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John Mayer Goes Shirtless For Rolling Stone

| Filed under: Jennifer AnistonJohn MayerTiger Woods

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Happy Hump Day, indeed!

John Mayer shows off his inked body in the February issue of Rolling Stone magazine.

On top of looking hawt for the cameras in his empty love den, the singer dishes goes into detail about about his solo sex life as well as his past and future relationships.

Here are some HIGHlights from the interview:

On his split with ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston:

"I’ve never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life… I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for the people I’ve had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is fucking fantastic, if I said to her, I don’t dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn’t arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny."

On his sex life becoming an endless loop of new girls rejecting him in clubs:

"Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!"

On finding a girlfriend:

"Do you think it’s going to take meeting someone who I admire more than I admire myself? But isn’t it also about a beautiful vagina? Aren’t we talking about a matrix of a couple of different things here? Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don’t they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn’t that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas? …I’ll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I’m using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it."

On his relationships:

“All I want to do now is fuck the girls I’ve already fucked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them, and they’re going, But you’re John Mayer! So I’m going backwards to move forward. I’m too freaked out to
meet anybody else.”

On masturbation:

“I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week.”

On if he pleasures himself daily:

“I don’t like that question, because it seeks to make me sound strange if I say ‘Yes, but of course I do.’ I mean, I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself."

On the paparazzi:

"I’ll be honest with you. All this weird shit about me? All this strangeness? I wouldn’t have a music career without it. But I am at odds with myself. I have some presence of psychological damage from the past 36 months. I have not had a woman appear in my dreams sexually without a paparazzi in the dream too. I can’t even have a wet dream without having to explain to someone who’s grinding on me, We can’t do this right now, because there’s a guy over there taking pictures."


If that comment doesn't send Jennifer Aniston crawling back to John, we don't know what will.

But, thanks for sharing the deets on your naughty time John.

We think.

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129 comments to “John Mayer Goes Shirtless For Rolling Stone

More comments: « 1 [2]

  1. 101

    Cripes! Who knew!??? John Meyer : "your bawdy is a wonderland" cheesehole dumb lovesong, bad derivative singer - fame is a horndog.

  2. @v@ says – reply to this


    Why doesn't he talk about his music? His band? The writing process. The tour. A concert for Haitians. His musical role models. His musical goals. His charities.
    Who gives a dead rat about this apparently hormones with feet personal life.
    They write about it because he puts it out there. Keep it private.

  3. 103

    A musician? Really? Does anyone still listen to his music? What a douche.

  4. 104

    Absolutely brilliant. All you people are crazy. Tell like it is John. When was the last time any of you heard any celebrity actually speak like a normal person. Keep on keeping it real John. Not a huge fan of the music but love the attitude. And I knew Jennifer Aniston had an ugly vagina. I mean it's obvious that's why it didn't work out. Brad Pitt thought it was ugly too probably.

  5. 105

    Sounds like he wants the he/she version of himself for a life partner.
    Narcisistic personality disorder treatment is needed.
    Get me a bucket….I am sickened by this butt hole.

  6. 106

    what the hell!?

  7. 107

    what a fucking loser this guy is, he just keeps getting worse and worse. . . i SERIOUSLY, SINCERELY wish he would just kill himself FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANITY.

  8. 108

    dude is completely unattractive, in every single way. wackin off gets him through serious life probelms? my mind is reeling.

  9. 109

    What's with the fixation on the Vag? I've never heard straight guys make such declarations about a woman's vagina.

    Maybe this is what guys say when they are still in the closet and want people to think they are straight. Like a girl who says she has to have a big dick or something…sounds like subterfuge!

  10. 110

    how do people not find him sexy? i mean, really. i want to hit this shit.

  11. 111

    good musician. sense of humor. good hair. descent body. yeah, he's fucking legit.

  12. 112

    not funny, not good-looking, not very talented. not to mention that he butched one of my favorite tom petty songs…ugh why do some poeple like him????

  13. 113

    Personally, I could have gone my whole life without ever hearing how many buttholes he has seen before he makes coffee.

  14. 114

    what an idiot

  15. Nesa says – reply to this


    We get it Mayer..You dumped Jen. A lot of men dumped Jen.
    Move on….
    You know don't nothing but skanky nasty sluts sleep with this nasty gay douche bag.

  16. 116

    That was incredibly fucking disturbing . . .

  17. 117

    God he's weird.

  18. 118

    is the mag trying to do a sexy photo shoot with this idiot? my skin crawls when i see this dude…ewwwwww. and he always has a lot of nothing to say. just gripes and complaints. so annoying. oh and he tries so hard to be like the bad boy type, then tries so hard not to be everything his songs are. so lame. his songs that hit radio have good messages which he tries to live out his life in public in total opposite. LAME. lol i think its his insecurities. really insecure.

  19. 119


  20. 120

    overrated in every possible way. he's not that hot, not that smart and not that talented. sorry to burst your bubble, john mayer!

  21. 121


  22. 122

    Kinda like a Mark Anthony … anyways the "Son of Bin Laden" part is badly placed, it's too bold and right next John :P

  23. 123

    Ummm…he sounds like a retarded narcissist.

  24. 124

    And does he have a third nipple?

  25. 125

    BOO FUCKING HOO too bad I dont feel sorry for him. at all. WHINEY POMPUS IDIOT

  26. 126

    Maniston is so gross so why did John get it from her?

  27. 127

    he is not hot, i dont get the attraction….

  28. 128

    he looks like a child molester

  29. 129

    He's a very talented musician, very smart, very opinionated and can sometimes be very attractive. However, he needs to put a filter on his comments and think before he speaks. Particularly he needs to think how his words will be perceived and who might be hurt by them. Thinking and behaving honestly is important but you don't need to share everything you think, that is not always as decent as it sounds.

More comments: « 1 [2]