The elusive matriarch returns!!
Katherine Jackson emerged from the shadows yesterday to deliver a prepared statement to the press.
Only slightly more convincing than a hostage reading from cue cards, Katherine assured the world her children never held her against her will.
"…there are rumors going around about me that I have been kidnapped and held against my will.
I am here today to let everybody know that I am fine and I am here with my children, and my children would never do a thing to me like that, holding me against my will. It's very stupid for people to think that."
So why didn't you call Prince and Paris??
"One reason I haven't called is I just gave up my phone and I didn't want to have any phone calls while I was here."
Thanks for clearing that up!
Next time you might want to inform ant kids you're legally obligated to care for!
She also revealed:
"I am devastated that while I've been away, that my children, my grandchildren, have been taken away from me, and I'm coming home to see about that, also."
We understand your devastation but maybe someone in their 80s who needs unannounced ten day sabbaticals just to keep her health and sanity shouldn't stay in the kid-raising business!!
Obviously they love Katherine very much and want their grandmother in their life but something is clearly amiss.
The prepared video statement was contrived, she wouldn't answer any media questions, and at one point she even accidentally called her grandson her nephew.
It pretty much sounds like a script Randy or Janet threw in front of her!
Below is Katherine's statement in it's entirety.
Hello, I'm Katherine Jackson, and there are rumors going around about me that I have been kidnapped and held against my will.
I am here today to let everybody know that I am fine and I am here with my children, and my children would never do a thing to me like that, holding me against my will. It's very stupid for people to think that.
But anyway, I am devastated that while I've been away, that my children, my grandchildren, have been taken away from me, and I'm coming home to see about that, also.
So I spoke to my grandson, TJ, last night, that I left there to be in charge of my children — and I never leave home without leaving them with instructions of who to stay there with them, the nanny and all of them — and someone had let go the cook, the nanny, and also the housekeepers. I don't know who did that but they don't have that power and they shouldn't have done it.
And now, the people are saying they are there with nothing to eat. I am sure they have something to eat but it's probably not healthy because the cook is not there.
But since I have also been away, my guardianship, which I just said, my children, have been taken away from me, my guardianship has been taken away from me. And, but, I spoke to my grandson TJ and also I spoke to Prince and Paris last night and told him I would be home today and they're waiting for me to come.
And I told him it wasn't necessary for him to go down and sign for guardianship. … I don't know who instructed him to do that — but that's what, but he wanted me to come home before that happened, but the ruling in court today was about the guardianship and I think it was based on a bunch of lies, but I have a good idea who's doing that and who's behind that.
But I am grateful for my children that they saw that I needed rest and they wanted to take me away for a while, just a short vacation and rest up. But one thing I have to say … that I'm here at Miraval. They have taken good care of me and have made sure that I got the rest that I needed.
One reason I haven't called is I just gave up my phone and I didn't want to have any phone calls while I was here.
My assistant, Janice Smith, has been calling back home to see how things were going and she had been keeping in contact with my nephew, I mean my grandson, and he says everything is going fine. But I was still thinking about the children and I still worry about them, but they are fine.
Before I left, as I said, I put everything in order with the appropriate people to take care of my children for me and it's really bad to hear that what's going on at home, and the children have been taken away — but I know that … I'll get there in time to get them back. And after I finish this, I will be on my way home.
I have to thank Miraval again for taking very good care of me and making sure I got good rest.
We don't get much — we saw an electric show because it was lightening and we saw a rainbow.
I had a very good time here — and if anyone wants to rest I think they should come here.
Because there's a lot of lies that have been put out there and I am going home to straighten them out and this kind of stuff doesn't make sense. So I want to say goodbye and I am on my way home.
[Image via Nikki Nelson/WENN.]