No ifs, ands, or BUTTS about it!
However, its most eyebrow-raising article is about the dos and don'ts of anal sex!
The brand wrote:
[Image via WENN.]
Ah! This feels like paradise …
And we need a vacation tonight!
Season four of Glee is in full swing, and in this week's episode, Ryan Murphy and Co. pulled out all the stops for their second Britney Spears tribute. Sure, maybe it lacked the spectacle and pizzazz of their first tribute (Simon Cowell couldn't spare BritBrit for ONE night?! Really?!), but rather than celebrate just the music of Britney, Glee paid homage to her iconic journey: from reigning pop princess to tabloid troublemaker to our generation's most influential celebrity.
From Lima to Brooklyn, Britney touched the lives of all our Gleeks last night, and we reveled in reliving her highs…and her lows!
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD FROM LAST NIGHT'S GLEE. OBVIOUSLY, IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED YET, YOU SHOULDN'T READ ON. BUT IF YOU SHOULD DARE READ FURTHER, THAT'S YOUR PREROGATIVE. WE'LL JUST LET YOU LIVE, AND INVITE YOU INTO OUR RECAP!
We have to hand it to RIB: they obviously realized that lightening doesn't strike twice — which is good news for Britney, as it turns out. Going into their second tribute hour to BritBrit, they had to have known that the same tactics they used last time wouldn't work again two years later. For starters, hunky John Stamos and his nitrous oxide dreams are long gone. But more than that, Glee is in a new era of its production and much of the plot revolving around our characters needs to be developed. So rather than have the kids dream up a world where' they're performing on Mars or dancing till the world ends, all the Gleek's Britney performances were in done in real life. (Yes Rachel, this IS real life!)
Over in Lima, OH, Miz Brittany S. Pierce is going through a sort of crisis. When Sue kicks her off the Cheerios for not knowing which end of the crayon is pointy, poor Brittany realizes she isn't the star she once was. Thus begins her downward spiral ala Britney 2007, which included an attempt to shave her head, a violent run-in with the "paparazzi" and a lackluster, Cheeto induced coma that she tries to pawn off as a performance of Gimmie More at the school's pep rally. If that performance doesn't get Heather Morris an Emmy, there's no justice in the world. We could feel our face contorting into cringes just like the ones we experienced back in '07 during that infamous VMA show. Glorious!
By the episode's end, Brittany makes a triumphant comeback, with a little help from new friend Trouty Mouth, who may just be her next significant other! Hey! Don't get pissed at us, Brittana fans! We didn't write the episode! If we did, we sure as hell would have given Naya Rivera longer that a 30 sec cameo over Skype. (P.S. - Scissor skyping? Really? We don't know, man. We're questioning if that's really "a thing.")
Elsewhere around McKinley, Jake Puckerman is still under the impression that the school needs another badass to function, so he resists his urges to join the Glee club. He starts moving in the right direction when sweetie pie Marley catches his eye and they perform a cutsie duet on the bleachers. But ultimately, it's his big bro that convinces him that his life needs a change. Yes, ladies — the original Puck returned last night, dropping some words of wisdom on his bro before hightailing back to L.A. to get back to his Bachelorette tail! Cleaning pools must pay well in El Lay if he had enough money to fly home for a 2 minute pep talk. Does the trick though, as Jake strolls into the choir room by the episode's end, but unfortunately for Marley, he's already spoken for by the school's reigning Quinn replacement, Kitty. Whomp, whomp.
And then there's Rachel — poor, beautiful Rachel who finds a gorgeous, "run down" loft in Bushwick to share with her Kurt-i-kins for next to nothing (gotta love the outer boroughs!), but still can't get her teacher
Goldie Hawn Cassandra July to like her. Course, it doesn't help Rachel much when she learns that Cassandra actually lost her cool during a performance at the peak of her career, making her a leper in the Broadway community and a smash on Youtube, which Rachel throws in her face when faced with some harsh criticism. But once Crazy Cassie explains her tough love to Rachel, the pair find some common ground, thus getting us one step closer to their inevitable duet of Tell Him by Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand. (Just putting it out there, Ryan!)
But speaking of love, it turns out that while Rachel's heart has yet to move on from Finn, it also has a new suitor in half-naked hottie Brody. Considering that they already got to first base during their Opps! performance, she might as well make their relationship official. But then what will that do to poor Finn when he shows up in New York…next week? Week after? WHERE IS HE?!?!?!
And that about sums it up. Next week … CARRIE BRADSHAW IN THE HOUSE!
A Few Side Notes:
B. So the crazy kids have moved to Bushwick, Brooklyn! At least it's somewhat more realistic. No one’s conning a landlord into thinking their grandma is still alive or anything. (Points for catching that TV reference!)
C. For the love of GAWD, FOX better be developing a "KiKi" app for our iPhone. We will simply DIE if we don't have it!