Chris Brown's alleged victim is speaking out.
Hold on! Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. There might actually be some Gleeks out there who didn’t cancel all their plans to watch the West Coast premiere … and also clear their schedule to watch the East Coast feed because they couldn’t stand the wait any longer!
How cray-cray are they!
For those of you who didn’t tune in to Glee’s Michael Jackson tribute episode last night….
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD! SOME MAJOR PLOT POINTS WERE REVEALED LAST NIGHT AND WE DON’T WANT ANY OF THE SPECIAL MOMENTS RUINED FOR YOU. SO PLEASE, DON’T READ ANY FURTHER UNTIL YOU’VE SEEN THE EPISODE FOR YOURSELF. BUT DO COME BACK ONCE YOU HAVE SO WE CAN DISH!
We have a grievance to address before we get to this recap: never again do we ever want to hear any of the Gleeks go “hee-hee”. It seemed like every five minutes someone was making that MJ noise and it might have actually haunted our dreams. And we might be subconsciously doing it ourselves in casual conversation. But we digress…
The obvious place to start is with Rachel and Finn. We feel like we can be honest with you guys: we love them. We have a bumper sticker with their kitten calendar faces on it and we’re considering naming our first-born child Finnchel. Okay, that’s a lie, but needless to say, once we learned Rachel would be giving Finn her answer to his proposal last night, we kind of completely forgot it was Michael Jackson week. We became fixated, obsessed even; we sat on pins and needles every time they had a scene together, hoping she would give him her answer. And then the moment came! After they sang a beautiful MJ duet and we bit all of our nails down to the cuticle, Rachel said … YES! Ahh!!!!
And don’t worry, we wore out the rewind button to make sure we heard her correctly!
Now, it was a long road to get to that yes. First, Rachel needed to confide in the person she trusted most with her secret,
Kurt Quinn. (Because you always ask your possible fiancée’s ex-girlfriend for advice.) Anyway, Q starts spewing rational thoughts around like, “You have a bright future,” and “College changes people,” and “He’s really much too tall for you.” We get it, Quinn. You’re going to Yale. You’re super smart. Adversities overcome. Now pipe down so we can get on with some fangirling!!!
When Rachel starts to think about the future – especially when it seems like her NYADA letter isn’t coming – she realizes what she wants most is right in front of her. So she agrees to become Mrs. Finn Hudson … and then her NYADA letter shows up. TWIST!!!
Speaking of that damn made up New York school, Kurt Hummel also got a finalist letter from KneeYaDuh, which prompted maybe the second best scene between Kurt and Papa Burt of the series. That guy deserves all of the Father of the Year awards every year. How cute was he when he insisted that he tell Kurt’s boyfriend Blaine the big news? Oh yes, about our beloved Darren Criss. The writers came up with a somewhat radical storyline to get rid of Blaine for a few weeks so he could moonlight as J. Pierpont Finch: they blinded him!
No, we’re not kidding. When it comes to pass that the Warblers decide to steal New Directions’ MJ setlist for Regionals (so season one, BTW), they have a gayer than West Side Story rumble in some parking lot where hottie McBad Sebastian hits Blaine in the kisser with a slushie laced with rock salt. Is nothing sacred anymore that the once harmless yet chilly slushie can now be tampered with? For shame! Now, Blaine looks like a pirate and needs eye surgery (buh-bye Darren) and a war ignites between the Glee clubs.
Enter Auntie Snikes via the Bitchtown Express (Santana), who decides to go toe-to-toe with Sebastian (with the help of some fierce cellists) in order to get him to confess he tainted the slushie. But by the end of the episode, the New Directions realize that they don’t need Michael’s music to beat the Warblers – they just need his spirit! We also guess this means they might actually go back to writing original music for competitions, but we won’t get ahead of ourselves.
But to ignore that and get ahead of ourselves for just a minute, we think Glee sent us a message last night in the form of Quinn’s acceptance into Yale. We think it's time we Gleeks have to seriously consider the possibility that some of our faves won’t be coming back next year. Yes, Lea Michele and Cory and Chris are all locked down, but we really can’t see how Dianna Agron’s character is going to fit into the mix all the way out in Connecticut. This may be a sign of things to come, the beginning of the end for some fierce performers.
But let’s not think about that now. Let’s think about next week. LET’S THINK ABOUT RICKY MARTIN! Shake your bon-bon to that news!!!
A Few Side Notes:
A. Did the auditorium get another grant from April Rhodes? Where did all those lights and that pit come from?
B. Kurt Hummel Nicknames: Prancy Smurf > Porcelain
C. How come Artie doesn’t randomly walk more often? We kid, we kid! (Expect that number to be on the tour though! Calling it now.)
D. Some of the best acting out of Lea Michele in that one scene with Kurt when she’s scared about her future. Girl is one hell of a cryer
E. Samercedes KISS! We didn’t forget about them … they just got overshadowed. But get you some Trouty Mouth lovin, girl!
F. Definitely not enough Heather Morris dancing in this episode. Kind of a waste, if you ask us.
And now … What They Should’ve Said!