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Before You See Magic Mike, Check This Out!

magic mike poster

So many peens! So little time!

With the majesty that is Magic Mike debuting Friday, we thought it's only fitting if we catch you up to date on all the dickalicious stories!!

So sit back and relax… because you're about to get the best prelude to Joe Manganiello's nekkid body ever …AFTER THE JUMP!

First…

We discovered the buried jewels of Joe Man, Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, Matt Bomer, and Matthew McConaughey in the NSFW trailer! Warning: Shadow Peen!

Then…

Matthew spoke candidly on his movie manscaping. Needless to say, we're pretty sure it's gonna rival Edward Scissorhands' trimmed bushes! Ha!

And then…

Though we've seen him flex his pecks on True Blood, we've never seen his sword of sex (unless you count the shadow monster in the trailer). So needless to say, we're majorly pumped for his full monty in the movie! And guess what… he LOVES being nakie! So maybe we'll see more of it in the future!

Shortly after…

Charming totally denied all of those silly stripper thief accusations! Because he's original… and he would never steal anyone's stories… because he's one of the greatest human beings… ever.

AND THEN… THE PREMIERE HAPPENED!! Humanity was saved at L.A. Live that day….

Also, we witnessed Alex's adorable virgin stumble on the catwalk.

Oh! Did we mention the peen party is going to Broadway? Because it is.

We then got to enjoy…

Alcide Joe Man dance for Kathy Lee and Hoda… making our eyes emeraldize and our excitement (for the movie) grow! ;)

Followed shortly after by…

Charming flash-mobbed the Today show… and our lives were practically made at that point. What a farewell present, Ann Curry! What a gift!!

Speaking of fabulous talk shows, Perez and The Talk ladies stood up for every woman's right to strip clubs. Yeahh… you know you wanna watch that highlarious clip!! ;)

And later that day, Alex revealed he did some research for his part by goin' to da clubz and paying men to juggle their jewels in his face. Just another reason we love him!

And finally…

Everyone who values true art will be spending their calories on movie theater popcorn and slingin' dolla dolla bills at screens!!

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11 comments to “Before You See Magic Mike, Check This Out!”



  1. 1

    Why do readers have to KNOW about your sexual ramblings ????



  2. 2

    I've said so many times before , but you really are fucking disgusting. no man i know talks about women the way you drool over men. The gay community must really be happy for you to be out there representing them to the world at large. I am surprised that they do not have a contract out on you



  3. 3

    im definitely seeing this tomorrow! hot, half naked, gyrating men for two hours, yay :)



  4. 4

    Re: raypearson – you have got to be kidding. straight men don't talk about women the way perez drools over men. LOL!! please, why do you think women refer to men as "dogs". and by the way, the only people who think of perez as a representation of the gay community as a whole is you and the other homophobic trolls who frequent his site. no gay person i know thinks of perez as a spokesperson for them, they think of him as a snarky gossip blogger, which is exactly what he is.



  5. 5

    why would you watch this is a cinema? its one to watch at home alone with the remote control in hand..

  6. Case Study says – reply to this


    6

    Whomever wrote this slop deserves the Pulitzer prize for making people so happy and being at peace after 3 minutes.



  7. 7

    Re: nationalenquirer
    "Why do readers have to KNOW about your sexual ramblings" ????

    they don't, just don't come to his site.



  8. 8

    You people have got to be kidding?! You're saying that you haven't sat around with your closets gf's and drooled over the crush you have now or a hot celebrity like this?!!! What rock are you living under and stop lying! Perez just vocalizes it and isn't embarrassed about himself! C'mon people! Get with the times and stop being ashamed of yourself! Embrace your sexuality and roll with it!! Everyone shares the same "naughty" thoughts! Some just have enough guts to share them :)



  9. 9

    if u ever give up ur day job u can work on a rude sex chat line ..

    mind u im securing a dvd copy of this so i can watch any jewel juggling in slow motion..and getting my bf a leopard skin thong so he can learn some of the moves.(yes hes on the way back ugh)

  10. mm says – reply to this


    10

    that didnt even make any fucking sense

  11. Sara says – reply to this


    11

    If you don't like Perez or this blog - why did you read it?