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Gay Reddit User's Heartbreaking Letter From Intolerant Father Shows 'How Hate Sounds'

| Filed under: Icky Icky PooGay Gay GaySad SadLGBT

Letter from father disowning gay son

This is so heartbreaking!

We can't imagine how hard it was for this young man to read this awful letter from his father, let alone post it on the internet, but we understand EXACTLY why he did it.

In an effort to show the world "how hate sounds," Reddit user RegBarc uploaded a letter he received from his loving father after coming out of the closet when he was only 15 years old. His father "disowned" him 5 years ago and they haven't talked since.

The handwritten letter can be hard to read (above), so find out the WORST thing a parent can say to a gay child … AFTER THE JUMP!

"James: This is a difficult, but necessary letter to write.

I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past.

Don't expect any further conversations with me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house.

You've made your choice, though wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle.

If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand.

Have a good birthday and good life.

No present exchanges will be accepted.



The unfortunate recipient of this nasty letter continued to explain his decision to share it with the world by writing:

"It's important to know just what this zealotry from Bryan Fisher, Maggie Gallagher, Dan Cathy, et al., does to everyday people. I've never done drugs, was an excellent student, an obedient child (far less trouble than many of my classmates), didn't drink until I was 22 because it terrified me, and have had just 1 speeding ticket in my life. Yet I am still seemingly deserving of this terrible act of hate and cowardice that one person can place on another."

Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, but what happens when certain beliefs blind a person so much that they can no longer see love in this world? This anonymous man's letter makes us wonder if he ever truly loved his son to begin with.

Fortunately, not every parent feels the same way.

Another user, whose adopted son came out of the closet around the same age, wrote a LOVING letter to this complete stranger in response. He points out that a man who hates his own son so much that he needs to disown him is NOT a "dad," he's just a father. Newvideoaz wrote:

"Any idiot can be a father (and clearly many are) but you've got to EARN being a Dad … He'll always be your father. That's biology. But biology is fickle. We know this because while he has perhaps passed a lot to you via DNA, he did NOT pass along intolerance or stupidity … I actually hope that someday he gets a change to look deeply in his heart and comes to understand how horribly, terribly he screwed this up. If so, he'll maybe have a chance to start some personal redemption and healing. But he needs that. You don't.

Cuz there's nothing wrong with you. At all."

So true!

Love your children for who they ARE, not who you want or expect them to be!

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34 comments to “Gay Reddit User's Heartbreaking Letter From Intolerant Father Shows 'How Hate Sounds'”

  1. 1

    My parents are Texas Republicans who love me because of the way I am, not despite the way I am. Every child is worthy of unconditional love. While so many of us would do anything to see our lost loved ones just one last time it's hard to read a story like this about a father choosing to abandon his son just because of the way he was born. If there is a silver lining, it is that it sounds like this kid is better off without him anyway.

  2. 2

    What about family love that the bible mentions so much? Like this: " It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
    ENDURES ALL THINGS. I can't imagine a parent disowning someone for something like this. Sure, you can disagree with it but sever all contact? Get real.

  3. 3

    Re: joethehobo – DITTO! My family loves me unconditionally and I know i'm so lucky and wish that others were as lucky as myself. I cannot fathom those people who would choose to disown loved ones. Nothing has changed from the moment before and after they told you they are gay. This kid should come and hang at my house, the more the merrier with us!

  4. 4

    Shut up, Perez. You're making too much out of this. You're using a celebrity blog to fulfill your gay utopia. This is not an example of hate. You dont know anything about life. Have you been raped? Have you been discriminated by the color of your skin? Have you been targeted because of your religion? Have you had family members shot? That are examples of hate!!! Not the letter that you just posted.

  5. too much gayness says – reply to this


    I have gay friends and most people in my family and friend circle are tolerant towards homosexuals but this celebrity blog is turning me into an intolerant person. Has this blog become the new scene for all gay matters? Anyone coming out is considered a national hero by perez, anyone doing anything towards the gay cause is almost pontificated. FFS, if you had to listen to this idiotic perez, the world would be better off without hetero people. Quit hammering fake gay news on your readers, we'd almost need a filter to get other blog entries ffs.

  6. OhShutUp says – reply to this


    Re: Venus914 – No honey, YOU dont know anything about life. Take your nonsense somewhere else.. skin color, religious beliefs, AND sexual orientation are all topics of discrimination. Shame on you, and God have mercy on your soul

  7. 7

    very sad

    Things I really dislike: Having to poop in a public bathroom and just as you've sat down, someone enters the stall next to you! What bugs U?
    Things I really dislike: Having to poop in a public bathroom and just as you've sat down, someone enters the stall next to you! What bugs U?
    Things I really dislike: Having to poop in a public bathroom and just as you've sat down, someone enters the stall next to you! What bugs U?

  8. 8

    Re: Venus914 – Discrimination is basing judgement on a group, class or category of people. Judging someone based off of something like being gay or black or Catholic. Judging someone not because of who they are individually. Hell, people are discriminated based off their fiscal means. Just because some things are worse than another doesn't mean it's not discrimination. Same goes for hate. Just because some things aren't the most extreme examples of hate doesn't make them not hateful.

  9. Etickets says – reply to this


    Good Riddance!!!

    Even if I was straight (which I am), and one of my parents told me straight out that if I was gay he or she would disown me, then I would beat them to the punch and disown them (even if I was straight).

    A blessing that being gay gave to him was seeing his father's true colors.

  10. 10

    I personally have no problems with the gay community and understand their rights for equality…but I am also a parent with 2 sons and can understand this fathers pain, anger and frustration. Unfortunately it seems Perez only takes into consideration the feelings of the individual coming out into perspective. Love really does endure all things and hopefully one day this father will come around, if not….I don't think it's in our place to judge him..the same way we are expected not to judge the young man.

  11. emily says – reply to this


    Parents don't fail because they have a gay child, they fail when they do this shit. His dad is an idiot and obviously doesn't deserve his child.

  12. loriso says – reply to this


    His father has completely failed at being a parent and I'm sorry for his son. The dad will regret it on his death bed, but then it will be too late. Oh well, this is not the son's issue, this is the father's issue for being unloving and judgemental, the complete opposite of what it says to be in the Bible.

  13. mtn says – reply to this


    Re: too much gayness – "Has this blog become the new scene for all gay matters?" i've been coming to this site for years and perez has ALWAYS talked a lot about gay related topics.

  14. 14

    What a terrible & cruel letter & it's heartwrenching that any parent could be so cold. If the father truly believes that living a gay lifestyle is a sin, fine, but then "hate the sin, not the sinner". This young man will carry the pain of his father's denial of him for the rest of his life. I hope he lives a happy life full of love & kindness & great friends.

  15. pep says – reply to this


    Re: mamacita27 – youre obviously judging perez for his opinions but then you say its not our place to judge this father for his opinions? oh so its only okay to judge someone when YOU say so. the father is an asshole and so are you.

  16. Perez'sgirl says – reply to this


    Re: mamacita27 – What kind of parent would disown their child if they are gay? A BAD parent! I don't care how much "pain" this parent is going through, it should never be enough to completely disown your own child. I don't understand how any person could be on this father's side.

  17. Laurie says – reply to this


    This is not a real letter. It was an attempt at framing his father for committing a hate crime. I was just as upset when I saw this a few months ago but upon looking further into it, I found out the truth.

  18. 18

    I saw this a couple of days ago and it is really sickening and a very horrible show of "religion". Must be someone from Westboro

  19. 19

    ok… I am confused!!! I understand this is not a letter someone would be willing to receive BUT it wasn't a hateful letter at all!!! It stated how one feels and that's it. The father did not call his son names… all he did was state he did not believe in the lifestyle his son is in. Yes it's not a good thing although I just want to point some things out…. Children get abandoned all the time by parents that has nothing to do with sexual preference!!! That's a hell of a lot worst… in my humble opinion. What about the children that get ABUSED because of how they LOOK, SOUND or because they are a girl or boy??? Parents write letters that hurt their children over the most mondane of things… If you are gay, be proud that you are gay… you do not need acceptance because that's just who you are, you cannot do anything about it! This is the lesson I learnt from this… Parents are people too… we ALL make mistakes!!! I just wanted to comment because I do not want to overshadow all the children out there that are not gay that get shunned by their parents for no reason. Yes they are out there and they should not be forgotten either because everyone is on this gay thing right now… at least gay people get paid the same… women still need to fight for equality and it's been YEARS :)

  20. 20

    Re: Venus914 – I am not reading that your saying a father disowning his son isn't an example of hate? No one is that ignorant. You are right though there are other examples of hate. Start your blog and shine light on those problems. Perez is gay, and he used to be a hateful gay, outing stars who were still dealing with their homosexuality. So maybe he is doing some redemption. Perez does call out people for being anti-gay when they are clearly not. I am not gay, I don't have to deal with that kind of hate but even on a gossip site shining a light on a hateful problem isn't horrible.

  21. 21


  22. 22

    Call me a skeptic…this letter would not be allowed into a trial based on the way it is presented here. We are in an election year and will see all types of letters saying all kinds of things to either make someone or some issue look good or awful.
    If it is genuine I am saddened for the person it obviously hurt but it doesn't have to close the door. People can changed (or not) and relationships (child-parent, etc.,.) are a two way street.

  23. k says – reply to this


    Why are you stealing so much content from Reddit lately?

  24. 24

    Re: too much gayness – Um, newsflash dipshit: this is HIS blog and HE'S gay. If you don't like what he posts, go somewhere else.

  25. Really says – reply to this


    it is posted on the internet so it must be true. How do you know what he is talking about?

    such a d-bag

  26. 26

    Re: mamacita27 – No. This is a father and a son. They aren't subjected to equal scrutiny. This father's actions are reprehensible and the fact that he TOLD him that it was the son's fault he was leaving is even worse. Gay people can't turn themselves straight, and they need MORE love from the people close to them, not less. Do you think my parents didn't find it a little inconvenient that I wasn't going to be like everyone else? Of course they did. But the thought of cutting me out of their lives for something I can't control never even crossed their minds. I hope more for your two sons' sakes than your own that they never have to find out 'how you would feel' if one of them was gay. Your use of the words 'frustration' and 'pain' are completely warranted, but your use of the word 'anger' really alarms me.

  27. 27

    Re: CrazyCanadianChick – Um. What were you reading?
    The REASON why this letter is so important is because he WASN'T disowned for something he did, like those other people you alluded to. He didn't kill anyone. He didn't turn to drugs. He didn't verbally abuse them so much that they just couldn't take it anymore. He was cut off from all contact from his own father just because he is gay, which he has absolutely no control of. Trying to trivialize this story doesn't make it sound better, it makes you sound like an idiot.

  28. 28

    Why would you ever take ANYTHING off of Reddit seriously? That forum is a tiny step down from 4Chan.

  29. Someguy says – reply to this


    Perez I think you should start a new site for anything LGBT related. I think it would be great idea.

  30. Heartbroken says – reply to this


    I am in the process of writing this letter to my father. I cannot subject myself to his hatred and twisted view of me any longer. I am 47 yrs and have lived my life in a pretty closeted way out of respect for his feelings so I wouldn't embarrass him in the community. I have had two partners in my 47 yrs with my current one and I celebrating 18 yrs this week. We have a stable home life go to work, come home, don't party, haven't been in a bar since late 20's. College educate4d business owner, own 2 homes. I left an accepting community and great work potential to a conservative community with no job prospects to take care of my grandmother and be an active aunt in my sisters children's lives after the death of my mother. They were married 41 years and 3 months after her death he had already made plans to remarry when we were at the height of our mourning. He gave me the ultimatum that if I didn't give my blessing and come to the wedding then he would not accept my relationship with my partner. From that point he began kicking me to the curb and showing my sister blatant favoritism putting her in the middle. She is currently at a stalemate that if he does not contact me, make an effort to get to know me and forge a relationship, then she have no further contact or relationship. a few days ago I found out in that conversation he asked her if she every left her kids in my care alone!!! I'm done…

  31. 31

    As a gay dad, I felt compelled to respond out to this hate-note writing father. Here is my response:

  32. 32

    Re: mamacita27 – As a dad of two sons, I find your response incredible. I have no problem judging this father for doing everything he can to destroy his son. For me, the greatest honor I have ever received is my sons calling me "Dad". The man who wrote that letter deserves no such honor.

  33. 33

    Not sure I can do links here… my response to this letter is at evolequals.com …

  34. 34

    Re: Venus914 – Ostracizing someone because of their orientation is an action as violent and hateful as all of those crimes you have mentioned.