Sources are telling us that you are being inundated with fan mail while you sit locked away in Lynwood prison. Rather than waste the stamp, we thought we'd just write to you from here.
What's that? You don't know what we are talking about?
Oh, well, the staff in the mailroom at your prison has been besieged with love letters, ransom notes and Valuepak coupons all addressed to one Lindsay Lohan. They are from your fans. Didn't you know you had any of those, did you? The prison folk say that they've been roughly getting around 250 letters a day for you.
Can you feel the love?
What's that now? You haven't gotten any of this mail?
No, you wouldn't. Not yet anyway. The prison only allows it's occupants 10 letters at a time. But no worries, when you are released from the clink and moved to your seaside rehab facility, they'll hand over the bushels of envelopes to you and you can delve into what is sure to be a fountain of literary poetry.
We hope you'll share some of the gems with us via Twitter. We're looking forward to it.
Hugs and Kisses and Cocaine, Perez
P.S. - If there is white powder in any of the envelopes, don't inhale! It might not be what you think!
[Image via WENN.]