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Excerpted At Length

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CLICK HERE for a lengthy excerpt from our new book!
CLICK HERE for a lengthy excerpt from our new book!
CLICK HERE for a lengthy excerpt from our new book!
CLICK HERE for a lengthy excerpt from our new book!
CLICK HERE for a lengthy excerpt from our new book!
CLICK HERE for a lengthy excerpt from our new book!

If you haven't done so yet, CLICK HERE to buy your copy of Red Carpet Suicide today!

    Posted: Jan 6, 2009 at 8:45 pm / Email this  »
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    139 comments to “Excerpted At Length”

    More comments: [1] 2 »



    1. 1

      Why???



    2. 2

      Will that mean I wont need to buy the book?



    3. 3

      who the fuck will waste money on this total bullshit book…



    4. 4

      Perez, thank you for always being here. I love you.



    5. 5

      Can't…stop…yawning…maybe I'll buy this when I'm sleep deprived to put me right out.



    6. 6

      Congrats on your success Perez!!!!!!!!!!!! It's cool but I'm NOT buying your book…………………sorry!!!!!!!!! Can't support Queens in everything



    7. 7

      I guess I don't see the point. Is this supposed to be satire? Can anyone justify why, in a shit economy, I would shell out hard earned cash for a book about how to be a vapid, self-obsessed whore? I guess I'm unclear as to why anyone would buy this, as it serves no real purpose and has no benefit to humanity or literature whatsoever. No offense to Perez, but if this book does well, I will lose all that is left of the shred of hope in humanity I have been desperately clinging to since the Bush years began.



    8. 8

      I actually found it to be interesting! Good Job Perez!!



    9. 9

      LOVES IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    10. 10

      Re: Assume the Position! – Hola, Assume! I think all we say is Hi and Goodbye, but I read last night you had a question. What was it? You can check the answer tomorrow!
      P.S. I hope we will be able to "talk" on weekends…



    11. 11

      hahahaha….. I have to admit it is funny =/



    12. 12

      What a load of TRASH! Stick to the worthless celebutard gossip Perez, PS Love how you throw around the word "suicide", very PC for a liberal.



    13. 13

      OK… Stop constantly whoring your book, Thanks!



    14. 14

      Perez's book makes for great toilet paper!



    15. 15

      Caution: This book may cause violent diarhea and vomiting. Perez sure can ride the coattails of the moderately talented Hollywood "elite"



    16. 16

      haha suicide is SO hilarious!



    17. 17

      I wish Perez would commit suicide



    18. 18

      sorry sorry, that wasn't very PC. But the fat gay liberal can say suicide!



    19. 19

      Re: BBBoricua loves Angels & Demons – Goodnight!!!!!!!!!!
      The word "bunnetta" or something like that……………..I know I must have spelled it wrong!!!! sorry lol Thanks for the lessons…………..I used the one you taught me "mamonna" the other day!!!!!!!!! lol



    20. 20

      Re: jaysun82 – Dude wishing Perez suicide is NOT cool!!!!!!
      I mean hate him if you want but damn



    21. 21

      Um thanks but no thanks

      I prefer to spend my time reading Twilight saga for the third time. I will just wait til your book reviews come in and I'll decide if I should waste my money on this or not. No offense, Perez!



    22. 22

      actually, i must admit- it looks pretty well written and funny!
      (originally i wasnt planning on buying it thinking it would be silly- but it appears surprisingly intelligent and more of an amusing look at society and celebrities)
      best of luck to you Perez:)



    23. 23

      Wow, Mario can sure write. Sorry Mario, YOU may lick the asshole of every celebrity you meet but they are mostly worthless, empty individuals who contribute NOTHING to this world!….Hmmm kinda like YOU Mario



    24. 24

      i want to buy that book, i just love the fact that he hates all the same celebritys that i do hahahhahahha



    25. 25

      Re: Assume the Position! – Mario said suicide first! HE IS THE ONE COMPARING A RED CARPET BLUNDER TO SUICIDE!!! ISN'T THAT KIND OF A BAD COMPARISON? ESPECIALLY IF LIKE ME YOU KNOW SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU WHO COMMITED SUICIDE???? You freaking idiot, understand CONTEXT! I'M CRTICIZING MARIO HILTON



    26. 26

      haha. you are absolutely hilarious Perez…and RIGHT!
      in your intro alone, you have publicly stated all my beliefs about stupid celebrities that get attention, fame and money for no good reason.
      YOU deserve all the attention, fame and money because you help their careers while mixing in a little much-needed humor and gossip into our daily lives. congrats on all your success and i hope you think of some great new ideas for this year!!



    27. 27

      Ben and Jen had a baby girl. I can't believe MSN scooped you! While you are off whoring out your lame ass book, MSN.com is reporting more celebrity gossip than you are. How sad.



    28. 28

      i bought the book today. it is amazing so far :-)



    29. 29

      stop whoreing out your novel, ya fame whore.



    30. 30

      FLOP.



    31. 31

      CONGRATULAATIONS ON YOUR BOOK!! I am going to buy a copy ASAP!! I cannot wait to read it in the bathtub with a glass of wine! It sounds so interesting and funny!!

      Congratulations! You must be so proud! I hope you can go back and laugh at a whole bunch of those @ssholes that told you you would never make it!!

      You've made it baby!!!!!!!!!



    32. 32

      why would anyone get thisss?
      this is stupid
      you are just another lame person who got famous on the internet
      so you decided to make as much money as you could before your 15 minutes were up
      first it was a song… now thiss??
      goshhh
      ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS!!!



    33. 33

      loves it perez!!!
      i love the intro, you had me giggling in every paragraph.
      i think i will buy it soon. good luck and muaahhh!



    34. 34

      Re: orchidgirl –
      Dear Orchidgirl,

      Get a life outside the fucking internet.

      Sincerely,
      Andy27's chin



    35. 35

      Hi Perez! I bought your book tonight and I will be reading it while on the plane tomorrow :-) I love how all of these posters are coming on to this site and spewing their venomous words to you and everyone else, and can't use punctuation or spell correctly. It is simply amazing to me. This book is a funny interpretation of Hollywood by Perez Hilton. It is not meant to be the most ground-breaking piece of work worthy of a Nobel Prize. Not all books are like that! Duh! Also, this is his website, and if all he wants to do is talk about his book, than so be it. I have a sneaking suspicion that no one else has built a small empire from the ground up on here. Don't hate Perez because you're jealous! Congratulations to you, Perez!



    36. 36

      Re: Andy27s Chin – Yeah comment 7 - I had a good laugh!!!!!
      I love how she happened to mention she is going out…………..code for "I'll be stalking the site to see what you say about me but you won't think I am because I am out"!!!! Pathetic!!!!!
      -
      By the way……you called Orchidhoochie Andy27 yesterday?????? I've only been on a few weeks……….and you said you have been on awhile! Just curious!!!!!



    37. 37

      Re: orchidgirl – Why did you trash me last night.I apologized
      for you Sunday morning.I told you I shouldn't have said the things I did and I was sorry for it.You accepted my aplogize and said let's be friends.You even e-mailed me 3 times Sunday to talk about the football game and your kids.You were upset because Miami was losing and ur sons were teary eyed.I said dont worry they will be back next year.Everything was fine case closed.Then I woke up this morning and someone told me to read the Ophra blog(because someone called ne out)I couldn't believe what I was reading.Mistress a good friend,and ask you a question that had nothing to do with me.But you put the blame on me and trashed me.Thos were painful memories and I'd rather not rehash them .I had a rough upbringing and I don't need to be reminded.But what I dont understand is why u put the blame on me.Do you really hate me that much or do you think I'm weak and too stupid to respond.I confused because I came on this site to meet cool people and add a little humor and help someone if their going thru a difficult period.I dont hate people (I use to when I was younger ,but not now.I just dont understand it…mabey I should't
      even try!!!!!



    38. 38

      I have to pick up my girlfriend from work ,but i should be back in about an hour.



    39. 39

      i dont like it



    40. 40

      Re: the last star – Dude don't bother!!!!! Keep it together man!!!!!!!!!



    41. 41

      Re: jaysun82 – FUCK ASSUME!!! QUIT TALKING TO YOURSELF YOU DUMB FUCK!!!!



    42. 42

      Perez, I don't know how you stood being kackled at by those two old crows today. Congrats, but the Today show didn't deserve you sweet ass.



    43. 43

      Re: the last star – If you are with your girlfriend..why would you be back in a half hour??? Assume would because he does't have a life!!!!!! ASSUME YOU HAVE NO..NO..NO !!!!! FRIENDS HERE !!!!!



    44. 44

      i can't believe you haven't posted about your beloved jennifer garner giving birth. you are always too little too late these days.



    45. 45

      Re: Sensitivity – Dumb Bitch……………you're beyond lame……….seriously!!!!!!!!!! You show your stupidity every time you post!!! Fuck off fake ass pirate mother fucker!!!!!!! BUT if you want to bring……………bring it to me directly pu$$y!!!!!!!!!
      -
      Are you in love with me????????????? I knew you were GAY!!!!! I haven't posted you or about you but there you go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Awww you want to suck me off?????????? NO thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    46. 46

      Perez… why are you posting so many ads for your book instead of reporting on celebs like you used to? For example… no coverage of Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck's new baby?

      I guess I might have to get my celeb gossip from another site! Don't do this to me!



    47. 47

      Re: Sensitivity – Dude….I mean FAG don't be a dick to Star o.k. Damn you're dumber than skanky ass Orchidhoochie!!!!!!!!!!!



    48. 48

      Re: Assume the Position! – Andy27 is some fag that was here and still is here under assumed names. He loved talking about how much he loves cock and how fucking gay he is. He said we were all making him famous for hating on him. This was about 6 months ago…maybe longer..when Perez started this create your own avatar and name bullshit. There was a time when we had no pictures or names, just random shit talking.



    49. 49

      yeaah, keeping up with the hiltons!

      he is gorgeous in person & nice to his fans :)
      ly Perez.



    50. 50

      Re: the last star – Are you fucking serious?? This must be orchidgirl talking to herself. It's all been done before…stick around and look at the patterns….Andy27.



    51. 51

      Re: Sensitivity – Last night was awesome…….I loved it when you said "All Hands Hoay"………………….you hot, horny bastard!!!!! -
      -
      BUT when you licked my "dungbie"……………I went nuts!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the great sex!!!!!!



    52. 52

      FULL OF FAIL.

      HONESTLY, WHO THE HELL WOULD WANT TO BUY THIS DAMN BOOK, PEREZ??
      WHAT ABOUT YOUR LIFE IS INTERESTING? UM, NOTHING.
      PLEASE, JUST NEVER WRITE ANOTHER BOOK AGAIN.



    53. 53

      Re: guilty of being white – Thanks! I love how you're named after a band!!!!!
      ________________________________________________________________
      Just so you know I am super gay for Sensitivity (he's a gay basher)!!!! He is in the closet and loves to seek me out and talk about me!!!!!!!!!!! He LOVES me!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
      -_______________________________________________________________
      Huh, maybe Orchidhoochie is several posters……………damn you might be right!!!! I knew she was crazy!!!!!



    54. 54

      When did the comments turn into a psychology session?



    55. 55

      Hey P, why don't you get back to what made you famous in the first place. This site has turned to shit, bring back the gossip. Ohnotheydidn't is so much better than here.



    56. 56

      Re: Sensitivity – Lover…..where are you?????????? Are you trying to "hornswaggle" me??????????



    57. 57

      Re: Jubilee – When nut jobs, gay bashers and other freaks decided they are above other posters and talk shit……..and feel no one can defend themselves!!!!! Love the avie you have! :)



    58. 58

      LOS ANGELES (AP) — It's another girl for Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck.
      Affleck's spokesman, Shawn Sachs, and Garner's spokeswoman, Leslie Sloane-Zelnik, said Tuesday that Garner gave birth to their second daughter but would not provide any additional details.
      Garner and Affleck, both 36, were married in June 2005. Garner gave birth to daughter Violet in December 2005.



    59. 59

      huh, surprisingly well written and i like your analysis of new hollywood. looks like an entertaining read.



    60. 60

      Re: orchidgirl – I have never posted anything, and never really planned on posting, but you are so annoying.

      You post stupid, irrelevant comments about pathetic e-drama every effing time i want to enjoy peoples relevant comments about the post.

      It's not an internet chat room, its a damn blog for people to discuss/comment on how morbidly obese oprah is or how britney spears tucks it between her legs.So please do yourself and me a favor and take your pathetic self to a damn chat room made for lonely women with 12 cats



    61. 61

      the book looks hilarious! i went to buy it but chapters isnt selling it yet…definately something you'll want to read when you're down in the dumps



    62. 62

      Re: Assume the Position! – Thanks. It's an art piece that I found online.



    63. 63

      Re: leafcake – comment 62 - hahahahahahaha AWESOME!!!!!



    64. 64

      Who ghost-wrote it? And why should we buy it when we get plenty of nastiness here? I certainly don't need to spend money for it.



    65. 65

      HOW CAN YOU HAVE NICK CARTER IN THE SAME CATEGORY AS MUSHY BARTON AND TIRED REID !!!! WHAT HAS HE DONE TO DESERVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    66. 66

      Re: Assume the Position! – #53 WTF you are insane!! I warn all here stay away from his sick woman hater!!Nobody replys to him anymore as he is insane and uses several names..including talking to himself!!Just look at how many people reply to him unlss it is hatefull…Go figure eh!!



    67. 67

      I like the sarcasm and the truths in the excerpt. Funny stuff!



    68. 68

      It was 90 today in Florida. Can you tell our tan thru the sand? We have no idea how people can stand to freeze to death. When it gets 60 degrees, we dress like it's your Winter. Love the heat. We'd rather burn to death anyday, than freeze to death. Come on
      down to the Sunshine State. Skaken and Baken in Florida.



    69. 69

      Great interview at the Today Show! Continue to represent your heritage. Too bad you won't sit with us for an interview in our magazine A-LIST INTERNATIONAL (alist-international.com). Why is that? Not a big enough publication for you? :) Keep up the good work!



    70. 70

      Re: leafcake – PERFECT EXAMPLE!!LOSER TALKING TO HIMSELF AGAIN!!!!JUST IGNORE THE DISEASE AS MUCH AS WE CAN!!



    71. 71

      Damn I think my boyfriend left………………..Sensitivity!!!!!! I just drank some "grog" to try and get over you…………………….my "dungbie" is lonely for your love!!!!!! "Shiver me timbers" Sensitivity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    72. 72

      Re: guilty of being white – I agree Andy 27 but dont put down Orchid.



    73. 73

      Re: Sensitivity – comment 68 - no hate at all lover only from you!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahaha LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! You make yourself sound so STUPID!!!! Hey, are you coming over later???????????? I need a good "shiver me timbers"!!!!!!!!!! Sexy Fake Pirate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    74. 74

      Re: Sensitivity – comment 74 - Fuck you and cumrag Orchidhoochie!!!!!!!!!!! You're an ASSHOLE cheating on me with a pale, nasty, dirty used condom!!!!!!!!!! Bastard!!!!!



    75. 75

      Re: Assume the Position! – Well it is the truth, this self-absorbed a h o l e commented on one of the John Travolta posts, making it about her and her e-drama. Thats just wrong. Her r e t a r d e d posts make me punch babies. Keep up the jolly good work fighting the dou che s that litter my screen with c r ap



    76. 76

      HEADS UP, PEREZITO: JEN GARNER JUST HAD HER BABYYY. IT'S A GIRL!!!



    77. 77

      Re: Assume the Position! – I'll shiver your timbers like I did last month, you drunk ass bitch. Why is your cock have pokydots all over it? Where you M.J. before? My hot steamy dick is waiting for your tender mouth. Get over here, you johnnycakes are waiting.



    78. 78

      Re: Assume the Position! – Is that the best you can do woman hating homo fag????A FAG WITH NO FIENDS..I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.I REALLY DO!!!



    79. 79

      Stop promoting your fucken book! Post proper gossip about actual celebs, not about your stupid book or your gay self.



    80. 80

      Hopefully none of you dummies are buying this book to help this BIG dummy further his agenda: To live vicariously thru every celebrity he has ever made fun of. Let's do the math: Fat, ugly, downtrodden nobody makes good on trashy gossip website that attracts us all…..now he is trying to cash in for real. Please nobody buy this book!!…it insults our intelligence, as if we dont know Hollywood is smoke and mirrors….
      He longs to be a part of the very community he lashes out at on a daily basis. Ahhh so hypocritical and typically gay…..well alas if you do make any money on this book, hopefully you'll use the money to get some braces, cuz your teeth are JACKED…LOL



    81. 81

      Re: JohnnyCakes – ARGHHH!!LOL!!

    82. Laury says – reply to this


      82

      Perez, I hope you realize how useless your book is. And also that Paris is gonna hate you for this. Then again, maybe she won't, because she can't read, ha. Look for Perez's book soon at your nearest flea market for the amazing price of 99 cents!



    83. 83

      Re: Sensitivity – You are making yourself look very stupid! Orchid is new and the rest of us have been here awhile! I'm not Assume, so shut up idiot! You sound like a retarded maniac defending a nutfuck! STOP!
      Let it go and let her defend herself! We have had enough of her, believe it or not the people bashing her are posse members who want her to go away! Don't believe me and that's fine but we do chuckle at your passionate defense of the childish moron who calls herself Orchidgirl and other names! Oh and her frontal picture she used as an avi was classic, we had a great laugh!



    84. 84

      Re: Assume the Position! – #76.FUCK ..ARE YOU LIKE !2 YEARS OLD OR WHAT??? GROW UP ASSHOLE!!



    85. 85

      Re: JohnnyCakes – Awww so sexy…………….but Sensitivity really knows how to lick my "dungbie" so I'll stick with him……….Thanks for the offer!!!! ;)

    86. Laury says – reply to this


      86

      Re: Miss McGillicutty –

      Of course he didn't post about jen garner, he was too busy posting about himself. because perez whoring out his new stupid book is wayyyyy more important than a talented woman giving birth.



    87. 87

      Assume the Position…you're kinda HOT….so what are u lookin for?? fbuddy, bf? LTR?? Oh wait, youre gay right? im sorry….I meant….fbuddy?? forget the other two….we both know that doesnt happen, heheLOL



    88. 88

      Re: leafcake – Thank you!!!! I get shit from closet freaks like Sensitivity!!!!! (who by the way claims you and I are the same person) lol Orchid is a PATHETIC mess!!!!!!!! I CAN'T stand her and have made it very clear!!!!



    89. 89

      Re: hot_homo – I hear Sensitivity is looking to give an awesome rim job……….Are you interested????



    90. 90

      I can't wait to buy a dang copy. I just had wait around for pay day. :P



    91. 91

      Re: Sensitivity – LOG OUT NOW! Assume is handing you your ass on a platter and making a fool out of you! Come back tomorrow and talk to the posse but right now you look like the biggest twat squirt, I mean worse than Orchidslut!



    92. 92

      more vacuous, trite, breathy landfill, from the Prince of Puke.



    93. 93

      I might be….does he have nice uncut member, LOL



    94. 94

      Re: hot_homo – Sensitivity is small in the the frontal region but makes up for it in his love of the "dungbie"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;) World Class Salad Tosser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    95. 95

      OMG! OMG! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I TOTTALLY FORGOT YOU WERE IN NYC TODAY!!! FUCK! SHIT! FUCK! ;-( I REALLY WANTED TO GO!!! NOW THE NEXT TIME YOUR IN TOWN FOR YOUR NEXT NEXT BOOK SIGNING YOU WIL BE MUCH BIGGER STAR! HOPE YOU STAY TRUE THROUGH ALL YOUR SUCCESS! STAY YOURSELF! AND WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU THE SAME! SORRY POO BEAR THAT I MISSED YOUR SIGNING! I WAS WORKING HARD TODAY THEN CAN HOME AND COOKED DINNER FOR MY DOGS! LOL NEXT TIME! I PROMISE! L♡VE-VICTORIA NYC



    96. 96

      Re: Sensitivity – You are a serious dou ch e. Your posts make little to no sense. You type like a retard. You tell other posters that they have no life or that they need to grow up, you should look in the mirror and ask yourself these same questions pecker head. I am not Assume the position or anyone else so stop being a paranoid limey dbag



    97. 97

      Re: Orchidgirl is a Moron – WHATEVER PYCHO HOMO!!!GET HELP..NO ONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE SO MANY NAMES AND REPLY TO YOURSELF!! YOU DON'T REALIZE YOU HAVE A SERIOUS SICKNESS AND MUST BE ON MEDIATION.. EITHER THAT OR GET A FUCKING JOB AND DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE [YOU ONLY HAVE THIS ONE CHANCE]…YOU LOSER WOMAN HATING HOMO!!!!!!!!!!!



    98. 98

      READ YOUR BOOK AND IT'S SO FUCKING TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      .
      .
      YOUR TIPS ARE SO ON POINT. I WASN'T BORN WITH A FAMOUS NAME SO I BECAME JAZZ. I STARTED OFF IN HIGH SCHOOL WITH A FAKE ID…SNEAKING INTO THE GAY BARS AND BREAK DANCING…MY HEAD ON A PEICE OF CARDBOARD ON THE DANCE FLOOR…AND I NAMED MYSELF JAZZ!
      .
      .
      I BUILT UP A BUSINESS GIVING PEOPLE LESSONS IN BREAKIN'
      .
      THEN I GOT MY VIP PASSES AND SNUBBED EVERYONE…AND SAT AT THE BEST TABLES, NEVER PAID FOR A DRINK AND WALTZED PAST THOSE ANNOYING LINES AND VELVET ROPES. IT'S ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE MY FRIENDS.
      .
      .
      THE INVENTION OF CAMERA PHONES WAS A BITCH!! I CURTAILED MY SEXUAL ACTIVITIES AT THE BAR AND THE GYM BECAUSE OF THEM….I KNOW PEOPLE WOULD LOVE TO SEE ME ON YOUTUBE BUT I WOULDN'T.
      .
      .
      I WANT ALL MY LAMBS WHO ASPIRE TO BE NOTICED TO READ PEREZ' BOOK AND COMMIT IT TO MEMORY. YOU CAN LOOK AT IT AS A WHAT TO DO OR WHAT NOT TO DO…DEPENDING ON HOW YOU WANT TO BE LABELED.



    99. 99

      It's amazing, you rip off stories from other sites and post them hours after they do, you rip off photos and claim they are on the public domain, and now your stupid book cover and title is a rip off of a Duran Duran cd cover. Just because you replace a woman with your dumb face on the cover and change the title to Suicide instead of Massacre, doesn't make you clever and clearly shows how unoriginal you are. Nobody comes on here (myself included) to see shit about you and if they do, then they are in dire need of some sort of life. If you were as famous as you think you are, we would only read about you on other sites and yet every frickin day I have to see a post about you. Get over yourself Perez before you drive away the people who still come to this site for gossip that concerns legitimate celebrities.



    100. 100

      Re: Jubilee – Stay clear of his drag queen pycho..just a heads up thats all.He goes by several names .eg assume,orchid ones.andy 27.perez,leafcake,star etcetcetc..

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