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A Letter To Our Teenage Self

| Filed under: Personally Perez

As first published in the UK's Sunday Times this past weekend.


[Thanks to Jodie Harsh for the scan!]

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106 comments to “A Letter To Our Teenage Self”

More comments: [1] 2 »

  1. 1

    …what happened?

  2. jaims says – reply to this


    Good article! Wouldn't it be nice to really be able to talk to our teenage selves?????

  3. 3

    After and Before… poor thing

  4. 4

    Omg, you're such a fruit.

  5. 5


  6. 6

    Not gonna lie–you were adorable as a kid.

  7. 7


  8. 8

    Perez always reminds me of Herman Monster

  9. 9


  10. 10

    Very nice. Very narcissistic and very self indulgent.

  11. 11

    Wow stuck up much? I'm glad you're so smart! Maybe try to make less typos in your entries?

  12. 12

    awww…you were such a cutie-pie, pretzels!
    (emphasis on the 'were')
    i kid, i kid!

  13. 13

    fuckin hell Mario, you were cute back then, what happened!?

  14. 14

    Ha! Look at your cute young self. You haven't changed all that much.

    And face it bitches… if we had ANY article published about ourselves, it would be all over our blogs as well. Be honest now…

  15. 15

    Oh, P, I love every funny, self-deprecating inch of you! I would say the world needs more people like you, but that would be a silly thing to say. There can only be one!

  16. 16

    you look like a mutant your face is so strange im not kidding, it looks like you have down syndrome I wonder how you call other people ugly hmm
    but you looked cute when you were a kid

  17. 17

    Perez, it was nice of your interns to post this . . . you pay them well! ;D

  18. 18

    Perez, um, you're NOT smart. If you got As your school must have had pretty low standards.

  19. 19

    Too cute!!!

  20. 20

    I must say - muy hermoso at the age of 16!

  21. 21

    Perez!! You made me cry! That was really sweet. I love this side of you.

  22. 22

    WE L0O0VE ViNTAGE PREZZZZ! more more more!

  23. 23

    i like this…very authentic. keep up the great work

  24. 24


  25. 25

    No note to yourself not to do meth???

  26. YUCK says – reply to this


    dear adult perez, you needed a nose job as a teen and as an adult you desperately still need that nose job.

  27. 27

    If only we all had this option to tell our former selves that everything would be okay…

  28. 28

  29. 29

    Re: MacPac – wtf? rofl

  30. YUCK says – reply to this


    Re: sharkie – omg, you hit the nail on the frankentstein head.

  31. 31

    so how long before this entire blog is about you Perez and no one else? It's getting close!

  32. YUCK says – reply to this


    Re: EccentricMetric – he's full of himself unfortunately one day he will be knocked of his high horse and I will be laughing at him as I step right over him to have dinner at madeo.

  33. YUCK says – reply to this


    after looking at you two pics again it is so sad that the cute, kind, innocent look you had at 16 you will never get back, you are so jaded.

  34. 34

    That actually warmed my heart! Your mommy sounds like the kind of chick I wouldn't mind hanging with. Too bad u turned out to be such a whiney butt cry baby prick.

  35. 35

    Ok even though sometimes u bug the shit out of me becuz of your not so nice comments, Bravo!!! Really liked your article…

  36. LCFB says – reply to this


    i couldn't help myself but respond. It's a cute lookwards back. We are the same age. Anyways, I thought, if Perez was so intelligent, why does this blog constantly have so many grammatical errors? It's the details.

  37. 37

    Cute! I would have told the teenage me to not be such a slut. Boys will like you anyway cause you're pretty and have big boobs.

  38. YUCK says – reply to this


    Re: LookAround – I love seeing that video of perez all coked up, LOL its hilarious.

  39. 39

    WOW you actually look really cute..like something off Saved by the bell lol xD

  40. 40

    I am always amazed at how much column time you devote to glorifying yourself. No one reads you for anything other than up to the minute gossip. Thats all. Leave your narcissim at home please.

  41. 41

    I actually really enjoyed that. So positive!

  42. 42

    What a completely uninteresting piece of fiction. I'll never get that twelve seconds of my life back.

  43. 43

    you have always had a monkey looking mouth/lips and nose.

  44. 44

    omg ur such a copycat perez… simon cowell did the same thing to his 30 and 40 something self.. for his upcoming 50th..

    u suck


  45. 45

    too long to read but must make comment. you ol' astronaut lookin ass perez!

  46. 46

    L-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-love this article!!!! :) And how cute were you!?! :)

  47. 47

    Wow~u was sooooo gorgeous in that teen pic with the hair? What happened to ya? Best thing u got going for ya is your eyes!

  48. 48


    perez you actually were a cutie when you were younger…wow

    crazy! still love ya crazyass though :D

  49. 49

    Love the letter to yourself. I have always liked you, now I officially LOVE you!

  50. 50

    that is a wickedkooool article! loved reading it!!!!

  51. 51

    So fucking stupid.

    Someone punch this douchbag.

  52. 52

    ewwwwwwwww perez u look like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    not like you dont now, but now you look like shit, plus a METH addict

  53. Wrenn says – reply to this


    You were kinda cute when you were young, but you grew out of it.

  54. 54

    Wow he was cute…luving the eyes…wish I could go back in tell my teenage self somethings 2..like " Your Mom's a pain now..but wait till you have kids!!" LOL…Cool artilcle

  55. 55

    Smart?…..orrrrr public schools are easy because they are basically govt. run babysitters.

  56. 56

    awww, you were a cutie !!!

  57. 57

    Re: LizardKinG – LOL!!!!!!!

  58. 58

    Hmmm… you're one confusing mofo. One minute you're all about sending good messages to people and the next you're spewing hatred at little teenage girls. It's…weird?

  59. 59

    Awww, you were so cute. "…you'll be living in LA, where everyone is gay." LOL I still hate you, but for a second there, I was on ur side.

  60. 60

    WTF??? Haven't been on this website for awhile—did you hire ghost posters to lick your ass and say nice things about you?? You sure have gotten a bigger -than-your -already -melon-sized-swollen head, and I ain't talkin about your dick, cocoballs. Shut up already and stop bragging about your 79IQ.

  61. 61

    This was lovely Perez. Many times have I wished I could tell similar things to my teenage self. I´m not lesbian, but because of hormonal disfunctions I was labelled as such. I had big gender issues. It took a long way for Lady Astor to bloom into the happily married woman I am today.

  62. 62

    Re: zach swan – OMG lol!! ;) You have the most demented avatar! It cracks me up that anything goes here.

  63. 63

    Btw Mario, stick to the argyle sweaters and suits because you actually look decent/somewhat attractive in them. Do not ever wear a childs nightgown again! Advice from me to you: You're a man whether you like it or not, so dress like one. I promise more gay guys will hit on you.

  64. 64

    Aww, que lindo…. You were way cuter as a teenage boy! What happened? :-)

  65. ANGRY says – reply to this


    What, you don't know how to use a computer? Figures.

  66. 66

    aww i love it!!

  67. BLUEB says – reply to this


    even with a smooking bod bb you any bffs….

  68. 68

    Nice Mario. Too bad Simon Cowell did it first. As usual, you're nothing but the second rate copy.
    As you've ever done anything original in your entire blog history, or even your life.

  69. 69

    WOW… YOU GUYS ARE SO RUDE.. that's actually very sweet! Good for you perez… That's surprisingly very nurturing of you! lol ACTUALLY what these boneheads dont realize is that you obviously ARE alot smarter than them…. look who's website they are on!!!…

  70. 70

    You need to wear more necks accessories like that scarf. It distracts from your Gigantor Pumpking Head. You were cute.. What the fuck happened?

  71. 71


  72. 72

    God, you are such a whore. Name-dropping even in a fluff piece about your teenage years.

  73. 73

    The importance of education????!!!
    Then why can't you SPELL or even compose a sentence with proper structure?!
    Or get a real job?

  74. 74

    Mario's earlier picture looks just like Eddie Munster. Seriously - google "Eddie Munster" (or look at the wiki page) and compare the pics. They are almost identical.

  75. DVTG says – reply to this


    You mean you're educated? If so, why so many grammatical errors? Maybe you should have worked a little bit harder in English!

  76. 76

    That is awesome. I use this prompt when teaching my college creative writing memoir class. :)

    Cute at 16. Cute now. Awesomeness.

  77. 77

    Good advice to your teenage-self. Hopefully it helps other teens the way it could've helped you at the time! Cute pic, BTW

  78. 78

    awe perez! this is so touching… i hope you actually wrote it! well done

  79. 79

    that was actually quite sweet

  80. mon88 says – reply to this


    the education comment comes from the same guy who told hayden that education is not important and that she won't do anything with her degree?
    oh and p.s. not everyone in LA is gay. i think prop 8 proves that fact.
    other than that you actually were a cute kid who were clothes! (i know pants aren't featured in this before picture but i'm assuming they were included in the outfit as i doubt your mother would have actually let you run around with no pants on)

  81. 81

    i really like what you had to say! it was super sweet.
    as a 16 year old, a lot of that was helpful advice. thanks

  82. 82

    Thiis is so cute Perez, Very touching ; )

  83. 83

    aww you were so cute in
    yur young days

  84. 84

    You don't strike me as someone who is very smart? You have major typos in your blogs!!

  85. 85

    Is it time for a Perez biography? I think soooo.

  86. 86

    That is really touching Mario!


    I hope some young people read this & realize life will get better.

    Make some wise decisions now!

    Kudos Perez/Mario!

  87. 87

    You look like the killer from the movie "The Cell" in the second picture. So scary

  88. 88

    WOW..where the fuck did it all go wrong dude? Most people turn prettier as they get older, you just get fuglier by the day…

  89. 89

    Yea…well at least you got to meet Gloria Estefan…right? Cuz none of that other shit happened!

  90. 90

    perez you were good looking!

  91. 91

    it's so funny how many haters you have perez :D you know you're famous when so many people love to hate ;p you were and still are adorable! keep up the good work babe

  92. 92

    This is SO SWEET!

  93. 93

    Aww who knew Perez was such a cute teen, not bad at all. Nice letter.

  94. 94

    Here's my letter to the adult Perez:
    * Fuck Off Cvnt

  95. 95

    awhh, handsome back in the day. ♥

  96. 96

    Re: YUCK – LoLhan is that you in there??

  97. 97

    this is my most favorite article youve ever posted… love ya perez

  98. 98

    as a kid, you look like you would be part of New Kids On The Block.
    You should get a tan, and lose the hair.

  99. 99

    Dear 31 Perez, I'm very good with the Tarots if you want to know your future (and I can't do it for money, or it would break my tarot desk's charm). Something quite obvious is: watch out for burnouts.

  100. 100

    awww, Perez! This is so cute! I enjoyed reading it.

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