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Buffy Creator Wants The Terminator!

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News has circled the Internet that the Terminator franchise is up for sale for the highest bidder.

Shockingly enough, Arnold Schwarzenegger has yet to put a bid in. (He could resell it for some much needed funds for California.)

However, another man in Hollywood is after the franchise and we think he might just be a decent option. Buffy creator, Joss Whedon, is looking to take the reins of the Terminator and bring it to his Whedonverse.

In an effort to make that happen, he has written this open letter as his official bid:

An Open Letter to the Terminator Owners From a Very Important Hollywood Mogul

I am Joss Whedon, the mastermind behind Titan A.E., Parenthood (not the movie) (or the new series) (or the one where 'hood' was capitalized ’cause it was a pun), and myriad other legendary tales. I have heard through the 'grapevine' that the Terminator franchise is for sale, and I am prepared to make a pre-emptive bid RIGHT NOW to wrap this dealio up. This is not a joke, this is not a scam, this is not available on TV. I will write a check TODAY for $10,000, and viola! Terminator off your hands.

No, you didn't miscount. That's four — FOUR! — zeroes after that one. That's to show you I mean business. And I mean show business. Nikki Finke says the Terminator concept is played. Well, here's what I have to say to Nikki Finke: you are a fine journalist and please don't ever notice me. The Terminator story is as formative and important in our culture — and my pretend play — as any I can think of. It's far from over. And before you Terminator-Owners (I have trouble remembering names) rush to cash that sweet cheque, let me give you a taste of what I could do with that franchise:

1) Terminator… of the Rings! Yeah, what if he time-travelled TOO far… back to when there was dragons and wizards? (I think it was the Dark Ages.) Hasta La Vista, Boramir! Cool, huh? "Now you gonna be Gandalf the Red!" RRRRIP! But then he totally helps, because he's a cyborg and he doesn't give a s#&% about the ring — it has no power over him! And he can carry it AND Frodo AND Sam AND f@%& up some orcs while he's doing it. This stuff just comes to me. I mean it. (I will also offer $10,000 for the Lord of the Rings franchise).

2) More Glau. Hey. There's a reason they're called "Summer" movies.

3) Can you say… musical? Well don't. Even I know that's an awful idea.

4) Christian Bale's John Connor will get a throat lozenge. This will also help his Batwork (ten grand for that franchise too, btw.)

5) More porn. John Connor never told Kyle Reese this, but his main objective in going to the past was to get some. What if there's a lot of future-babies that have to be made? Cue wah-wah pedal guitar — and dollar signs!

6) The movies will stop getting less cool.

Okay. There's more — this brain don't quit! (though it has occasionally been fired) — but I think you get my drift. I really believe the Terminator franchise has only begun to plumb the depths of questioning the human condition during awesome stunts, and I'd like to shepherd it through the next phase. The money is there, but more importantly, the heart is there. But more importantly, money. Think about it. End this bloody bidding war before it begins, and put the Terminator in the hands of someone who watched the first one more than any other movie in college, including "Song of Norway" (no current franchise offer).

Sincerely, Joss Whedon.

Sounds like a plan to us!

If his offer seems to low, we'd be happy to chip in to help him out. We see some great things coming out of this.

How does $10 sound?

That's right - there is a zero after that one. Don't get too excited!

[Image via WENN.]

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30 comments to “Buffy Creator Wants The Terminator!”

  1. 1

    muy desesperado

  2. Rynne says – reply to this


    Ah, Joss Whedon calling someone else's work "played out". Don't get me wrong, I really like some (SOME) of this man's work. But Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ is a lot of his work passé shit.

  3. 3

    if they give this franchise to joss, they may actually end up with a watchable movie.

  4. 4

    Joss is the most talented man in all of Hollywood.

    This is a joke Perez. You're a jackass but thanks for posting a story on such a genius as Joss Whedon.

  5. 5

    He is AWESOME, I LOVE HIM!!!!!

  6. 6

    It was a joke idiot!

  7. 7

    Dear Santa, I would like Josh Whedon to get his clever mitts on The Terminator lore. I have been very good this year. Love Blacklily x

  8. 8

    Perez u make me sick

  9. 9

    Perez. I'm really not sure where you get your sources from. But he wrote this as a joke.

  10. 10

    Just post real gossip and photos of Hollywood types. Joss is average at best anyway.

  11. 11

    LOL he's so funny.

  12. 12

    Oh Joss….how I love thee….
    You make me giggle….lol

  13. 13

    This can be summarised in one word… SHINY!

  14. 14

    I love Whedon. He needs to make a Buffy movie tho. With the ORIGINAL CAST. I will be furious if the original cast is not there. I am a HUGE EFFIN BUFFY NERD. Bring back Spike, damn it! I need more of his hawtness on TV!

  15. 15

    HILARIOUS…..that is TOO funny.
    Love it.
    Love IT.
    LOVE IT>!

  16. 16

    Scooped by Deadlinehollywooddaily.com Nikki posted this dayssssss ago!

  17. 17

    Re: Starflower11 – fuck NO. the show went down hill after spike became friendly, and it hit rock bottom ounce buffy started fucking him. like wtf
    seasons 5-7 were shit.

  18. 18

    Ha, I love Joss so much. :)

  19. 19

    I absolutely love Joss Whedon! He is too funny with his trademark dry wit. No one writes like him. He has such a unique voice! Gahhhh. Need to go watch some Buffy…or Angel…or Firefly or….you get the point.

  20. 20

    OMG I love Joss Whedon; he is perfect for this!

    Please, please give Terminator to him!

  21. 21

    I am sooooo extremely embarrassed for you that your ghostwriter didn't understand that Joss is clearly joking. His letter is hilarious. Your ghostwriter's joking at the end? Horrible, epic fail. I'm honestly embarrassed for this site after reading that. Why is Perez not posting anymore? Enough partying- back to bloghing, please!!

  22. 22

    Time for a Buffy Movie! Before the cast get way to old!! Xander must be getting on…..

  23. 23

    Joking or not, the Terminator concept would be good again with him behind it. The series was great, just not enough viewers. The Christian Bale movie SUCKED. It wasn't bad til the end, where they were going to do the heart transplant. Whoever thought of that, should be punched in the face.

  24. 24

    He sounds like a real ass.

    And he isn't being serious, just facetious.

    I don't understand what he is actually trying to do, because it's really not funny at all.

    And he can shove a lozenge up his ass for the Bale remark.

  25. 25

    Give it to Joss! He is an absolute genius! BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER NERD

  26. 26

    Perez knows it's a joke. He was going a long with it -_-

  27. 27

    Re: Swear to ME! – You're just offended because he insulted your precious Batman. Please, ask 100 people if they think Bale's voice in Batman was annoying as shit. I bet 99 say yes…the other one being you screaming "OH BALE I'LL SUCK YOU OFF!"

  28. 28

    yes he is kidding, but he is serious about taking over Terminator. He'd be perfect for it. And who doesn't want to see Summer Glau kicking more ass? I know I do.

  29. 29

    OMG Please give it to him!!!! He's the best oh how I wish we could have had a buffy season 8 or an Angel season 6!!!!

  30. 30

    Oh. I adore him.