Personally, we wouldn't want to celebrate someone's deplorable behavior as a drug-addicted abuser of women, but apparently, that's exactly what went down at Comedy Central's Roast of Charlie Sheen!
Roast-master Seth McFarlane hosted the event, which drew in the likes of Brooke Mueller, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Slash, Richard Kind, Michael Boatman, Kristy Swanson, Joe Francis, Kristin Cavallari, Corbin Bernsen, and Marty Singer, while roasters included Jon Lovitz, Jeffrey Ross, William Shatner, Mike Tyson, Steve-O, Amy Schumer, Patrice O'Neal, Anthony Jeselnik, and Kate Walsh.
Here are some HIGHlights:
"She's [Brooke Mueller] here voluntarily. No one put a knife to her throat."
"He banged her [Brooke's] ass so hard, three balloons of coke fell out."
"Charlie, if you are winning this must not be a child custody hearing. [The only times his kids see him] are on reruns. His nostrils are so snotty and full of coke, he calls them the Hilton sisters."
"Just like Bruce Willis, you were big in the '80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher."
And Sheen himself concluded:
"Wow, what a night. Till tonight, I never realized how fucked up I was. All this time I thought I was just having fun. The thing is once again, I come out unscathed. You can't hurt me. Hell, I can't even hurt me. Drugs couldn't kill me. Sex couldn't kill me. The press couldn't kill me. Two and a Half Men couldn't kill me. Did you really think your little jokes were going to kill me? I'm done with the winning cause I've already won. This roast may be over, but I'm Charlie Sheen. In here burns an internal fire. I just have to remember to keep it away from a crack pipe."
Yeah. That's the understatement of the century.
Personally, we think that his issues are better suited for a rehab center with intense therapy, but we guess this is only industry where they instead land on a television special for lampooning by comedians.
Sigh. Well - here's hoping he can stay away from the crack pipe - and all of his other "fun."