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Tom Cruise's 'Serious' Nazi Film Garners Unintended Laughs

| Filed under: Film FlickersTom Cruise

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The train wreck that is Tom Cruise's Nazi flick, Valkyrie, will finally be in theaters in a little over a month.

We sure can't wait to see it.

Not!

A few folks who've had the honor of seeing it before all of us have said some not so nice things about it.

No shock!

Most notably, some say Tom's performance 'elicits uncomfortable and inappropriate laughs.'

In one scene, Tommy boy's character, Claus Von Stauffenberg, removes a false eye. “It was disgusting. It was like watching someone pluck their contacts out,” says a snitch

Another early viewer said, “The film just isn’t a thriller at all. It’s a bunch of white guys in Nazi uniforms. It’s too bad. And Tom doesn’t speak with a German accent — though they did add a voiceover of him speaking German to the beginning of the film. Still, it’s as if he could say ‘I complete you’ at any time. This is not his Oscar moment.”

Better luck with the next movie, Tommy!

Maybe your BFF Will Smith can help you out.

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84 comments to “Tom Cruise's 'Serious' Nazi Film Garners Unintended Laughs”



  1. 1

    good.
    he needs to go away.



  2. 2

    TOM CRUISE IS A SCIENTOLOGY NAZI!



  3. 3

    He's a douche.



  4. 4

    who thought it was a good idea to A) make this film and B) have Tom star in it?

    Mostly…who could be excited about seeing this movie? Valkyrie is based on a true story…so it's pretty obvious the guy's plot doesn't work. Where would the suspense be?



  5. 5

    PEREZ, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I HATE YOU! YOU ARE THE ONE THING THAT IS STANDING IN MY WAY OF BEING WITH LETTY B! I HAVE E-MAILED YOU COUNTLESS TIMES ASKING YOU TO GIVE ME HER PERSONAL INFORMATION THAT SHE GAVE WHEN SIGNING UP FOR THIS SITE! YOU STILL HAVE NOT GIVEN ME HER ADDRESS AND I NEED IT ASAP! NOW GO APPLY YOUR VALTREX TO YOUR GOOCH AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, SUCK MY BAWLS BITCH!!!



  6. 6

    if he takes the eye out, I can and will skull fuck him…

    is that's okay with alice…



  7. 7

    P.S. JESSIE A. POLLACK OF PORTLAND, OREGON HAS HERPES!!!



  8. 8

    HAHAHAHA "A BUNCH OF WHITE GUYS IN NAZI UNIFORMS"

  9. KayJ says – reply to this


    9

    boring posts today…



  10. 10

    did he get super fat for this film??
    he looks plump.



  11. 11

    Re: JAY-SUN – I'M HOPING THIS IS A FAKE PERSON YOU JUST OUTED…???



  12. 12


  13. 13

    Maybe because most people think that fucking shrimpy little turd - and everything he stands for - is a fucking JOKE.



  14. 14

    Re: JAY-SUN – yikes.
    you need help.
    letty is with alice.



  15. 15

    tommy boy is all washed up



  16. 16

    Re: _Alice_ – gladly.



  17. 17

    he needs to die. DIE I SAY!!



  18. 18

    HOLY CRAP! YOU EVEN POSTED THIS CHICKS INFO ON TMZ…WTF?



  19. 19

    Re: Major Dude – Damn dude, you really are kinky. Hey, whatever floats your boat dude. I'd prefer us, alone, in the shower. But if you prefer Tom, then so be it.



  20. 20

    WTF!



  21. 21

    Re: mama of 2 hates perez – copied off of you…hope you don't mind….
    see my stalker a post or two back? well, fags stalker



  22. 22

    Re: _Alice_Re: LettyBRe: Hot Monkey Love…Obama Style!Re: Melissa is always right. – everyone needs to put 'hates perez' after their user name. thanks mama!!



  23. 23

    wooo hoooo!!!
    almost time to go!!!



  24. 24

    Punky, what say you!



  25. 25

    PEREZ PLS GET RID OF MY STALKER OR I WON'T BE BACK! JUST KIDDIN I KILL THE BITCH IF HE EVER COMES TO MY HOUSE!



  26. 26

    What a joke he has become…and so incredibly creepy, too. I can't believe we all thought he was cute when "Risky Business" came out. He just gives me the willies now.



  27. 27

    Re: Wanna Milk Me Hates Perez!! – i think everyone should do it too!!!
    who's your stalker???



  28. 28

    I really don't know how Tom Cruise speaking in ENGLISH with a GERMAN accent would be more credible?! I mean.. either make him speak GERMAN or make him speak English like everyone else! Germans don't speak English with a German accent - in case you didn't know. :P That's like filming a movie about Russians in Russia who speak English with a Russian accent!
    I hope Tom Cruise isn't doing the voice-over himself since his German must be terrible.



  29. 29

    HERE YOU GO MILK ME!!!



  30. 30

    Re: JAY-SUN – Dude I fucked her in her mini van this morning and really she ain't all that! GIGGITY GIGGITY GOO!



  31. 31

    Re: JAY-SUN – Look, bitch, I will hate to have to feed your nasty ass balls to my rottweiler but I will do it. LettyB and I are together. I'm a big dyke bitch and I eat little boys like you for lunch. Now I need to cut your punk ass. Damn, I hate having to repeat myself. Now shut it before I fucking take your little dick and shove it down your herpes infected throat!



  32. 32

    Re: mama of 2 hates perez – Maybe you should actually do your job instead of sitting on Perez' website all day. Or does welfare pay for your kids' food and Xbox?



  33. 33

    Tom Cruise is not unique. He has not acting ability. He can't even muster an accent for this film…. Germans don't sound like So. Cal beach bums. He is the same character in every movie with a different outfit on! I expect a fake glean of light to flick from his fake ass teeth.

    Ugh… hes gross and so is Katie Holmes… weirdos



  34. 34

    ?



  35. 35

    Re: _Alice_ – can I drop the soap,

    signed
    wants to drop the soap



  36. 36


  37. 37

    Re: LettyB – he's scaring me.
    stalker.



  38. 38

    Re: _Alice_ – major dude shudders when alice gets "rough" and by rough, of course I mean, sexually rough, and by sexually rough I mean, mutha fucka cut yo ass rough, and, well, now you know the rest of the story



  39. 39

    Re: JAY-SUN – That's not even funny, it's just…creepy. And really, really, weird.



  40. 40

    I'd never see anything he was in anymore.



  41. 41

    *



  42. 42

    Re: Than Thou – lol
    i wish i got a handout like welfare.
    easier than coming to work every day.
    my work is done beotch.
    jealous i have a job??
    i get paid to fuck around.



  43. 43

    Re: Than Thou – ..l.. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE WHAT SHE DOES? STFU!



  44. 44

    Re: LettyB – The dumbfuck wouldn't even have the first idea on how to cross the border.



  45. 45

    Not surprised, he can make a bag of shit look like shit..



  46. 46

    I hope Tom has to silently pass a gallstone one day!



  47. 47

    yes, my husband and I saw the preview advertisement for the film - and we both burst out laughing, which says a lot as he is not nearly as jaded and sarcastic as I.



  48. 48

    Re: LettyB Hates Perez – HAHAHAHAHA!



  49. 49

    oh i can't wait to see leaked clips on youtube just 4 shits n giggles. lol.



  50. 50

    Re: Major Dude – Oh yeah, drop it and let the good times begin;)



  51. 51

    Re: Than Thou – STFU YOU CUNTFACE!



  52. 52

    Re: Major Dude – Pain is good. Ball gags and chains are even better.



  53. 53

    Re: Wanna Milk Me??? – My name cuts off…too long! Damn, you PEREZ!



  54. 54

    Re: Than Thou – BITCH!! lay off mama!!



  55. 55

    WHO THE FUCK IS THIS JAY SUN! FUCKER, LEAVE LETTY ALONE YOU LITTLE PRICK PIECE OF SHIT! BROWN ACIDIC OOZE FROM A VAGRANTS ASSHOLE!
    YOUR TESTICLES ARE SHRIVELED AND SCARED FROM SELF ABUSE.
    BACK OFF DOUCH BAG!
    .



  56. 56

    The only reason that this film was pursued by Tom Cruise, is due to the fact that Scientology is not well-received (read: persecuted) in Germany; a PR tactic to illicit some kind of sympathy/interest by the german people, which has failed.



  57. 57


  58. 58

    Did anyone really think that this movie would be anything other than a comedy?



  59. 59

    Re: sweetpiece – I AM SO TURNED ON RIGHT NOW!!!



  60. 60

    Re: sweetpiece – look at you bad ass!!!! go girl!



  61. 61

    ????



  62. 62

    Re: Than Thou – 'We' didn't think he was cute, ever. Speak for yourself you OLD dumb cow.



  63. 63

    FUCK Tom Cruise-game over dude. Go Away!



  64. 64

    looks like tom could use a little help from our friend eva longoria. SPANX, tommy. it does a body good. i mean, seriously, poor guy got some BIRVIN' HIPS.



  65. 65

    In SF everyone hisses like snakes at the preview for the movie, awesome — Tom needs to go away for a long while



  66. 66

    It's that damn XENU!!! The evil alien lord has it in for Cruise………"remove the thetans"!!!



  67. 67

    does anyone care about tom cruise anymore????

    he is not hot….never was….and seems like he is a controlling freak with his women…..

    i dont get it…..but i do not think im alone in this confusion.



  68. 68

    Re: JAY-SUN – what????

    you want perez to play matchmaker or something??????

    something tells me he has better things to do….or not…who knows….



  69. 69

    Re: LettyB – yeah….it sounds like Mr. Color Me Bad likes you a lot…..



  70. 70

    Tommy Cruise needs a shrink! he is a boring has been, fuckwit!! I wouldn't fuck him if he was the richest person on earth mainly because I believe he would have a 1cm dick (if he was lucky), he will probably put Suri in his next movie hoping maybe one person would be interested in seeing it. HOPE THIS MOVIE BOMBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  71. 71

    Stauffenberg was amazing. Think of how hard it would have been to resist the Nazis in part of occupied Europe– you were risking their life. Now think about how hard it would have been to resist the Nazis in Germany where you are not only ricking your life, but risking being thought of as a traitor. As betraying your own country. Stauffenberg came closer to assassinating Hitler than anyone else. I am so glad that people thought that his story was worth being told, but I am so disappointed that they have disrespected him so much by casting Tom Cruise to play the role.



  72. 72

    *your



  73. 73

    1) You couldn't be a Nazi if you weren't white
    2) His cap is too small
    3) His hair is too long
    4) He doesn't have the character or strength of the real Count Von Stauffenberg
    5) He's a douche

  74. AMO says – reply to this


    74

    Well y'all knew it was going to suck… I hear Tom's real good at that.



  75. 75

    this movie actually looks really good. i just saw the trailer before the new bond movie, and i can't wait to see it.



  76. 76

    Perez….If I EVER see you in the street I will kick your fucking ass. For real. Oh and by the way, I work right across the street from Coffee Bean on Sunset at the Griddle. So watch yer back you fucking fag. FUCK YOU AND ANYONE WHO LIKE THIS NO NO NO NO TALENT FUCKING LOSER.



  77. 77

    YES ON PROP 8!!!!



  78. 78

    is losing his hair and
    can no longer deny the
    gay rumors of his early
    callboy days.



  79. 79

    No shock here. I saw the trailer last week when I went to see "Changeling" and from just a 2 minute clip I could tell the movie SUCKS!!! The biggest problem is so obvious - Tom Cruise speaks with an AMERICAN accent! I thought he is supposed to be playing a German guy! Screw Tom Cruise, when you need someone to do a great foreign accent, hire Leo DiCaprio!! Hello "Blood Diamond"!!! I will never see another TC movie just because the very sight of him annoys me.



  80. 80

    I slept with Tom Cruise years ago and his dick is the size of a walnut.



  81. 81

    Damn, I kinda want to see this too…



  82. 82

    Re: justinvsky1 – how's that lame job working out for you justin. You couldn't kick a drunk, passed out bums ass. I'm thinking about rolling up to the Griddle just fuck you in the ass, even though I'm not gay. It would only hurt for a minute until the blood kicked in as lube. STFU or I WILL beat your ass. And yes, I do live near there ;)



  83. 83

    Why do I feel sorry for him????



  84. 84

    Perez Hates Me ^^