Well, if she's gonna turn to anyone, we totally expect it to be the "consciously uncoupling" star!
Because, DUH! Who better to understand Beyoncé's pain than the Goop author?!
Imagine you are at home. You're lamenting over the fact that the KFC Double-Down was discontinued after several people died of heart failure and that the Candwhich never made it to shelves because of the lead poisoning that was bound to infect pre-schoolers.
After thinking about this, you realize that the only thing to settle your soul and stomach is the grossest, most processed sandwich imaginable. You find yourself pacing the streets, endlessly searching for something to satisfy the hunger. Just when you begin to realize your starvation may just be an after effect of the giant bong hit you had before you left the house, you see a beacon of hope in the distance. It's Denny's and they have just the thing for you:
The new Fried Cheese Melt!
Yes, the name says it all! It's two pieces of sourdough bread stuffed with mozzarella sticks, which have been fried and covered with more cheese. Then, just to give it that extra crunch, the whole sandwich is dipped into the fry-o-later again and served on a bread of nutritious fries.
Okay, all kidding aside, there is not one redeemable thing about this sandwich, if you can even call it that. We think it's more like an abomination smothered in cheese. We imagine there is enough grease and oil that runs off that thing to put BP to shame!
We implore you, if you love your intestines, arteries and bowels at all, you will steer clear of their culinary nuclear weapon!