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Jessica Simpson Sucks, But We Knew That

| Filed under: Music MinuteJessica Simpson


Time for a Red Carpet Suicide!

Jessica Simpson better hurry up and get pregnant or drive drunk or flash her vajayjay or at least go get lunch at The Ivy, because according to a scalding review of her concert in Canada on Thursday night, her "music career" is about as bright as Audrina Patridge.

Performing songs off her HOrrific new country album, Do You Know, to an audience who mostly earned their tickets through more than a few rounds of Black Jack, she paced the stage at the Colosseum at Caesars Windsor, delivering little stage presence and tedious commentary.

With her songs mostly unremarkable, she sang in "a voice that only occasionally found the right note" and even offered a cheesy plug when she advised women to run from an abusive relationship "in a pair of Jessica Simpson boots."


She's got a long way to go before she's any country star because even in her home state of Texas she's known as "Yoko Romo."

[Image via WENN.]

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108 comments to “Jessica Simpson Sucks, But We Knew That”

More comments: [1] 2 »

  1. 1

    Take your top off next time.

  2. 2

    A pretty face and big tits only gets you so far in Hollywood??? I thought that is all you needed!!

  3. 3

    someone make her go away.

  4. 4


  5. 5

    SON OF A WHORE!!!! Good freaks are hard to find!

  6. 6

    she better get not pregnant ….

  7. 7

    Re: youheartmaggles.com – What the fuck are you selling?

  8. 8

    i'm gonna kick her ass in a pair of jessica simpson boots.

  9. 9

    …"Go Away Little Girl"…

  10. 10

    but i thought her album hit like #1 last week or something? not that i care cuz i've never heard it but i'm just saying….

  11. 11

    Re: harrybalsac – i'm a FREAK! SBFREAK 925! represent!

  12. 12

    the horra!

  13. 13

    Her voice is way better than Britney's, so why are Jess's song so much worse? She needs new management!

  14. 14

    she needs to get pregnant by her dad.
    that would be a great story.

  15. 15

    i think she should flash her vajaja

  16. 16

    Re: mama of 2 – that's really sick and twisted! kinda gross…but i could totally see those headlines! and i might buy the video….

  17. 17

    She sucks. I almost feel sorry for her. She is so over

  18. 18

    Yaaaaawn. I'm going to go check my Facebook for a while….

  19. 19


  20. 20

    seriously perez? I LIVE in Dallas, I go to the cowboys games, and no one hates her. no one cares about who Tony dates, they're kicking ass this year. Maybe you should start giving the girl some credit for changing her career and getting a damn good boyfriend.

  21. 21

    She needs to just snuggle up to her cute man and thank her lucky stars he has not ran away from the train wreck.. she has enough money she needs to lay low for a while. And maybe take some college courses.

  22. 22

    Re: mama of 2 – Theres a lil yellow bus broke down across the right now , I think Amy is on it!

  23. 23

    should have stuck with nick………i'd still b watching them

  24. Jay23 says – reply to this


    who gives a shit about jessica, britneys new song is out today, everyone needs to stop what they are doing and listen to that shit

  25. 25

    I'm surprised her brother-husband-oh wait her father, didnt predict this. He's usually SO career savy.

  26. 26

    yoko Romo!!1 hahahahaha

    more like Joko Romo….

    what a joke…a legend in her own mind. She probably farts and doesn't know 'where that sound came from"

  27. 27

    what the heck is wrong with myspace today?!

  28. 28

    Re: harrysnatch – the one u gave was worth $100

  29. 29

    my girls and i always talked about getting a paypal acct and getting our own website. so hot….

  30. D-Bag says – reply to this


    Her album debuted at #4 with a sad 60,000 copies sold (which is 40,000 more than Ashee's newest sold). This week it tumbles out of the Top 10 altogether. Time for the Simpson sisters to put out a sex tape with Daddy to really garner headlines!

  31. 31

    Re: guilty of being white – hahahaha /agree

  32. 32

    Re: harrybalsac – that's awesome! thanks!

  33. 33

    …yikes . I just heard "Womanizer" by britney Spears. What a horrid day in music.

  34. 34

    Re: harrysnatch – It Did. It was #1 last week on Billboard Hot Country Albums. It is #3 this week.

  35. 35

    What is with the constant Audrina Patridge dissing Perez? did LC get to you?!

  36. 36

    If it's so horrific perez, how come it debuted at no. 4 on the billboard charts?

    EXCUSE ME, with your artistis genius of a song, the clap.

    get over yourself. you think youre hot shit…at least jessica simpson is more successful than you are..and shes got a hot boyfriend. you? have NOTHING.

  37. 37

    Re: harrybalsac – * ME

  38. 38

    Re: harrysnatch – She was no. 1, her album sold 65,000 copies…that however, is still shitteous!!

  39. 39

    making sure i'm not ignoring anyone….

  40. 40

    sometimes i actually feel sorry for her

  41. Sammy says – reply to this


    #2 She is #1 on the coutry charts!!
    #3 She has alot of other stuff to fall back on!
    #4 She is in love with a very rich sweet and hot football player that plays in the #1 team in the world!!!!
    #5 She is very pretty!
    I guess she must of really dissed you before Perez cause you hate her so much!!! She is a good person and that is mean that you have to put her down!!!

  42. 42

    harry - i just read your profile….you like my webcam! lol!

  43. 43

    Re: Sammy – you never answered me yesterday…or if you did i missed it. you asked about us….what about you?

  44. 44

    Get your facts right Perez… Jessica Simpson debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard country album chart last week. How is your clothingline doing btw?? I love you Perez but i am so tired of you bashing Jessica, she is a sweatheart…

  45. 45

    I feel so sorry for her, really. Texas hates her because of who she's dating and noone in the music industry (or movie) is liking her at all. It's too bad she cheated on Nick, life could have been much better for her.

  46. 46

    Re: *Lulu* – ..i meant SWEETHEART. Im a nerd lol!

  47. 47

    She only got as far as she did because people were blinded by her pretty hair and large boobs. She is talentless and a wench.

  48. 48

    Cowboy cum kills brain cells.

  49. Sammy says – reply to this


    Re: harrysnatch – Actually I like the male sexual organ as much as any gay guy on this site. Totally straight, I have been married 2 times for a total of 15 years, love to go to topless clubs with the boys and stuff but, am addicted to banana! :O)

  50. 50

    I am really tired of her hinting that she was abused by some unknown someone ( Nick ) I watched the show and it was amazing he didn't smack her a couple of times just for being so annoyingly stupid

  51. 51

    Although I'm not a big fan, I do appreciate her supporting women to run from abusive relationships. Cheesy or not, if she reaches one fan who needs to hear that message, she's done a good thing.

  52. 52


  53. tasha says – reply to this


    She can't sing live at all. Sounds horrible. Her album opened with a pitiful 65,000 and in it's second week sold only 23,000. It's a bomb.

  54. 54

    I just don't get why everyone rags on her. Did I miss the joke? I know her father is a dope…sister too, but what has this poor girl done to get all this crap? Leave her alone with her bad skin and Proactiv already, sheesh.

  55. 55

    I highly doubt any of you actually took the time to listen to the album. It reached number one across the boards last week for good reason. It's her best album to date, and a lot better and far more well written than any other shit out there right now.

  56. 56

    You used to have celeb news faster than any other blog, now you are pretty much the ONLY blog to not have posted the new Britney song. WTF is wrong with you???

  57. 57

    I have her new c d guys and I think it is really good for her first there are a few of them I have on replay

  58. 58

    Done't You Mean Audrina PaRtridge Perez? Sort It Out, LOL!

  59. 59


  60. 60


  61. D-Bag says – reply to this


    Re: karencarpenter – I happened to hear Britney's new song too and it's ghastly. Even worse than "Gimme More". I'd rather spread my asslips with a rake than hear it again.

  62. 62

    I want to make love to her….

  63. 63

    Aw, leave her alone…. I saw her in Los Angeles and she was AWESOME!!!! Honestly I was expecting her to suck, but she was really good! So be nice… at least she is not in and out of rehab….

  64. 64

    Joe get a J O B, and take these no talent meal tickets far far away!

  65. 65

    Re: romolove – Agreed! Small minded people that live elsewhere really need to check their sources.. especially the small minded people of Hollywood. Being a Texan and Cowboy fan, I say that Jessica has the best voice and looks around compared to the rest of the crowd, and no one can really deny that! Everyone else has to do the unthinkable and fall off of the wagon to get attention and talk, and all some of you have to fall back on with Jessica is a bad stage performance? Find some new stories!

  66. 66

    HER WEBSITE SAYS SHE IS GOING TO BE ON DANCING WITH THE STARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Home of the WASHED UP!

  67. 67

    I think all of us have a huge misconception of Jessica Simpson. I actually purchased her new album after someone I know told me it was really good and after listening to it, all of the songs really are good, especially the last one with Dolly Parton. I was shocked! After listening to the album I have really changed my opinion of Jessica and its true she has a great voice and really needs better PR.

  68. 68

    I went along to the concert in Windsor last night and I read the review in the mornings Windsor Star. The guy was slightly harsh with her in that he just seemed to diss her. She is extremely confident, that comes across and she certainly belts out those songs. She does have the safety net of two great back up singers though. She did mention that she was number 1 and thanked everyone for putting her there. She looked gorgeous for sure. On one song she fluffed the lines and stopped for a minute, then she announced that, "I wouldn't be Jessica if I didn't mess up" She endeared herself to the audience. Her stage presense is lacking though, she just struts from one end to the other in a lunging fashing - she stops, faces the audience, pouts and then runs her fingers through her hair. This was a consecutive occurance. I only recongnised her opener, These Boots are made for Walking but it was good to be there. The venue is new and pretty big, 5000 and was packed to capacity so she certainly had a crowd to work with. She couldn't work them up though, she is inexperienced I suppose. She paid homage also to Dolly Parton for giving her the courage to go for this new Country singing career. Seems she also co-wrote one of her songs. "We all love Dolly" spoke Jess, the audience cheered, they were certainly with her on that one!

  69. 69

    im not a big fan of her, but i did hear her on the radio about 2 weeks ago, in atlanta, they said her county albumn was sold out & was number 1

  70. Xenu says – reply to this


    Jess needs to stop the whole wholesome schtick and just so straight on PORN. Im talking outright full on HARDCORE degrading peversion

  71. 71

    She's such a sweetheart, leave her alone Perez.

  72. 72

    Her and Tony need to end, Like now.

  73. 73

    We saw her at the Los Angeles County Fair last week - oh, not so good. She was late and had a bit of an attitude. Didn't seem to be enjoying herself.

  74. 74

    Useless. USELESS.

  75. 75


  76. 76

    Re: MRS.RICKY MARTIN – If you're talking about CARRIE FUCKING UNDERWHELM I'm with you!!!!

  77. 77

    I LIVE In WINDSOR!!!!!
    & I did not go see her in concert..

  78. 78

    Umm…yeah…just because you appeared in a POOR remake of the Dukes of Hazzard does NOT make you country!!!

  79. 79

    Re: D-Bag – Thats hilarious

  80. 80

    she is a cute girl & all, but the 'dumb act' is only cute for about a minute, before it gets irritating.

    au revoir Jessica- just go shopping hun-

  81. 81

    I also live in DALLAS…I can't figure out why people say we call her YOKO ROMO…fucking stupid….she is a sweet girl with a lot of love for TEXAS…nobody cares who ROMO dates….HATERS who cares if she can't sing she is super HOT!

    I have never seen any paper or news report referring to her as YOKO ROMO…

  82. 82

    Why doesn't she just retire early from the music and entertainment industry? She's made her money, now just keep on fading away quietly, Jessica. Maybe you'll perform somewhere in Little Rock at the Electric Cowboy one day since Texas is done with you.

  83. 83

    I unfortunately went to this show… I fortunately got the free tickets…

    Me and my friend counted about 100-150 people getting up and leaving during the show because it was SO awful.

    She is AWFUL!
    Only songs we liked were: With You and Come On Over.

    And her introductions to each song WERE AWFUL!!
    Not to mention she forgot the words to one of her songs and said…
    Oh my God. I can't believe I forgot the words to this song. It's my favourite song! I usually forget words to other songs, but not this one! hehe!

  84. tasha says – reply to this


    AMunz0968, Jessica's album did not reach #1 across the boards as you put it. She only reached #1 on the country album chart with just 65,000 albums. This week, her 2nd, she sold a whopping 23,000. Her last albumj opened with 101,000 and went on to sell only 300,000 in total. It was considered a huge bomb. At this rate she'll be lucky if her country album tops out at 200,000 in total.

  85. 85

    Jessica's Album was actually very good, I bought it and I love the songs! She also helped write the majority of the songs on the album, which is something that not too many musicians can say. It was definitely not "HOrrific" since it debuted #1 on the Country Charts and #3 on the Billboard Charts and her single debuted at the highest spot that a crossover artist has ever debuted at. I definitely wouldn't mind being the kind of "failure" she is! lol

  86. 86

    I can't stand her

  87. 87

    You keep spouting off #1 that was because there was really nothing else released when her CD was thats why it was #1. Joe planned it that way. The next week it just spiraled down to #18. All her old fans bought it and there you go. She is not bringing new people to country music. The great artists bring people over to country because they have voices that can sing anything.
    1. She sings off pitch
    2. Forgets the words to her songs
    3. talks way too much
    4. Is very unprofessional in her commentary (no class)
    5. Seems as though she is never prepared
    6. Her poor band. I feel sorry for them

  88. 88

    I'm from Texas and there are plenty of people who can't stand Jessica. Its not because she is dating Tony. We could care less who he dates. We are just sick to
    death of the media whore. Everywhere you turn theres a picture of trash and that is exactly what she is. She is so unprofessional on stage, she dresses like a street walker, she is pictured coming out of clubs barely able to walk, she is plastered all over youtube in sleazy photos, and she is tells every intimate detail of her personal life. Its sick, she's sick, Dallas is sick of her, and why she booked the State Fair in Dallas Oct. 17th with so many haters I'll never know. She just set herself up to be boo'd off stage. There will be no control of cameras and video. So much pressure knowing you'll be boo'd before you every go on stage. Why does she subject herself to being humiliated. She doesnt need the money. She can make her music and listen to it in the privacy of her own home.

  89. Lewen says – reply to this


    She performing in Omaha Nebraska this week at the jumped up County Fair and rodeo called River City Round up.
    Sharing a bill with Larry the Cable guy.Which on is the bigger star?

  90. 90

    I bet you that this whole "abusive relationship" nonsense she's talking about is just to stir up a few hicks who let's face it, have probably all had their hearts broken by their boyfriends Billy Bob and Troy and she's riding this wave to get sympathy from her "country fans".

    Jessica fucking Simpson, get a life and go away, far, far away…..take a trip to Vancouver and go get eaten by some Killer Whales.

    PEREZ YOU ROCK, and why you ask ? Because you tell it like it is !
    Jessica sucks……….Tony Romo's cock and any other cock she can find.

  91. Neith says – reply to this


    put a fork in her…

  92. 92

    The only reason her album debuted at number 1 on the country charts is because no other country albums were released this week. lol

    She only sold 65,000. Carrie Underwood sold 527,000 in her debut week for her album. lol Jessica's album is not tanking after it's first week and falling off the charts rapidly.

    Carrie's album is a year old, and it will soon pass jessica's in weekly sales. lol

  93. 93

    oops I meant to say- jessica's album IS tanking after its meagre first week sales of only 65k.

  94. 94

    As a survivor of violence I find her comments completely insensitive and idiotic.

  95. SusyQ says – reply to this


    What do you expect of someone who uttered the following?: "He's firing the pigskin real right" Jessica Simpson, on what Cowboys fans think of Tony Romo's QB skills. HUH?? Jessica, Jessica Jessica..when your only peer has become Dolly Parton it is time to disappear ok? Dont take up Rap! I think your hair extensions are a little too tight and affecting your brain functioning sweetie!

  96. 96


  97. 97

    i luv jess i think shes a really good singer i cnt see y shes flopping

  98. 98

    Like we all didn't see this coming, I mean if you can't even make it as an untalented pop starlet, how the hell are you going to make it in country?!?!? I saw her on GMA and she was absolutely horrible. She should lip-sync like skanky Spears.

  99. 99

    ah jealousy the green eyed monster. Jessica may not be a country singer, but she IS a singer with a beautiful voice, you can't deny that. She's one of the most beautiful women Hollyweird has seen - but she's good, she's nice, she has a Christian backgr and pow that's all it takes to gang up on her like a pack of lions. She has a perfect body, beautiful face and a cute personality.

    I don't like that ANY of those that have "sold out" and gone country have done so, I think it sucks, but to say they have no talent? Is stupid because they all do. The ones that had a pop career to begin with. I don't know about that one actress, Sean Young? WTF is that about he TURNING country? I never knew she could sing. Now there's somebody that you can legitimately question. NOT Ms. Simpson.

  100. 100

    HARRYSNATCH: it PROBABLY DID hit #1…I dont KNOW either but…that's what sets the jealous types off…success and beauty and she has both.

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