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This Is Not a Joke

7/28/2008 4:25 PM ET | Filed under: Super Seniors • Wacky, Tacky & True • Legal Matters

nudeoregon.jpg

Police in Oregon have arrested a 74-year old NUDE sunbather, Donald Joseph Kenney (mugshot above), for assault.

According to Oregon State Police, the victim, a 45-year old southeast Portland man, told officers he accidently stumbled upon the nude beach on his inflatable raft with three girls and one boy, ages 7 – 10, when things went terribly wrong.

"Two small Chihuahua dogs ran from his raft onto the beach and continued about 100 yards toward the area of a nude male sunbather where the victim saw the man hitting the dogs with what appeared to be a stick," Hastings said.

"The nude suspect allegedly walked toward the victim and children then raised his arm up holding a can of mace. The victim backed up, causing him to trip and fall backwards, at which time the nude suspect struck the victim in the head, torso and right leg with what was later determined to be a collapsible baton."

Don't mess with seniors y'all!

They'll eff your shiz up!
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See All 89 Comments

89 comments to “This Is Not a Joke”

  1. bo0gg says – reply to this


    1

    1st

  2. joy says – reply to this


    2

    first



  3. 3

    hope the dogs are ok!



  4. 4

    God save us all.

  5. adria says – reply to this


    5

    wtf haha random

  6. M_McR says – reply to this


    6

    nasty

  7. b says – reply to this


    7

    probably NOT first!

  8. meme says – reply to this


    8

    that will be burned in my head all day… ew..

  9. Blanc says – reply to this


    9

    That is awesome! Old ppl are crazy!

  10. Ali says – reply to this


    10

    ew

  11. j says – reply to this


    11

    lawlz

  12. schno says – reply to this


    12

    second, third, fourth, fifth, eight, fifty third. fd.a dfanda

  13. peppe says – reply to this


    13

    Lucky for them he only used his stick..

  14. Dee says – reply to this


    14

    That guy is way older than 45. If he is 45, he should be staying out of the sun altogether.

  15. asdas says – reply to this


    15

    Geezus lol… what a sick old fuck. Can you imagine what the little kids were thinking? haha

  16. fuele says – reply to this


    16

    omg ben kenneys dad!

  17. hahah says – reply to this


    17

    Jesus Perez!!!!!! You need to hide yourself, that is the shittest cribs episode ever. Stick to blogging, you have no talent. I expected a lot better crib than a dull, hideous, tiny closet you call and apartment. And your MOM!!!, is that really your mom or your dad, I could not tell if that was a man or woman. You got the poor dude cleaning your apartment you pig. Being on crib was a big mistake. Now everyone knows how shitty your life is and why you are so mean to other people. No wonder you turned out gay, you think your DAD is your mom!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha

  18. p says – reply to this


    18

    fourht

  19. Kelly says – reply to this


    19

    Hey that looks like my gramps! Hey and they have the same name too!
    Wait…….
    GRAMPA?!?!?!?!? OH SHIT!

  20. fgh says – reply to this


    20

    whoaQ!

  21. dave says – reply to this


    21

    Fourth? Fifth? Yay!! WOohooooo Sixth!?! Seventh!??! Yay!!!

  22. britt says – reply to this


    22

    omg!! ewwwwwwwww!! what an ugly old dirty bastard! he should be shot! beating up a kid?! thats disguisting!

  23. micky says – reply to this


    23

    not first
    and could this BE more disturbing
    they should have kicked that old white naked bastard's ass!

  24. HAM says – reply to this


    24

    OMG How horriable! He did all that in front of those kidz? And he hit those dogz!? All this while in the nude?! WTF This why I hate ALL old people, I think we should start doing like they do on "Logan's Run"!

  25. bev says – reply to this


    25

    top ten

  26. yep says – reply to this


    26

    If he would have hit my dogs, I would have started socking him in the face and kicking him in his shrivled up dick non-stop…no joke.

  27. pina says – reply to this


    27

    ewwww



  28. 28

    I didnt know where you were going with this….little kids….little dogs….old naked men. Gross

  29. j. says – reply to this


    29

    first ?!?

  30. SPF says – reply to this


    30

    Ummmm….he should be using more sunscreen — ALL OVER!

  31. Asian says – reply to this


    31

    First! (:



  32. 32

    Crazy old necked coot.

  33. sarah says – reply to this


    33

    ewww 3rd!!!

  34. Teiga says – reply to this


    34

    First ^_^

  35. jane says – reply to this


    35

    1st!!

  36. KIM says – reply to this


    36

    EWWWW!!! That is nasty

  37. jenna says – reply to this


    37

    finally first!!!!!!!!

  38. bgw says – reply to this


    38

    obviously been wearing those goggles on the old cancer in a box machines!!! gotta love the white eyes!!!

  39. eh says – reply to this


    39

    hahahaha why was the old guy so hostile?

  40. balky says – reply to this


    40

    Good for him! I'm not for harming animals, but people let their stupid little dogs run all over the place and don't realize people don't want to be around them!!! the owner should've been more aware of what his dogs were doing and had them leashed before they got on land.
    Leave your dogs at home. I'm sick of seeing these little dogs in shopping malls, stores, restaurants, on the plane next to me. Little rats.

  41. britt says – reply to this


    41

    oops, i misread it, i thought it said he beat up a kid. but still i stand by my point its disgusting to beat up anyone unless its for a good reason(like if they're a rapist or murderer ect.)

  42. James says – reply to this


    42

    Just thing, this cook is only 3 years older than John McCain…………..

  43. stevi says – reply to this


    43

    Well atleast he had a nice tan for his mugshot.

  44. Joyce says – reply to this


    44

    Joy! You weren't first! You should know better….

  45. jen says – reply to this


    45

    shexy



  46. 46

    what an asshole

  47. joyce says – reply to this


    47

    First my foot!

  48. Dope says – reply to this


    48

    Actually, things started going wrong when he put 3 kids and 2 dogs plus himself into an inflatable raft in the Pacific Ocean.

    I hope thise kids had life vests on - doesn't sound like this story was ever going to have a happy ending even if the nude guy wasn't involved.

  49. eep says – reply to this


    49

    hahahah rotflmfao! thats funny lmao!

  50. billa says – reply to this


    50

    at least he has a killer tan for that mug shot.

  51. hop says – reply to this


    51

    Re: eh – arent all old white men hostile?

  52. Kel says – reply to this


    52

    First of all, he's 45, not elderly! He just looks 70 because he bathes in the sun (NUDE!) Second, He's creepy! Hopefully his balls aren't as burnt as his forhead!

  53. bitin says – reply to this


    53

    I understand you did the same thing…except you didn't have an inflateable raft!!!

  54. haha says – reply to this


    54

    does anyone else think he looks like mccain???

  55. ceec says – reply to this


    55

    Maybe the dogs tried to play fetch with his …….. Anyway, he was on a nude beach, so, be prepared for what you see. anyway, This man "stumbled' on to a nude beach? Please, the average person doesn't know which beaches are nude in their area? And yes, I love animals, but, I hate when people let their little dogs run all over expecting everyone to like them.

  56. malvo says – reply to this


    56

    …melanomalicious! he's just oozing with smarts…

  57. ! says – reply to this


    57

    This story made zero sense. Every other word victim and suspect I couldn't keep track of who is who. Did the kid mace and beat up the older guy or the other way around? Why is Perez saying seniors will F you up if it was the kid that maced and beat the older guy up? WTF who wrote this sh!t!!

  58. cobie says – reply to this


    58

    we love sunbathing nude in oregon! we're all about the freedom of everything.



  59. 59

    Re: Dee – Reading comprehension. Try it!



  60. 60

    Re: ceec – Reading comprehension. Try it!

  61. icanr says – reply to this


    61

    Dear lord, people, who taught you all to read?

    Time line:

    45-yr old takes four young children and two small dogs out on an inflatable raft (I assume in a bay, as you would be an absolute idiot to take that list of passengers out on the open ocean in an inflatable raft).

    45-yr old, four kids and tow small dogs "stumble " upon a nude beach.

    The two small dogs are allowed to run free on the beach, surprising a nude sunbather, 74-yrs old.

    Not unexpectedly, he is surprised and probably afraid when a strange man (the 45-yr old owner of the raft) comes running up to him after the dogs which are probably yelping and barking at the nude 74-yr old guy.

    The 45-yr old guy, is, of course, surprised to see a nude guy defending himself with the baton against his dogs.

    45-yr old guy, who is trying to get the dogs back to the boat and get the heck off of the nude beach (one really hopes) seems threatening to the equally surprised 74-yr old nude sunbather.

    In a comedy/tragedy of errors, both men think the other is threatening and the "assault" occurs when the 45-yr old slips and falls backwards. By this time the dogs and kids are probably going crazy, the older nude guy doesn't know what to think and probably assumes that these were people who were coming to harass folks at the nude beach (thus the police baton).

    This was just a very sad misunderstanding on everyone's part



  62. 62

    Goddamn you people are dumb.

    A 45-year-old man on a raft, accompanied by kids and dogs, had a run in with a crazy 70-year-old old naked man. The old man assaulted the 45-year-old.

    The fucking end.

  63. icanr says – reply to this


    63

    Oops. Looks like I can't spell all the time either. Mea culpa.

  64. Babs says – reply to this


    64

    That guy really looks like he ought to be sunbathing..geeezzzzzzzzz

  65. ptown says – reply to this


    65

    and of course he has to live in the same part of town i live in great!

  66. craic says – reply to this


    66

    Uhhhhh…this is a celebrity gossip story how, fatso zit face? Slow day, not enough 15 year olds to call slut or something?

  67. weird says – reply to this


    67

    i swear everyone in oregon is crazy!

  68. bigro says – reply to this


    68

    Unfortunately, I live here in this sesspool called Oregon and trust me, this place is filled with froot loops!!!!! Thank God I am leaving soon!!!!

  69. mk says – reply to this


    69

    stupid old fart

  70. Jade says – reply to this


    70

    what i'd like to know is where was the nude guy holding all this stuff?? lol

  71. G2kr says – reply to this


    71

    If thiey were MY chihuahua's, that old bastard would be looking for his dick that I cut off and threw in the freakin water………….he should be charged for child endangerment and cruelty to animals, ewwwwwwwwwwwww just picturing this old fuck naked……………..ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

  72. Heidi says – reply to this


    72

    that's what i hate about cock rock, there are some crazyass people there, and a bunch of old geezers - why did the victim want to take his kids to a beach that everyone knows is clothing optional ?

  73. ObJoe says – reply to this


    73

    He looks evil.
    He is the EVIL SUNBATHER!. Coming to a TV screen near you!



  74. 74

    Lolz.

  75. Nancy says – reply to this


    75

    I"ve read this 4 times and I'm an English major. If you wrote this Perez, you need to take a writing course because it makes absolutely no sense.

  76. bee says – reply to this


    76

    eww, dude looks orange. Some nature lover attacking chihuahuas. He looks demented.

  77. MUNCH says – reply to this


    77

    LETS START A PETITION TO ORDER ALL OLD PEOPLE BE BANISHED TO A KOUNTRY KITCHEN BUFFET SOMEWHERE IN THE DESERT FAR FAR AWAY WHERE THEY CANT BEAT OUR CHIHUAHUAS!



  78. 78

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz hang himzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  79. size0 says – reply to this


    79

    I hope he gets raped by a
    chihuahua and then a bear
    named PRez

  80. banjo says – reply to this


    80

    never under estimate the things that happen in oregon.
    stranger things have happened at the country fair.

  81. katie says – reply to this


    81

    what an asshole!

  82. lol says – reply to this


    82

    hahah i just noticed you always have articles featuring crazy people from oregon. I live here and we're not all a bunch of crazies! YOU SHOULD VISIT PORTLAND PEREZ..you'd have a huge fan following!

  83. Lala says – reply to this


    83

    Why was His raft that close to shore? I bet He was peaking at the Nudies! Creepy because he had Kids with him!!



  84. 84

    DON'T FORGET THE ANIMAL CRUELTY CHARGES!!!
    .

  85. portl says – reply to this


    85

    Re: Dope –
    He wasn't in the ocean, it was at Rooster Rock, which is on the Columbia River, a well known nude beach. Still no excuse for his behavior.

  86. ashle says – reply to this


    86

    That is scary as hell because my husband and i live in portland and go to that beach about 1 time a month. Geez!

  87. Samy says – reply to this


    87

    Re: Dope – This was not in the Pacific Ocean! It was part of an island in a river in Portland which is about 1 1/2 hours away from the Pacific Ocean. Portland borders the Columbia River and the Willamette River. Being on the river in a boat or a raft or whatever around here is a very common event–kids and dogs included!

    This guy, whom I never met as he always kept to himself, lives very near us. He always keeps his blinds drawn–seems like a loner. The local TV station showed up my door this a.m. looking for him to get his side of the story.

  88. Samy says – reply to this


    88

    Re: HAM – One day a lot of young people will be hating you, too, for being old–which will come a lot sooner than you think! The person we feel like inside when we are 18 feels no different at 45 or 65 or 80. If you don't work on your attitude (and gratitude) at 18 or 28 any other age, you will only become bitter and angry and end up yelling at little kids to get off your lawn when you are 74–or beating someone with a baton.

    Hating the hater solves nothing and only makes you as guilty as them. There is a better way and it starts with you and me attempting to understand one another and crossing the divide. We only hate and fear that which we don't understand.

    There are many "old people" who are making a huge difference in this world with their wisdom, love and experience. The same goes for many young people, too. We can be the change we wish to see in the world (Ghandi). But only if you choose to–or you can keep your hatred of old people and become that which you hate in the end.

  89. j says – reply to this


    89

    the guy in the picture is the 74 year old not the 45yr old, idiots