At least tell us something new! We all know you were A FREAK in bed with Jessica Simpson!
"Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*****' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f****** you.'"
What an elegant way with words!! We're sure Jessica must really appreciate that gem of a statement!!
Nothing says "I respect our time together and you as a woman" than to broadcast all the weird shit you did with your ex behind closed doors with the entire planet.
And of course, Maniston's people must be paying him so he doesn't spill the dirt on her 26 cats and general DESPERATION.
"That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person."
He does, however, take a dig that she is OLD.
"There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, 'These are the new rules.'"
Your involvement in technology? You mean your constant need to have people paying attention to you?
And of course, because he's a complete narcissist, he needs to address all the
dudes ladies he's banging now.
"I'm going to say four or five. No more. But even if I said 12, that's a reasonable number. So is 15. Here's the thing: I get less a** now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops."
We thought we'd left those obnoxious guys who constantly need to brag about how awesome they are because they're insecure and self-conscious behind in middle school!!
Congrats, you idiot, you've again trivialized your legitimitely decent talents as a musician to be an ATTENTION WHORE.
[Image via AP Images.]