(Srsly, what was with that sniffling??)
In the immortal words of Stephanie Tanner, "How rude!"
After Apple's allegations that she witnessed the jerks doing "innappropriate and probably illegal things" while she was in jail, a Public Information Officer named Rusty Flemming is advising her to "shut-up and sing."
In response to her threat of making them "f*cking famous" by releasing evidence of her mistreatment, this guy pretty much admits some kind of guilt by saying he's "already more famous" than her. He's so famous, in fact, that he actually goes ahead and takes credit for jump-starting her career.
Too bad it was already in full swing because her latest album was met critical acclaim AND her concerts are in demand all over the country. Nice try though.
Read the rest of Rusty's little letter … AFTER THE JUMP!!!
"First, Honey, I’m already more famous than you, I don’t need your help. However, it would appear that you need mine. Two weeks ago nobody in the country cared about what you had to say, — now that you’ve been arrested it appears your entire career has been jump-started. Don’t worry Sweetie, I won’t bill you.
Next, have you ever heard of Snoop, Willie or Armand Hammer? Maybe if you would read something besides your own press releases, you would have known BEFORE you got here, that if you come to Texas with dope, the cops will take your DOPE away and put YOU in jail.
Even though you and I only met briefly in the hallway, I don’t know you but I’m sure you’re an awesome and talented young woman and even though I’m not a fan of yours, I am sure there are thousands of them out there, and I’m sure that they would just as soon you get this all behind you and let you go back to what you do best—so my last piece of advice is simple, 'just shut-up and sing.'
We hate to be so petty, but we just HAVE to point out the biggest flaw in this man's statement…
How can someone "shut-up" AND "sing" at the same time? LOLz!
Tags: armie hammer, arrest, arrested, concert, dope, fiona apple, houston, hudspeth county sheriffs department, pot, public information officer, rusty flemming, spokesperson, texas, weed, willie nelson