
otown says – reply to this

69

it's called holyland in orlando……….
AG says – reply to this

70

read about the flood and you will see the dimensions for the ark. i would assume that's how the architechts got the dimensions.
Georgi says – reply to this

71

You all need to leave Perez alone. From what I gather, it is making fun of how all these people are profiting off of God's word and yet somehow God is not getting any of it and I doubt the parks are going to share the wealth. Another "send a little money, there's a tax on Jesus" schemes!
kat says – reply to this

72

This sounds so stupid… AND SCARY?!

The world is going to end in 2012 anways— according to the Mayan Calendar— so maybe this is like— the final party?
mike says – reply to this

73

Reading the comments here proves that christians are hypocrites. You're not supposed to be reading a celebrity gossip site like this.
Florid says – reply to this

74

We already have one of these here in Orlando, called the "Holy Land Experience" and they've already filed for bankruptcy once… they can't make any money because NO ONE FUCKING CARES! And hello… this is the Theme Park Capital of the World… if people here aren't stupid enough to pay for this shit, what makes them think Europeans will. Do yourselves a favor and skip it.
pumpki says – reply to this

75

Perez, you just showed the world you don't know jack shit about the Bible. Even people who know very little about the Old Testament know the exact dimensions for the Ark are in Genesis.
DJ says – reply to this

76

Perez, you godless heathen sodomite (but we luv ya!)
The Ark's exact dimensions are in the book of Genesis…..read, darling!
Xtina72 says – reply to this

77

Re: mike –

I guess it s a good thing I'm not Christian eh?
anton says – reply to this

78

maybe they should do the 'sodom and gommorh' roller coster ride….where you go sit in a car and go deep into a shit hole - it would be so much fun cause children would learn the pleasures of anal sex in an educational yet in a non judgemental, non homophobic fashion.
Werewo says – reply to this

79

All the other theme parks are based on fantasy, why not this one?

It would be great if all the people who believe in god would take care of people in need instead of creating theme parks and enriching churches. How very christian of them.
jimkhm says – reply to this

80

FINALLY! SOmeone read the part of the bible that Jesus was a capitalist, and the way to heaven is through the "Holy Land Amusement Park." This in no way will dimenish spirituality, or cause any kind of grief with any other religions in the world. Maybe we should build one in Iraq too. Just think of all the food service jobs that would be created for all Iraqi's. They will give us roses, and chocolates just for getting them a job.
ayeshk says – reply to this

81

this sounds pretty neat, and i'm not christian lol
Jesus says – reply to this

82

And the best part to all this will be the added ability to baptize the masses lickity split on the "John the Baptist Holy Water Coaster" ride.
Fuck Y says – reply to this

83

Yeah let's mock the beliefs of others but insult anyone who doesn't agree with you beliefs. EQUALITY FOR EVERYONE remember? so shut the fuck up. they have as much right to trumpet their beliefs as you do yours.
Michel says – reply to this

84

Um, I hate to break this to you Perez, but the exact dimensions of the ark ARE ALREADY IN THE BIBLE. Try reading about it.
bibler says – reply to this

85

Perez, have you ever read the bible? You're comments are so demented. A Roman ampitheater would be new testament! I think it would be cool too, I would go!
evelyn says – reply to this

86

ay perezito. las dimensiones de la arca de noe están escritas exactamente en la Biblia.
Joe says – reply to this

87

The Bible gives the exact dimensions. Cubits and whatnot.
BC says – reply to this

88

Yeah they are kinda slow on that..here in Orlando we already have The HolyLand Experience.. a bible theme park and let me tell ya, it gets tons of business!
texasc says – reply to this

89

WWJD????? WTF…..I don't know if he would like holy rollers profiting off him.
David says – reply to this

90

Um, as a Catholic, I know - as many others do too - that the exact dimensions of the Ark are in the Bible.

Moron.
charli says – reply to this

91

Hey Perez…the Bible does tell you the exact size of the Ark..read the book before you comment next time
Jnell says – reply to this

92

Perez, you disapoint me! If the theme park is bible based then infact the archetects would know the exact diminsions of the ark. It is stated in the bible. Didnt they do this on the Simpsons? What was it called?
Me says – reply to this

93

"Glad God was able to channel down the exact dimension's of Noah's Ark to the park's architects!"

If you ever bothered to read the Bible you would know that the dimensions of the Ark are in it.
Clair says – reply to this

94

You know, they're trying to put one here in Middle Tennessee, too. So far, it's a no go though.
Peter says – reply to this

95

Re: Jesus –
hehehe good one, but seriously you gotta 86 these guys just like the money changers.
LG says – reply to this

96

The dimension's of the ark are in the Bible. If you'd read it, you'd know.
Dana N says – reply to this

97

Didn't the Mayans believe that the world would end in 2012? I guess this is why.

I would hate to be the kids that get dragged to this theme park…LOL you walk around the park and all the kids are sobbing and screaming, "NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO SIT ON NOAH'S ARK!"
lynnie says – reply to this

98

Um, if you did your research, you'd know that you CAN pin down the exact measurements of the ark. Do your homework!
Miss P says – reply to this

99

I threw up the last time I rode on Jacob's ladder. Urgh.
Bahama9 says – reply to this

100

It's a little quirky, but I'd go. If anything - just to check out their versions of heaven and hell! And actually, scientists have been able to figure out the exact dimensions of Noah's infamous Ark - according to the Bible, if, in fact, you believe in the Bible. Just sayin'…