It's official! After fans have asked the right f*cking questions for months about who would star in the next season of True Detective, we finally have our answer!
If this weren't such a ghastly situation, it would almost be comedic!
Christopher Dorner is the former cop/Navy reservist who is believed to be in the middle of a killing spree.
In the long and harrowing manifesto he posted on Facebook, the man now wanted for at least three murders laid out his plans for "warfare" against the LAPD but also mixed in an odd slew of celebrity critique.
OBVIOUSLY this man is beyond troubled, but we can't begin to explain how his thoughts on the beauty of actress Kate Winslet or the genius of Dave Chappelle are in any way relevant to his insane mission.
Christopher's rant is pages and pages long, but we're giving you some of the stranger excerpts.
On Ellen DeGeneres and the LGBT community:
"Ellen Degeneres, continue your excellent contribution to entertaining America and bringing the human factor to entertainment. You changed the perception of your gay community and how we as Americans view the LGBT community. I congratulate you on your success and opening my eyes as a young adult, and my generation to the fact that you are know different from us other than who you choose to love. Oh, and you Prop 8 supporters, why the f*ck do you care who your neighbor marries. Hypocritical pieces of sh*t."
On quarterback Tim Tebow and his haters:
"Tebow, I really wanted to see you take charge of an offense again and the game. You are not a good QB by todays standards, but you are a great football player who knows how to lead a team and WIN. You will be 'Tebowing' when you reach your next team. I have faith in you. Get out of that circus they call the Jets and away from the reality TV star, Rex Ryan, and Mark Rapist Sanchez."
On Charlie Sheen:
"Charlie Sheen, you’re effin awesome."
On beautiful women:
"Jennifer Beals, Serena Williams, Grae Drake, Lisa Nicole-Carson, Diana Taurasi, N’bushe Wright, Brenda Villa, Kate Winslet, Ashley Graham, Erika Christensen, Gabrielle Union, Isabella Soprano, Zain Verjee, Tamron Hall, Gina Carano, America Ferrara, Giana Michaels, Nene, Natalie Portman, Queen Latifah, Michelle Rodriguez, Anjelah Johnson, Kelly Clarkson, Nora Jones, Laura Prepon, Margaret Cho, and Rutina Wesley, you are THE MOST beautiful women on this planet, period. Never settle, professionally or personally."
"Larry David, Kevin Hart, the late Patrice Oneal, Lisa Lampanelli, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, Louis CK, Dave Chappelle, Jon Stewart, Wanda Sykes, Dennis Miller, and Jeff Ross are pure geniuses."
On Westboro Baptist Church:
"Westboro Baptist Church, may you all burn slowly in a fire, not from smoke inhalation, but from the flames and only the flames."
We don't really know what to say about all this, we can only hope he is apprehended soon.
Our hearts are with the victims and their families right now.
[Image via Facebook.]