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Abstaining! No Sex Until Bristol Is Mrs. Johnston!

| Filed under: Love LineSarah PalinLevi Johnston


On this very special episode of The Secret Life Of An American Politician's Effed Up Daughter, Bristol Palin has swore to keep her kaslopis closed for business until she is married.

Yeah, yeah. We've heard that one before, but supposedly, she is sticking to her mother's guns this time around!

This morning's announcement that Bristol has agreed to marry her baby daddy Levi Johnston was followed by the realization that Bristol is a spokes-hypocrite for abstinence. Considering that she doesn't want to be labeled a whore twice in her life, sources suspect that Bristol's engagement time will be spent picking out camouflage floral arrangements and not creating a sister for Tripp.

Hear that Levi! This ain't like the first time! The kitchen is closed until you make a mildly honest woman out of her! Think you can wait that long???

(Probably not!)

[Image via AP Images.]

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45 comments to “Abstaining! No Sex Until Bristol Is Mrs. Johnston!”

  1. 1

    I hope without their parents influence, these two young parents can be happy together and create a nice life for their son….I wish them the best.

  2. 2

    No sex until after the wedding? So when's the wedding, this weekend?

  3. 3

    why do you call her a whore? she is a hypocrite but i don't its fair to call her a whore

  4. 4

    well that's totally unverifiable. Wow, she really could become a politician.

  5. 5

    I wonder if Russia will hear Bristol scream on her wedding night

  6. 6

    I'd be HONORED AND THRILLED to let him plow me in the mean time. Sexy motherfucker!

  7. 7

    who cares

  8. 8

    Your such a fuckin donkey dick. I can't stand thes people but for god sakes, she's a whore cuz she got layed in high school. I'm sure you were takin it in the ass as a teenager, alot, what's that make you. And he aint gettin none, you should know better than most, penetration is not the only way to satisfy someone. By the looks of her, she seems to be able to suck a mean cock, he'll be fine. And just so you know, because you would have no way of knowing…men don't really care that much. As a matter of fact, most of us prefer blow jobs at times. There, now you finally know how a man thinks. Your welcome.

  9. 9

    The only hypocrit I ever run into here is you Mario the Pedio!!

  10. Harv says – reply to this


    Does abstaining from sex include blow jobs ?
    Probably not in this case.

  11. 11

    people that have had sex and now claim they are abstinent are fool of shit - esp these 2

  12. 12

    Whomever is writing this blog nowdays….karma is a bitch. You'll see.

  13. 13

    Update in IDIOCRACY!
    I fear a new hybrid of fame whores: a little bit of heidi/spencer + tori/dean
    you know they are going to try to make money off this…try for a reality show…exploit their child to the media.
    It's all ready working they are front page news and on all bloqrolls…
    here we go again? womp womp.

  14. 14

    …how do we know it would be a sister?…and I'm sure her mouth is not closed…they are too young and he is too used to sex…

  15. 15

    who knows maybe she's preggers again and getting a quickie wedding

  16. 16

    why is it that if SHE has premarital sex she is a whore while Angelina can "live in sin" and you call her a saint??? You are such a hypocritical asshole Perez!

  17. 17

    wow perez did you just call a girl a whore for having sex before shes married? How sexist

  18. 18

    I wonder if she's expecting a preemie.

  19. 19

    What kind of a *hair-do* is Bristol rocking? What's with the *poof* thing on top? Anybody know?? Doesn't it kinda look like the hairstyles of those crazy religious cult people in Texas? Is it kind of a hick hairstyle?

  20. 20

    So - Bristol Palin is a "whore" for getting pregnant before she got married. Yet a few articles ago you praised and congratulated Penelope Cruz - for doing the same thing.

    What a wanker you are.

  21. 21

    Bristol is already pregnant with her 3rd (!). She is already about 3 months along.

  22. 22

    Re: April 20th – So true.

  23. 23

    That chick is such a money-grubbing hypocrite…I agree she shouldn't be called a whore…but, totally agree she is just lying and faking…I heard she didn't even tell her mother she was engaged…lying and faking appears to be deep-seated…

  24. 24

    I saw these two already when they did the cover of US mag and she looks pregnant already! Maybe thats why she wants to get married in the next 6 weeks!

  25. 25

    Of course he can wait. He's a big wanker after all.

  26. 26

    You can't be a spokesperson for abstinence when you didn't abstain.

  27. 27

    Re: ViewFromHere – if that is true which i suspect it is(it would be the 2nd not the 3rd) Levi better be smart and get a dna test!

  28. 28

    now Levi can live off the Palins free and clear again - no child support, and the use of Sarah's income - Bristol's 15 minutes may get extended a bit by this wedding, but once the $$ from the magazine spreads is gone—–so Grandma's money it is!!

  29. 29

    Re: Pammie8 – could be 3rd - anyone do a DNA test on Sarah's baby???????

  30. 30

    Re: cherricola


  31. 31

    I'm no fan of the Palins but Bristol is not a whore.

  32. 32


  33. 33

    Does anyone really believe they're not having sex? Get real. Who does she think she's fooling? Maybe she just got a little smarter and decided to use birth control (or not).

  34. 34

    unless Tinkerbell42 question (dna test of the T-babies - both!!).. not one interesting thing about any of those selfish, money-seeking famewhores!

    and hoochpit - maybe you need to get laid.. because Bristol wasn't a "whore" for having sex in high school…. she was stupid and uninformed — and blame her parents for that… any normal parent would have taken one look at Levi.. and raced to the GYN's for sex lecture and protection decisions… then sat their daughter down day after day after day to talk about sex and protection (best: 1 for birth control, comdoms for 2nd and disease control) and consequences…….. but she wasn't well parented was she? and since sarah carrying Track when hitched maybe impossible for her to be messenger.. but if you label Bristol anything but naive, you are doing same to all high schoolers getting naked!!

  35. 35

    Ridiculous. What kind of insane people think its clever for two people in a relationship who already have kids, to NOT have sex. Relationships are hard enough, to purposely ruin your sex life is totally insane. They have a much better chance of staying together if they have a loving and intimate bond, and sorry you Christ-misquoting idiots but that includes SEX.

  36. 36

    does it matter anymore? you cant go back

  37. 37

    I call BULL

  38. 38

    I smell a RAT. I will bet any amount of $$$ that he is being paid BIG MONEY by Sarah to go along with this BS. Just after the midterm elections, she will announce her bid to run for President. This will make it all PERFECT for her. Old the old blue-haired ladies will just love this shit!!!

  39. 39

    I love your commentary on this one.

  40. 40

    Bristol isn't a whore for getting pregnant at a young age. THat makes her stupid. Her naive belief that Levi will change into a good man is even more stupid. He watches Tripp when she needs a 15 min break??? OMG, only a CHILD would be impressed that.

    She's lonely and overwhelmed. He's seeing an opportunity to cash in on her. PRE NUP. May Britney be a lesson to you, Girl!

  41. 41

    Why would she be labeled a whore in the first place? She was with 1 guy,got pregnant,had a son and is marrying her sons father! That makes her a whore? No,Perez,that makes YOU a bigger douche that I thought you were! (If that's even possible!)
    STFU and leave these young girls alone! Okay,we get it…you don't like girls! Get the fuck over yourself!

  42. 42

    Re: Indigo – - You are right. You can be a role model for abstainance if they didn't practice it.

  43. 43

    fuck u perez. shes not a whore…she made a mistake and Lord knows ur no angel so stfu nd suck dick u nasty fat ass perverted fuck.

  44. 44

    Bristol is about 3-4 months pregnant.

  45. 45

    Interesting that Ben Barber felt the need to ask Bristol if she's pregnant. They were living together since December and broke up 2 months ago. Bristol is about 3-4 months pregnant now, and she just got back with Levi 6 weeks ago.

    Bristol will marry Levi and she will be having Ben's baby by November!! Congrats for all those family values and abstinence speeches!!