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Real Housewives Of New York Husband Simon Van Kempen Records A Single, Unfortunately!

| Filed under: Icky Icky PooKim ZolciakReal HousewivesDanielle StaubReality TV

Wow. Please excuse us while we find some sort of crawl space for us to hide in. We need to cry this one out for a good 20 minutes.

In case Kim Zolciak, Countess LuAnn, and Danielle Staub's shrieking, hyena voices doused in auto-tune and despair weren't embarrassing enough for Real Housewives franchise, some HOrrific, cruel person decided to let the New York castmember Alex McCord's eccentric husband, Simon van Kempen, record his own single.

And yes, it's worse than you could have ever anticipated.

Ch-ch-check it out (above)…if you dare!

Yeah. Hopefully this will be the last time we ever really have to think about this…or those PANTS.


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38 comments to “Real Housewives Of New York Husband Simon Van Kempen Records A Single, Unfortunately!”

  1. 1

    Lmao. Ewww. This is horrid. He needs autotune!

  2. 2

    my ears are bleeding

  3. 3

    Seriously, can this guy just drop off the face of the fucking planet? As someone in the music industry, these people are what's wrong with it today!

  4. 4

    WoW , he REALLY needs to record a duet with Rebecca Black
    they could label it " Suicide to Simon and Rebecca "
    torch the pants bro, nobody will believe you're str8 wearing those nasty threads

  5. 5

    whats with the Johnny Weir pants ????
    who told this jerk he could sing ? ? Rebecca Blacks parents ?

  6. 6

    Well, I would rather listen to this piece of shit song over Friday by Rebecca Black.

  7. uyeah says – reply to this


    Is his top half really attached to those toothpick legs? Why is his mouth hanging open? Eww.

  8. 8

    As horrible as it was, he blows the other housewives away.

  9. 9

    OMG, NO NO NO! what the fuck is going on over at BRAVO Networks?!

  10. 10

    YES!!!!!!! At least the lyrics are more entertaining than piece of shit "Friday"!

  11. 11

    He's definitly better than the other housewives, I agree. It has a certain vibe, it reminds me of wanting to put on my roller skates and bounce around a roller rink Fun! Good for him I wish everyone luck in this economy trying to raise kids I'de chip in a dollar.

  12. 12

    LOL I think it's awesome! Definitely in a class above say 'Friday' by Miss Black.

  13. 13

    Who was the "genius" behind this atrocity? We need to skin them alive ala Willow on Buffy. That actually made me throw up a little in my mouth.

  14. 14

    with ALL honestly i might actually love this song lmao like its actually really catchy and he really doesn't sound that bad on it and the beat is already stuck in my head…..i didn't even feel this way about beyonce's new song or judas, should really tell me something.

  15. zoey says – reply to this


    I think it's good………….

    What's the problem ??

  16. 16

    My cat was sitting next to my laptop and he absolutely hated it. First he looked startled and stunned, then he got up and walked away.

  17. 17

    The song says it all — he is what he is. The only thing that could have made this recording worse is if Countess had chimed in on back-up vocals.

  18. 18

    Hahah. I love this guy. Hell, he's just as good, if not better, than half the shit that's out there now, including the Kanyes and Gaga's. Fuck them. See how easy it is to make a beat and sing into a mic no matter how fucking terrible one is? HAHAHA I LOVE IT!

  19. 19

    @lydbckgy hahahahah

  20. 20

    Hey, in all seriousness, that was terrible, absolutely, yes. BUt, it's no different than half the shit that Mario actually promotes ffs.

  21. 21

    Re: justtospeaktruth – Yeah it should tell you something. That you have horrible musical taste!

  22. 22

    @poopdiddy2008 u seriously must love gaga bc u cant stop talking abt her.

  23. 23

    Re: poopdiddy2008 – you must love gaga bc all you do is talk about her. But trash talk her all you want she isnt going anywhere. :)

  24. 24

    Re: Dixie77 – and acting like you're some resected top music critic by commenting on some dumb website when no one cares what you think should tell you that you're pretty dumb :)

  25. 25

    the lyrics are pretty decent….if only someone else was singing it…if lady gaga had dropped this track, all of her psycho followers would have pushed it to #1 on the charts…

  26. 26

    Before I read any of the other posts (how many of you have the guts to do that?) let me say that I like it! It's very 80s new wave, and perfect for a reality tv husband, oh and I like the pants, he's keepin it "real".

  27. 27

    this dude is as gay as gay can be.. I don't know why they are living in such denial. He did the Gay walk thing and was wearing that god awful jacket and really wanted to speak and then made the comment about if her name was Alexander he'd still want her… dude is a closet case… and Alex is a great beard- being as we all know they just got married so he could become a citizen. Dude is gay.

  28. 28

    Re: myles88 – if by not going any where … you mean up on the music charts… your right.. lmao Judas still sits at #10…. and Born this way … well it didn't even make it to the top 10.. whats it sitting at .. #13 or 14? LMAO. Guess her new shit just isn't cutting it :)

  29. 29

    so embarrassing… this is as bad as the RHNY

  30. 30

    What we're looking at here, people is mass consumerism at it's worst. Since these insipid reality shows attract so many viewers, stupid marketing people believe these idiot viewers will buy anything.

  31. 31

    This is pretty bad. I've heard worse that you've actually stood behind. I'm sure this is on repeat as you run on the treadmill, Mario.

  32. 32

    omg. i am so embarrassed right now. i feel like a worse person for listening to this. and those pants. those fucking pants…..

  33. 33

    It has a good vibe to it. A lot better than the others songs except for 'Tardy For the Party' which is still my fav but this song is just too late. Would have been good 30-40 yrs ago.

  34. 34

    wow. worst. song. ever.

  35. 35

    Well at least it's better than the Counless Lu Ann' voice who can't sing higher than 5 notes. From all the RHW, Gretchen is the best one. Kim S, she is hopeless, Lu Ann…….she thinks that she is as huge as Madonna, and Danielle Staub, she has no voice and she will do anything to get attention such as having a relationship with a lesbian and sing together just to get attention.

  36. 36


  37. 37

    Seriously… It doesn't compare to any real artists. but it puts the other housewives/husbands to SHAME. This is the first "Bravolebrity's" Song that I was actually listen to the entire song…

  38. 38

    He's (a) real joke !!! Do people have no pride ? And even worse, is he alone in the world ? like nobody told him he should not go through with this project ? Can't believe he would have people supporting him for this..