Well, if she's gonna turn to anyone, we totally expect it to be the "consciously uncoupling" star!
Because, DUH! Who better to understand Beyoncé's pain than the Goop author?!
We're pretty sure that Sarah's going to claim the reporter tried to trap her with some heavy questions that he knew would catch her off-guard… and an excuse like that will make about just as much sense as her retelling of Paul Revere.
Watch the video above, and we'll be honest: we couldn't watch it without feeling super embarrassed and uncomfortable.
Seriously, it was like watching a clip of Curb Your Enthusiasm where it's awkwardly painful and it's really hard to watch, but the difference is that the retelling isn't a funny show and she's probably going to run for President in real life, where there are people who will actually vote for her.
We mean, come on. "One if by land, two if by sea," is known by pretty much everyone and totally has nothing to do with running around ringing bells. That would've been counterproductive.
Regardless, check out the video and let us know how U react!