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Fifty Shades Of Sweaty, Seksy Capitalism!

| Filed under: Film FlickersScarlett JohanssonBookz

Alexander Skarsgard Fifty Shades Merchandise

It's about time!

It shouldn't surprise anyone who can spell the phrase "cash cow" that E.L. James' is releasing FSoG themed outerwear, bedding, and intimate apparel to go with her novels!

Because what could possibly be creepier than getting your dad a Christian Grey inspired silk tie for Father's Day???

And why not??

Imagine if The Avengers released a sex-tape in which ScarJo was singing Call Me Maybe being repeatedly struck with Thor's "other" hammer… and multiply that by a thousand…

That's how popular the Fifty Shades books are right now!!

We just don't understand why merchandisers are stopping at underwear, journals, and keychains!?

Don't people really just crave the sex toys?? That's what the books are about, right?

Hot, sweaty, oozy drippy sexcapades?

What about whips, chains, and ball-gags with the Fifty Shades logo?

Why isn't Sony developing an Anastasia Steele-plated sex-bot right now!!

Actually, strike that last one. We're not sure we want to hear a robo-lady have a binary orgasm!!

[Image via WENN.]

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3 comments to “Fifty Shades Of Sweaty, Seksy Capitalism!”

  1. Michelle says – reply to this


    1

    Why the fuck are people reading this dreck? You do know that there is free porn on the internet, right?

  2. Ellen says – reply to this


    2

    Contact your local Pure Romance consultant. Our company just released a line of toys and bondage products (and even a silver tie) in honor of the book.

  3. Jenny says – reply to this


    3

    I love that Askars is the pic.

    But I agree, ladies. It's fanfiction. Pure and simple. Not even very good fanfiction. I've read better. I made it through the first book (after about three restarts) and all I could do was replace Ana's name with Bella.

    Compared to this, twilight was enjoyable. lol