This sh*t's bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
According to sources, they just signed a contract with rocker grrrl Gwen Stefani!!!!
Joran van der Sloot is a cold-blooded killer.
He remains the primary suspect in Natalee Holloway's 2005 disappearance.
And he pled guilty to murdering Stephany Tatiana Flores Ramírez in 2010, for which he's currently serving a 28 year sentence in a high-security Peruvian prison.
But, hey, why should he let that stop him from having a good time??
While it's looking like the rumors of his engagement were part of some practical joke he was playing, sources close to the South American prison are reporting that Joran is really enjoying his time in lock-up.
"[Joran] is very happy where he is, everyone is very friendly there."
Ugh. It's like he's at summer camp!
"At the beginning, he found it hard as he was in solitary confinement for the first five days – there was no heat, no water, no bathroom; you get crazy down there as the conditions are hell… Now he is in the general population and he has more friends and he is settling in."
Aww, poor Joran! Color us unsympathetic!
Apparently a lot of the other convicts are cozying up to Joran because he's teaching them English.
We shudder to think about this heartless killer teaching any lessons to anyone about anything — even his fellow inmates.
[Image via AP Images.]