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Your Daily Douchebag: John Mayer Edition

| Filed under: Jennifer AnistonIcky Icky PooJessica SimpsonJohn Mayer


It's like that weird button that guy has to press on Lost - John Mayer must be set to explode if he doesn't act like a complete DOUCHEBAG at least once in a 24 hour span.

Today, the musician/moron once again won't shut up about - surprise surprise - banging Jessica Simpleton or Maniston as if that's all he wants the world to know him for.

At least tell us something new! We all know you were A FREAK in bed with Jessica Simpson!

"Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*****' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f****** you.'"

What an elegant way with words!! We're sure Jessica must really appreciate that gem of a statement!!

Nothing says "I respect our time together and you as a woman" than to broadcast all the weird shit you did with your ex behind closed doors with the entire planet.

And of course, Maniston's people must be paying him so he doesn't spill the dirt on her 26 cats and general DESPERATION.

"That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person."

He does, however, take a dig that she is OLD.

"There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, 'These are the new rules.'"

Your involvement in technology? You mean your constant need to have people paying attention to you?

And of course, because he's a complete narcissist, he needs to address all the dudes ladies he's banging now.

"I'm going to say four or five. No more. But even if I said 12, that's a reasonable number. So is 15. Here's the thing: I get less a** now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops."

We thought we'd left those obnoxious guys who constantly need to brag about how awesome they are because they're insecure and self-conscious behind in middle school!!

Congrats, you idiot, you've again trivialized your legitimitely decent talents as a musician to be an ATTENTION WHORE.

[Image via AP Images.]

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51 comments to “Your Daily Douchebag: John Mayer Edition”

  1. 1

    first!! and he's a FUCKTARD!!

  2. Jacce says – reply to this


    What a jerk!

  3. 3

    What amazes me is how you are now bashing him Perez when before you were all filled with glee that he kissed you. Did somebody get their heart broken? Oh boo hoo hoo. Not that I`m any fan of Mayer, I think he is a total Stevie Ray Vaughn rip off, but it`s interesting how you had a 180 degree turn around on the guy Perez.

  4. 4

    OMG I ACTUALLY AGREE WITH PEREZ FOR ONCE. LOVE LOVE LOVE HIS MUSIC. Him as a person disgusts me and yes as PEREZ says he is a DOUCHEBAG if all this is true

  5. 5

    what a revolting asshole

  6. 6

    Yes, the guy is an attention-whoring douche. But you are his soul twin, Perez the Parasite; you're as much of, if not more than, an attention-whoring douche. You definitely live in a glass house, girlie; you are in NO position to throw stones.

  7. 7

    So Mayer's "a complete narcissist"? Well, all I can say Perez is it takes one to know one - who is it who refers to himself in the third person all the time? Posts every damn picture of himself he can find? And is deluded enough to think that his stint as a blogger who links to pop music videos qualifies him to judge on American Idol - for which job he has been shamelessly whoring himself in every other post. At least Mayer's got talent.

  8. 8


  9. 9

    This is revolting… His personality puts me off his music.

  10. 10

    That's right, moron…validate your existence by continually speaking about your sexual conquests. You've got the most gigantic head- physically and figuratively speaking!! Ugh…any female that makes a conscious, sober decision to go to bed with you obviously lacks the bare minimum of self-respect.

  11. 11

    Ok. I know it is just me but he entertains me. I have to say that I wasn't a really big fan of his in the past but the more stuff I read that he says, the more I am becoming amused by him. The things that he is quoted to have said (although crass) are statements that he has made honestly. I find him refreshing in a world of cookie cutter, pc celebrities who never speak off the cuff and just be themselves. I have to say, I would be fine with being 1 of his 15 women he is sleeping with. I would be quite curious to find out what he is working with.

  12. 12

    What a liar! Men that brag are men that aren't getting any

  13. 13

    Dear John Mayer,
    You're a pretentious asshole and a total d-bag.
    Go huff a dong

    Thank you

  14. 14

    This guy sounds like an OLD MAN

    He seriously is so creepy, he's like the outcast who won't stay away

    His self-delusion is huge

  15. 15

    "they are because they're insecure and self-conscious behind in middle school!!"

    Perez you got it on the money about this one

    This guy was a creepy REJECT and he wants to pretend he wasn't


  16. 16

    LOL i agree w/ EMMA03.. It's his brash way with words and vulgarity that i actually like.. LOL.. So he's "hollywoods bad boy" or sorts.. there's always one or two or a dozen right? So he's honest… ? No harm.. and yea.. you can't tell me these women who jump in to bed w/ him dont know EXACTLY what they are getting in to.. Let's be real here.. that's exactly WHY they get in to bed w/ him! I HEART John Mayer.. in all his brutal honesty and make-you-blush statements.. luvs it.. LOL..People are so easily offended by ANYone who breaks the mold.. i say props to JM for not trying to pretend hes something he's NOT.. hehehe

  17. 17

    Re: Emma03 – AGREE~! The guy's brutal honesty is actually what turned me ON to him.. i luv it.. i doubt one of the 15 women doesnt know EXACTLY what they are bargaining for by bedding up w/ JM.. so he speaks his mind.. i prefer brutal, vulgar honesty over some mushy FAKE b.s.! ANY DAY!

  18. 18

    John Mayer is like a piece of toliet paper stuck on the bottom of my shoe - useless and annoying! I wish he'd go away and shut his trap - really dude you aren't cool.

  19. 19

    That was just hilarious!!! :D

  20. 20

    Funny part, if Mayer called Perez for the fat fuck to suck his dick, Perez would be on the next flight…
    When Perez burps, does it smell like bleach?

    And to all the ladies commenting, you'd ALL fuck him if given the opportunity…whores!

  21. 21

    ……..jennifer, after Brad Pitt, how could you?

  22. 22

    Perez. I read the whole article. Why didn't you post what he said about you? After reading your site for years, I am afraid he is right. You are "now to gossip what Richard Simmons is to fitness". He also commented in the article all about him kissing you. Why not post any of that? I guess you can dish it out… but not take it. truth hurts. He may be a douche, but at least he's original. You are getting tired and passé… Perez. I hope you find a way to reinvent this blog because I used to love it but man, how many Lindsanity, Jennifer "cat" jabs can you made a day?

  23. 23


  24. 24

    It's ashame that musicians and actors today have to speak out about their personal lives, when honestly they should just stick to working and stop saying the ridiculous antidotes that they do. It takes away from their work. John take note please!

  25. 25

    um, source?

  26. 26

    What a raging asshole-I really hope hes not putting his oily paws on Taylor Swifty…

  27. 27

    despite the hyposcrisy, this is the first post i actually enjoyed from your writers in quite a long time. broadcasting your past relationships business is incredibly unattractive, tacky, disrespectful, and downright horrible.

  28. 28

    The article is from playboy.com

  29. 29

    Forigive me I know the guy is a sexist douchebag but in my opinion that video he has out right now I believe it was from "Storytelling" or some shit like that was pretty seks. I can just listen to the beat and the rhythm in his voice and see how he would fuck. Fucking sexy horndog motha fucka!

  30. 30

    Who in their right mind would ever date this guy? What drugs is he on? I think he just blew his chances of ever finding a self-respecting girl. I bet he sucks in bed too.

  31. 31

    stop talking about d-bags like him and they'll go away Perez

  32. 32

    Poor Mario. Such a heartbroken, jealous little queen. You never meant anything to him, Lavandiarrhea. He prefers vagine.

  33. 33

    I love the way he puts things…I don't know, I just find him amusing and he speaks what's in his mind. Not many people do…although I am glad he's not talking about me, I still don't ahte him for this. Then again, I'm not angry that he's not gay like one asshole I could name.

  34. 34

    every unprofessionally jealous post you write about john mayer makes me love him even more

  35. YUCK says – reply to this


    well jessica will be getting a lot of calls now, everyman wants to date a whore that will give them all their mouth ass and t w at when its time to fuck. she sounds like a hell of a broad in bed, what man wouldnt want that. she can spread that ass over any guys face and they will love it.

  36. 36

    This was my favorite musician until reading all this. Especially that "white supremicist" bull. I'm so sad that I will never listen to him again. So sad…

  37. YUCK says – reply to this


    well jessica will be getting a lot of calls now, everyman wants to date a whore that will give them all their mouth ass and t w at when its time to fuck. she sounds like a hell of a broad in bed, what man wouldnt want that. she can spread that ass over any guys face and they will love it. she should do porn I bet it would sell since she has those luscious big tits and natural beauty.

  38. 38

    FUCKING HATE JOHN MAYER. who fucking listens to that shit

  39. Wrenn says – reply to this


    Kills you doesn't it Perez!! Him talking that way about Jessica and Jennifer, who you continually make fun of…and that's why…JEALOUSY!!!! You want him so damn bad, but he doesn't want your fat ugly ass.

  40. 40

    Perez, you literally are a child. 4 posts in a day about John Mayer. You know what's funny? I don't even LIKE John Mayer, but her was near my college last night and I went to see him. His music genuinely won me over. His pure talent and love of his art. While he was doing what he loves and has worked his LIFE at, you have been sitting here bashing him on and on doing NOTHING. On top of the fact that you've been acting like an infant, i find it absolutely APPALLING the way you are forcing him out. Whether he's gay or not or experiments or not is NONE Of your business. Excuse my french but who the FUCK are you to tell ANYONE if they are gay or not. That is the most personal, private decision i can think of for a male or female who is questioning their sexuality and you have the AUDACITY to post it online. Then call him a whore?! Perez stop letting your emotions run wild and grow up. You are a deplorable excuse for a representative of the gay community and you genuinely disgust me. You may have just lost a fan….by the looks of it, if you keep acting in this manner, many more will be leaving your site soon. Shape up Perez or your 15 minutes of "fame" are going ot be up.

  41. 41

    lol Perez didn't write this…it was too reasonable.

  42. 42

    I kinda liked him before. WOW not ANYMORE! What a narcissist!! I see right through him. He has SEVERAL issues going on…first he's very insecure. A man who's secure with himself would not have to brag about the women he's been with. Second, I think he may be bisexual and dealing with his sexuality. Why else would he have to talk about how many girls he's sleeping with. Third it sounds like Jennifer broke up with him and he has a broken heart. Thats why he's putting her down and acting as though it was his idea. Jenn and Jessica are beautiful, way too good for him. John has no class what soever. Does he not care that Jess' family will see that? John congrats you keep digging yourself in a hole. NOT a fan anymore!!

  43. 43

    Hell hath no fury like a blogger scorned.

  44. 44

    "those obnoxious guys who constantly need to brag about how awesome they are because they're insecure and self-conscious" Given the source, the irony is superb.

  45. 45

    "Your involvement in technology? You mean your constant need to have people paying attention to you?" hello pot, meet kettle. im going to start getting his music now because of you, you worthless loser.

  46. 46

    Perez, you really have no reason to call anyone else an attention whore when you're the biggest one out there.

  47. 47

    how horny is this guy? he has to go around screwing 10-15 girls…or whatever?!?! be careful of STDs!!! serioulsly

  48. 48

    Does he ever just SHUT UP?

  49. 49

    If anything, you, PEREZ, are even a bigger attention whore.
    Yes, John Mayer is a HUGE ass… but you just reallllly make it seem like he murdered people. Your website is informative and gossip-worthy, but you're just TOTALLY off on almost everything you say. You're really making yourself seem like an even bigger ass than John Mayer already is… cool it, dude..

  50. 50

    Please read for yourself the entire interview online at Playboy. Don't let Perez edit it for you. Mayer is flawed but a very interesting, talented and highly intelligent guy just a little bit too in touch with his feelings for his own good. However, he has some stuff to say about Perez and "the kiss" in the interview. Made me laugh out loud something like when he first met him at a club Perez was prancing around like he invented homosexuality. Oh, go read it for yourself. Very funny. Wish he would shut up about Jen though.

  51. 51

    No matter how talented he is, he is such a freaking douche bag. He has definitely outdone himself. Way to go, John! Such a loser.