A Letter To Our Teenage Self

Filed under: Personally Perez

As first published in the UK's Sunday Times this past weekend.

[Thanks to Jodie Harsh for the scan!]

Posted: Sep 30, 2009 at 11:44 am / Email this »

See All 106 Comments

106 comments to “A Letter To Our Teenage Self”

More comments: [1] 2 »

karencarpenter says – reply to this

1

…what happened?
jaims says – reply to this

2

Good article! Wouldn't it be nice to really be able to talk to our teenage selves?????
Crazydude says – reply to this

3

After and Before… poor thing
PerezTheBlogNazi says – reply to this

4

Omg, you're such a fruit.
RDylan says – reply to this

5

asshole
lexaraee says – reply to this

6

Not gonna lie–you were adorable as a kid.
Starbella says – reply to this

7

oh…hmm….interesting….bravo?
sharkie says – reply to this

8

Perez always reminds me of Herman Monster
LizardKinG says – reply to this

9

YOUR AN IDIOT IF YOU THINK IM READING THAT BULLSHIT.
Scahootowl says – reply to this

10

Very nice. Very narcissistic and very self indulgent.
dirty_couture says – reply to this

11

Wow stuck up much? I'm glad you're so smart! Maybe try to make less typos in your entries?
RHONYC says – reply to this

12

awww…you were such a cutie-pie, pretzels!
(emphasis on the 'were')
i kid, i kid!
:-)
littlebit says – reply to this

13

fuckin hell Mario, you were cute back then, what happened!?
LaLaLams says – reply to this

14

Ha! Look at your cute young self. You haven't changed all that much.

And face it bitches… if we had ANY article published about ourselves, it would be all over our blogs as well. Be honest now…
Mary Q Contrary says – reply to this

15

Oh, P, I love every funny, self-deprecating inch of you! I would say the world needs more people like you, but that would be a silly thing to say. There can only be one!
Miguel123 says – reply to this

16

you look like a mutant your face is so strange im not kidding, it looks like you have down syndrome I wonder how you call other people ugly hmm
but you looked cute when you were a kid
Ed Hardy Scent Doesn't Last says – reply to this

17

Perez, it was nice of your interns to post this . . . you pay them well! ;D
Melissie says – reply to this

18

Perez, um, you're NOT smart. If you got As your school must have had pretty low standards.
Rude Dude says – reply to this

19

Too cute!!!
Ed Hardy Scent Doesn't Last says – reply to this

20

I must say - muy hermoso at the age of 16!
MacPac says – reply to this

21

Perez!! You made me cry! That was really sweet. I love this side of you.
DallasDiva says – reply to this

22

WE L0O0VE ViNTAGE PREZZZZ! more more more!
georgiayogagirl says – reply to this

23

i like this…very authentic. keep up the great work
Veronica_gam says – reply to this

24

lindooo!!!!!!
LookAround says – reply to this

25

No note to yourself not to do meth???
YUCK says – reply to this

26

dear adult perez, you needed a nose job as a teen and as an adult you desperately still need that nose job.
erinmichelle23 says – reply to this

27

If only we all had this option to tell our former selves that everything would be okay…
erinmichelle23 says – reply to this

28
Miguel123 says – reply to this

29

Re: MacPac – wtf? rofl
YUCK says – reply to this

30

Re: sharkie – omg, you hit the nail on the frankentstein head.
smeary says – reply to this

31

so how long before this entire blog is about you Perez and no one else? It's getting close!
YUCK says – reply to this

32

Re: EccentricMetric – he's full of himself unfortunately one day he will be knocked of his high horse and I will be laughing at him as I step right over him to have dinner at madeo.
YUCK says – reply to this

33

after looking at you two pics again it is so sad that the cute, kind, innocent look you had at 16 you will never get back, you are so jaded.
lez-babe says – reply to this

34

That actually warmed my heart! Your mommy sounds like the kind of chick I wouldn't mind hanging with. Too bad u turned out to be such a whiney butt cry baby prick.
marsbar says – reply to this

35

Ok even though sometimes u bug the shit out of me becuz of your not so nice comments, Bravo!!! Really liked your article…
LCFB says – reply to this

36

i couldn't help myself but respond. It's a cute lookwards back. We are the same age. Anyways, I thought, if Perez was so intelligent, why does this blog constantly have so many grammatical errors? It's the details.
GalliGirl619 says – reply to this

37

Cute! I would have told the teenage me to not be such a slut. Boys will like you anyway cause you're pretty and have big boobs.
YUCK says – reply to this

38

Re: LookAround – I love seeing that video of perez all coked up, LOL its hilarious.
loonylovegood says – reply to this

39

WOW you actually look really cute..like something off Saved by the bell lol xD
titanic says – reply to this

40

I am always amazed at how much column time you devote to glorifying yourself. No one reads you for anything other than up to the minute gossip. Thats all. Leave your narcissim at home please.
nezzia says – reply to this

41

I actually really enjoyed that. So positive!
zach swan says – reply to this

42

What a completely uninteresting piece of fiction. I'll never get that twelve seconds of my life back.
FrankieLons says – reply to this

43

you have always had a monkey looking mouth/lips and nose.
UberBling says – reply to this

44

omg ur such a copycat perez… simon cowell did the same thing to his 30 and 40 something self.. for his upcoming 50th..

u suck

dick
KillingTheScene says – reply to this

45

too long to read but must make comment. you ol' astronaut lookin ass perez!
_oO_SUNSHINE_Oo_ says – reply to this

46

L-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-love this article!!!! And how cute were you!?!
Starlit says – reply to this

47

Wow~u was sooooo gorgeous in that teen pic with the hair? What happened to ya? Best thing u got going for ya is your eyes!
arnaz_2000 says – reply to this

48

omg

perez you actually were a cutie when you were younger…wow

crazy! still love ya crazyass though
Kymmie says – reply to this

49

Love the letter to yourself. I have always liked you, now I officially LOVE you!
arnaz_2000 says – reply to this

50

that is a wickedkooool article! loved reading it!!!!
Dexter22 says – reply to this

51

So fucking stupid.

Someone punch this douchbag.
imsotrashy says – reply to this

52

ewwwwwwwww perez u look like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not like you dont now, but now you look like shit, plus a METH addict
Wrenn says – reply to this

53

You were kinda cute when you were young, but you grew out of it.
*Purple Angel* says – reply to this

54

Wow he was cute…luving the eyes…wish I could go back in tell my teenage self somethings 2..like " Your Mom's a pain now..but wait till you have kids!!" LOL…Cool artilcle
Spindoc says – reply to this

55

Smart?…..orrrrr public schools are easy because they are basically govt. run babysitters.
LULU~* says – reply to this

56

awww, you were a cutie !!!
JackWad says – reply to this

57

Re: LizardKinG – LOL!!!!!!!
Lady_Saccharine_Sweetness says – reply to this

58

Hmmm… you're one confusing mofo. One minute you're all about sending good messages to people and the next you're spewing hatred at little teenage girls. It's…weird?
BiggerThanTheWorld says – reply to this

59

Awww, you were so cute. "…you'll be living in LA, where everyone is gay." LOL I still hate you, but for a second there, I was on ur side.
brainchild says – reply to this

60

WTF??? Haven't been on this website for awhile—did you hire ghost posters to lick your ass and say nice things about you?? You sure have gotten a bigger -than-your -already -melon-sized-swollen head, and I ain't talkin about your dick, cocoballs. Shut up already and stop bragging about your 79IQ.
Lady Astor says – reply to this

61

This was lovely Perez. Many times have I wished I could tell similar things to my teenage self. I´m not lesbian, but because of hormonal disfunctions I was labelled as such. I had big gender issues. It took a long way for Lady Astor to bloom into the happily married woman I am today.
Kudos!
JackWad says – reply to this

62

Re: zach swan – OMG lol!! You have the most demented avatar! It cracks me up that anything goes here.
Lady_Saccharine_Sweetness says – reply to this

63

Btw Mario, stick to the argyle sweaters and suits because you actually look decent/somewhat attractive in them. Do not ever wear a childs nightgown again! Advice from me to you: You're a man whether you like it or not, so dress like one. I promise more gay guys will hit on you.
vanessa.julia.lutz says – reply to this

64

Aww, que lindo…. You were way cuter as a teenage boy! What happened?
ANGRY says – reply to this

65

What, you don't know how to use a computer? Figures.
butthead21 says – reply to this

66

aww i love it!!
BLUEB says – reply to this

67

even with a smooking bod bb you any bffs….
Crabby.Appelton says – reply to this

68

Nice Mario. Too bad Simon Cowell did it first. As usual, you're nothing but the second rate copy.
*
As you've ever done anything original in your entire blog history, or even your life.
jenjen1284 says – reply to this

69

WOW… YOU GUYS ARE SO RUDE.. that's actually very sweet! Good for you perez… That's surprisingly very nurturing of you! lol ACTUALLY what these boneheads dont realize is that you obviously ARE alot smarter than them…. look who's website they are on!!!…
VegasD says – reply to this

70

You need to wear more necks accessories like that scarf. It distracts from your Gigantor Pumpking Head. You were cute.. What the fuck happened?
ALFREDOXO says – reply to this

71

LMAO
schutte says – reply to this

72

God, you are such a whore. Name-dropping even in a fluff piece about your teenage years.
Novel1 says – reply to this

73

The importance of education????!!!
.
Then why can't you SPELL or even compose a sentence with proper structure?!
.
Or get a real job?
blueboy says – reply to this

74

Mario's earlier picture looks just like Eddie Munster. Seriously - google "Eddie Munster" (or look at the wiki page) and compare the pics. They are almost identical.
DVTG says – reply to this

75

You mean you're educated? If so, why so many grammatical errors? Maybe you should have worked a little bit harder in English!
JungianQueen says – reply to this

76

That is awesome. I use this prompt when teaching my college creative writing memoir class.

Cute at 16. Cute now. Awesomeness.
unintendedmuse says – reply to this

77

Good advice to your teenage-self. Hopefully it helps other teens the way it could've helped you at the time! Cute pic, BTW
stalker says – reply to this

78

awe perez! this is so touching… i hope you actually wrote it! well done
Mancunian says – reply to this

79

that was actually quite sweet
mon88 says – reply to this

80

the education comment comes from the same guy who told hayden that education is not important and that she won't do anything with her degree?
oh and p.s. not everyone in LA is gay. i think prop 8 proves that fact.
other than that you actually were a cute kid who were clothes! (i know pants aren't featured in this before picture but i'm assuming they were included in the outfit as i doubt your mother would have actually let you run around with no pants on)
natixsayss says – reply to this

81

i really like what you had to say! it was super sweet.
as a 16 year old, a lot of that was helpful advice. thanks
Lysette says – reply to this

82

Thiis is so cute Perez, Very touching ; )
Fruity says – reply to this

83

aww you were so cute in
yur young days
kellibelli says – reply to this

84

You don't strike me as someone who is very smart? You have major typos in your blogs!!
TheBadSeed says – reply to this

85

Is it time for a Perez biography? I think soooo.
Kodes100 says – reply to this

86

That is really touching Mario!

Bravo!

I hope some young people read this & realize life will get better.

Make some wise decisions now!

Kudos Perez/Mario!
ClaraBow says – reply to this

87

You look like the killer from the movie "The Cell" in the second picture. So scary
PinkLollipop says – reply to this

88

WOW..where the fuck did it all go wrong dude? Most people turn prettier as they get older, you just get fuglier by the day…
Nonbreeder says – reply to this

89

Yea…well at least you got to meet Gloria Estefan…right? Cuz none of that other shit happened!
Megan Fox Before Nose and Lip Surgery says – reply to this

90

perez you were good looking!
DeviantDizzy says – reply to this

91

it's so funny how many haters you have perez you know you're famous when so many people love to hate ;p you were and still are adorable! keep up the good work babe
Jennaleia says – reply to this

92

This is SO SWEET!
jones19 says – reply to this

93

Aww who knew Perez was such a cute teen, not bad at all. Nice letter.
Look At The World Revolving Around Me says – reply to this

94

Here's my letter to the adult Perez:
* Fuck Off Cvnt
CathyisaRobot says – reply to this

95

awhh, handsome back in the day. ♥
Lizzie93 says – reply to this

96

Re: YUCK – LoLhan is that you in there??
perez.rox.my.world says – reply to this

97

this is my most favorite article youve ever posted… love ya perez
freethinker says – reply to this

98

as a kid, you look like you would be part of New Kids On The Block.
You should get a tan, and lose the hair.
Vexation says – reply to this

99

Dear 31 Perez, I'm very good with the Tarots if you want to know your future (and I can't do it for money, or it would break my tarot desk's charm). Something quite obvious is: watch out for burnouts.
Soda-Pop-Lover says – reply to this

100

awww, Perez! This is so cute! I enjoyed reading it.

More comments: [1] 2 »

Beyonce SHINES At Revel! WERKS Single Ladies & Halo! Watch!!

Sparkle it up, gurl!! Let us see that seXXy shine!!

Still thrilled from Beyonce's intimate behind-the-scenes video, we're ready to DANCE after watching this Single Ladies performance!!

The crowd was WILD for Bey when she made her first stage debut since giving birth to beautiful Blue Ivy. And from the looks of this performance, she gave 'em their money's worth and then some!

But don't even get us started on Halo (below)! She even tributes Whitney Houston with

Advertising info