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13-Year-Old Dad Is Not The Dad After All!

| Filed under: Baby BlabberWacky, Tacky & TrueBusted!



Paging Maury Povich!

Turns out wee Brit Alfie Patten is not the father of baby Maisie with village-bicycle-with-training-wheels girlfriend Chentelle.

A DNA test revealed that 13-year-old Alfie is not the baby's daddy. The boy took the test after several lads came forward claiming to have slept with 15-year-old Chantelle.

Alfie's mom said, "It had not even crossed Alfie’s mind whether Chantelle had not been faithful to him. He’s absolutely devastated that these lads say they slept with her."

Poor Alfie!

Apparently, Chantelle's mom ordered her slutty daughter to insist that she had been a virgin prior to sleeping with Alfie. But science has revealed the truth!

Alfie's dad said, "He said it was the first time he’d had sex, he didn’t know what he was doing or the complications that could come. I’ll talk to him again and it’ll be the birds and bees talk."

We think that by now, Alfie is well acquainted with the birds and the bees. What his dad needs to do is buy him a 24 pack of condoms.

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134 comments to “13-Year-Old Dad Is Not The Dad After All!”

More comments: [1] 2 »

  1. 1

    I cant believe he did it with that .. thing.. woman.. !! look at her!!

  2. 2

    LMFAO! hilarious!

  3. 3

    well its good for the boy that hes not the father. he can go back to his normal 13 year old boy life. that poor girl tho, she is going to be ripped apart even farther by the media and the ppl in her town. shes 15, ppl make mistakes and lie and are impressionable. her mother never should have told her to lie to poor alfie =(

  4. 4

    Oh, shoot!!!

  5. 5

    Alfie You…Are Not The Father!!!!!!!!

  6. 6

    LOL what a slut, and only at 15,, only time will tell how much of a bigger slut she shall become

  7. 7

    Re: BBBoricua – WHAT UP B!

  8. 8

    What an evil whore that girl is.

  9. 9

    Re: andreinac13 – THAT WAS SO MAURY!!! LMAOF!

  10. 10


  11. 11

    Re: LettyB – Why are you such a perez hater but you are on his site? I heart perez and if i did gay men and he did women i would totally hump him,. I may just hump his leg for fun

  12. 12

    This is a God sent for his parent's!! …and Alfie. He may be upset now but he can go on with his life.

  13. 13


  14. 14

    What a dirty little HO!!
    The poor kid is going to be traumatized! Poor baby when it grows up and comes to understand what a nationally recognized tramp mom is.

  15. 15

    Well now we can all rest easy Mario finally caught up with the rest of the world

  16. 16

    As for my "nationally recognized tramp" comment, I guess it must be something like being Jenna Jameson's kids.

  17. 17

    Ewwww so grosss…

  18. 18

    WOW.. I am actually relieved for little Alfie.

  19. 19

    what an effed up situation… stating in public that you're willing to care for the baby no matter what only to find out that it's not yours… wow, that's soo like major awkward… and gosh, she's only 15 but how many boys had she already slept with? tsk. tsk.

  20. 20

    That girl needs some eyebrows

  21. 21


  22. 22

    Re: Michelle!! – i would lapuke on perez…..and then on you

  23. 23

    i cant imagine being a 15yr old and actually claiming a 13yr old boy was my babydaddy… wtf; ahhaha and little alfie was "devistated" he has a whole world of devistation ahead of him now.. …

  24. 24

    Must be a lot of desperate blokes in the UK

  25. 25

    Re: Michelle!! – what the fuck bitch???? other than you who the fuck likes mario???

  26. 26

    Of course he's not the father his little huevos haven't even dropped yet!

  27. 27

    So white trash is not indigenous to the USA?

  28. 28

    it wasnt his time. whens he's ready to be a father he will be.

  29. 29

    Poor little fucker.

  30. 30

    this one makes my day!

  31. 31

    this girl needs her tubes tied, NOW.
    that boy sure dodged a bullet. maybe he should get snipped as well.
    what a mess.

  32. 32

    It was scary enough to think that one boy was stupid enough to have sex with that thing.. eep.

  33. 33

    When I saw the pics of the other boys I could see one of them had a nose that was perfect match for the baby! Thankfully for Alfie, DNA testing is so readily available now. That Chantelle is really a lying dirty girl.

  34. 34

    Hola, L*E*T*T*Y*B*!!!
    Good to see you again, my friend!

  35. 35


  36. 36


  37. 37

    How sad and totally embarrassing what a whore this girl is. Her parents should be mortified.

  38. 38

    OMG! Hilarious in a way. Glad this kid will be alright.

  39. 39

    Wow. She's slutty AND ugly. What a combo.

  40. 40


  41. 41

    It was obvious that Alfie didn't know how to screw and his little playmate was a big ho. Now maybe Alfie will take his little butt back to elementary school and keep his tiny peepee in his pants.

  42. 42

    qué chica más guapa!!

  43. 43

    Re: DikinCider – i like mario too.. stfu fatass

  44. m.j says – reply to this


    What a whore! Who would have sex with a boy who looks 10 anyway????

  45. 45

    Re: andreajonsdottir – which tatoo is wearing off the white one or the black one?

  46. 46

    Ahhhh - poor Alfie, he took his responsibilities like a real man and got his little heart broken. Let this be a lesson Alfie - NO MORE HOs.

  47. 47

    that girl is soo ugly

  48. 48

    Re: Nip Slip – ….and fertile

  49. 49

    Promptly censored off all medias…

  50. 50

    That picture doesn't even do her justice. I can't believe all of these kids stepped up and admitted that they slept with this girl. She's as ugly as a mud fence. I would seriously consider letting Perez ass fuck me before I would hump this thing.

  51. 51

    Re: Absynthetic – Me Too!

  52. 52

    lol…the whole thing is just gross. shows you what kind of chavs are out there in britain. these kids clearly were not educated by their parents properly.

    i guess glad he is out of it though and that hes learnt his lesson and live his life and move on.

  53. Maia says – reply to this


    If Alfie isn't the father, was it determined who IS ?

  54. 54

    That little shit needs to have that baby taken away from her. Doesn't she have like, six siblings and years-long unemployed parents?

  55. 55

    Even though I'm glad the little boy is not the father I can't help but feel sorry for the kid. Finding out a kid isn't yours is hard for anyone to go through at ANY age. At least now he knows how sex can end up. He'll probably think twice…hopefully when he is WAAY older.

  56. 56

    that is so sad i would have cryed if i thought i was a mom then soem stupid dna test said its not my baby i would be astonished i hate that he has been taking care of it and he was there when it was born not fair

  57. 57

    This story is pathetically sad .. for all involved.

  58. 58

    ugh that girl creeps me out so much

  59. 59

    thank god. he can be a little boy again.

  60. Naz says – reply to this


    thats disgusting hes 13 ew man she couldnt have at leasttttt done it wit someone her own age?

  61. 61

    Ahh, I KNEW IT!!! I said to myself, there is no way that little boy shoots anything but blanks! I mean come on… he doesnt look like hes had his 1st wet dream yet. He should feel very releived that that his g/f is a superwhore… now he can go back to being a kid.

  62. 62

    GOOD. Now his life wont be destroyed by some 15 year old hoochie. Dad does need to buy condoms for the boy, and he's doing right by talking to him more.

  63. 63

    Hooray for Alfie! She's horrible…yikes

  64. 64

    Re: JoJoStar – LOL! Couldnt of said it better myself!

  65. 65

    hahah this is sooo funnnyy. the girl should NOT get that much action with her face….and body. sorry girl, but you are not hot haha

  66. 66

    Re: .perezhilton.com – Not that's one LITERAL comment. Good 1

  67. 67

    I KNEW IT!!!
    that kid doesn't look like he can even CUM!!!

  68. 68

    Poor Alfie. I know he so wanted to believe her, and it turns out that the neighborhood boys weren't making it up when they said Chantel was the local booty call. I hope Alfie's life can return to normal, and that his family educates him on how to avoid this issue in the future.

  69. 69

    she's an ugly slut, good x him not being the dad

  70. 70

    Wow, he must be hella relieved
    A father at 13? What the hell? This story blew my mother fucking mind when i read it the first time.
    That 15 year old girl Chantelle should be absolutely disgusted with herself… 15 and you've already had a child and you don't know who the father is? Where are her parents?! Raise your kids right you lazy fucks. Now look what you've done, the British press won't live this down. I feel sympathy for her, but close your legs until your old enough to accept the consequences.

  71. 71

    WRONG PEREZ! Teenagers having sex, even if a baby results may not be all the familiar with the reproductive processes. The Dad needs to forget about the birds and bees and sit down and have a frank talk with his son, leaving out the birds and bees visual. Parents need to do this with ALL of their pre-teens and teens.

  72. 72

    oh my god.
    he's too young to be a dad anyway.

  73. 73

    She took advantage of him! Somebody should lock that girl up, she's a monster who doesn't benefit society.

  74. 74

    I think we all have a sneaking suspicion as to who the real daddy is? And most of us are thinking someone whose initials are P.H. ?

  75. 75

    alfie is lucky he escaped that little village slutty pants .
    is the daddy now ?
    the grandparents are what, like 30 years old .
    how sickening.
    sure they are perfect examples, nOT , of how to care for kids,
    reminds me of octomum.
    when are the kids going to a good home ?

  76. 76

    OMG babies having babies what the hell is wrong with this world today ..you got octopuss here having tons of kids that her ass will never be able to support and then you got little 13 and 15 year olds having babies that they will never be able to support …..guess who will ????yup us we will support all these little bastards .
    oh this makes me mad the parents of the little whore should be the one to support this child with no help form us tax payer you let your daughter whore around you pay

  77. 77

    Little swamphog Chantelle better hope there will be a new season of FLAVOR OF LOVE or she'll never get another boyfriend.

  78. Jpeel says – reply to this


    loove wolverine!!

  79. 79

    He should fall to his kness in Thanks,, Really

  80. 80

    wow, what a whore. that lil boy should be happy

  81. 81

    he dodged a bullet! Lost the responsibility of being a dad and the skanky ho.

  82. 82

    you're kidding me right?

    please tell me everything in that box was a horrible disgusting joke.

  83. 83

    holy shitttt what is wrong with the world

  84. 84

    A reliable source tells me that Mr. James Hewitt was seen in the vicinity about a year ago.

  85. 85


  86. 86

    Well thank God he's not the daddy. He's a damn baby himself. And that baby's mama looks like Shrek. Like for real.

  87. 87

    Didn't I tell y'all this kid shoots blanks?

    boing boing boing

    We want Harry back

  88. 88

    Jeez, which ones the baby.

  89. 89

    I BLAME THE PARENTS ..Not the children..they are kids.

  90. 90

    He looks like a sweet kinder gartener and she looks like a freaking dinosaur… he looks so young?!?! how could anyone bring themselves to have sex with a kid that looks like they just came out of diapers??? Manipulative little b****

  91. 91

    ugh ick

  92. 92

    Well, at least now his whole life isn't ruined before he's out of puberty. He should consider himself a very fortunate young man. I don't get what he was doing in a relationship with HER anyway. OMG….take a really good look. The little guy should consider himself one lucky kid, emphasis on KID.

  93. 93

    awww! he's not the dad after all? and i actually believed in this miracle

  94. 94

    So the real question remains: who is the babies daddy? i think they should get the whole town tested just to be sure. this girl is an authentic door knob.

  95. 95

    i hope this doesn't like fuck him up mentally

  96. 96

    WTF. WOW

  97. 97


  98. 98

    I feel bad for Alfie because of how f'ed up he's going to be from this. He's definately going to not trust people for awhile. Hopefully he can go back to being a normal 13 year old.

    The 15 year old that did this, well… she has some deep seeded issues that probably come more then just bad sex ed. for whoring around as much as she is.

  99. 99

    but now who is the daddy?


  100. 100

    don't call her a fucking village bicyce with training wheel! oh poor baby the 13 year old dude doesn't have to be a dad. he's fucking lucky!

    now this girl is gonna have to deal with raising the kid (WHY did anyone suggest abortion??) and also being considered a slutty slut slut. perez, get off your high horse. girls have sex and occasionally make bad decisions, just like boys, but they have ten times the repercussions. :P

More comments: [1] 2 »