Pissing Off His Employers
Dane Cook hates the poster for his new movie, and he wants the world to know about it!
The actor just posted the following on his official blog:
"Dear Diary
Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, "My Best Friends Girl," is the best / funniest film I've done yet. It's got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It's a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.
That being said, let me address the fact that although I'm not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self promoting. I'd like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in.
Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:
1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with
3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.
2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina.
3. The Stare.
My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.
4. Lips:
It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!
5. Fashion:
My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It's going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I'm also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.
6. Flesh:
It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I've got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin' bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond's dolls would look at me and say "shit … that guys got flawless skin!"
7. Hair:
It's actually a close up shot of Tom Sellecks Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin'.
8. The set:
Pick one. This entire film takes place:
A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime
9. The cast:
Alec Baldwin is so fucking funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.
10. Final thoughts:
I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.
Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn't the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.
Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) click on the link at the top of this page.
PS - "Its funny what love can make you do." I just threw up all over this awful poster.
Wow, wait … it looks better.
Hey … I love my new movie. Jeez … it IS funny what love can make you do."
Naughty Disney Star Sued For Millions
Just Married!!!!!!
AM I FIRST??? LOL
Hes right! And Dane Cook is amazing!
If you are starring in the movie, I guess you should have some part in choosing the cover. Dane Cook is my hero and I cannot wait to see this movie.
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Shit, I have to agree with this joke thief. Title Treatment sucks too. We have some great designers in hollywood. This looks like something Texas would crap out.
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He makes some good points… Not that his employer wants to hear that but…
Screw the poster. I think Dane Cook should worry about the fact that probably nobody will pay to see some stupid romantic comedy. First, his last movie bombed. Second, Kate Hudson has a big hit since "Almost Famous". Third, rom-coms suck.
Ok, I'm not a huge Dane Cook In fact, I hear he's a diva and a sort of a dick. However, the poster really does suck and his little rant is kind of funny. Alec Baldwin should get a spot on the poster.
Lighten up Perez.
Dane Cook is so f#@%ing funny
dane cook sucks. i can't stand him. he is not funny in the least. if you want a real comedy see stepbrothers or really anything without dane cook.
Hahaha
I LOVE Dane Cook!! And although I agree about what he says, and it made me laugh, I kind of think he should have kept his beautiful porcelain mouth shut. His movies never do that great, so he's probably worried that the stupid poster is going to make a difference whether the movie is a success or not. If they were smart, they would've taken the stupid whore off and put Alek Baldwin there.
Why does my beautiful Dane always have to have slutty dumbasses as his costars?
It's almost as the print ad for "Bride of Chucky" and they look almost as good. This movie may put me on "Top Of The World", if I go to see it.
Sorry…sorry, but ah…nothing with that Kate Hudson dude in it can't be the "best" anything.
Narcassistic much Dane?????
Who is Dane Cook?
thats hilarious lol.. dane cook isnt an asshole.. then again who isnt an asshole in hollywood..
I LOVE DANE AND HE'S FRIGGIN FUNNY!
He's got a point, look at Kate Hudson's arm…
I have just a high school education and I can do better than that.
I believe I might watch this.
Hilarious. He's gonna be in so much shit. hahaha It does look like they took 3 random pictures and slapped them together though.
i have to agree with him and yeah he is funny as hell
He's got very valid points! Doesn't hurt he made them funny in his delivery. xD
Jesus, it's not THAT bad. A little boring, yes, but he needs to calm down.
He's hilarious! Just reading his blog makes me want to see the movie, which I otherwise wouldn't
why do ppl find this guy funny?
CUZ HES NOT
that is the funniest thing ever…and i totally agree with it all. I think the people behind this poster need to quit their day job!!
well, it does look like crap.
OMG Dane's being eaten by Kate Hudson's ginormous arm!
well, he's right!
Dude, get over yourself.
Dane Cook is a super Douche! He is NOT funny and is rather annoying.
LOL DONNIE HOYLE
"4. Lips:
It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!" Now that had me laughing!
I have to admit this blog posting is pretty hilarious..but I wouldn't see the movie anyway..he should just stick to being a comedian
i think he is just mad that the poster makes the movie look like a chick flick which in all honesty the movie probably is and he just doesnt want to admit it.
WOW ths guy is a RIOT!!!!! YEah he is funny. I am glad people say what they feel and write about it. Broke up my boring day.
Totally agree with his rant.. but I dont understand why he has to bring Britney into his complaining to illustrate a point about how he looks. Complain all you want about YOUR movie, YOUR poster, YOUR co-stars, whatever, just dont bring other people into it, Britney or otherwise.
everyone in the cast is hilarious. I LOVE alec in 30 rock! I cant wait to see the movie. With all of the action movies coming out, it's fun to see a new romantic comedy~ Dane is hilarious too.
Hey Dane, Your an Idiot !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why dont you steal some more material and act like its yours…………… What a bitch……..like the fact the picture is bad is going to act ticket sales………1st– DANE COOK CANT ACT!!!! 2nd— Kate Hudson cant act(name one movie she has done that wasnt a ROM-COM and last but not least 3rd—Jason Biggs, r u serious…..Dude should have went into TV instead of these lame movies and the American Pie/Band Camp/Shitty Movies…………
Oh, and BTW Doesnt this movie sound alot like That Dupree movie that Owen Wilson and Kate Slutson did a couple years ago………
Watch out Hollywood!!!!!!!!! Dane Cook no longer steals jokes……!!!!!! He has moved up in the world, he now steals others people's roles and others scripts………
Dane has a great sense of humor.
just goes to show, nothing is real in hollywood
haha, that IS funny. I wonder why actors have no say in how they are photoshopped. Thank goodness I gave up Hollywood when fame came knocking to be a stay at home mom
LOL! Awesome. If this movie is as funny as his post he might have a hit on his hands.
Re: Xandria – What she said!!
Alec Baldwin can't bring in ANY audience after that cellphone message he left his daughter — so why would they put the FAT FUCK's FACE on a poster? Don't have to be a Rocket Scientist to realize that one, Dane.
As for the poster matching the movie — uh, why was Doogie riding a unicorn to advertise Harold & Kumar 2??
dane cook isnt really that funny to me, kind of on the annoying side. but that little blog post was funny
OMG!! Dane Cook is so funny!!! He is so right!! The Magnum PI mustache on top of his head had me rolling!!!!!
Someone needs to get over himself and be grateful that he's even ON a poster.
He´s funny….his remarks about he wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick cracked me up.
lol
i love him..!!!
What DIVA! Get over yourself Cook you're not even funny. That's why your movies SUCK!
Dane: The studio didn't have much money left for marketing since they WAY overpaid each one of you to be in this movie.
Who cares? Nobody will see the piece of shit movie anyways. Dane Cook is box office poison
Crew Creative. Enough said.
LOL he is so FUCKIN FUNNY!!
i actually agree with every point he mand and hey, hes talkin about himself so its not like he's trashin someone! funny!
omg that nam is freaking funny…i do see a bit of brittneys va jay jay in his face
I used to hate Dane Cook - but now I LOVE him and will check out the flick.Gotta respect his honesty.
Ugh this movie looks so cheesy and bad it doesn't matter what the poster looks like…
I am going to guess the plot…
Lets see Kate Hudson again falls in love with a less than traditional male character and somehow despite his intentions, he falls for her… unfortunately their relationship started off with a manipulation, which is eventually exposed to Kate, leaving her unable to trust him… Now he will have to make some ultimate gesture to get her back…
Sounds a bit like all her other movies…
i actually LOLed so many times reading that. hahaha. i totally agree with him, its an AWFUL movie poster!
Hahaha, that was pretty funny. ;D
He is totally right…It makes the movie look cheesy!
I can tell that this movie will not make money, especially with Dane Cook in it.
I love him,he is so damn CUTE! That was hella funny though. His pic on the poster does suck!
Re: sweetpiece –
I checked out their site — and you're right. Most of their movie poster designs SUCK LARGE!!
Dane Cook is NOT funny
i have no idea who the gay guy numbering all the fault's is.
i do know of kate hudsun, she look's normal.
i do know of jason biggs, he look's normal.
could it just be this is how you actually look?
…he's so into himself, he ask's if alec baldwin is on the poster then say's i think so…i dont see no alec baldwin.
WELL! He's a persnickity diva, isn't he???
HAHA that is hillarious!
Dane Cook is fucking funny. I agree and what he said was just so funny. They should change everything he brought up. Alec should be on the poster to.
LOL…I LOVE Dane Cook! He's one of the few celebs that truly calls it how he see's it.
AGREE WITH HIM.
I first noticed the AWFUL photoshop job…omg. That is really unprofessional work. Whoever did that better be an intern or someones child, because nobody being paid a decent wage should be producing work like that.
Oh my god why doesnt he just design his own poster -_- seriously who the fuck cares
yikes! Only a little vain!
I agree the poster looks like poop, but the poses and feel of it match the plot (sentence) on IMDB. Kate looks innocent, Dane looks like he's scheming, and Biggs looks desperate. I'm interested to see how it misrepresents the movie (on DVD of course).
look at him trying to make jokes it's so sad that we lost bernie mac may he RIP but we gotta listen to this wannabe and his crappy jokes and movie!
Dane Cook sucks ass anyways. Aren't his 15mins up yet?
He is probably gonna get some bad press for this, but at least its Some press, maybe thats their strategy. I have never heard of this movie, and frankly w/ a poster like that I wouldnt be intersted, it looks dull. I'm gonna have to check out the trailor. I like the cast selection though, no they arent the best actors, but they bring alot of quirkiness to the movie I bet.
Dane Cook is so right,…His comments about the poster make me laugh out loud, and make me want to see the movie for shiz!
But he's right.
lollllllllllllllllll ilu dane trainnn
i cant wait.. this is goin to be hilarious
ROFL….love it!
Oh come on, he's a prick! Movie posters suck, true, but y'know why? Because the studios make the marketers create them in a CERTAIN WAY. Mr. Big-Shot Actor comes in and insults the entire team for just doing their jobs? What a high-handed jerk! I hate actors that butt into other people's professions/lives. Huh, and then they whine about the public butting into theirs….
The man has a point…they look like they have been photoshopped to within an inch of their lives.
Just seen the trailer, and this poster doesnt even begin the capture the movie! It look hilarious! More so a raunchy comedy than a sappy rom-com. Cant wait!
so so so true. this guy is so funny.
ahahah. that maybelline part made me laugh :] i lovee dane cook; hes so cute and funny, and i agree that the poster doesnt reflect the movie at all; it totally doesnt look like your traditional rom-com :] i love you dane!
AHH JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
LET THE VIEWERS DECIDE IF UR FUNNY OR NOT…NOT THE POSTER OR YOU SAYING IT. LAST TIME I SAW, YOU WERENT REALLY "FUNNY" OR TALENTED.
Yeah…that poster is really shitty…
Re: TwoGoofballs – "persnickity diva" ? YOU'RE A FUCKTARD!
He's right, the poster sucks, but so does most of his movies. Sorry Dane, I wasn't going to see it if the poster was perfect. I like him but not in movies. He has a great ass though.
loved that
ehh he's right looks like a total chick flick. Chick flick = nightmares
Dear Dane, Nobody gives a shit about your D-list movie career. No amount of photoshopping, poster redesign, campaign revamping will get the masses to go see your crappy movie. Plus, you've got box-office poison attached to your movie: Jason Biggs. See you in the DVD bargain bins.
this is the funniest and most articulate celeblog post i've read in ages - i'm sick of these kinds of movie posters and i hope kate hudson is too… all hers lately seem to look this way
I have never thought the cook was funny… but this blog made me laugh. pretty clever. i may even go see this now that i know baldwin is in it!!!!! he is high-larious!!
”My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina.” and ” 'Its funny what love can make you do.' I just threw up all over this awful poster.
Wow, wait … it looks better.”
ROFLMAO
First off, Dane Cook is a silly bitch
Secondly, you people who are complaining about others finding him funny, need to STFU. Seriously. You don't have to bash others for not liking the same kind of comedy as you. It's obvious your parents haven't raised you to be respectable. Especially those who are just pissed & jealous because they make money even if their movies do bomb..and you make jack shit
this was HILARIOUS!
i was laughing so hard!
everything he said was true though!
LOL that is the ugliest effing movie poster I've ever seen. Dane Cook looks retarded! I agree with him on every single point hahah
He is absolutely right! He's hilarious, and people who don't think he's funny just don't get it.
Funny - and I don't even like Dane Cook….