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Televangelist Ted Haggard Is Bi, Claims He Used Meth Just To Enhance "Masturbation"

| Filed under: Icky Icky Poo

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Here's a daily dose of unsettling news:

Televangelist Ted Haggard admitted in a new interview that he's bi, snorts meth, and allowed a male escort to do naughty, naughty things to him.

We shutter to think of the nightmares you are bound to have after reading this, but according to Ted, this isn't brand new information, so perhaps you won't be as scarred as we think you'll be. (In fact, we know that isn't brand new information, but this is the first time he's gone into so much detail about his, um, exploits.)

Either way, courtesy of GQ Magazine, he's all of Ted's dirty deeds:

"I think that probably, if I were 21 in this society, I would identify myself as a bisexual." But, he told GQ's Kevin Roose: "I'm 54, with children, with a belief system, and I can have enforced boundaries in my life. Just like you're a heterosexual but you don't have sex with every woman that you're attracted to, so I can be who I am and exclusively have sex with my wife and be perfectly satisfied." About former meth dealer and escort Mike Jones, Haggard says: "We never had sex sex. I bought drugs and a massage from him, and he masturbated me at the end of it. That's it." [snip]

He admitted to buying drugs "five or six times" from Jones, but adds: "Sometimes I'd throw it away. Other times, I'd go someplace and masturbate and use it. But it was for masturbation. And that's one of the reasons why I haven't been real clear. I don't want to stand up publicly and say, 'Hey, I'm a masturbation guy!" "You know, that's really the core issue here," he added. "I bought the drugs to enhance masturbation. Because what crystal meth does–Mike taught me this–crystal meth makes it so you don't ejaculate soon. So you can watch porn and masturbate for a long time."

We think we speak for everyone when we say EWWWWW! Over-share!

Some stuff should be kept private, you know?

[Image via AP Images.]

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34 comments to “Televangelist Ted Haggard Is Bi, Claims He Used Meth Just To Enhance "Masturbation"”



  1. 1

    so many thing to say…brian collapsing in on itself..where to start…lol!!!!



  2. 2

    he's bi???nooooo? really? i always thought he was as straight as a ruler!

    and wow….that's a lot of info….if you have kids are you sure you want your kids to be able to read this?



  3. 3

    i'm not sure about anyone else but i found this very amusing!

  4. Laura says – reply to this


    4

    good for him for sorta coming out - just hope he doesn't preach anti-gay shit than

  5. Laura says – reply to this


    5

    me and my friends use him as the butt of our jokes all the time - the Televangelist who was caught snorting meth with a male prostitute. its nothing i find immoral but just coming from him, its hilarious and i'm laughing my ass off reading this. i would say good luck to him, but the guy has said some harsh things.

  6. Wrenn says – reply to this


    6

    He's gay. There's no doubt about it. Yes, he can have sex exclusively with his wife, but he will not be satisfied and I don't think he can stick to that plan. He's kidding himself and his wife is an absolute fool if she believes his lies.



  7. 7

    you supose to say you look a tad pale haggard do you have cancthur



  8. 8

    Okay first of all, he should keep this shit to himself–he's scarring his children! Can you imagine them having to hear this shit? Second, he's LYING. Ted was a fucking bottom with that escort, it's a well known fact. He also sucked the dude's peen. No gay guy pays $300/hr for a half-ass massage and a hand job. The dude is STILL LYING. Why even say anything at all if you're just gonna lie, Ted?

  9. Xenu says – reply to this


    9

    It seems like the entire evangelical movement is Christianity doing everything it can to totally embarrass itself.



  10. 10

    You seriously need to have some spell check up in here. "We shutter" would indicate that you are planning on being a piece of wood used to guard or cover a window. "We shudder" would indicate that you are convulsively trembling.



  11. 11

    Jeez, I bet his kids are super flippin' embarrassed right now.



  12. 12

    Oh this is funny! Gotta love the Bible Thumping "right"! ROF



  13. 13

    Ewwww is right. Thankfully Perez keeps his meth addiction a secret, and doesn't talk about his seedy bathroom stall hookups, even though it is pretty common knowledge.



  14. 14

    ROF Gotta love the Bible Thumping "Right". ROF



  15. 15

    so sad… and he is a pastor????



  16. 16

    HE STILL DOESN'T GET IT. IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT HE DECIDES HE'S GOING TO BE AT AGE 54, IT'S ABOUT WHAT HE WAS BORN, WHAT HE WAS ALL HIS LIFE, AND WHAT HE IS NOW. WHAT HE DECIDES TO ACT ON IS SOMETHING ELSE AGAIN, BUT IT DOESN'T DEFINE HIM. IT WOULD BE REFRESHING IF HE COULD JUST ACCEPT WHO HE IS AND REALIZE THAT THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT.



  17. 17

    well…he's right, it IS rather awkward to explain that truth, but he must have felt like it was worth it in order to stop fabricated stories from evolving. Gotta give him credit for being honest. Had to have been painful for him to keep that hidden, especially considering who and what he does for a living.



  18. 18

    edgy



  19. 19

    WOW - It took him how long to come up with this statement??? Great legacy to leave for his kids and more terror for his poor wife. And, what about his new congregation? Bet there are very awkward moments when some of them are talking to him. Exactly what do you say to him?? LOL Now, was that gay or straight or bi porno, he forgot to include that. Maybe in his next press announcement….



  20. 20

    SHUDDER to think. Go back to school.



  21. 21

    So funny, "sex sex." Reminds me of that famous declaration, "It depends on what your definition of is is."



  22. 22

    Re: sNaTcHqUaTcH – Exactly!!



  23. 23

    It's "shudder" , not "shutter" , you f -ing moron.



  24. 24

    Poor old queen he has mistaken Meth for poppers…yeah right for whackin off
    what a closeted freak!!! poppers for choking the chicken Meth you're a druggy
    and Im sure you are oh excuse me were
    creepy!!! but I think his wife is more creepy for sticking with this freak!!!



  25. 25

    You are still just a scared little boy trying (unsuccessfully) to conform to some of society's rules.
    Grow up & get a pair of balls!



  26. 26

    Shutter? Isn't is shudder?



  27. 27

    It's not masturbation when somebody else is doing it for you, Teddy. Not to mention that masturbation itself is sex, albeit with oneself. And when someone else is jerking you off it's plain old sex. You're still in denial and you're incredibly pathetic. I would've felt sorry for you if you weren't such a vile, disgusting homophobe who made so many people miserable throughout your life. You deserve to suffer like they did.



  28. 28

    **shaking my head**



  29. 29

    I thought you couldn't get it up with Meth? anyway most of this sounds like bs. and I like how he has to take someone else down with him, calling out his former drug dealer like that, LOL!!



  30. 30

    at least now he's been very honest - kind of like the bluntness, just hope he does not spread any gay hatred like most the preacher men. my dad's an evangelist, so i've seen behind the scenes if u like. most these men that bang on about sin and salvation are normally hiding the very thing they preach against. When they bang on about prostitutes (they are normally the John's), the ones who think 'gays are the route of all evil' usually take it up the ass themselves.



  31. 31

    Man, I wish I'd read this prior to having breakfast because now I'm afraid I might just hurl my oatmeal and apples breakfast. Nothing wrong with being bi but REVEREND HAGGARD, I don't want to hear about anyone wanking your chain - EVER! The visual of that make me - sorry, gotta go puke!!



  32. 32

    For one thing, somebody else cannot "masturbate" you, that's called a hand job. And two, the last time I checked, masturbation was healthy, METH certainly isn't! This grosses me out on so many levels.



  33. 33

    What a "Jerk Off!"



  34. 34

    ummm….