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Cynthia Nixon On Being Gay: It Was A Choice

| Filed under: Gay Gay GayCynthia NixonLGBT


Oh dear…

Back in 2004, Cynthia Nixon bravely came out as a lesbian and introduced the world to her partner Christine Marinoni.

In a new interview, though, Cynthia reveals that being gay was a "choice" for her.

Hmm, not sure we're satisfied with those choice of words.

The actress said:

"I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line 'I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.' And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not."

She added:

"Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with."

We totally hear her out and true, we cannot define her "gayness," but it wasn't a choice for us. We were BORN gay. And millions of gay people around the world feel the same way.

[Image via WENN.]

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97 comments to “Cynthia Nixon On Being Gay: It Was A Choice”

  1. 1


  2. 2

    I don't wish to speak for her, or mean to be offensive by speculating, but she could very easily be describing bisexuality. She's bisexual, and she chose to be with a woman. That's just my best guess as to why she feels as though for her, it was a choice.

  3. 3

    Why shouldn't she be allowed to speak her truth? Because it's different from yours? Give me a break, I thought that's exactly the kind of thinking you're fighting against!

  4. 4

    Why does Perez always talk about himself like there is more than one of him? Does it make it easier to be an asshole when it seems like you aren't the ONLY asshole?

    And Perez and all your other selves, this isn't about YOU. She is talking about herself. Good for you for being born gay. She wasn't. Sorry if you "aren't satisfied" with her choice of words, but it doesn't sound like she gives a shit….so deal with it.

  5. 5

    She's entitled to speak truthfully about her experience, even if it doesn't apply to everyone. I really don't think she should be bashed for her comments.

  6. 6

    Everyone has their process…it does sound like she is describing her bisexuality and then choosing to be with a woman/women only. Some bisexuals date both and then ultimately are more drawn emotionally and physically to one gender…whatever works for ya girl…I commend her on being "out".

  7. 7

    i don't understand why some people are so sensitive. for some, they were born that way. for other, it was a choice. it's their own opinion and they're speaking of themselves, not others. if she feels what she went through was a choice, then it's a choice. she's not pushing that being gay is a choice.

    people need to chill with the sensitivity.

  8. 8

    It's her choice, but honey, you're a celebrity…..get rid of the wilderbeast and get yourself a hottie!

  9. 9

    I can't believe I just created a username just to say that you are being too much right now, perez. i visit your site over 3 times every day, but this sucks. she can choose to be gay. that's how it goes with emotions, we can choose some things and we can't choose other things. How dare you be against her because she is honest/open about her decisions? If you weren't BORN that way, don't you think you would have still CHOSE to be gay? To some it's also a preference alongside of something they are born with, just saying. you are being a bit of a hypocrite. i still love you!

  10. Wrenn says – reply to this


    Why would anyone choose to be gay?? She's a complete idiot.

  11. 11

    just like you said you were born gay & millions of gay people around the world feel the same way but i've met people who said they chose to be gay for whatever reason(s). It seems as though it's different for different people with different circumstances & it's not right for anybody to say she's wrong when it was her own personal experience.

  12. 12

    GOOD FOR HER. this is such an amazing queer approach. I love it.

  13. 13

    What she said was perfectly legitimate. She's not saying it's a choice for everybody, in fact she's saying the opposite. She personally came to a crossroads in her life where she realized that being with a woman felt more right to her. Just because her journey to her own truth was different than yours does not make it any less valid.

  14. 14

    That's called I'm BISEXUAL!! She can play both parts and that fine. End of story

  15. 15

    But one more thing is that red head women her girl? WTF?????????

  16. 16

    Re: moffinwonderl and – Totally agree with you. in case, why would it be so offensive if it was a CHOICE her? she is NOT talking about you or anyone else. if she was born straigh and chose to be a woman that's fuckin OK, if YOU were born gay, thats OK TOO. everyone is different and have different choices.

  17. 17

    Re: italiano89 – D= GOD! finally somebody said it. this country is waaay TO sensitive!

  18. 18

    Everyone is entitled to his or her truth. To stomp on it is wrong.

  19. 19

    I don't understand why this is a big deal… she has a very valid point in saying that she chose to be with a woman. People complain that we judge and discriminate against gay people and yet here we are judging and trying to discriminate between different types of gays. Why can't we just love whoever we want, whether they're a man or a woman, without there being so many effing rules and stipulations and so much offense taken when people share their experiences for others to relate to? If anything, I think she is doing a service to love in general by showing that it's okay to choose a woman over a man, because if that's what we want, others need to respect our decision. Hopefully one day we will have a world where both straight and gay people no longer discriminate against individual choices in love.

  20. 20

    I think she is describing bisexuality. I think most people are bisexual to some degree - even if just a tenth of a percent. She makes a great point. Go Cyn!

  21. 21

    Why can't gay people be either or? Born or choice? To have a fear & subsequent bigotry that it dilutes the cause of those that are born gay, is no different to the bigotry that the gay community has to deal with from ignorant straight people. Instead it's your right to be who you are, whether you are born that way or choose to be. In-fighting is the biggest disease of any community.

  22. FS says – reply to this


    Ok, so she's bi-sexual. That's how she was born and when you're bi, you have the luxury of making a choice. She made her choice and she's happy. So what? There's nothing wrong with what she said.

  23. 23

    well, maybe she's bisexual. bisexuality has been scientifically proved… so far…

  24. 24

    for some they are born gay for others it is a choice. So? Now we're bashing the gays that admit it's a choice? Seriously, peace, love and light for all. Bashing her over this is counter productive. Kudos to her for being brave and saying it how it is- for her.

  25. mre says – reply to this


    Re: Christina80 – Well said! Perez is so annoying for nitpicking her words. She was speaking for herself, not the entire gay population, and what is all this "we" thing he is constantly tossing around?

  26. 26

    She is bi-sexual. If you choose between men or women, then you are bi-sexual. The comments shoudn't be taken as a lesbian claiming she chooses between men or women. She choose because she is a bi-sexual not a lesbian. A true lesbian would not 'chose', she would be born that way.

  27. 27

    And stop picking on Perez. I'm pro rights and gay rights. He might interpret things (example, this comment) that way because he is gay. Give him a break. If you were discriminated against (in a legal manner) you might read more into peoples comments than you do now. Words can get twisted easily by anti-rights groups so its important to stand a united front. As much as its obvious Cynthia Nixon is a bi-sexual, she should state that, instead of saying she chose to be gay.

  28. lmlol says – reply to this


    What's the big deal? For some people it IS a choice, for some people it is NOT a choice. Live and let live. Every persons sexuality is different and differently arrived at. The point is to allow people to be free to do whatever consenting adults want to do. Love whomever they want to love at any point in their lives. This is America — The Land of the Free.

  29. 29


  30. 30

    can the gay community not be so defensive all the time? love is love, no need to victimize yourself or try to defend your lifefstyle when there's no need. She's talking about love as something that you don't need to define.

  31. 31

    ADDICTED to Perez, rarely comment. Felt really compelled.

    Sexuality is much more complicated than simply being gay or straight, you know that.

    It's more complicated than a choice, too.

    Sometimes you have a choice, sometimes you're forced into stuff.

    I get that it's still hardest for young gay people, esp men.

    But Cynthia is right. You NEVER let the enemy define the rules. Think of this: FREEDOM OF CHOICE FOR ALL!!!

  32. 32

    yaa after hearing all of us fight while screaming it's not a choice.. she goes out and says this publicly. smh kicked us back 30 yrs.. seriously woman.

  33. 33

    She could have lived her life dating exclusively men. When she met her current, female life partner, who I assume is her soulmate.. or simply the one she chose to spend her life with.. she could have fought her feelings… as so many people do. They do this out of fear. It is a choice not feel the way we do, but to be brave and go after our happiness. I am happy she chose the path she did. I kinda feel her wording, we all chose to be brave though we were born this way. Her saying she has been straight and she has been gay… bitch, just say I am a bisexual. The person I am with, is the soul I was meant to be with and chose to fight the standards around me and be who I was born to be… She needs to take some elegance notes from Ms. Bradshaw.

  34. 34

    I don't understand why there is even a debate being had about this. As an American she has the right to express herself in any way she feels. She did just that. She came out and said that while people feel you are born gay/lesbian, she felt it was her choice. She didn't set anyone back 30 years or destroy the progress the gay community has made, she simply stated her opinion in the best way she could. And that's that. Nobody should be analyzing every world she used, or breaking down her statements. We should just read them and take them at face value. It is unnecessary to tear her or her words apart because they differ from your own. Be happy for her and her ability to express an opinion that may be different from others.

  35. 35

    Glad she's honest about it as should other gay people.
    Nothing wrong if it was a choice.
    Doesn't make a person any less gay.

  36. 36

    Sooooo….she's straight and just got tired of dealing with men's b.s.

  37. 37

    And I am just wondering….I totally support Cynthia, but wouldn't it a bit MORE offensive to the men you have dated in your life if you admit it was a choice? I don't think the men should care either way, but she brought it up so it got me thinking.

  38. rory! says – reply to this


    Basically she's bisexual then, not gay.

  39. 39

    So, she was born a bisexual. You're starting to sound like Fox news in that if you don't agree with someone you criticize it.

  40. 40

    maybe she means it was a choice to acknowledge her gayness…like she could pretend not to be gay or could be what she is .. who knows but i dont think its a choice ..some people like both.. I think her words imply that people can choose to be gay which isnt the case..

    her role in the last sex and city movie II just didnt mesh i dont know why she was the only one whos role didnt seem to flow easily like the first movie.. they could of done more with the lawyer scene like actually let us see her telling her boss to go to hell…

  41. 41

    Re: j_slave8 – I agree. Perez is so caught up in his own agenda that he cant' even realize when something positive is happening for the gay population.

    The point shouldn't be "I was born gay, so it isn't my fault, so get off my ass."

    The point should be "Even if I chose to be this way, it is MY life and MY choice, so get off my ass."

  42. 42

    I think for those of us who are bothered by her statement is because being Gay is not a choice. It sends the message out that Gay people have such a choice when in fact she is talking about being bisexual but doesn't clarify her statement and use the word. She has had the luxury of being able to choose. Millions of Gay people around the world do not have this luxury and have struggled and suffered from early childhood to adulthood with being Gay. Therefore it is offensive to us. I understand where she is coming from but there is no point in her asking "why can't it be a choice?" because if your gay there is no choice. She is bisexual and maybe doesn't like the label. Sorry Cynthia. You are bisexual. Own it.

  43. 43

    Her husband cheated on her and hurt her, so she decided to be a lesbian!? She was married and then suddenly she was dating a female. I think with a little bit of therapy she could've sorted her feelings out. Turning gay doesn't cure you of hating the opposite sex. You are BORN gay. She basicly means that all the hooweedoowee religious morons are right. You CAN be cured of your "gayness" :/

  44. 44

    Oh get off your soapbox and shut the hell up. Who are you to judge her or tell her what words she can use to describe her sexuality? She even said some people are born gay. You have no point. You're as close-minded as the people you complain about. Jesus why the hell do I keep coming to your site? You're a total kiss-ass now with all your celebrity "friends", you're still a bully even though you're hiding it a bit better, you use stupid language and talk like a 14 year old girl, and you're not even writing half of your shit anymore. I have got to stop coming here, you're really starting to annoy me.

  45. 45

    you're an idiot.
    she is talking about HER OWN situation, she never mentioned YOUR situation….so why are you saying that her saying this is not okay because you were born gay? clearly you have problems with reading comprehension, and with understanding logical statements/arguments.
    never mind worrying about arguing with other gay people about what makes you gay and how you are gay, and start worrying about how you cannot spell, read, or understand simple conversation accurately.
    she is allowed to explain who she is, she has freedom of speech firstly, and second, just because she is not the kind of gay that you would like her to be, and doesn't speak according to your gay nazi manifesto, does not give you the right to badmouth her and her statments or bully her into your way of speaking/thinking about being gay. her experience of being gay is her own.

  46. 46

    I don't know. You MUST respect her opinion about HER life. You could be BORN to be a senator but Choose to work at mcDonalds because you want to live near your spouse. We make lots of hard choices. Maybe you don't understand Bi.

  47. 47

    oh thank God! Someone who is telling the truth! BECAUSE BEING GAY IS A CHOICE!!!! YOU GAYS GET OVER IT! You were NOT born gays, YOU DECIDED TO BE GAYS!

  48. 48

    she blatantly defends her 'Choice' by saying she bi but is happier being gay…so why shouldn't you agree with it?
    Why does it make her any different because she felt to her it was a choice?
    I don't think it matters how it comes about, she is defending (like you want from people) her decision as well as fighting for rights, respectfully, honestly and maturely so good for her :)

  49. 49

    I think she's trying to say that it was a choice because she's bisexual, she could be with a man but she chose a woman. Also I think she's implying that even if it was a choice… what's wrong with that? if homosexuality was a choice.. it shouldn't be seen as a bad thing

  50. 50

    Very simple. Check the Kinsey scale…0 is exclusively heterosexual and 6 is exclusively homosexual and we human beings are complicated. Some are at one end - forever - and and some are at the other - forever - and some are inbetween and others are at different points at different times during their lives. So for some people these things are choices and others…not so much. Nuff said.

  51. 51

    Ever heard of bisexuality? It's real and those people were BORN THAT WAY. If you're a bisexual who is in a relationship with someone of the same sex, then yes, you're essentially choosing to be gay - BECAUSE YOU CAN! BECAUSE YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO BOTH SEXES.

    Once again you're being a fucking hypocrite. You're trying to define other people's sexuality so that it conforms to YOUR beliefs. Isn't that what the republican party does to gay people in your country. Isn't that what you speak out against on your site ALL THE TIME? Is it only wrong when it goes against what you believe?

    Goddamn. Do you even read what is posted on here? You're a socially irresponsible piece of shit. You're Ann Coulter with a gay agenda. Congrats on failing.

  52. 52

    I think it is pretty obvious that she is bisexual and chose to be with a woman, but does not regret being with men either. I would have preferred that she just be clear and open about her bisexuality, instead of giving this unclear statement saying that being gay can be a choice. If you're bisexual, than yes sure! But if you're not, and you're gay, then for a lot of people that is innate and apparent from a very young age. I don't believe that is a choice. The choice is whether a person decides to be courageous and come out and live life as they truly are, or hide in the closet for the rest of their lives and live a lie. That is indeed a choice, for good or bad. I just feel her statement is a bit conflicting.

  53. 53

    Sounds like she was "born bi" and simply chooses to be in a relationship with a woman. Not really controversial. Slow news day.

  54. 54

    come on man ,your pro choice right? i love when the script gets thrown for a loop.

  55. 55


  56. 56

    i don't see this as being a big deal

  57. 57

    This is one reason why the gay community still has such a hard time with acceptance…. Not only is that a stupid comment she made but it makes her bi-sexual
    , dumb b#%ch! Once people understand that it is not a choice, you are born this way and it is not wrong to be gay…..the world will be a better place !

  58. 58

    well she already said it was a choice. get over it…maybe for some people it is a choice…of who they love…should love have boundaries between men and women. it us up to the individual…instead of picking through her choice of words or thoughts…fight the people that even think that being gay at all is of no relevance and simply not a way of life. those are the people you should have issues with…her choice to be gay is not one of them.

  59. 59

    Re: moffinwonderland – I agree. I think - and I certainly hope - that is what she meant. A homosexual preference is not a choice, and she is too smart to think that it is.

  60. Laura says – reply to this


    Is it me or has she gotten [more?] attractive since being with a woman?

  61. 61

    I think it is a choice for some, while some are simply born gay. There is nothing wrong with that. She may simply be bi-sexual. Also, I find it a bit offensive whenever Perez says things like "we were BORN gay". It reeks of prejudice against others who feel that it was a choice for them. No one has a definitive answer on why people become gay, so don't ry forcing your opinions and beliefs on others.

  62. 62

    we new she was gay when she starred in "Little Darlings" her & Kristie Mc

  63. 63

    Why are you so mad at her for saying that? She was only describing her own situation which she clearly stated. Her wife just must have a great personality because she looks like what Ron Weasley will look like in 30 years.

  64. 64

    Why define her? Do her comments threaten you, or are you secure enough in your sexuality to be comfortable with her truth, and comfortable with yours? Does being "bisexual" grant her less of a voice in the gay community??
    I've always considered sexuality to be a kind of sliding scale from gay to straight. Why does anyone have to be at the absolute end on either side of the scale? I think it is possible for people to be more gay or more straight than others- its dangerous to deal in absolutes- this is obvious when hearing the unrelenting, unbending, arguments from either side.
    Good for her.

  65. 65

    Gawd! I find the most ignorant people on the planet on this site, I swear to God. Homophobes and tea baggers simply cannot resist coming here to empty their nasty spleens. I don't know how he does it, but Perez is making dough off the most offensive bunch of half witted knuckledraggers on the planet. Congrats to him, I guess. Anyhoo, y'all have NO idea what you're talking about. At all. Gay is NOT a choice. She only CHOSE TO ADMIT SHE WAS GAY. Duh.

  66. 66

    What a pompous gay Perez is. If she is bi-sexual and chooses to go with the lesbian side, then yes, it is a choice. She couldve very well gotten with a man instead and not have to worry about the scrutiny of an alternative lifestyle. Im so over this story.

  67. 67

    Re: Wrenn – And you're a moron. You CAN decide to switch. A friend of mine did. And, 10 years later, she came back.

  68. 68

    Her choice of words are far from offensive. Not everyone should have to define their sexuality to fit Perez's standards.

  69. 69

    Re: bgbreakdown – Please learn to read: she said exactly the opposite.

  70. 70

    it was her choice, she is not saying that everyone who is gay necessarily chooses it, but she does. I mean, it's all about preferences, I am not sure tho if we are really predestined to determine what type of individual we like.. I mean, is being a man being drawn/attracted to another man really that much more different then a White man being drawn to dating only asian women.. (take the whole logistics of sex out of the equation for a second) and consider that preferences and "typeS" exist; and not just for the gays.

  71. Kyra1 says – reply to this


    I just don't get why people (including you, Perez!) are in any way upset about this. She is thoughtful, eloquent and honest. She was clear that for her it was a choice, for others it isn't, that they were born gay. Why should you feel the need for everyone who is gay to have been born gay? Why do you feel unhappy because she chose it? Religious nutcases don't need her words to pour hate on you. I think it is wonderful that someone is actually acknowledging that the nature or choice debate is not applicable. Some people are born gay, some choose it. If this idea makes someone from the LGBT community feel uncomfortable I think it means they need to engage in some self reflection and deal with whatever issues they have. Congratulations Cynthia!!

  72. 72

    That's HER TRUTH. And you can't argue with that. For her it was a choice because she was bisexual. After being with both men and women, she decided that she enjoys women more and not going back to men, making her gay.

  73. 73

    …why not just date danny bonoduce instead….

  74. tasha says – reply to this


    Just because YOU and other gay people feel they were born gay dosen't mean ALL gays feel that way. For some it, like Nixon it obviously is a choice. Get over it.

  75. 75

    Maybe I should use this when I go back to Westboro Bapitist Church on Sunday.

  76. 76

    I read a lot of people comments and I have to disagree. If a person wants to be straight and are gay they get trashed as self-hating. That is why what she is saying is wrong. It is a double standard to assume that straights can choose to be gay and not vice versa.

  77. 77

    Perez, lets respect HER right to express herself in her own choice words, you know? live and let live, speak and let speak, sheesh. Practice what you preach.

  78. 78

    Oh I see now, so if you wanted long hard cock again, that'd be your choice right? Nooooo your partner shouldn't be worried at all.

  79. 79

    You are an idiot.

  80. 80

    She clearly means that she is bisexual but she CHOSE to be with a woman instead of a man because that makes her happier.

  81. 81

    She just set gay marriage avocates back a bit. Of course homosexuality is a choice. Like all sins, we choose to commit them. Just like Tim Tebow choses to remain a virgin until marriage. Homosexuals choose to have sex with same sex partners. Duh!

  82. 82

    are you deaf?? or blind?? she's not saying it's a choice for the gay community. She's saying it's a choice for HER. She says "for ME, it is a choice". If you don't identify with what she's saying, great, but please don't speak for the LGBT community, cause not everyone thinks they were born that way.

  83. 83

    Re: poolman64 – Do you really think that Tebow is a virgin? Okay.

  84. 84

    Her girlfriend looks like a FAT LITTLE ENGLISH SCHOOLBOY - but maybe that is what Nixon is into ! ;)

  85. 85

    Don't mean to be gett'n into Cynthia's business, but WHAT THE F*CK WAS SHE THINKING, TAKING UP WITH THIS FUG HAG ? ! ? !

  86. 86


  87. 87


  88. 88

    Nixon is a bit of a FREAK SHOW, herself !

  89. 89

    Okay, this has gotten out of hand, Perez. You can't sit there on your high horse, condemning another person's feelings about THEIR OWN situation, acting like a high & mighty bitch. She is free to speak about how she feels and I believe she DID once say she was bisexual, but maybe she DOES identify with being gay now. Who are you to judge anyone at all? This just proves even further that you are still the bully you always were but you're trying to be sneaky about it. Stop being such an asshole about anyone who has a different opinion than you do!

  90. 90

    Ahem, i agree with many posters here. It sounds like Cynthia is celebrating her bisexuality and her happiness in the life she has chosen. Nothing for YOU to comment on Perez, are you happy, btw?

  91. 91

    Why can't people view sexuality as a spectrum. I am hetrosexual yet I do find other females attractive. Bisexual can be in the middle of the spectrum per say.
    I like Cynthias' speach, it's nice that she spoke up and didn't change words that felt right to her.
    Nothing is right or wrong, there is no textbook.

  92. 92

    It truly pisses me off that Gay people generalize and lump EVERYONE in the same category. I believe gay experiences are INDIVIDUAL experiences. So many gay people speak as if they all are the same exact person…not true!!! Just like heterosexual people are INDIVIDUALS and have INDIVIDUAL experiences, so do gay people. I personally know a guy who was married to a woman for many years and he said that he had NEVER had any feelings for men in the past until he met this one particular guy. suddenly, feelings surfaced and he no longer wanted to be with women. He now proudly accepts that he is gay. Like a poster said below, Perez, stop picking apart EVERYONE'S words. we all have our opinions, experiences, etc…you can't make the world be you. Shoot, I wouldn't want to be you if you paid me 8 million dollars.

  93. 93

    Re: penpenpen

    Re: sanfran1
    it is soooo funny to me that gay people are mad that Cynthia is claiming to have a choice. What hyprocrites! when us heterosexual's speak our minds and don't believe that someone is gay, it is soooo very bad! we are the devils…but look at all of the gay people who are not believe Cynthia! wow at the irony! she can't speak her own truth and have her very own experiences! she has to be bi-sexual….not gay, even though she says that she is gay! silly folks.

  94. 94

    Hey, for some people it is a choice, sorry but true. For bi-sexual people and I think she fits into that grouping, you ultimately choose what partner you want and that is either the same sex or opposite sex and then that makes it a choice. Now if you are just gay or lesbian, then there is no choice in that, you don't like either/or, you only like 1. There is no choice in that and ultimately it doesn't matter. Your sexuality does not matter for who you are as a person.
    Ok, some dumb ass hick from back farmville can say whatever, but most people don't care, gay, lesbian, straight, bi, it does not define you as a person. And if your sexuality defines you then your view is limited and narrow.

  95. 95

    Okay, here it goes. I knew it wouldn't take long. Gays bullying other gays. It's funny, Perez, that you are totally bullying her for her words. Let her be.

  96. 96

    Look at what she's sleeping with and tell me if her choices are ugly choices? She's the last person I'd want advice from. Her girlfriend looks like Ronald McDonald in drag.

  97. 97

    Choosing the homosexual side of your bisexuality does not make you a lesbian….what's confusing??