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Lohan The Nun? The Machete Trailer Is Here!

| Filed under: Lindsay LohanFilm FlickersMichelle RodriguezJessica Alba

And it's pretty ferosh — even if Jessica Alba is in it!

Robert Rodriguez's full-length B-movie Machete features Robert DeNiro, Michelle Rodriguez and Lindsay Lohan in a nun's habit!

There's something we thought we'd never see!

Thoughts?

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87 comments to “Lohan The Nun? The Machete Trailer Is Here!”



  1. 1

    yes! lohan is looking badass!



  2. 2

    umm yeah latinos as assesins drugdealers, so new….



  3. 3

    Hell NOOO
    Don't like it , not even a little bit…..



  4. 4

    I will be seeing this. I love B movies and this looks really goofy but kinda awesome!



  5. 5

    Uh that's a joke right?! They can't be serious!



  6. 6

    wow this looks either really bad or really good. I like Deniro so thats a plus.. oh and michelle rodriguez. The voice over dude kills the trailer. his voice sounds cheesy like from the 70's.. Lohan looks good.



  7. 7

    Lohan is shown for two seconds, if that in this trailer, and still bad acting is written all over her face….And its a B movie. Ugh! Her career is over.



  8. 8

    OMG! I was hoping they hadn't yet shot this movie. This means she already got paid for this and we know she already snorted this cash. Oh, God!



  9. 9

    This is based on one of the trialers from his and Tarentino's "Grindhouse" double feature. (The trailer had nude women and said the movie was rated 'X".)
    I hate the immigration political statements , but the movie still looks awesome!!!!! I have to see it ….at least 10 times.



  10. 10

    I love the dude ( the mexican with the long) hair.He was great in Desperato.If he is is star of the movive which it looks like,how come you don't mention his name? looks good tho.You can have your fairy Vampire Movies. I'll take the double crossing,ass kicking,non stop action with good actors,except Lindsays!!



  11. 11

    I thought you said Lilo hasn't been in movies in years. Guess you were wrong…as usual. Can't wait to see this, it looks intriguing and I love Jessica. Seeing Lilo in a movie again will be good, so long as she doesn't ruin the flick. Mean Girls is still, by far, the bestest. You go Glen Coco!! LMFAO.



  12. 12

    yessss AWESOME



  13. 13

    This is a joke, right? Something off of "Funny or Die"? Stellar actors like DeNiro did not lower themselves to this parody, right? RIGHT??



  14. 14

    this looks awesome!

  15. k-lee says – reply to this


    15

    "they fucked with the wrong mexican"

    lol oh you dont have to fuck with the wrong mexican. just fuck with any mexican, and you'll get what u ask for.

    yes im half mexican.



  16. 16

    I LOVE THIS DIRECTOR BECAUSE HE HIRES EVERYONE YOU HATE! WHOO-HOOO! GO ROBERT! HE NEEDS TO DO A MOVIE WHERE PEREZ IS THE TARGET! THAT WOULD BE RAD! I CAN IMAGINE THE PREMISE NOW…ALL OF HOLLYWOOD CHASING DOWN PEREZ TILL THEY CATCH HIM AND OOMPH, OFF WITH THE HORSE HEAD!!!

  17. pina says – reply to this


    17

    cant wait!!!!!!!!!!!!



  18. 18

    I am sooooo Excited: Machete is coming out soon and the cast is fucking awesome - maybe not Linidsay Lohan so much but maybe she will be made into a human pez dispenser….



  19. 19

    It´s so insane, I love it!!



  20. 20

    It looks like something Tarantino would make.



  21. 21

    Re: lala nyc – ITS SUPPOSE TO BE LIKE THE 70'S…ALL HIS MOVIES ARE THROWBACKS FROM ANOTHER TIME!!! YOU JUST DON'T GET IT…



  22. 22

    Oh my god, I have to see this in the theater. That is absolutely insane.



  23. 23

    Movie looks entertaining, but AZ is right about wanting to deport illegals. They can't afford to support them anymore.



  24. 24

    wtf?



  25. 25

    The narrator is probably making it look cheesier than it is.



  26. 26

    It looks awesome, perfect timing for the movie's release!

    P.S. Lohan looks hot!



  27. 27

    RRod = genius. Danny Trejo = awesome. MRod = HOT. I can't wait to see this!!!



  28. 28

    Jessica's speaking part at the end of the trailer sucks big time - the rest looks somewhat interesting - I also despise the political message and probably won't see it - people need to learn what they are taking stands on and putting down before they make these kinds of statements - Arizona has no choice but to take action - people are dying every day due to the violence of those crossing the border - that is a fact. Come if you want but do it legally.



  29. 29

    I saw a little of the trailer when I saw Grindhouse. They filmed it 70's style, (even the voice over) which I think is pretty cool. I wonder if they'll have parts missing just like Grindhouse? Maybe Linday's part? LOL. Just kidding.



  30. 30

    haha… can't wait.

  31. imj says – reply to this


    31

    I wonder who lohan had to suck or whose box she had to eat to get put into this movie.



  32. 32

    Wow, after seen the trailer, I'm excited to go see it!! It has a lot of great actors/actress (not BLOHAN) and it looks great! I bet if it's a sucess, LOhan and Dina will take ALL the credit. LOL



  33. 33

    cute!



  34. 34

    Oh my! It's Hurley's dad & LAPIDUS



  35. 35

    wow even a trailer can show Jessica Alba's shitty acting



  36. 36

    "Look ferosh"? Looks terrible. Another dud for Lohan which means another nail in her coffin. "AMAZEBALLS!"



  37. 37

    Yes…spoofs. Hell yes.



  38. 38

    Re: adamzlover – they shot this a few years ago, so no, lindsay hasn't been in a movie in a long time.



  39. 39

    yyyeeesssss!!!

  40. Jeeet says – reply to this


    40

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA this looks just AWFUL!! The acting looks terrible!!



  41. 41

    LOL that looks hilarious



  42. 42

    being a mexican-american female.. this movie is a joke and i'm VERY insulted.



  43. 43

    LOL! Lohan didn't even get any lines in the trailor. Man talk about a has-been.



  44. 44

    What happen to my favorite guy De Niro?



  45. 45

    wow…I gotta watch this. It's either really bad or really good.



  46. 46

    Looks extremely shitty!



  47. 47

    Looks awesome!



  48. 48

    Anything with Jeff Fahey is alright with me. I've had the hots for that guy for over 20 years!



  49. 49

    Re: sarahmargeurite

    What the fuck are you talking about, it was shot late last year.

    Its Robert Rodriguez, I love all his work.



  50. 50

    For those writing this off as a B-movie, R-Rod and Q. Tarantino like giving A-movie homages to B-movies, and this looks like one of them. This looks like something in the vain of "Pulp Fiction," "Grindhouse" and especially O. Welles' "Touch of Evil" (prob. the first B-movie homage with a border town theme). LL wasn't featured very much in the trailer, which makes it look more like Trejo, DeNiro and M. Rodriguez are the principals. Also, I enjoy the fact that this isn't a 3D adaptation of a comic or children's book. Looking forward to it.



  51. 51

    The trailer for this came out a few years ago when Rodriguez and Tarantino released the double feature for Grindhouse and Deathproof. If you don't know his work you wouldn't get it, hence all of you who immediately expose your ignorance to filmaking by the comments you have made….



  52. 52

    will definitely watch this



  53. 53

    ahh shit!!
    looks bad ass!
    and michelle's body's bangin'!

    HELL NO TO STEVEN SEAGAL AND LINDSAY LOHAN!



  54. 54

    I will say this, the part lindsay lohan plays is the big twist in the movie, and they want to under play her character so people become surprised



  55. 55

    iiiuu 4 the movie XC im not like that and im proud to be mexican



  56. 56

    That will be funny to watch. I think I will have to see that here in Austin, TX at The Alamo Draft House. I will order real home made pop corn with either wine or a corona. Looks good!



  57. 57

    I have to see this



  58. 58

    They had a fake Machete trailer at the beginning of Grindhouse and have been talking about doing an actual movie for it. I think it looks pretty rad if you ask me!



  59. 59

    I can't believe Robert DeNiro would want to be in this. it looks awful. Maybe it will be another Pulp Fiction and surprise.



  60. 60

    Tarinto rip off. But it looks good. Minus Leglass Lohan. Kinda makes me not wanna watch it.



  61. 61

    Why is that pendeja gringa-nalga-prieta Jessica Alba in this flick? I thought she said she didn't want to be called a "latina"?



  62. 62

    ooo! the horrible americans- in their own country LEGALLY, protecting what is theirs- being defeated by the heroes of the story- the ILLEGAL, murders(that IS how they are portrayed in the movie, after all) taking what is NOT THEIRS- the mexicans.
    LOOKS GREAT
    *eye roll*



  63. 63

    Looks like a spoof on Mad TV!!!



  64. 64

    Normally I would love to see this and see in the theater, but since Lohan is in it I will wait until it comes out on dvd.



  65. 65

    The narrator definatly made it look worse than it is… It looks like a dumb stupid movie that would be a blast to watch



  66. 66

    i would normally never go to see a movie like this,just not my thing and i hate tarentino(or whatever hes called)everyone is comparing it and calling it a nock off.i laughed my ass off at the trailer and am looking forward to it.i think it looks great.



  67. 67

    that was an awful trailer.

    Get a new advertiser.



  68. 68

    pitty dialogue
    lame trailer
    the worst cast
    QUE ESTABA PENSANDO ROBERT DE NIRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  69. 69

    Notice how they don't show any of Lohan's acting?



  70. 70

    Is this a joke?



  71. 71

    THIS LOOKS SOOOOO BAD.



  72. 72

    Re: nina2708 – Bitch, everybody is offended nowadays, Im half mexican half german and im not offended, wtf!!!



  73. 73

    People need to realize this is supposed to be like an old Grindhouse flick, not to be taken seriously. They barely show Lindsay Lohan, I hope that means she doesn't have a large part.

  74. FMB says – reply to this


    74

    Oh HELLS YEAH!!! I remember seeing part of this trailer in the 'intermission' sequence between PlanetTerror and DeathProof… Freaking AWESOME they are actually making it…Wicked Cast too



  75. 75

    OMG!I can't wait!It's look just perfect. Robert, would you marry me?



  76. 76

    GO LINSANITY! I cant believe she is in a movie I REALLY want to go see!! KEEP DOING THIS KIND OF STUFF LINDSAY!!!! she could make a come back!



  77. 77

    That does look pretty rad.



  78. 78

    this is just funny xD



  79. 79

    Re: CandyDanny – stupid racist idiot were does it mention anything about drugs?



  80. 80

    LOL I LOVE HOW HE SAYS A MESSAGE TO ARIZONA!!!!!!



  81. 81

    is this a Spy Kids prequel? yeah.

  82. Whiz says – reply to this


    82

    I don't think anyone is really getting the concept. "Machete" is based on a popular fake trailer that was made for the movie "Grindhouse". It is written/directed by Robert Rodriguez and Tarantino is a producer. It is done in the same style the two "Grindhouse" movies were done in, a throwback to the cheesy, exploitation-like "B' movies shown at drive-ins in the 1970's. It looks and sounds this way ON PURPOSE! The trailer for "Thanksgiving", by Eli Roth, is also being made into a movie.



  83. 83

    LOVE IT!!! GREAT CAST!!! :D



  84. 84

    THEY JUST FUCKED WITH THE WRONG MEXICAN!! WHOO VIVA LA RAZA

  85. @v@ says – reply to this


    85

    Re: sam007 – i would think that doing a Rodriguez movie would be mucho fun for DeNiro and Co. The movies are a raw, fictional genre and are almost art, like Tarantino. DeNiro's not above this. No way.



  86. 86

    Re: Brainbug – Hahah! Amazeballs, indeed.



  87. 87

    MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ IN A LEATHER BRA??? *FAINTS* That woman is PERFECTION! Cannot wait for this shit. Looks fucking awesome. And you were hating on her how shes "taking a break from doing nothing to come back for Lost" you fucking idiot. Shes in THIS movie and another one coming out next year! Fucking hater. I hope you choke on a cock.
    DENIRO + RODRIGUEZ = FIRE!!!