Mmm, Mmm … What the heck!?
Vigilantes in Papua New Guinea are murderering sorcerers and eating their penises in soup!!!
We've heard of Chicken Soup for the Soul… but D*ck Soup for the Witch Hunter??
That's just silly!
There aren't enough licensed medical examiners in PNG because they're paying sorcerers to determine causes of death.
Sadly, most don't take American Express but you can pay in poonani!
"It's against our traditional ethics and morals for a sorcerer to have intercourse with a man's wife or teenage daughter."
Well, unfortunately, not all of these con-artists sorcerers hold themselves to so high a moral code.
A typical autopsy can run you $472, your fattest pig, your eldest daughter, and a few bowls of rice.
If you think that's too high a price to pay to find out Cousin Larry died because evil spirits dropped a piano on his head than you aren't alone!
Locals frustrated by outrageous prices have taken matters into their own hands!
reporting these indiscretions to PNG's Better Business Bureau forming vigilante parties and murdering offending sorcerers!
One arrested vigilante admitted:
"We ate their brains raw and took body parts such as livers, hearts, penis and others back to the hausman (traditional men's houses) for our chief trainers to create other powers for the members to use."
Uhhh… Of course you did.
One local cop was happy to share more deets on the vigilante operation. He said:
"These people never kill sorcerers in broad daylight, mutilate and eat sorcerers' flesh, livers, and hearts or make soup from the penis of sorcerers."
No offense to our lovely PNG readers, but Groupon will have to offer one HECK of a special before we ever vacay there!!
[Image via WENN.]