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Every GLEE-Tail: Achy Breaky Hearts

| Filed under: TV NewsGleeLea MicheleCory MonteithHeather MorrisChris ColferMatthew MorrisonDarren CrissRyan Murphy

We're in a glass case of emotion — and it's filling rapidly to the brim with our tears of sorrow.

SO MANY FEELINGS! Ryan Murphy, why do you hate us?!

Though we thought were throughly warned that last night's episode of Glee would be a tearjerker, we were in no way prepared for the onslaught of sadness that rained upon us after watching, The Break Up. Of course, with a title like that, we knew we were headed into the danger zone … we just didn't realize how much damage we would sustain!

Tissue! Tears! Tissues and tears everywhere!!!


We're going to approach this post a little differently, attacking each of the sad,sad,sad break ups individually … and with clever/forlorn titles for each ship that sank! Here it goes…

Finchel Finished!

Okay, this about friggin tore us apart! At first, we had hope that Finchel would be the ones to make it. Once Rachel hears about Finn's short-lived stint in the army, everything is back to the way it was, with the kissing and the loving looks and so on. In fact, Rachel shows all the magic that NYC has to offer Finn, but in the end, all he sees is that he was right to let Rachel go on her own. When he gets her to confess that she kissed Brody the night he surprised her, he slinks back to Lima while she's still asleep. Still, the Lima Shuttle has more than one departure from NYC to Ohio and Rachel chases after him to set him straight. Through tears — and impeccable acting — Rachel breaks things off with Finn, with this amazing line about Finn being her first love and her hope that he would be her last. One down! (Though, we can't believe that Ryan would forsake the fans in the end game. Keep the faith!)

Klaine Kaput!

And then this malarky! As we saw from last week, Blaine is feeling really lost without Kurt around and he is reexamining his life without his man by his side. When things start too look too bleak, Blaine hops on that Lima Shuttle (discounted fare for students?) and shows up at Kurt's door just as Finn did for Rachel. The pair go on a double date with Finchel, to a piano bar called Callbacks. There, Blaine bares his soul through an acoustic rendition of Teenage Dream (did anyone else's heart give out???) and when Kurt urges his BF to tell him how he feels, the horrible truth comes out: Blaine CHEATED!

Hear that? That's THE WHOLE WORLD COLLAPSING ONTO ITSELF!!! The news of Blaine's betrayal leaves Kurt devastated, and by episodes end, Blaine is gone and Kurt won't answer any of his calls. Where they go from here … only time will tell. Two down!

Brittana Breakup!

This one everyone saw coming a mile away right after Brittany's Britney breakdown. Homegirl is feeling the lonely joneses for her lady love and scissor Skyping just isn't cutting. Apparently, the Lima Shuttle has routes from Louisville as well, as Lopez brings all her laundry home for her to see Brit Brit. Through the guise of a "rapture gag" — which was so Ian Brennan's idea, we can feel it — Santana starts to see what Brittany has been feeling, being left alone … and it hurts. After serenading her girl one last time with a Swifty love song, the truth comes out: Santana has feelings for someone else at school. Wanting to do the mature thing, she came home to break things off with Brittany, but suggests that it could be a temporary separation. Brittany knows the truth though; this is the end. So with a kiss, a hug, and a good cry, they part ways, knowing they still love each other more deeply than they want to admit. This maybe the end of this one, folks — but not the end of Brittana. If they aren't lovers, they sure as hell will always be friends. They'll figure that out by season's end, you'll see. Three down. Which just leaves…

Wemma Weeps!

Here's one ship that's still afloat, mostly. The long and the short of it, Will is leaving town. He's headed to Washington to do some good in the world and he wants Emma to come with him. But there is no place for her in D.C. and she's needed by her students in McKinley. While the episode ends with them in a huge fight, we have no doubt the pair will rebound once Matt is finished with his next album Schue gets back around Valentines day, which we're pretty sure is gonna be the date of their big wedding day. So, these two are going through a rough patch … but they'll make it in the end. They've been far too much to not make things work now.

Sigh! We think we filled the last bucket with our cascading tears. We'll move on now.

Next week …. WAIT! NEXT NOVEMBER?! OH %^$#! Here come the waterworks again!!!!

No side notes this week — too much pain from the primary story lines to notice anything else … except we hope they do more acoustic stuff. That Teenage Dreams performance was unreal!!!

[Image via WENN.]

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12 comments to “Every GLEE-Tail: Achy Breaky Hearts”

  1. 1

    i've never seen a show break up every couple in one episode..

  2. 2

    I'm happy finachel finally broke up

  3. Smooches513 says – reply to this


    I still haven't wrapped my head around what happened last night. I knew a break up was coming but I didn't think things would go down the way they did especially all in one episode. # Shocked Much!

  4. Summer says – reply to this


    I'm going to listen to acoustic Teenage Dream on repeat and cry until November 8

  5. Z says – reply to this


    Im jst dying inside with th thought of blaine n kurt breaking up. Dnt realy care bout th othrs xcept for these 2. Mr. Ryan Murphy must gt his act 2gthr n find a way 2 bring these 2 together. They are my power couple.

  6. Badnfluenz says – reply to this


    Wow, a whirlwind of emotions last night. Klaine ugh. Blaine you slut! Your lil stunt with Sebastion and who the fuck is Eli C. WHORE! SMH. Kurt it's time to move on!

    Finnchel, thank god. Rachel is finally living her dreams. Finn is a coward.

    Wemma, eh.

    Brittana, ugh really. SMH Ryan!

  7. 7

    I am still so sad today! When Blaine told Kurt that he cheated, I felt like I was watching Steve tell Miranda!! It totally took me by surprise :(

  8. glee-enjoyer says – reply to this


    You forgot about Kitty and Jake's break up! The only good one in my opinion.

  9. so good says – reply to this


    I loved the breakup episode, the acting was great and the script was well done, lea Michele and Chris colfer were spot on and amazing like always

  10. F says – reply to this


    I really think that Rachel and Finn should meet again, perhaps at Will and Emma's wedding, and then Rachel should sing "The Way We Were" - That would be… Gold.

  11. 11

    This was a very heartbreaking episode, but I think it will leave room for all of the characters to develop. I have a lot of hope for Blaine and Kurt reconciling, but I think that the time apart will be for the best. A co-worker at DISH mentioned that it will give Kurt time to focus on his career, and Blaine a chance to deal with the consequences of his actions. I hope to see them work it out as I watch this season on my Hopper. My late train ride makes it hard to watch shows when they air, making the 2,000 hours of recording space essential. I have been trying to cope with the wait for the new season by re-watching the first half of the season and I admit seeing the season from the beginning, these breakups seem quite inevitable. But Blaine and Kurt have been through a lot, so I hope that their bond is strong enough to make it through this in the end.

  12. 12

    I was happy to see the end of Finchel. Let face it, Finn lacks direction, intelligence and overall competence. Yeah he has a good heart, but you need someone who's also reliable. Rachel is above his level and deserves a guy that has a good heart AND has, well, direction, intelligence, competence. I'm rooting for Brochel.