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Dear Lindsanity…

| Filed under: Lindsay LohanSilly!

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Sources are telling us that you are being inundated with fan mail while you sit locked away in Lynwood prison. Rather than waste the stamp, we thought we'd just write to you from here.

What's that? You don't know what we are talking about?

Oh, well, the staff in the mailroom at your prison has been besieged with love letters, ransom notes and Valuepak coupons all addressed to one Lindsay Lohan. They are from your fans. Didn't you know you had any of those, did you? The prison folk say that they've been roughly getting around 250 letters a day for you.

Can you feel the love?

What's that now? You haven't gotten any of this mail?

No, you wouldn't. Not yet anyway. The prison only allows it's occupants 10 letters at a time. But no worries, when you are released from the clink and moved to your seaside rehab facility, they'll hand over the bushels of envelopes to you and you can delve into what is sure to be a fountain of literary poetry.

We hope you'll share some of the gems with us via Twitter. We're looking forward to it.

Hugs and Kisses and Cocaine, Perez

P.S. - If there is white powder in any of the envelopes, don't inhale! It might not be what you think!

[Image via WENN.]

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49 comments to “Dear Lindsanity…”



  1. 1

    …it just goes to show there is more love out there than the "I hate Lindsay" bandwagon….she is a true talent and will survive…..



  2. 2

    You're such a mean girl Perez.

    Seriously though, the girl has problems. Why be so mean to her? It seems to be on a personal level too.



  3. 3

    They need be waiting outside from Perez's camp when she is released and have a a carton of cigarettes & and bottle of Grey Goose waiting for her. : )



  4. 4

    ITS TRUE THOUGH. Shes one of the best actresses of this time! Its sad the media went and fucked her life up. Karma will get em!

  5. ass says – reply to this


    5

    What the hell is wrong with you Perez? Seriously, I think you need to adjust your meds again.



  6. 6

    My offer still stands. If some one sends me a round trip ticket I will give FatBoy the beating of his life. Sure to be followed by the YouTube video to put all others to shame. Well reverse that.



  7. 7

    Do you always have to show not only your hate but the fact that you aRE NOTHING BUT A PENCIL DICK? tHAT AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO BE A WOMAN YOUR ASS DON'T EVEN SCORE THE RIGHT DIAMETER FOR THE OLD SPICE GUY? qUIT BEING SO HATEFUL, EAT YOU BILE AND DIE YOU FUCKATARD. aND FOR ANYONE THAT DON'T LIKE WHAT i POST, EAT SOME SHIT AND DIE TOO.



  8. 8

    How petty of you. Lets hope you stay perfect cause karma's a bitch to bitches

  9. Dusss says – reply to this


    9

    Again… not funny.

    Please Perez, stick to what your good at. Bring gossip. Don't try to impoverish.



  10. 10

    now now this is a bit mean. I like the gossip and she deserves when shes acting entitltled and spolied but not for every little thing . soon this place will no crediabilty.



  11. 11

    By the way, I am not a Linsay Lohan fan. I am a 20-year recovered alcoholic.



  12. 12

    And when she OD's or commit's suicide, you will be the first one to talk about how sad it is and how it is so much of a tragedy. Because that is the kind of hypocrite you are. I pray to God that somebody sues your ass for harassment and takes every penny you have.



  13. 13

    But what's happening to mario ????… he completly lost it…
    Is it the 20 milions $ from dirty world for his shitty website ???



  14. 14


  15. 15

    "didn't you know you had any of those, did you?"?????? WTF does that mean



  16. 16

    Poor Mario has a continual time of the month. Such a hating bitch on everyone other than lady gag-gag and madonadog



  17. 17

    Perez, seriously? I understand this girl is one train wreck after another… But seriously… The girl is in jail then heading to rehab. I know as a celebrity you are going to get scrutinised but lighten up man. Dropping cocaine every chance you get is disgusting and is bitter of you… Yuo need to come the fuck down. You are probably upset that she is getting that much love and support, obviously something you don't get often. You report drama thats it, if we want to read shit talk there are other forums for that. How does it feel being called a fat ass all the time, eat a cheeseburger fatty? Well… you would know better than anyone.



  18. 18

    Wow. You don;t just suck dick. You are a dick.



  19. 19

    Yeah, I'm pretty sure I want you dead, Perez.



  20. 20

    Which is funnier? Ridiculing a troubled girl from highly dysfunctional family is thrown in jail for her substance abuse and then sent to rehab for help or a young Cuban boy is tormented and beaten because he discovered he is gay?

    C'mon, Mario. Tell me which is funnier? See, I'm an alcoholic, so it seems a bit strange that a boy would want to suck dick. Is it okay then that I make fun of gays the way you make fun of substance abusers? Or should I try to be supportive?



  21. 21

    wow you have serious problems….and for those artists you love, consider digging into their dirt. Just a thought perez, Madonna hasn't had a gay man, friend, etc around since she has had a kid. Just a thought the next time you keep spewing love



  22. 22

    Hey Perez! We got it, that you are overly obsessed with Lindsay Lohan. We got it that you are her favorite stalker. You sweetheart you. NOT. This girl needs to see and hear the love that people out there have for HER. She needs to see the love and support and maybe THAT will instill inher that she needs to get better. Instead of helping her, you continue to shove her to the ground, and she does no right by you. You are a pompuss jerk. Fatass.



  23. 23

    Not the greatest actress of your generation sadly. Think of the young Jodie Foster. You cannot even compare Lohan. Think of Dakota Fanning. Lohan has never done a movie with any depth or weight to it. Just a few silly films when she was younger. The media didn't screw her life up, only she did could do that.



  24. 24

    Re: Lilygirl27 – . I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU with regards to Perez!!!!! He is most definately a HUGE HYPOCRITE!!! I dunno how he can sleep at night, oh wait a minute; He probably uses/takes ambien, JUST LIKE LINDSAY!!!!! Yet again, a perfect example of him being a hypocrite!!!!! On another note, I actually liked Lindsay in The Parent?Trap, I think that's what it was called & of course "MEAN GIRLS"!!!! I don't know if she will pull it together or not and make it as a sucessful actress, however I HOPE SHE CAN, AS WELL AS I WISH HER THE STRENGTH TO DO. SO……



  25. 25

    Re: backfire – We're not commenting on her acting. We're discusing her vulnerability as a human. Try to stay focused. :o )



  26. 26

    Re: bryanlizza – i totally agree with u. somehow this thing i call him PEE PEE, needs to have his internet rights taken away. i have defended him so much in the past but not anymore. he will critisize anyone and anything just to make a name for himself. like the az illegal immigration law. he needs to clean up calif. before he starts on other states. sorry went off the deep end back to what i originally wanted to tell u. u and all the rest of us have a right to say whatever and call him whatever because, quite frankly hes evil and he has to be stopped. the president doesnt even like him. nor does he know who PEE PEE preciouse "Stookie" is HA HA HA HA Prez of the US doesnt even know orangy and she thinks shes a celebrity. gotta go chnge my panties i laughed too hard. thanks girl



  27. 27

    Re: Lilygirl27 – i said exactly as u did two weeks ago, he will act like he cared so much about her and that he tried to help and so on and so on and so on. but u said it again and it needs to be said especially bout how he will say so so sad tragic ect. gag me PEE PEE



  28. 28

    Re: Stinky WhizzletitsRe: bryanlizza – i totally agree with u. somehow this thing i call him PEE PEE, needs to have his internet rights taken away. i have defended him so much in the past but not anymore. he will critisize anyone and anything just to make a name for himself. like the az illegal immigration law. he needs to clean up calif. before he starts on other states. sorry went off the deep end back to what i originally wanted to tell u. u and all the rest of us have a right to say whatever and call him whatever because, quite frankly hes evil and he has to be stopped. the president doesnt even like him. nor does he know who PEE PEE preciouse "Stookie" is HA HA HA HA Prez of the US doesnt even know orangy and she thinks shes a celebrity. gotta go chnge my panties i laughed too hard. thanks girl



  29. 29

    Perez, I used to like you, but no more. You are evil. What is this girl to you, anyway? You sure seem obsessed with her, more than you seem obsessed with promoting yourself, and that's a hell of a lot of obsession. You know, beneath all the crap you write about is a deep pool of misogyny. You also have it in for gays you think should be out. What are you now, the gay police?

    Lindsey Lohan is talented. And right now, she is troubled. You are doing *nothing* to help her at this most vulnerable time of her life. Be kind, Perez. Everything you put out into the world will come back to you.



  30. 30

    Re: Stinky Whizzletits – I too am a recovering alcoholic. but if we infringed on Gay rights assholes like pee pee would have our heads. but why is it okay to make fun of people who have substance abuse problems? we have a legit disease, whereins being an asshole )PEE PEE( is a brain malfunction, bein evil (PEE PEE) comes from worshiping satan. your just all kinds of fucked up, at least we have our shit contained. if i were u id leave the country. sounds to me just from reading some of this stuff there are people who want u dead. i hear the amazon jungle is really nice this time of year, with all the satanic ghouls u want.



  31. 31

    someone is a bitter betty…



  32. 32

    Ha Ha Pee Pee Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha



  33. 33

    While Lindsay is LOCKED UP & HEAVILY GUARDED BY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION a beautiful 17 year old Norma Lopez, a high school student, was BRUTALLY MURDERED AND LEFT FOR BUZZARD FOOD in the desert east of LA…

    YOU PEOPLE HAVE THE WRONG PEOPLE LOCKED UP!



  34. 34

    LINDSAY'S NOT ADDICTED TO ANYTHING!
    WE LOVE YOU LINDSAY!



  35. 35

    YES! Lady Gaga, Justin Beiber & Lindsay Lohan are all the greats of this generation! & what a generation we are!!! *puke*…. I need a redeemer!



  36. 36

    ohhh Perez



  37. 37

    UR DISCUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEN SHE DIES UR GNA B DA FIRST 2 SAY HOW TRAGIC IT IS!!! U FUCKING HYPOCRITE :( (((((((



  38. 38

    You really are a horses ass.Perez! Jealousy will get you nowhere! (which is exactly where you're going!)



  39. 39

    Re: jjacey – #18 - Exactly!



  40. 40

    THAT KID IN THE MIDDLE IS BUTT UGLY AND HAS A FRANKENSTEIN HEAD LIKE YOU DO PEREZ



  41. 41

    Lindsay HoHan is a spoiled, cum-sucking WHORE who has been given more chances to clean up her act than Susan Lucci has been nominated for a daytime Emmy ! And, don't give me that crap re 'awful' parenting, a 'star' from such a young age, etc., etc. She is an adult, and she has sooooo much. If she choses to snort, smoke, drink, suck, and open her legs and tongue to any drug/guy/gal that comes her way, well, that has been her choice. There are consequences, and the Little WHORE has to now face the music. Sorry, but it is time for TOUGH LOVE !



  42. 42

    Lindsay HoHan is a tramp ! Case Closed !



  43. 43

    Srl Perez this post is such in good french "MERDE " what the F_K is wrong with you ? have you started to do some of it ur self too ?



  44. 44

    I don't understand why people are so upset she is in jail, you get what you deserve.



  45. 45

    Those are the true FANS of LINDSAY LOHAN

    Well done ^^



  46. 46

    P must have come with this all on his own. I LOVE THIS LETTER!! I AM a Lindsay fan. I still think she needs more time. ANd rehab should do her good. My best of recovery wishes to her. I haven't read gossip this GOOD in months! Come back to writing for us P!! And lay off the political agenda- it's not for u.

    I love t the touch of " HUGS KISSES N COCAINE"
    MORE SHIT SPEW LIKE THIS PLEASE!!!

  47. @v@ says – reply to this


    47

    Can't these three in the photo come up with any actual role models?

  48. @v@ says – reply to this


    48

    Re: LuckyStar101 – Your avatar explains your comment.



  49. 49

    "P.S. - If there is white powder in any of the envelopes, don't inhale! It might not be what you think!"

    P.P.S. - Nevermind, Lady gagsonballs has snorted up all the white powder in this hemisphere.