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Snooki's Pulitzer-Worthy Gorilla Beach Excerpts!!!

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snooki gorilla beach

Oooh, Snooki - you know we love you!!

Especially since you give us such a beautiful look into that sparkly, bubbly brain of yours!!

Come May 15, everyone will have full access to the little lady's sophomore book - Gorilla Beach.

In this titillating tale, we learn all about Gia Spumante as she navigates her summer on the Jersey Shore. Through tanning salon aspirations and a fireman break-up, Gia reveals herself as the spunky be-all-you-can-realistically-be gal she is.

Here are some of our favorite lines from the first chapter:

I was surrounded by a pack of juiceheads, and they were fighting over who got to bring me Jell-o shots and fried pickles.

She hated spending so much time holed up in dark rooms that stank of fake butter.

We need a dozen penis pops, too. And a leather whip, and these pink, fur-lined handcuffs. Do you gift wrap?

She knew what was what, that she wasn't winning any prizes for her brains. Not everyone was born to put on a rubber apron and split atoms in a kitchen with a meat cleaver. Some people contributed to the world in a different-no less important-way.

LOL!!! That last one is KILLING us!!!

And that's why we LOVE this HIGHlarious guidette! She doesn't fool herself!

Good luck on your sales, gurl! Make that college tuition for your lil' meatball!!

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7 comments to “Snooki's Pulitzer-Worthy Gorilla Beach Excerpts!!!”



  1. 1

    Whoever photoshopped this pic surely did ace it. There is no way that that fat little ugly troll's body looks that good. No way.



  2. 2

    And the world is just a little bit dumber.



  3. 3

    Shame on you for saying this is pulitzer worthy. Shame, shame, shame.



  4. 4

    I wonder whose body they used for the book's cover…and they shrunk her head.



  5. 5

    lol, snooki thinks she contributes just as much to the world as a nuclear physicist…ok….



  6. 6

    A book for morons from this money hungry skank…



  7. 7

    WHO THE F*CK BUYS THIS GARBAGE AND ACTUALLY READS THIS SH*T? ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??