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A Twilight Parody; Guard Your Loins, Publishers!

| Filed under: Twilight


It's the first time in 40 years that The Harvard Lampoon has released a parody novel and we think they've picked the perfect victim for their humor: Twilight!

Now, before you grab your pitchforks tween vampire lovers, give it a chance! The press release sent out by the publishers, Vintage Books, explains:

Nightlight stakes at the heart of what makes Twilight tick…or, really, cuts to the core of it…. Brooding and hilarious, let Nightlight be your guide through the Twilight fandom that has eclipsed the mind of every teenager you have ever met.”

The story follows a young high school student named Belle Goose who moves to Switchblade, Oregon, and meets Edwart Mullen, a “super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls.”

Are you laughing yet? Okay, we'll keep going:

Belle is all about vampires and convinces herself that Edwart is in fact a being of the undead. She comes to this conclusion after seeing him do things she considers "otherworldly"(”Edwart leaves his Tater Tots™ untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!”).

If your vampire-obsessed hearts can handle a little healthy dose of mockery, you should pick the book up on Nov. 3rd.

If not, continue on your path of crazed, angsty devotion, none-the-wiser oF this book.

Do U think you'll read it?

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106 comments to “A Twilight Parody; Guard Your Loins, Publishers!”

More comments: [1] 2 »

  1. 1

    Hey Twitards, GET A FUCKIN' LIFE LOSERS!

  2. 2

    Lol I will buy it even though im the most obssesed twilight fan i think we should all learn how to handle a lil of fun, it's healthy guys, and it's the obsessed girl talking. :) 41 days for NEW MOON!

  3. 3

    hmm.kinda interesting..kinda corny.i don't know.whatevs.FIRST!

  4. 4

    Twilight Saga fan here. Will I read this? Absofreakinlutely! Come on, you have to admit the saga is pretty silly. To be able to laugh at it and enjoy it - all at the same time is a good thing! Team Robward. ;)

  5. 5

    are you kidding? twilight is a parody in itself. but i'll definitely buy nightlight. i'm pretty sure that situation has happened already.

  6. 6

    no… it sounds retarded.

  7. 7

    looks boring

  8. 8

    i think it would be better made in one of those movie parody things. this just seems to me that literally everyone that can get their hands of a peice of the twilight mania in whatever way they can.. they are going to .. please someone come out with something interesting and new so we can move on from this vampire nonsense!

  9. 9

    Re: Big Black Dick – YOU SAID IT BBD….

  10. 10


  11. 11

    Nahhh!!!! I think they're just trying to get money out of Twilight. People need to get more creative, now theres like a million books about vampires and wolfs.

  12. 12

    thiis who twilight craze seriously needs to end. twilight sucks.
    the books are horribly written and a total knock off of all the other vampire books that cam along way before this stupid series.

  13. 13

    I am a huge Twilight saga fan, and I don't take my obsession too seriously because it's a nice hobby/past time to have outside of daily life. So I will be getting this for the laughs!

  14. 14

    ha sounds hilarious i will definantly read!

  15. 15

    I suppose legacy can't buy you taste.

  16. 16

    HELL YES! this looks hilarious. a good book is a good book. if you can enjoy twilight you should be able to enjoy nightlight :D

  17. 17

    I'm a huge twilight fan but i will definatly buy nightlight. It's the same as movie parodies, it's fun. Why should i get angry? I think it will be a really fun book!

  18. 18

    Wow, that sounds lame

  19. 19

    This is why sitcoms suck. They tend to hire writers from Ivy League schools that think that the audiences are completely idiotic and can only digest the broadest humor. The book sounds ridiculous, they should go back to writing for "Acording to Jim".

  20. 20

    Re: Antony – I'm laughing at your avatar, because I still have my Free Moving Ken doll from the 70's. HA HA

  21. 21

    aha I am dying in laughter(

  22. 22

    Sounds better than Twilight. Oh and when things get as ridiculously stupid as Twilight, its expected to get spoofed.

  23. 23

    lol. maybe.

  24. 24

    sounds better than twilight!

  25. 25

    I'll read it! I Love the Twilight series, I've read all 4 books dozens of times, and I

  26. 26

    sounds stoopid

  27. 27

    I don't get this twilight obsession!! mind you, i haven't read the book or seen the film!! seriously though, how can you become obsessed over a film!

  28. 28

    Re: ThePirateQueen – eww.. my message got cut off…

  29. 29

    No, maybe if it was free i would read it. But I would not buy it. It doesn't look that good.

  30. 30

    It was only a matter of time until someone else grabs onto the Twilight unbelievable cash cow.
    Yes, it sounds funny and worth reading.
    (Of course, at times, the Twilight books were so stupid, I laughed at them too)

  31. 31


  32. 32

    I thought the book was supposed to be funny…

  33. 33

    I will so read it if I can get my hands on one.
    But the best twilight parody must be the one who The Hillywood show have done. Check it out!

  34. 34

    I think I might read it it sounds like fun. Mostly because Twilight is like totally annoying. This will be fun. :)

  35. 35

    isn't twilight a parody itself?

  36. 36

    this news came out like a week ago…step it up slacker.

  37. 37

    I am a "Twihard" I guess. I just think of myself as someone who is incredibly passionate about the twilight saga~ and there is not a damn thing wrong with being passionate about something. I am passionate about many things! I found something that truly stirred me up inside and I don’t give a f&^% what the haters have to say. However, I will not buy this book…just another outlet trying to milk us for all that we have and capitalize on the fame that is the Universe.

  38. 38

    Re: Big Black Dick – YOU GET A LIFEEEEEE!

  39. 39

    I'm a HUGE fan of the saga :) but hey that doesnt mean i dont like parodies :)

  40. 40

    LOL, look around you — EVERYONE is trying to make money off of Twilight. Too funny

  41. Sizza says – reply to this


    If you're parodying "The Devil Wears Prada", it's "gird your loins". Just sayin'

  42. 42

    just trying to buy into the twilight craze.
    I might read it.

  43. 43

    I wont be reading it. Not because I am an offended twilight fan, but because it doesn't sound funny at all.

  44. 44

    I also read another parody that's already a book - Twilite: A Parody - and it was really good! It's got a funny website too :)

  45. 45

    Potentially, lol I think I'll wait till I hear what friends think

  46. 46

    Hells yeahh

  47. 47

    YESSS!!!! ahhahahha
    i love twilight huge fan, but this sounds like a lot of fun…luv it want it

  48. 48

    erm, no.

  49. 49


  50. 50

    Re: Emmy23 – I SOOO AGREE WITH YOU!!!

  51. 51

    Ahh Memories of "Bored of the Rings"
    Now THAT was funny-and way before the Films.

  52. 52

    of course i'll read this!! sounds really fun. i love a book that makes you laugh!!

  53. 53

    that sounds dumb. it doesn't sound remotely funny.

  54. 54

    haha i'm a twilight lover, but i would buy this. I'm one of the older fans and the crazy tweens and young teens are absolutely obsessed with twilight, they just need to tone it down.

  55. 55

    doesn't sound very good but im happy someone is making fun of this bullshit

  56. 56

    I read all four of the poorly written saga books soooo….might as well have a little fun with it!

  57. 57


  58. 58


  59. 59

    Re: Spindoc – YES!

  60. 60

    lol @ the cover.

  61. 61

    love twilight but that looks hella-larious im buying espacially sine my bday is 14 days l8r

  62. 62

    absolutely not

  63. 63

    Haha. I love Twilight but this actually sounds good. I'm probably going to buy it.

  64. 64

    The phrase is 'GIRD your loins,' not 'guard.'

  65. 65

    And here I thought 'Twilight' was the parody….I have all four books and I hate the series but I decided to read all the books in hopes they would get better, but they didn't. I might buy 'Nightlight' for a good laugh, well okay I most likely will becasue anything that makes fun of that horrid series I tend to enjoy.

  66. 66

    Re: Big Black Dick – YESIR. you can say that again.

  67. 67

    i can not wait for this. wow! Honestly, absolutely anything is better than that sad example of a novel called "Twilight" or should I say Twifail? I think even the dunces who post on Perezhilton.com saying "omgg!!!1 i want taylor lautner's bod so badli!!!!!11!!' write better than Stephenie Meyer. Twilight is one big, oops, I mean twifail! is one, big, fucking joke. I can not wait to read this shit because anything is more intelligent than that shit load of crap called 'twilight'. i had to read that sad example of a novel in 10 page chunks cause it was making me feel fucking stupid.

    but if they really want to make it as bad as twilight, twifail*, it'll be poor writing as well! oh MAN i can't wait. Anything that makes fun of twifail = mint!

  68. 68

    lol sounds so funny im like the biggest twilight fan on my book and school and this doesnt get me mad gotta have humor im so getting it lol ima preorder it yup yup

  69. 69

    Lol belle goose… wtf? but the book dosent seem too great :/

  70. 70

    This is ridiculous, for a book making fun of Twilight they're going to make a lot of money off it, so getting on the bandwagon much?

  71. 71

    I'm definitely gonna read it.

  72. 72

    i'll probably buy it. It nice to have a sense of humer n what better book 2 pick on.

  73. 73

    I cant wait :D :D I hate Twilight !

  74. 74

    Hahah sooo gonna read it haha

  75. 75

    that's what libraries are for. curious to see what this book is like.

  76. 76

    hahahaha im a twilight fan (not a little crazy girl fan)
    but i find this fairly funny.
    & LOVE the cover.

  77. JCC says – reply to this


    hey its getting released on my bday!!!!! i'm definitely getting this book!!!!

  78. 78

    ill definitely read it and give it a chance. sounds funny

  79. 79

    sounds stupid

  80. 80

    will be getting this for the laughs.

  81. 81

    Whahaha lol! (why didn't I came up with that myself..?)

  82. 82

    I read the book TWILITE: A PARODY, that's been out for a while. It's VERY funny, and even a hardcore Twilight fan with a sense of humor would like it. "Edweird" lol!

  83. 83

    i have already preordered it from amazon and i got Twilite by Stephen Jenner the other day but havnt had time to read it just yet

  84. 84

    I hope they parody the music because the music SUCKS!

  85. 85

    i love twilight but i will be picking this up.

  86. 86

    Re: Big Black Dick – Ahh, please, you get it too! Mind your our business!

  87. 87

    Oh. Em. Gee.

  88. 88

    yeah i will so read it

  89. 89

    hahaha , LOVE twilight but it sounds good :)

  90. 90

    i am a HUGE twilight fan and i will definately read this book

  91. 91

    Hahahaha! Of course I'll read it. I'm still a Twilight nerd - and proud of it! I have the maturity to laugh at parody and still love a classic.

  92. 92


  93. 93


  94. 94

    I was the hugest harry potter freak, and love the Barry Trotter series, so i'm sure I'll like this as a twilight fan too.

  95. 95

    defo yes! i think the book and the movie are okay but it ruins the steroetype of vampires so let the mockery begin because i would love to diss twilight

  96. 96


  97. 97

    i am REALLY excited i think this will be hilarious

  98. 98

    im a twilighter and i totally am going to read this! thats so funny! i hate those people who are protective over it. you dont NOT own it! stephenie meyer and little, brown does. get over it people.

  99. 99

    I was excited about it until you started described it. Now it just sounds really lame.

  100. 100

    yea.. i'd probably read it. damn.

More comments: [1] 2 »