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Charlie Sheen Is Roasted!

| Filed under: Icky Icky PooDrugsSteve-OCharlie SheenSad SadJoe FrancisMike TysonWilliam ShatnerKristin Cavallari


Personally, we wouldn't want to celebrate someone's deplorable behavior as a drug-addicted abuser of women, but apparently, that's exactly what went down at Comedy Central's Roast of Charlie Sheen!

Roast-master Seth McFarlane hosted the event, which drew in the likes of Brooke Mueller, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Slash, Richard Kind, Michael Boatman, Kristy Swanson, Joe Francis, Kristin Cavallari, Corbin Bernsen, and Marty Singer, while roasters included Jon Lovitz, Jeffrey Ross, William Shatner, Mike Tyson, Steve-O, Amy Schumer, Patrice O'Neal, Anthony Jeselnik, and Kate Walsh.

Here are some HIGHlights:

Seth MacFarlane:

"She's [Brooke Mueller] here voluntarily. No one put a knife to her throat."

Jon Lovitz:

"He banged her [Brooke's] ass so hard, three balloons of coke fell out."

Jeffrey Ross:

"Charlie, if you are winning this must not be a child custody hearing. [The only times his kids see him] are on reruns. His nostrils are so snotty and full of coke, he calls them the Hilton sisters."

Amy Schumer:

"Just like Bruce Willis, you were big in the '80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher."

Yeah. Yuck.

And Sheen himself concluded:

"Wow, what a night. Till tonight, I never realized how fucked up I was. All this time I thought I was just having fun. The thing is once again, I come out unscathed. You can't hurt me. Hell, I can't even hurt me. Drugs couldn't kill me. Sex couldn't kill me. The press couldn't kill me. Two and a Half Men couldn't kill me. Did you really think your little jokes were going to kill me? I'm done with the winning cause I've already won. This roast may be over, but I'm Charlie Sheen. In here burns an internal fire. I just have to remember to keep it away from a crack pipe."

Yeah. That's the understatement of the century.

Personally, we think that his issues are better suited for a rehab center with intense therapy, but we guess this is only industry where they instead land on a television special for lampooning by comedians.

Sigh. Well - here's hoping he can stay away from the crack pipe - and all of his other "fun."

So sad.

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20 comments to “Charlie Sheen Is Roasted!”

  1. 1

    His statement is actually quite insightful…

    And I think I should look up Amy Schumer that was a pretty funny connection between Bruce, Ashton & Charlie… the rest are gross, with a side of sarcasm.

  2. 2

    D-list roasters roasting a D-list idiot. Sounds about right.

  3. 3

    The Hilton sisters one is awesome

  4. Rohan says – reply to this


    So sad? Get off your fuckin high horse you meth addicted, kiddie loving, cock holster 40 year old mamma's boy, friendless loser. You will die alone (or with a little boy in your arms) and nobody will give a crap!

  5. 5

    well he's not dead yet and he gets to see his kids so he must be doing something right. most likely perez you are hating on a big fat facade.

  6. 6

    Re: Meggie246524 – i wouldnt consider seth mcfarlane a d lister

  7. 7

    The roast is funny. I don't see anything "yuck" about it. I suppose some people don't know what a roast is or share my sense of humor.

  8. 8

    Re: Meggie246524 – Most of those people are comedians. You're not going to find many A-List celebrity comedians.

  9. 9

    Re: Rohan – You actually talk to people like that? That's just horrible of you. I hope you find happiness.

  10. 10

    Lady Gaga is the one who's roasted. She lost a lot of fans when she started dressing up as a man. That was even worse than the stupid meat dress. People finally realized what a fucking weirdo she is.

  11. 11

    Which «Perez« wrote this moral crap?

  12. 12

    I LOVED the Hilton sisters joke ! ! The two Tramps are snotty, and full of coke ! LOL ! Nicky always looks mildly retarded !

  13. 13

    And the Ashton Kutcher joke is CLASSIC ! 'Old Slot' referring to Demi Whore ! lolololololol !

  14. 14

    Where is Lisa Lampanelli ? !

  15. 15

    at least the money always goes to charity

  16. 16

    Yo Mario, you have to give your staff/sister/mother clearer ground rules because they make you sound totally schizo. One minute you come across like an immature 10 year old, with your ass hanging out, revoltingly simulating a poop on Justin Bieber. The next minute you act like Mother Theresa. Weird , inconsistent & extremely hypocritical. You used to draw cum and dicks on everyone but now on Sundays you want to be Judge Judy? Confusing.

  17. frrf says – reply to this


    Talk about the pot calling the kettle black perez

  18. 18

    You don't want to celebrate his "deplorable" behavior but you put Kim "I sucked Ray J's cock & have a porn tape out, no talent or redeeming qualities whatsoever Kardashian up on a pedestal like she's Princess Di. Get a reality check Perez.

  19. 19

    Moral indignation hardly suits a gossipmonger who beats up on MTV's teen moms while kissing up to sex tape celebutards like Paris and Kim K and Kim K's sex-tape-climber sisters.

  20. 20