[Image via Lindsay Lohan/Instagram.]
Oh sweet baby Gleesus! What have we done in this life to deserve THIS!
For the past week, we have done nothing but intensely and eagerly anticipate the arrival of last night’s episode.
Three words: Darren. Criss. SHIRTLESS!!!
Hang on a tick while we fan ourselves – just the thought might cause us to pass out!
Yes, the moment we’ve been waiting for since this little gem fell into our laps finally came to pass, as last night’s episode found EVERY Glee hunk baring all for a special school fundraiser that, if there is any justice out there for the teen girls of America, will catch on!
Oh, correction… Finn kept his shirt on. But we’ve seen him half-naked before in Rocky Horror Glee Show, so we don’t feel that gypped.
OH! And did we mention two of our Glee fave babes showed up in New York this week … and one might be poised to stay!
Have we piqued your interest? Then by all means, join us for recap of the sensual, sexy and sensational episode, aptly titled “Naked”!
WARNING! NSFW CONTENT AHEAD! THIS RECAP IS FILLED WITH ENOUGH FILTH, FLESH AND FIIIIIINE AS MEN THAT YOUR COMPUTER IS GOING TO START SMOKING! AGAIN, WE’RE BREAKING OUT THE FAN! BEST NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU WANT TO SAVOR IN THE GOODIES BEFORE YOU GET TO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF. AND TRUST US, YOU WANT TO SEE THIS!
Before we get on with it, let us just say this:
If this doesn’t lead us to a Magic Mike episode later in the season to pay for Nationals, there is simply no justice in any world, in any universe, ANYWHERE!
Anywhoo, being a hot-blooded American woman, Tina Cohen-Chang sets the stage for this week’s episode by suggesting that the Glee club boys take it all off for a Men Of McKinley calendar. Turns out, the kids are in need of some $$$, now that the Warblers have been officially disqualified from their Sectionals win for using performance-enhancing drugs. Convenient? Perhaps… but we’ll go with it! This is Glee; you don’t ask questions!
Anyway, Tina wants to see Blaine take it all off (who doesn’t!) and convinces the rest of the boys to join in for the good of the club. Everyone is game, except for Artie, who feels a bit self-conscious about the whole thing. Being half-naked in a wheelchair just doesn’t sit right with him, and he isn’t so keen about being the only fully dressed dude in the 12-month spread. In the end though, his bro Sam comes through by putting his shirt back on for one of his two month shots. This is of course after one divalicious scene where Sam throws a hissy fit during the shoot. Someone is going through the “where-is-my-life-going” blues after he gets an SAT score that makes Brittany look like a genius. (Which apparently, she is!) But once he does right by Artie, and has a little pep talk with Blaine, all is right in the world again and Sam has a better feeling his future can still be bright.
Speaking of bright, that Kurt Hummel knows how to work his friend Rachel Berry. In a stellar, but still all to brief B-Story from the Big Apple, Rachel is offered a part in a student film that would require her to go topless. Ah, the age old quandary for all actresses. Is it art or is it not? And who better to help her figure it out than…herself? Simple math people: two Lea Micheles are better than one, but even a singular duet to the tune of Natalie Imbruglia can’t help Rachel make the right choice.
While new beau Brody is all for Rachel taking it all off — and struts around naked himself to prove it (wise decision) – Kurt calls in the big guns to talk some sense into Rachel: Santana and Quinn.
Now, if you managed to catch any of their dialogue over the Faberry screaming heard round the world, you would’ve picked up a few key things:
Quinn hasn’t forgiven Santana for bitchslapping her at their last get-together, Santana is smarter than any of us knew, but not smart enough to keep her sex tape from leaking, the girls are all Sara Bareilles fans… and in about 20 minutes, two former Cheerios were able to accomplish what one lady gay couldn’t in a week. Rachel decides to keep her clothes on, and saves her children the same shame in later years.
So, Rachel stays dressed, Marley and Jake are in love (btw, the best two Twilight references of all time are in this episode!), Santana may move to NYC soon … and she still knows all the words to Trouty Mouth!
A pretty successful evening by our estimation! Now, WHERE’S OUR CALENDAR, RYAN MURPHY! WE’LL TAKE TEN!!!
Next week… THE ANNUAL DIVA OFF!!!! WE DIE!!!