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John Mayer Goes Shirtless For Rolling Stone

| Filed under: Jennifer AnistonJohn MayerTiger Woods

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Happy Hump Day, indeed!

John Mayer shows off his inked body in the February issue of Rolling Stone magazine.

On top of looking hawt for the cameras in his empty love den, the singer dishes goes into detail about about his solo sex life as well as his past and future relationships.

Here are some HIGHlights from the interview:

On his split with ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston:

"I’ve never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life… I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for the people I’ve had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is fucking fantastic, if I said to her, I don’t dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn’t arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny."

On his sex life becoming an endless loop of new girls rejecting him in clubs:

"Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!"

On finding a girlfriend:

"Do you think it’s going to take meeting someone who I admire more than I admire myself? But isn’t it also about a beautiful vagina? Aren’t we talking about a matrix of a couple of different things here? Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don’t they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn’t that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas? …I’ll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I’m using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it."

On his relationships:

“All I want to do now is fuck the girls I’ve already fucked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them, and they’re going, But you’re John Mayer! So I’m going backwards to move forward. I’m too freaked out to
meet anybody else.”

On masturbation:

“I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week.”

On if he pleasures himself daily:

“I don’t like that question, because it seeks to make me sound strange if I say ‘Yes, but of course I do.’ I mean, I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself."

On the paparazzi:

"I’ll be honest with you. All this weird shit about me? All this strangeness? I wouldn’t have a music career without it. But I am at odds with myself. I have some presence of psychological damage from the past 36 months. I have not had a woman appear in my dreams sexually without a paparazzi in the dream too. I can’t even have a wet dream without having to explain to someone who’s grinding on me, We can’t do this right now, because there’s a guy over there taking pictures."


If that comment doesn't send Jennifer Aniston crawling back to John, we don't know what will.

But, thanks for sharing the deets on your naughty time John.

We think.

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129 comments to “John Mayer Goes Shirtless For Rolling Stone

More comments: [1] 2 »

  1. 1

    Big ego, big forehead, big hair. Takes himself way too seriously, and not at all attractive.

  2. 2

    Sorry, but this guy is just not good looking. He can sex it up all he wants. Martin Short does more for me than this guy.

  3. 3

    Mario must be drooling to make out with John now!!

  4. 4

    And did I mention pretentious?

  5. 5

    wow he looks hot

  6. 6

    What in the f*ck was he rambling about?

  7. 7

    i'd hit it…but only if i could gag him first. if he talks it's a no go.

  8. 8


  9. 9

    What do woman see in him? I just don't get it. He talks way too much….about nothing (himself). INSECURE much?

    Get over yourself Jon!

  10. 10

    This tool has more issues than Playboy. His eternal quest for cooz is just indicative of his insecurities. What a self-obsessed, posing mess.

  11. 11

    He's a cheap slapper and he is so fucking gay. I don't get the appeal there, he isn't good looking either and he sounds stupid. Go away John … and stay away !!

  12. 12

    Good grief! What a pompous ass. How on earth does he get a date? I'd also like to know what drugs he's on because…..wow…..clearly he's on something!

  13. 13

    Um if he is hoping to land someone…sorry for him. He's sounds like a lunatic!

  14. 14

    Ewwwwwwww . . . ICK . . . gag! TMI and too much EGO.

  15. 15

    did he dream this, write it down and recite this to the reporter? who could take this seriously? besides mario?

  16. 16

    i do not see what the fuss is over this man! he has a huge head an the dark rings under his eyes make him look like he has been up for way to long, possibly hangin with courtney love? all i can say is icky icky

  17. 17

    He is pretty hot, I admit it but he has the biggest mouth.

  18. ei says – reply to this


    this is one ugly bastard. he better keeping whacking himself off anyone who would fall for his line of bullshit not realizing all he wants to do is screw them deserves what he gives her. this guy has no style and no class. just keep using that hand idiot

  19. 19

    I went out with a guy like him. He was good looking and talented, but thought he was exponentially smarter, wittier and superior to pretty much everyone on Earth. It turned out he was a sociopath. People like my douchy ex and John Mayer need to be quarantined from the rest of normal society so they can be studied and future generations of women can be taught how to avoid them and how to avoid creating them out of our sons.

  20. 20

    Re: RAYCUCHICUCHICU – I agree!

  21. 21

    To quote Elaine…"Is it possible I am not as attractive as I think I am?"

    No John, you are not!

  22. 22

    sooooo gorgeous and sexy, love him.
    but all this masturbation stuff was weird and unnecessary :S

  23. 23

    Re: stellagranos – EXACTLY!!!! What a tool!

  24. Paty says – reply to this


    He is stupid! That is it! just a creepy jackass!

  25. 25

    I do not usually play matchmaker but I know who his soul mate is! I have found the female version of John Mayer. I am positive about this! John you can end your search right now! You are the perfect match for Courtney Love. I'm sure about this.

  26. 26

    this interview made me laugh so hard! is it possible that its a joke? it sounds like "the onion" or he was so high. IF IT IS SERIOUS, he is the biggest douche bag ever. at least he doesnt hide it!

  27. 27

    He is nasty I don't get it!

  28. 28

    shades of James Dean…oops i'm showing my age…

  29. 29

    …and when he sings it looks like his ballz are in a vise.

  30. 30

    Eeeeeeeeeeeew! Sorry, but this dude is not hot and seeing him shirtless does nothing for me…

  31. 31

    I really like his music and the fact that he's honest. But sometimes I think it would be good for him to have a filtering system and an ego check.

  32. 32

    I would love to go down on him.

  33. 33

    WOW what a totally full of himself DOUCHE!!!
    He lost me when he dated Jessica Simpson LMAO!!!!
    Do something for Haiti John and get the hell over yourself. Uou can play the guitar like jack, not much of a singer or looker. You have a forehead that can be seen from space.

  34. 34

    I think these excerpts are the definition of TMI.

  35. 35

    ASSHOLE — Way to make your grandma proud!!

  36. 36

    What did Jen see in him? He's not pretty. He's not very bright. And, he's classless.

  37. 37

    To quote his own lyrics….

    "My stupid mouth
    Has got me in trouble
    I said too much again"

    I love his music, but I can't say the same about him. Poor guy.

  38. 38

    Dear John,
    Please stick to singing and not talking.

  39. 39

    whatever hes rather hott and seems like a chill person

  40. 40

    I never like him before. Now I realize that he's the biggest arse.

  41. mayi says – reply to this


    Does any of this even make sense?? Looks like he has a biiiig ego.

  42. 42

    God, he's an idiot.

  43. 43

    god he's such a chode!!!!

  44. 44

    he needs to put the pipe down….

  45. 45

    I am confused, I ghouth John Mayor was gay.

  46. 46

    Everything about John — including his ramblings, is sexy.

  47. 47

    What an arsehole.

  48. 48

    Ugh. He sees a butthole every time he looks in the mirror.

  49. 49

    So your struggling with sex, have to have the perfect vagina but can't find one, wack off, like to look at assholes and find men online better looking than some women……hmmmm I see a pattern here……..GAY!

  50. 50

    Isn't it strange that people with no talent always try to shock? Can he really believe anyone would want to know how many times a day he whacks off?

  51. 51

    im likin the slightly tatterd sweats, super sexy

  52. 52

    EW he's so gross and pretentious!

  53. 53

    And WTF did the Proctologist comment mean?

  54. 54

    Case in point why I let my years long Rolling Stone subscription lapse. They were getting down to the Perez level of journalism.

  55. 55

    Still I have to admit he's an eye candy–though I'll never go out with men like him.

  56. 56

    For someone who thinks himself so smart, he doesn't seem able to figure out how to get out of the paper bag that is his obsessive narcissism. He's really focusing on all the wrong things and sounds miserable. He should take a break from his life for a year and disappear. Get back to his roots.

  57. 57

    his tattoos look very feminine…flowers?? ooh kay…

  58. 58

    no wonder jen dumped him.who wants to spend time with the toilet john mayer?
    verbal diarorrehea
    over talking over thinking
    prolly have enough to get the lady that you need to be with but you cant open your eyes
    "shut your mouth try not to panic-shut your mouth, you can do it"

  59. 59

    Sooo annoying..but so sexkkkxxxy..OMG..those lips…
    I really understand u Jen-An…1st Bratt, then this cuttie..devastating..
    He's so FCKG SEXxxy

  60. 60

    i think he's adorable. but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. he's raw and unique. not a pretty boy like all the others. i think the older he gets the more defined he is and handsome.

  61. 61

    The douche of all douches.

  62. 62

    He is repulsive.

  63. Moron says – reply to this


    I wouldn't touch that stupid fk with a 10 ft pole.

  64. 64

    OMG? WTF was he talking about? He is disgusting to look at and I couldn’t even imagine how horrid it must be to sit down and try and have a conversation with him. Yuk.

  65. 65

    what a huge douche! i have always hated this guy, but as time goes on i'm actually homo-cidal. i bet his sperm smells gross. i bet he eats it too cause he can't stand losing a piece of himself.

  66. 66

    Isn't this the same guy who made some other comments before about NOT talking about his relationships? And yet he makes like a back-handed slap at Jennifer Aniston, basically saying she's not good enough long-term relationship material for him, she doesn't "arc over the horizon" in his mind. Very poetic and yet crude. It ultimately comes off like he is not sincere, not as classy as he claims, and wow, it's such a hurtful thing to say in the press about your former relationship. It's like he wants to make sure that people don't think he was dumped. He wants to be the one who has control and was untouchable, never got hurt. And even if he did feel something, he diminishes the whole thing by glossing over with 'she wasn't the one' crap. I honestly didn't expect such pedestrian and cliche analyses of one's own feelings from someone who seems to dig so much deeper for answers. I do respect him as a musician, but holy cow, he just won some serious jerk points…

  67. 67

    I like how open he is about his sex life. Generally you get a lot of female celebrities that will talk about their sex lives, but rarely a man of his stance. :)

  68. 68

    Self-important, pretentious morons like Lady Gaga and John Mayer make me rethink my feelings towards obvious air heads like Britney Spears. People who are ok with their stupidity are less annoying then people who think they're smarter and deeper than they are.

  69. 69


  70. 70

    He's crazy…it's kinda hot though

  71. 71

    Another GAY celebrity striving for attention for his shriveling career!

  72. 72

    What a fucking dickhead. I hope for his sakes this is a piss take interview. John comes across as a big ego moron….

  73. 73

    Re: iamblair
    Nothing 2 be confused about. See my comment #71

  74. 74

    Mayer has never really been my cup of tea. BUT I gotta say, I liked the humor, & honesty in the interview. Ur still not exactly my kind of sexiness but I suddenly feel like !Yup I'll do U!

  75. 75

    Now I understand why people don't like this guy. He's so full of himself. The more I read, the more I didn't like him. He almost has a bigger ego than Kanye West. But what does it matter what I think of him anyway?

  76. 76

    K fine, we've seen him shirtless now a few times, now drop the pants John!!!
    And no, i dont find him hot, yes he is good looking but i liked him better a few years ago.

  77. 77

    Is this guy retarded or what?

    I always thought he was a pompous douchebag. Now I just think he's nuts.

  78. 78

    He was probably stoned. He's very handsome and a great musician. Must be other guys and his ex-girlfriends bashing him. lol

  79. 79


  80. 80

    He looks like Johnny Depp circa 1990 but he has issues pot smoking or so full of himself that he would do these interviews! No class in regards to privacy of others I really fill sorry for Jennifer Aniston this half wit speaking just screams how desperate she was for this skank !

  81. 81


  82. 82

    somethings are better left unsaid

  83. 83

    A douchebag and a FRAUD, Mayer+Aniston is THE couple made in heaven.

  84. 84

    Hi Johnny!

    First things first. Just so I know you'll listen I must report that I am pretty hot. You'd spend more than a week with a tent up around me. You might even splurge on that rv you've had your eye on.

    I think you're kind of bright (though you do make some pretty appalling grammatical mistakes for an Ivy League dropout and commit egregious syntax and word choice infelicities for a lyricist, but I digress.) And your music is okay. But your obvious addiction to sex, drugs and attention is really making me uncomfortable. Could you please get off my tv and computer screen (I came here to write to you because I figure you'd check here before HuffPo).
    p.s. Much like I imagine myself back in time and hope that I would fight valiantly against African bondage and the Nazis, I imagine that, if you ever told me you wanted me to "suck you off" [you're a bunghole-before-breakfast-watching pig, you know?] I would– rather than stare at you agog in disbelief that you had chosen little old me– instead rally a partisan/underground railroad movement of like-minded women to bring. your.ugly.harmful.misogynist.ass.down.

  85. 85

    This tool is a complete freak and loser!!! I think we should start a petition to have him chemically castrated! Woe to us if this piece of crap ever procreates!!

  86. 86

    I really think this is a joke-no one is this lame…are they?

  87. 87


  88. 88

    Re: lulu1975 – so funny that you say this, because that was exactly what i was thinking. i've always gotten a bad vibe from this douche, and i know how to spot people's issues. this guy is without a doubt a narcissist. he has a personality disorder, but most people in hollywood actually do, so i am not surprised. i'm getting tired of people's obvious problems and those who are blind to it.

  89. 89

    His tattoos are kinda girly, and he sounds like a complete idiot

  90. 90

    I for one, will forever have a sweet spot for the attention whoring douche…He is so fucking seks!

  91. 91

    people like to talk shit, but he plays the guitar so great. he's an amazing musician.

  92. 92

    Can this guy die already? why do people listen to his terrible James Blunt like music?

  93. @v@ says – reply to this


    I thought he was a skilled musician.
    Why does he go there at all?
    Less is more.

  94. 94

    gross disgusting douchebag

  95. 95

    Wow…for one - John's hair made me laugh the hardest I've laughed in a while. Two - I have a completely different outlook on him now that I've read this…Love your music, Johnny…but not you're lifestyle. You are a HOE.

  96. 96

    How old is he ?
    He sounds like a 21 year old that just found his dick …
    No wonder Jennifer A. dumped his ass…

  97. 97

    Wow, that's 2 minutes pf my life I'll never get back…Did he actually say anything?

  98. 98


  99. 99

    Self-indulgent, pretentious narcissist much?

  100. 100

    I know he is a douch but my God he is sexy he is just pure sex hot damn!!!!

More comments: [1] 2 »