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Carrie Fisher Provides Wisdom & Learns Not To Google Yourself

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Princess Leia is pissed! People are calling her names and she is calling them out. Carrie Fisher took to her all too unfrequented blog to discuss something she found appalling - herself!

She broke a sacred rule of celebrity that states you should never Goggle yourself unless you want your self esteem to plummet. Nevertheless, Carrie did and what she read prompted this blog post, which we think just happens to be HIGHalrious:

Weight AND Wisdom!

I thought that I’d forgotten one of the things I was thinking of writing about, but now I remember………at least I think I do…… One thing is that I foolishly Googled myself last nite—–because the Enquirer has been trying to get me to confirm some asinine thing I said as a bad joke AGES ago, & I wanted to see if had shown up somewhere—- which it hadn’t—– until now, when I stupidly call attention to this non event here——- ANYWAY—–in the process of searching, I found that someone had posted that I USED to be hot, but that now I looked like Elton John. As much as I attempted to place myself above the reach of this observation……

I must admit that…..yup……. This ended up hurting my feelings—–all 7 of them.

You see, I was hot when most people are hot—- in my fucking 20’s & part of my 30’s……THEN, in an effort to imitate humans, I had a child &, to further maintain my life like disguise, I took medications for about 9 thousand years, &, despite all my efforts, I continued to get older & older——inadvertently, I assure you———-I tried to arrest my development physically as WELL as emotionally, but unfortunately without as much success. I also must confess that I ate food. I’m sorry….. I realize that I promised never to eat anything but lettuce & sun flower seeds, but tragically, I was unable to keep my promise.

Yes, I realize…..I KNOW that I vowed to exercise for 3 hours a day—-aerobics, pilates AND yoga, but alas, I admit with a large quota of shame, that I failed to fulfill this other important commitment.

NO, I shouldn’t look as if 30 years have passed. I understand completely if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me for looking like 3 decades have passed…….Of COURSE you should mock & belittle me for being so large!! What else could you POSSIBLY do?????!? I’ve let you down by treating my body as though it were just some giant sad sack that I use to haul my personality around. You have every right to compare me to Yoda or Elton or Kirstie…….I’ve brought it on myself.

But here’s this thing that I found myself wondering………what the fuck do YOU look like??!

I know i don’t really have the right to ask……I’m a public figure——Ive made an unspoken contract to keep that figure slim…….but still, I find myself wondering…….See, I think the folks that insult & mock celebrities who DARE to pack on ten pounds or—–God forbid——MORE than ten!…..I would think it only fair that they post a photo of themselves along with their poisonous observations! And you know what else would be SUPER cool??? Their IQ! ALL the numbers! An approximate count of Weight AND wisdom!

And as a teeny aside—–my show on Broadway is not about my appearance. Oh sure, I’m killing myself trying to lose weight before I open so I won’t offend any theater goers eyes while attempting to entertain them via their ears…… But just in case I don’t achieve my goal of keeping my promise to look 25 & instead manage to remind you of bulbous slugs or gay, iconic musicians……..

I’d like to take this opportunity to offer this quasi poignant explanation & to say to those of you I’ve visually offended…… from the bottom of my heart encased in fat——-

BLOW MY BIG BOVINE tiny dancer COCK!

We now return to our regular programing……

XxOoCf

What a send-off at the end there! And way to go plugging your Broadway show right in the middle of your angry rant. Very classy!

Thoughts?

[Image via WENN.]

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242 comments to “Carrie Fisher Provides Wisdom & Learns Not To Google Yourself”

More comments: [1] 2 3 »

  1. 3333 says – reply to this


    1

    i she from star wars??? wow she got fat



  2. 2

    bravo.



  3. 3

    hysterical.



  4. 4

    I sense a great disturbance in the force.



  5. 5

    Good for her!



  6. 6

    BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    AMELLE HAS LEFT THE SUGABABES
    confirmed a few hours ago by MTV



  7. 7

    1st of all i'm not reading all of that! 2nd who is she????? :S



  8. 8

    Carrie you ROCK! You look awesome, fuck the haters! You, Kirstie and all the rest of them that get picked on for being human should do a sit-com! I love you all!



  9. 9

    Proof that you should not drink and blog.
    *

    Oh and Carrie… I hear that nibbling on the foreskin of young uncircumsized boys does wonders for turing back the hands of time.



  10. 10

    dude, shes super awesome!



  11. 11

    no way



  12. 12

    SHE IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  13. 13

    That was FUCKIN AWESOME!!!!!!!!



  14. 14

    Well she does have a point!



  15. 15

    i think that was fucking awesome!!!!! fuck everyone else.

  16. 3333 says – reply to this


    16

    lets extint veggies and fruit



  17. 17

    Good for her…. people who criticize how other people look are assholes.



  18. 18

    love it!



  19. 19

    awesomeeeeee



  20. 20

    I had never given her much thought before, but now I love her!



  21. 21

    You tell them Girl!!!



  22. 22

    I totally agree



  23. 23

    Give her a talk show, now.



  24. 24

    I love Carrie Fisher!! Did you hear me?? I love Carrie Fisher! She is probably THE smartest and most honest person on the planet! Brilliant! I'll suck her big bovine tiny dancer cock anytime!!



  25. 25

    couldn't have said it better myself….you shut them right up….



  26. 26

    carrie fisher will always be awesome.

  27. Rocco says – reply to this


    27

    She is awesome. Certainly, her head is screwed on straight. Lovesit!



  28. 28

    Love her!



  29. 29

    Get over it.



  30. 30

    fucking LOVE IT!!!! GO CARRIE!!!



  31. 31

    Hell yes Carrie!!!! Your now pretty KICK ASS in my book :-)



  32. 32

    God that was funny and brilliant. love her.



  33. 33

    totally agree. People are so harsh towards celebrities and their weight. They're human just like us and gain weight just like us. It's about time someone wrote something like this!



  34. 34

    LOL I love it! You go girl and you are 100% right!



  35. 35

    FUCKIN AWESOME!

    She just summed up the culture here on Perez pretty well!

  36. Moron says – reply to this


    36

    Couldn't have said any better. She is awesome!



  37. 37

    I love it and her! So funny!



  38. 38

    thats shit was genius!



  39. 39

    LOL way to go Carrie You tell em girl

  40. jham says – reply to this


    40

    That was freakin hilarious!!!!! Love ya lady!!! And LOVED postcards from the edge!! Your hottness just increased exponentially with that post!



  41. 41

    Good for her…I love what she said!



  42. 42

    Love Carrie and love this!!! Too bad Kirstie didn't send something like this to you, Perez!!



  43. 43

    I had to work with her once because she contacted a company I worked for for Appliances for her home and they gave her some for FREE and she was a total NIGHTMARE and totally rude!



  44. 44

    i like her. she's absolutely right. i'm sick and tired of everybody getting angry at women who have the nerve to get old and gain weight. it's a natural part of life.



  45. 45

    Everything she said is RIGHT! And YES, let's see all those fat-as-shit-living-in-their-Mama's-basement-retarded-fucks post their photo's. I guarantee more than half of them have tits twice the size Carrie ever had, and the girls half the size.



  46. 46

    Love it, Love it, Love it!!!!



  47. 47

    Re: Canadiana* – You're the dumb shit she's talking about you moron - what the fuck to YOU look like? Go nibble your own foreskin you sackof shite.



  48. 48

    I love it :) she's so right



  49. 49

    I LOVE it! Love it!



  50. 50

    Can't help but love her, especially in Return of the Jedi where she's wearing that sexy metal bikini.



  51. 51

    Damn, she mad…I wouldn't be so mad if I had her money.



  52. 52

    I love what she has to say. Not everyone is an asshat like you pointing out every flaw as if they are above it all. Go Carrie!!!



  53. 53

    LMAO so funny



  54. 54

    I just fell in love with Carrie Fisher!



  55. 55

    YA! Carrie Fisher!!! (Perez, you spelled her name wrong!!!!) Good for her. Fuck the haters. She remains beautiful both inside and out.



  56. 56

    Re: edmonton – HHAAAAAHHAAA You need to read again moron… understand sarcasm much moron.



  57. 57

    I'm GLAD She did that. I'm so tired of the whole skinny stereotype thing… and I'm skinny. Thats sad.

    Get em BABEH!!!!



  58. 58

    LMAO!!! Amen, sista!!



  59. 59

    You tell 'em, Carrie!!! I am going through the same thing…gaining weight once I started taking meds for Bipolar Disorder. They slowed down my metabolism and I put weight on…big fucking deal. I just got married and my husband tells me that there is just more of me to love. Fuck the haters!!!!

    Best wishes,
    Carrie K.



  60. 60

    Lovely! Both Carrie & the blog post. LOVED it!



  61. 61

    I roared with laughter. I have always loved Carrie Fisher. She tells it like it is and is one smart, funny woman.



  62. 62

    bravo carrie. very proud



  63. 63

    I love her even more!



  64. 64

    Wow, she must have really been offended! Bahahahahaaa she worded that so well… XD SO true though!



  65. 65

    You go Carrie!!! Woo Hoo!!



  66. 66

    I LOVE IT!!!! GOOD FOR HER.



  67. 67

    love it, love it!!!



  68. 68

    Good for her! I loved it! As stated previously BRAVO HYSTERICAL!



  69. 69

    She has a point but she also seems like a real bitch.



  70. 70

    LOOOOOOOVE her. She is so smart and funny. Wish she were my friend. What a great mind- wrapped in a beautiful body and face. I feel better today just reading that. Thank you, Carrie. And Le shana tovah to you and Billie.



  71. 71

    Carrie- Thank you for defending those of us who got to be old and do not look like we did at 20. Life happens. Kids happen. Enjoy life. You only get one.



  72. 72

    This is pointed at assholes like you Hilton and your fucking little minded Hiltonettes.
    Stop calling people out because they are not your version of OK…or Faboosh..or whatever small minded word you are using these days. We all see how Hilton dresses….like a dried up and used up fame whore.



  73. 73

    I love her. She is a true thespian. Not one of these q-tip losers who are only on tv because they are pretty. Looks fade people, true talent endures. And she is living proof of that!

  74. cdv says – reply to this


    74

    Um Yeah…… she was only in one of the biggest movie franchises of all time and still famous you could at least spell her name right, Jabba. Its Carrie Fisher not Fischer.

  75. berri says – reply to this


    75

    I want to give her a big high-five SO badly right now. This is awesome :) Way to go Carrie. Heaven forbid celebrities are REAL people who DARE to age or have weight issues! ;)

  76. Elis says – reply to this


    76

    hahahah that is the best thing I have read! she is awesome!
    and its completely true.



  77. 77

    hhahahaha class..i think i'd be friends with this broad



  78. 78

    AND AFTER HER FUCKING RANT THE OBVIOUS STILL STAND - SHE STILL EFFING FAT!!!!!!!!!!!! SO WUT'S UR POINT CARRIE "COW" FISHER????



  79. 79

    totally agree with her…leave her alone! people can be so vicious! these people who just sit behind their computers at their desks and rip people apart should have to show their faces. it's mean. but karma's a bitch and she just has to keep reminding herself that these people will get bitchslapped with it at some point. plus, what a horrible negative existence–to just be mean and make fun of people all the time? that's the legacy you want to leave in this world? pathetic.



  80. 80

    Now that was funny.



  81. 81

    Carrie so relevant…I LOVE HER!!!!

    So right the fuck on. Yes, I hate when people go online and just tear into these celebrities in such a mean way. YUCK!!!! Stop the being so mean!

    I am so positive that these people are really very unhappy with themselves. When we dig into other like that–we have little unconditional love for themselves.

    It works like this: "Like OMG, Britney ass is terrible. I feel better about myself now!"

    I find it so sick to berate others in that way. Also, don't you have anything else to do with your time.

    And you know what else, Carrie still got it. She still an attractive women. Unless your eye is only trained to enjoy siliconed implants and plumped lips. HELLO AMERICA? Beauty is not a one-dimensional thing.

    Hard for our one-dimensional country to understand.



  82. 82

    WOW! I love her:) and it's SO true! All you fucks out there that insult ladies that are aging will one day find out that your tits sag,and so does EVERYTHING else! Welcome to the REAL world. That's what all this plastic surgery has done to this new generation. They don't REALLY know what an aging female body looks like! When you hit your 30's LOOK OUT! haha



  83. 83

    give us more of you spot on "everybody just get yourselves back in line" and call out general society's BS!!!! May the Carrie Force be with us!



  84. 84

    Somebody forgot to take their meds!!!



  85. 85

    This just made my day!!!!!!! Brilliant.



  86. 86

    love you, Carrie………the sands of time stop for no one! Not even those people who say such ugly things to you. xx



  87. 87

    amazzzzzing! hahahha!



  88. 88

    exactly. she's right and I love it.



  89. 89

    Don't give a fuck if she is 6lbs, 5oz or 750lbs!!!
    She is an amazing women that us mere mortals can't begin to understand!
    Having crazy ass Debbie Reynolds for a mom and Liz Taylor as a stepmother would make anyone a bitch!! Can't imagine what having a cheatin' ass dad like Eddie Fischer does to a lil girl's self esteem! But she survived and wrote a best seller about it!! Fuck em all!!!
    She is and always will be Princess Lea!!



  90. 90

    She fucking rules.

  91. fUkRD says – reply to this


    91

    OMG!!! SHE IS FUCKING BRILLIANT



  92. 92

    Fuck, she's awesome.

  93. Nikku says – reply to this


    93

    I think what she says is very true. I love her wit and truth.



  94. 94

    Yay for grounded celebrities!



  95. 95

    Loves it!!!!!!



  96. 96

    love it, love it, love it!!!!!



  97. 97

    I Love Her…she's smart, sexy and sassy!
    ~
    I'd love see her on Broadway, she's so talented.
    ~
    Love her mama, too!
    ~



  98. 98

    You tell 'em girl! Good for you. LIFE HAPPENS!! Still an AWESOME woman.



  99. 99

    Good for you Carrie! It takes a lot of heart to admit that that stuff really hurts!



  100. 100

    3333, you're an idiot…

    Bravo, Carrie, because honestly if these nim-rods had to post their own pictures they wouldn't bother to post their opinion… Screw the haters!!! Rock on Carrie!!

More comments: [1] 2 3 »