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Such A Deal! Charlie Sheen Off To Rehab In Malibu! No "Jail" Time!

| Filed under: DrugsLegal MattersCharlie Sheen

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Charlie Sheen is one lucky effing bastard.

In what quite possibly is the sweetest deal in legal history, Charlie was sentenced to a 30-day jail sentence for pleading guilty to a misdemeanor assault. (For that time he got strung out on blow and chased his wife with a machete knife.)

The thing is, Charlie will spend very little time in jail…and when we say very little, we mean none at all. His all-star lawyer convinced the system to let Charlie carry out his sentence at Promises Rehab Facility on the beautiful beaches of Malibu. This won't be Charlie's first time at the facility and as we understand it, his "30 day" sentence doesn't mean he has to stay there for all 30 days.

When Charlie arrives to check-in to Promises on August 23rd, he will receive a credit for "time served." That means, upon check-in, he can then promptly check-out without any hassle.

Well that's just so convenient, huh?!

Hey, what's that noise? It's like a harsh pounding sound combined with the sober screeches of a dying wildebeest?

Oh, must be Lindsay Lohan catching wind of this story in her cell room, pounding her head against the cement walls of UCLA….which is SOOOO not Promises.

Once again, Charlie you cause a great amount of distress with minimal punishment. Can't wait to see what Santa brings you next Christmas!

[Image via WENN.]

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6 comments to “Such A Deal! Charlie Sheen Off To Rehab In Malibu! No "Jail" Time!”



  1. 1

    Here is the deal, Brooke confessed that she had made it all up. This deal is to save face, so that she didn't get arrested for a false police report. Keep in mind that her blood alcohol level was .18 when tested by the police that night. Charlie's was .03. His lawyer for this is also her lawyer for God's sake. I wonder how the woman jailer in Aspen feels about this when she blew up the other deal because she didn't like it? Anyway, Aspen gets a conviction, Brooke doesn't get called on her bullshit, Charlie gets to make his 1.8 million per week, can finally get a divorce from the wack job, she gets set up for life with the 55k a month that she will be getting, she can do more blow and the world keeps turning.



  2. 2

    Sounds like a plan. So you're saying Charlie is "falling on his sword" for Brooke? The thing is, Rehab might be good for him of you are right, GeorgeC. He needs to figure out why he is attracted to crazy women. Denise is crazy, too.



  3. 3

    His rehab play is a joke its a vac stop not a place to get help! And like u said he dont even have to stay WTF?? I like the guy but come on thats bull Shit aleast make him spend a week or something!! SEE MONEY CAN BUY U EVERTHING~~



  4. 4

    George C, there's no way Charlie would plead guilty and say he's guilty if he hadn't really done it. Anyone who's partying all night long on his twins' FIRST CHRISTMAS is seriously f**d'ed and so is his wife. That's a nice memento for their children to have, huh? Oh, sorry, kids, we don't have any photos of your first Christmas morning ever because mommy and daddy were in jail.



  5. 5

    The 12-Step Religious Cult's Drug & Alcohol Rehab Witch Hunt has got to end!



  6. 6

    Charlie has ALREADY BEEN THROUGH 20 failed 12-Step Programs……THEY'RE A FRAUD & SCAM!