We know how to find Osama bin Laden!
Play the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack and he'll come running!
According to Sudanese novelist Kola Boof, even though Osama bin Laden frowns on music, he's obsessed with diva Whitney Houston!
In her autobiography Diary of a Lost Girl, Boof documents her experience being held captive in a Moroccan hotel and forced to be Laden's sex slave for four months 10 years ago.
"He told me Whitney Houston was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen."
"Osama kept coming back to Whitney Houston. He asked if I knew her personally when I lived in America. I told him I didn't. He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston, and although he claimed music was evil he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar. It didn't seem impossible to me. He said he wanted to give Whitney Houston a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum."
"He explained to me that to possess Whitney he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives. Whitney Houston's name was the one that would be mention constantly. How beautiful she was, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women's husbands killed."
"In his briefcase I would come across photographs of the Star magazine, as well as copies of Playboy."
Damn you, Western culture!
She even claims that the terrorist's favorite TV shows were The Wonder Years, Miami Vice and MacGyver.
The idea of him watching Kevin Arnold brings the LOLs!
But, it also explains why we couldn't find him in the mountains of Afghanistan. He got tricky watching all those MacGyver episodes!
[Image via AP Images.]